Reflections on writing a blog and communicating with others

This blog has become more and more important to me as the best way for me to express my thoughts and feelings and to share them with others. I have become less interested in social media generally as time goes on. I use Facebook for quick updates and have found that it has become useful as a way of staying updated on what is going on in Oslo and in New York (city and state)--movies, concerts, gatherings, museums, etc. Useful since they are my two favorite places. I used to use Twitter--no more; it became too political and too divisive. I have a profile on Instagram that I have almost never used and I will not start now. I have a profile on LinkedIn that I rarely update, nor am I on LinkedIn often. None of them appeal to me the way writing a blog does. So I'll continue to write my posts. I think the appeal for me is that I can write freely and compose my thoughts without having to consider who may like them or not. There is freedom in that. I have turned off the comments section so that I don't have to deal with (the few) internet trolls who inserted their nonsense into my life. I don't need such nonsense nor will I permit it. There is enough nonsense published daily in social media and newspapers. 

The society we lived in is hooked on smart phones--that is a given at present. I cannot go anywhere without seeing people glued to their phones. Nearly everything we do or need to do in our daily lives requires the use of a phone. It's become somewhat unnerving. I think to myself--what happens if the infrastructure that provides this service (cell phone connection) crumbles? What happens when we rely 100% on our phones? It can't be a good thing. Banks want little or nothing to do with customers anymore, likewise supermarkets that push us to scan all our items rather than go to a cashier who can check out the items for us. I object to the loss of personal contact between people. When I worked part-time as a cashier at an A&P in Tarrytown many years ago, I looked forward to my 'regulars'--the people who showed up in my line to check out numerous cans of cat food or other items and who looked forward to a short chat with me. When I served coffee at church bingo on Sunday evenings, I would talk to the bingo players who as it turned out actually shared a lot of their lives with me. It was a valuable experience. At the very least, I learned to talk to people, to share some of our lives together, and to come out of my (reserved) shell. I read articles now that describe young people as unable to really communicate with each other in person. It's become easier to text or message each other. I feel sorry for them, for missing out on a youth filled with different social and interactive experiences--some good, some bad. Living via a smart phone is not a way to live. It is a curated way to live, where you tailor your comments and communications to what you think others will want to hear. You don't want to be disliked, so you 'limit'  yourself more and more. I won't miss social media much when I decide to forego it one of these days. That day will come; I don't know when. But I will continue to write my blog, knowing that I am free to write about the things that interest me, and that may interest you, my readers. But I will never tailor my writing to please a certain segment of society. If it one day comes to that, that I am forced to do so, then I will stop writing. Until or if that happens, I enjoy the freedom that comes from writing. It is one of the few activities that is not regulated, modulated or controlled by others, thankfully. 

Movie review--The Salt Path

I went into this movie, The Salt Path, not knowing it was based on a true story. However, there is some controversy surrounding the book on which the film is based. It is alleged that not all aspects of the story told in the book by Raynor Winn are true. I cannot judge (nor would I do so) whether this is true since I have not read the book nor have I immersed myself in the details of the lives of Raynor and her husband Moth Winn. Regardless, I found the film to be exceedingly moving and heartfelt, mostly due to the performances by Gillian Anderson and Jason Isaacs. Raynor's book about their 630 mile hiking trek along the southwest coast of England (called the South West Coast Path Home - South West Coast Path) following the loss of their home and Moth's diagnosis with a terminal neurological illness is a portrait of perseverance and love in the face of overwhelming obstacles. 

Gillian Anderson's and Jason Isaacs' performances are just excellent--understated yet filled with a lot of emotion. They may not say much to each other as they hike along the coast, but they say so much to each other in so many other ways. I found myself thinking about what a long marriage does to you and how it changes you. You learn to read another person via their facial expressions, moods, emotions and silences. You don't have to have long deep conversations to convey an honest message. A nod or the touch of a hand or a hug speaks volumes. That is what came across for me in this movie. Their lives together, their marriage, were about perseverance. Near to the end, Moth says to Raynor that he wants to be cremated when he dies, and he makes a suggestion to her about when she dies that will make you cry, not just because it is sad, but because it expresses his desire for them to be free and together for all eternity. He wants them to soar free like the bird that they have been observing on their long hike. I could intuitively understand his desire not to be encumbered by material things; that in the end, what mattered was the two of them and that they loved each other. Their love is the legacy that they will leave behind. 

We lead such ordinary lives, most of us. We are not destined for great things, but if we manage to love our spouses and our families, if we manage to persevere in the face of tribulations, we leave the world a better place. That matters. Life is a challenge, love also. Perseverance is the key to dealing with life's hardships. It helps to have the support of a spouse and/or friends when life seems bleak. It helps. 

Gardening and my relationship with the earth

For most of my adult life, I have been searching for something to 'complete' me. I don't think I really reflected fully upon this while I was working. There were too many projects and deadlines and the like. In my free time, I wrote poetry, and when I look at some of what I wrote circa twenty years ago, I realize that I was searching for connection. Not with people, because that part of my life is fine, but with nature and the earth. That was sorely lacking. I was stuck indoors for most of the workday, five days a week. It's not as though I didn't get outdoors to walk or bike or just enjoy the sunny days that came our way; it's more that I had no personal connection with the earth. I was missing that in my life. It wasn't until I began to garden that I realized what I had been missing. 

There is nothing that makes me happier than working with the earth, in the literal sense (planting seeds and plants) and in the figurative sense (aligning myself with what the earth can and cannot give). People talk about mindfulness and how important that is in our age. It is. A garden offers many opportunities for mindfulness, from weeding for several hours to pruning bushes and trees, to watering what you've planted, and finally to harvesting what you've planted (if one has planted vegetables and fruit trees). There are many gardeners who dislike weeding. I am not one of them, although I wouldn't want to do it on a daily basis since it's backbreaking work. What weeding has taught me is patience and perseverance. Weeds persevere; they come back in every which way no matter how often you remove them. They're survivors and they adapt to the conditions around them. I understand that they need to be removed because they choke the life out of the plants they surround and intertwine roots with. I need only think of skvallerkål (ground elder in English, Aegopodium podagraria in Latin). It spreads like wildfire in the garden. But at the same time that I'm removing them, I'm marveling at their ability to survive and spread. I admire that ability in all plants that are designated as weeds. I would not remove them if they were not so invasive and threatening to other plants. 

I've written about gardening many times before, but that's because I am ever grateful for a pastime and passion that centers me. The world around me can be literally going to hell in a handbasket, but I am happily oblivious to that when I am in my garden. I am more concerned with what the garden needs to be happy. Most gardeners feel the same way. I know that my own lone voice will not change the world situation at present (many voices can do so, so I understand the need to participate and vote), but once I do my civic duty, I am free to pursue my relationship with my garden. I am free to put my hands in the earth, to see the earthworms moving about in the soil, likewise the little pill bugs that remind me of little armadillos. Little spiders have made their home in my greenhouse, and every now and then they peek out from behind a ceramic pot to see if the coast is clear (is she still here?). I love watching the sparrows chattering, singing and quarreling with each other, or taking common baths in the birdbath. Every now and then my robin friend comes for a visit; I wish he'd stay longer, but I guess he has other gardens to visit too. 

My relationship with the earth is multifold. It is with the earth, literally, with my garden, as well as with the life in the garden. I've learned to appreciate all life in the garden, no matter how small. Each living thing has its job to do. It's immensely comforting to know that. Their purpose is by design, and I tend toward believing that it is a divine design. When you look at the intricacies of garden life, how everything is interwoven with everything else, it's hard to believe otherwise. 

Lessons in humility

When I was first starting out in the work world, I had a number of part-time jobs, many of them involving office work. One of the more interesting ones was in Greenwich Village during the late 1970s. I was hired as a stocker and packer to work in the basement of a company that dealt in the buying and selling of magazines and books. I remember the basement job very well because whiffs of natural gas would breeze through at different times during the day. Whether it was a truly safe place to work I cannot say, but I doubt that there were annual inspections of the basement. Shipments would come in and we would pack them out for sorting and registration afterwards. It was a backbreaking job to say the least, but I enjoyed the experience of learning and experiencing what the company did. Private persons would contact the company with offers to sell complete collections of magazines, which then were sold further to libraries and schools and the like. There were many libraries at that time that wanted complete collections of National Geographic, to give one example, and they would contact the company for info about whether we had complete collection(s). We did for the most part. 

I don't remember how long I worked in the basement before I was 'promoted' to an upstairs job in the main office. My boss was a middle-aged woman by the name of Terry, and she told me that she wanted me to learn the other side of the business, namely the registration part of the process as well as how to process purchase requests and invoices. I found this side of the business very interesting and was good at it. She treated me very well for someone who was just a part-time employee. I got the feeling that she was hoping that I would stay on and become a full-time employee, but she understood that I had other plans. We often ate lunch at some of the nearby diners and cafes, and she and another woman, who also worked in the office, would tell me about their lives and career dreams. Terry was a pragmatic no-nonsense woman and I liked her immediately. She treated me very well, and also dished out career advice at different points. 

I will always remember and have always remembered (in bad times) what she told me one day at lunch. 'No one is indispensable'. What she meant was that no one in the work world was that important that he or she could not be replaced. It was a valuable piece of advice that served me well, especially in the less happy times of my academic career. I call it 'lessons in humility'. I understood that I should never think of myself or what I did for any company as irreplaceable. I learned that I was replaceable. Terry knew it about herself and she imparted that wisdom to me, and I thank her for that and for believing in me.  

Nowadays, given the insane behavior of the political leaders running the show (at least in the USA), I think that they should be force-fed this wisdom. For starters, they are replaceable, and they should remember that, but I doubt they even consider that aspect. Some of them are so old that natural death could be responsible for their exit. But more likely, the political system in place takes care of such things. Politicians are voted in and out after a number of years, and thank God for that, even though the same politician (in Congress at least) can occupy the same position for many years. We as a country need to change that. Change will come. But humility should come first. The idea of service to others and to country should come first. Right now it doesn't. But they should remember that 'pride comes before a fall'. Their fall from the lofty heights where they live won't be pleasant for any of them. But it will be necessary since they failed to understand that they are indeed replaceable. 

My laugh for today

 

Power and control

Some of the lyrics from the song Människobarn (Human Child) by Dina Ögon keep running through my head, especially in these weird politically-charged times:

What, what, what is it that you care about?

What is it that you care about?

What is it that you care about

When love and freedom turn into power and control?

Why is it that so many people, mostly men, care only about power and control? When you look at world leaders generally, most of them are men. In fact, about 85% of the world's countries are run by men according to online sources. I've got to wonder why. In any case, these lyrics don't specifically mention men, but in my experience it's mostly men who want power and control. It could be in the personal sphere, where they wish to dominate the women and children with whom they live. It could be in the political arena, where power and control give them the freedom to do what they want when they want and how they want. If you take a look at our political leaders, so many of them do just that. They answer to no one, and when they answer to no one, that's when the trouble starts. Many politicians may start out with noble motives and intentions, but so many of them end up corrupted by power. It's not for nothing that the old adage 'Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely' came about to explain how power impacts people. I am not against all aspects of power and control; after all, one needs some amount of power in order to effect change in society. But we are at an extreme at present, where leaders of presumed democracies are allying themselves with dictators and wanna-be dictators. They want to have the unlimited power and control that these dictators have. 

Back in 2016, when Jean and I visited FDR's library/museum in Hyde Park, NY, we ran into an elderly couple who were visiting at the same time as we were. We got to talking about how interesting the library was, and then our conversation turned to politics. At that point (summertime), it was clear that Donald Trump would be the Republican candidate for president. I remember very well what they said to us. 'We have lost our way' (the country has lost its way). They could not envision a country run by Trump, and they were quite nervous about it. That was ten years ago. No one in their right mind could have envisioned what has come to pass in the USA. No one. The president, his staff, his advisers and his followers are invested in the idea that they should have complete power and control. They may not say it outright, but it's what they stand for. Is the USA still a democracy? I hope so, but it doesn't behave like one anymore. This is the new (normalized) order in the political sphere. Europe be damned, other countries who don't like this new development, be damned. The USA will determine the world order, no one else is really invited to the table to discuss the future possibilities. The USA will determine how they think that peace should be achieved, and as far as I can see, it is via war, never a good basis for peace. 

In the personal sphere, women's rights are under attack. It's an insidious attack, backed by conservative religious people (again, mostly men who behave abhorrently) who call themselves Christians (I call them Pharisees) who would like nothing better than that women should 'know' their place and leave the important stuff to men. Women should stay home and have babies. Women should not compete with men in the workplace. Women should subjugate themselves to their husbands/partners, even though there is no good reason for them to do so. This is not the 1950s, where women returned to the home front after serving their nation by working in factories or as nurses and doctors during WWII. Any normal-functioning human being understands that women are not inferior in any way to men. They are their peers, intellectually and otherwise. They may not be as physically strong as men, but they are psychologically stronger in so many ways. But as usual, women's strengths are downplayed in the media and on social media. 

Men are/will be responsible for ruining the world, and if there is another atomic bomb occurrence, it will be the result of male decisions. Power and control. As I have said before, if Jesus Christ came back to this world in the flesh, such men would crucify him all over again. God forbid they should let a man who stands for peace, love and free will to dictate how the rest of us should live. And yet most normal people I know do not behave like the men who only want power and control. Most normal ordinary people want peace and love and free will in their lives. 

You know you are in the presence of men who want to dominate when the talk is only of money, status, prestige, competition, having control, women as 'trophies', and how others should live. Preferably how the women in their lives and women generally should live. How nervous they become when they don't have that control, when women don't abide by 'their' rules. When you look at the number of spouses who are abused or killed, it's mostly women who are abused/killed and the men who are the abusers/killers. Crime shows overwhelmingly depict men as serial killers, as killers generally, and abusers. This is sadly backed up by real statistics. According to the FBI and online sources, the vast majority of killers are male, globally and in the USA, accounting for circa 88% to 90% of all homicides. 

Many of the rights that women enjoy have been fought for during the past century. Let us not return to a time when women were men's property, when they had to 'ask permission' to do what men take for granted that they can do, when they have to turn over their paychecks to their husbands, or when they are not able to work at all. No society is served by denying one gender their basic rights as human beings. We can see the effects of that way of thinking on a global basis. I will never travel to countries where women are legally denied the rights that men enjoy. I will never spend my hard-earned money in such countries. They won't miss me, and I won't miss them. I avoid men who want to dominate others like the plague, and will continue to do so. The word that comes to mind to describe them is 'yuck'. I don't want yuck in my life. 

Of course, there are women who support dominating men, e.g. some women in the media. They are the enablers of the toxic patriarchy. They enable such men in the hope that some of the money and prestige will rub off on them. They are the trophy women in these men's lives. Or the trophy dollies who work the news shows circuit, who make good money as long as they follow the premises laid down by men. Such news shows have to rake in the male viewers and keep them happy with the women's coiffed perfect hair and perfectly made-up faces, tight skirts and heels. These women survive in a men's world as long as they say and do what the men who own the news stations want them to say and do. When there is no longer any use for them, they get fired. These types of women who work for the current administration also end up in the same place--fired. Because the ultimate goal is to rid politics of women, I'm convinced of that. Again, women should know their place, and never ever challenge the male powers that be. Women who buy into this bullshit already know the outcome. They know that they have no real power or control. Supporting a toxic patriarchy is not the way to go in 2026. Such is the stuff that stupidity is made of. 

I totally agree

 

This is pretty much how it is

Except that I do get tired after working for many hours in the garden. However, it's a 'good' tired--physical tiredness, always active, never bored, always things to do, moving around, bending and kneeling down--you name it. Way better than to be stuck/trapped in a small office with windows that cannot open fully, as was the case with my former office. I'll take garden tiredness over office tiredness any day 

I found this strip on a Facebook site called Happy Gardens . I'm not sure who created it, but I can give credit to Happy Gardens. 

 

This about says it all (no comments needed)

 

Apartment living and respect for others

I grew up in an apartment together with my two siblings. We lived on the second floor of a garden apartment complex. We grew up at a time when children did not have the freedom to express themselves however they like, that they do now. I don't feel that I was unfairly treated by my parents when they told us not to run around, jump up and down, scream or generally make a lot of noise out of respect for our downstairs neighbors. We just didn't do that. And if we were loud on occasion, we risked our parents' anger and displeasure. 

Nowadays it seems that anything goes. We know people who live on the third floor of a four-floor co-op apartment complex; the apartment directly over them is inhabited by a family with two children, one of school age and the other a toddler. During the past several years, they have lived with having to listen to crying (ok for the most part--children cry), occasional yelling, frequent stomping and running heavily around the apartment (the older child), throwing of objects on the floor (the toddler), bouncing balls, and the entire family waking up between 5 and 5:30 am for whatever reason. Neither parent seems to work outside the home (they work at home), so why they need to be up so early is anyone's guess. They are a noisy family and there are no rugs in their apartment to dampen the noise. So the people we know end up waking up around that time as well. Involuntarily. The parents seem to be averse to disciplining the older child, so she does and says basically what she wants. 

This would never have flown when I was a child. Our downstairs neighbors never had a complaint about us. And there would have been complaints had we been noisy. So it tells me that my parents had the right idea in not allowing us to behave like rambunctious children. Children need to be taught when they are young that they cannot behave just as they please. But in society at present, and especially in this country, it seems that anything goes where children are involved. Children rule. You cannot yell at a child without risking criticism. I know that to be true from a younger friend of mine who has tried (in this country) to correct/yell at her child when he did something wrong. Unless you are physically or psychologically abusive, normal correction/criticism/yelling is necessary at times when raising children. You cannot let children do exactly what they want, when they want. They do not know what's best for them. 

Back to the family who live above the people we know. The parents should enforce some ground rules for living above neighbors. They should instruct the older child to stop stomping and running about. They should put rugs on the floors. They should abide by the co-op complex rules about no noise between 11 pm and 7 am. But they don't. I guess it's hard to expect children to have respect for neighbors when the parents don't. 

A twist on an old adage

'Children should be seen and not heard' is an old adage, several hundred years old, that I came across often in children's books when I was a child. Our parents never used this phrase, but I understand that it probably was used more often in their grandparents' generation. In any case, it speaks for itself. Children should not say much, should 'not speak until spoken to' and should not bother adults. 

I remembered this adage yesterday when I had lunch with a friend who was commenting on the behavior of the leaders in her workplace. Her opinion was that there are too many leaders with nothing to do and since they have nothing to do, they have to micromanage their employees. They dissect every little thing, they treat their employees like children who need to be brought up correctly, and they argue and criticize ad nauseam. The readers of this blog know how I feel about most leaders. With some few exceptions, most leaders are not worth their salt and not worth what they're paid. 'To become a leader' is the career goal of many young people, and society accommodates that goal by allowing unprofessional and shockingly unknowledgeable individuals to become leaders. Leadership in and of itself has become a career, a profession. If you've taken leadership courses, the assumption is that you are automatically qualified to be a leader, whether it's of a bank, a hospital, or any other organization that should actually hire leaders on the basis of their professional knowledge of the field. But since the early 2000s, that seems to be a bygone idea. Thus you have the merry-go-round of leaders, who move from leading a hospital to leading a bank to leading a biotech corporation. The key word is that they are 'leaders', that's what's important. This way of thinking has permeated the work world to the point where there are too many unqualified leaders and not enough qualified workers to do the real work. How could there be, when most departmental budgets go to paying the enormously inflated salaries of said leaders. In my former workplace, the end result was that the qualified employees were told by unqualified leaders to strive to work more effectively, as though they hadn't done so before. 'Working more effectively' translates to 'do the work of several people, not just one'. It's just more bullshit to add to the ever-growing pile of bullshit that average ordinary employees are expected to tolerate. 

So my twist on the old adage is 'leaders should be seen and not heard'. My friend agreed. It would go a long way toward making her workplace more tolerable. It would be wonderful if most leaders stayed in the background and let their employees do the jobs they were hired to do, without micromanaging and dissecting every little thing they do. It would go a long way toward creating stable and effectively-functioning workplaces. Let employees do their jobs in peace, without having to listen to the endless and monotonous motivational nonsense that permeates modern workplaces. There should be fewer leaders overall; there is no need for most of them if they cannot justify their positions. It's not enough to have the title and salary of 'leader'. You need to know what you are doing in the field that you lead, and you need to step back and get out of the way of your qualified employees. If they need your help or advice, they'll ask for it. But they will not do so of leaders whom they deem to be unqualified for their positions. The title of 'leader' does not automatically qualify you for respect; you have to earn that. 

A beautiful hymn for Easter

This is not only a hymn but a prayer--beautiful--and just what the world needs at present. Light to shine against the darkness that is dragging down the world. We need renewal, a renewal that focuses on peace, kindness, no violence, no aggression. 

One approach

Thank God for the comics.........

My laugh for the day

 

Don't bother me with nonsense

I read this article today and it resonated with me: Older People Are Holding Nothing Back About What It's Really Like To Get Old  One of the comments from an older man was the following:

"I have friends and family who like to watch Fox News and get all jacked up. They don't see that they are giving away a huge part of their life to unnecessary bitterness. That sucks. I don't watch the news at all, except the weather. It's my life, and I'll spend whatever time I have being happy. If I can't fix it, then I'm not going to fret over it. Peace is a very valuable thing......."

This. I couldn't have said it better myself. What a waste of life to sit and watch Fox News or any news channel for that matter, 24/7. To be so addicted to anger and bitterness and hype and aggression. To be triggered, like he says, by events in the world that you can do nothing about. Like him, I'll opt for peace any day of the week. I don't need to be that informed. I know what's going on in the world, all of the misery, killing, wars, bombings, etc. I don't need to have continual updates. I don't want them. 

And while we're at it, I don't like political extremism of any kind. So while I am not far-right, I am not far-left either. I'm in the middle, always have been, always will be. So kindly leave us alone, us middle-of-the-roaders. Back off, all of you hyped-up, cult-like, aggressive individuals on both sides of the political spectrum. I don't want you or your endless tirades in my life. I don't want to be part of your nonsensical behavior nor do I want to deal with your nonsense. I don't care who you are. Leave me alone.