The value of keeping your mouth shut

This post is inspired by one person who never shuts up. He thinks that everything he has to say is worth listening to. He thinks that every utterance that comes out of his mouth is pure gold. It isn't, not by a long shot. He is insulting, aggressive, snotty, mean, angry, vengeful and old. Grumpy old man. Up all night, can't sleep, taking out his vitriol on others. There are a lot of grumpy old men, but most of them are not in leadership positions, thankfully. 

There is one thing he is good for, and that is inspiring young people to think before they speak, if they open their mouths at all. My mother used to say 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all'. She was right. We were also taught not to comment on other people's appearances. Her generation was right about so many things. They had lived through the Great Depression and WWII and knew what true hardship was. They were careful with their words because they were taught to be careful. Children were taught to 'not speak until they were spoken to'. We as children could not just mouth off constantly; our parents would not have tolerated it. The value of monitored speech can be debated, but it made for a quieter world. And perhaps a nicer one. 

Sometimes I just want to scream out 'shut the f--k up'. Please, all you politicians who think your words are so impactful. I listened to JD Vance recently talking about how he thought Joe Biden ate an ice cream cone in a weird way, and thought--please just shut up. You're making a fool of yourself and embarrassing yourself in front of your children. I don't care if you are Ivy-league-educated. I don't care if you have written a best-selling book. I don't care. Just shut up. 

And that goes for all the grumpy old men who feel entitled to comment on women's attractiveness whenever they feel outclassed or challenged by women. They feel entitled to say that women are ugly, or that they look like men, or that they have lost their looks. The list of insults is long. I wonder if any of these men have taken a long look at themselves in the mirror lately. Do they see what the rest of us see and are mostly too polite to comment on? Perhaps more of us should speak the truth about how they look. Really, their narcissism and ignorance boggle the mind. Again, just shut up. No one wants to hear you.

Because here's the value in a collective societal shut-up. We others get a chance to think for ourselves, to enjoy the peace of reflection. We get a chance to focus on things that matter to us, rather than be continually distracted by your nonsense. This collective shut-up goes not only for politicians, but for media pundits and news-people who need to find something interesting to say 24/7. How to find peace? Turn off the tv and tune out social media. It's hard to do. We are addicted to scrolling on our devices. That's how we get our news updates nowadays. But it's a two-edged sword. It's good to stay abreast of what's happening in society, but we have to learn when and where to draw the line. We need quiet time in order to function normally. We cannot be 'on' all the time, listening to the babble that many politicians spout. I am not anti-government, I am anti-babbling. I am anti-nonsense. I don't want to listen to rambling stupid speeches, I don't want to listen to angry old men tell me how to think and feel. And this goes for any other angry old men who are in our faces 24/7, poisoning our society with their vitriol. 

Just shut up. 

I Took A Pill in Ibiza (Seeb remix) by Mike Posner

The video for this song always fascinated me. Drugs don't always have the desired effect of making you seem cool and part of the in-crowd. The protagonist in this video ends up rather sticking out in the crowd, isolated, alone, feeling weird, feeling out of place. At least that's the message I got from the song. One man's regrets over taking a pill in order to get high and to be cool. While it looks like he's having a good time at some points when he's flying high over the dancing crowd, apparently he isn't. When he looks at himself in the mirror, he seems surprised to see himself--wondering who he is, perhaps? Wondering if it was worth it? Perhaps it was for a brief few minutes. An interesting message in a song that at first glance appears to promote getting high.

Nantucket Sleighride by Mountain

One of my favorite songs from the band Mountain. Hard to believe it was released in 1971, fifty-five years ago. How time flies, really. Seems like yesterday that we were listening to this song for the first time.......

Happy 250th Birthday, America!

I am hopeful again, after several years where I had begun to wonder if the USA would survive the onslaught of grifting and negativity in which so many of its leading politicians participate. I have written so many times about how money rules in politics. It still does. But there are rising voices against this tide, voices that proclaim that the USA remains a country committed to the highest principles--freedom, justice, opportunities for all. Voices that say that how much money you have cannot define your worth as a human being. Voices that are less capitalist and more, dare I say it, socialist, but in the best way. Call it Christian socialism--concern for others, easing the financial burdens of ordinary people, making housing accessible for more people. The list is long. I see that some universities and educational institutions are making tuition free or at least reducing the annual fees. We are a diverse country populated by blue- and white-collar workers, and the rich. We cannot make life simplest for the rich and ignore the others. It cannot work that way. We cannot continue to be a divided nation, undergoing a cold civil war. That way of thinking is simply is not sustainable in the long run. Average ordinary people do not want polarization, division, war, aggression, bitterness, negativity. If you do, there has to be something wrong with you if that's what floats your boat. A country has to appeal to the best ideals in its citizenry. It has to inspire them with hope and the possibility for change. Otherwise it is a nation in decline. 

So Happy 250th Birthday, America! My country by birth. Happy July 4th! I root for you and I know that you will survive this dark period in your history. There are new leaders on the horizon who will lead the country in a new direction, and it's about time. The useless dinosaurs will soon become extinct. 

Celebrating 250 years of independence

July 4, 2026 marks 250 years of independence for the USA. In 1776, the Declaration of Independence was formally adopted by the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia Pennsylvania, although not signed by all delegates until August 2 of that year. This declaration of independence meant that the USA cut all ties with Britain and served to further support the Revolutionary War that had already started a year earlier. Americans wanted to be free of British rule. The Declaration of Independence established the USA as an independent nation. 

We have celebrated July 4 for as long as I can remember. When we were children, our parents took us to the grounds of Washington Irving junior high school in Tarrytown to watch the fireworks once it got dark. An orchestral concert preceded the fireworks, playing all sorts of marching band songs and establishing the mood for this important day in American history. The entire town turned out for the concert and fireworks and did so for many years until the fireworks were discontinued for some reason. 

Since I moved to Oslo, I've tried to commemorate July 4th as best I can. My American friend and co-worker Liza and I discovered the American Coordinating Council of Norway (ACCN) in the early 2000s and would meet on the grounds of Frogner Park for a picnic/barbecue at the ACCN celebration of Independence Day. The ACCN used to organize an Independence Day Celebration at Frogner Park which was attended by thousands of people each year. The celebration included concerts, raffles, games, and multiple food stands. The highlight of each year was seeing the classic American cars that were exhibited, thanks to their owners who were rightfully quite proud of them. My husband and I used to enjoy these celebrations, although we were not able to participate each year.   

After Liza passed away, I continued attending the celebrations in Frogner Park, and I fully expected that there would be a huge celebration this year since the USA was turning 250 years old. To my surprise, I discovered that there is not to be a celebration at all. It was cancelled this year, which is absolutely surprising because it will be fifty years until the next major milestone (300 years old). There could  possibly be a 275 year celebration if that counts as a major milestone. The ACCN posted the following on their Facebook page: 

Dear Supporters of ACCN,

After careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to postpone this year's Independence Day Celebration at Frogner Park, originally scheduled for June 28.

A combination of factors, including ongoing security concerns and event logistics, led us to conclude that we could not deliver the safe and successful celebration our community deserves.

While we are disappointed not to gather this summer, we remain deeply grateful for the support of our members, volunteers, sponsors, and the broader Oslo-American community who have made this event a cherished tradition for nearly four decades.

We encourage you to stay connected with ACCN as we share updates on future events and opportunities to gather throughout the year. If your contact information has changed, please take a moment to update your details to ensure you receive future announcements.

We look forward to reconnecting with you soon and hope to see many of you at our October community gathering, where we will discuss the future of ACCN and the opportunities ahead.

Thank you for your understanding and continued support.

With gratitude,

ACCN

And just like that, no celebration. They cite ongoing security concerns, and I've got to wonder if that is a major consideration, since we do live in strange times. The USA has become a strange and forbidding country to some, led by someone who seems to have only his best interests at heart. That has created animosity and confusion. Even within the USA, the national celebrations organized by the current administration don't seem to be generating much interest, whereas the individual state celebrations are doing so. There is so much nonsense at the national level that people must deal with on a daily basis. Many of them simply ignore it and the person responsible for it and focus on the local and state activities that are happening. Perhaps warranted. I find it sad that there won't be a celebration in Frogner Park this year, but I can understand it on a pragmatic level. Hopefully there will be other celebrations during the rest of this year. 

Summer in the city

I enjoy living in a city for the most part. I like having people around me, knowing that I am in the midst of a sea of people. When I worked in Manhattan, there was something about the hustle and bustle of people on their way to and from work--the commuters. I liked being a part of the movement, the buoyancy, the spirit, the goal oriented-ness, and the anonymity. As I get older, I appreciate having what I need around me, and not having to get into a car and drive to get what I need as I would have to do if I lived more rurally. I can leave my home and walk (takes all of five minutes) to the local shopping center to the supermarket, pharmacy, liquor store, bookstore, home goods store, and bakery. The latter is great to have on chilly days, when we stop in for a pastry and a cup of coffee. The hospitals and medical centers are also close by, and that aspect is not to be dismissed as one gets older. I know people who live an hour or more away from the nearest hospital, and that can mean the difference between life and death in an emergency. 

The public transportation system in Oslo functions well and covers most of the city. I have an app that lets me buy different kinds of tickets for the trams and buses, and also lets me connect to the trains that take you to the towns and cities surrounding Oslo. That's a plus. I use my electric bike during the summer months, and there are plenty of bike lanes to get me where I want to go. Also a plus. Oslo is a livable city and I enjoy living here, as do many people. That may be a problem for the future, because it is getting more crowded for each year that passes and there simply isn't enough housing to accommodate all those who wish to live here. 

I do look forward to the exodus of Oslo folk when July comes, vacation time rolls around and people go to their summer cottages or travel to other countries. The city gets quieter and more relaxed, which coincides perfectly with a truly peaceful summer feeling. I remember that feeling from many years ago, when I would travel into Manhattan on Sundays during the summer months. Manhattan was then quiet, peaceful, and mostly devoid of crowds. A joy to be there. That was mostly because the commuters who normally traveled into and out of the city for work, were absent on the weekends, and that was true for any time of the year. But during the summer months, true (and wealthy) Manhattanites went to their summer homes on Long Island for the weekend or for a few weeks. 

I don't want to live rurally, I never have, in the middle of a forest for example. I could very well live in the suburbs (like where I grew up--a small river town) as long as they're close to stores and hospitals. I don't want to have to deal with bears and coyotes and other wild animals that have slowly made a return to upstate New York, for example. Even where I grew up, in Tarrytown, there are now coyotes and bears that can be found in the forested parks along the river where we used to hang out as teenagers. I don't want to meet them, at least not by myself. I'm glad for their return, and I don't want them eliminated, but I would not walk by myself in some of those parks anymore, as I used to do just ten years ago. You may meet a fox in Oslo, as sightings have become more frequent, but they tend to run in the opposite direction when they see you. I would rather meet a fox than an angry badger; the latter will also run from you, but if you surprise it, it may hiss and growl and act menacingly. 

We tend not to plan two-week or longer vacations anymore during July and August for the most part. That's because the weather is usually very nice during the summers here, which is also good for my garden. Plus it means some enjoyable boat trips together with immediate family. As far as my garden goes, I cannot just leave it for several weeks without a backup plan, which is usually that my nearest garden neighbor in the allotment garden waters it for me when I'm away, and vice versa. That's a plus, to have garden neighbors who will look after your garden for you if you go away or are sick. Again, the advantages of being together with a group of (like-minded) people. They too enjoy summer in the city like I do. 

Anxiety and a crisis at every turn

My teenage years seem so long ago, but I can remember so much about them--the insecurities, anxieties, and confusion about where I fit and didn't fit in many aspects of life. That was pre-internet. I was a good student who preferred books to most other things and that got me through the tough times. Plus I had good parents who let me be me, who didn't push me to succeed at any cost. I enjoyed studying and the pursuit of knowledge, but not the stress of exams or competition. Competition was a huge part of our growing up, and while I think it's necessary to inspire the ambition to succeed, too much of it is not a good thing. There is too much of it now among teenagers, but not in the traditional ways--studies and sports. Nowadays it has more to do with online activities--listening to influencers, watching and following TikTok videos, and constantly trying to live up to beauty and social standards that are impossible to live up to. 

We did not have internet when we were teenagers, and the more I read, the more glad I am that we didn't. It must be exhausting and stressful for teenagers now to be coupled to internet and social media 24/7, worrying about where they fit not only on a personal level but on a societal and global level as well. Young people now are bombarded with the issues of the world and their societies at every turn--wars, violence, crime, climate change, politics, dating, planning a future, getting a job, buying a house, and so many other things that were easier to keep at bay when we were teenagers. We could deal with these issues one or two at a time. Not anymore. No wonder so many of today's teenagers suffer from anxiety issues. We had tv news, radio news and newspapers, but we could limit our access to them. Or a better way of putting it--they limited themselves. News was not 24/7 like it is now, ditto for newspapers that were published as morning and/or afternoon editions. Reading a newspaper was something you did at the beginning of the day; the weekend editions were larger and you could spend a day or two perusing them. But there was no stress attached to reading them, even though the news they reported wasn't good for the most part. There were wars, violence, crime and all the rest of society's ills at that time too. But for some reason reading about them wasn't overwhelming like it is now. Perhaps there is something to that--reading about an event that has taken place rather than having it blasted at you 24/7 on tv and social media. Everything seems to have a sense of urgency now. A crisis at every turn. If it's exhausting for adults, I can only imagine that it is overwhelming for teenagers who haven't lived long enough to learn how to filter out what is psychologically harmful for them. Parents have to emphasize that to their children--to uncouple from their devices, to slow down, to relax, to read a book, to show them how to enjoy family life. But that means that parents too have to do the same--uncouple from their devices and be present for their spouses and families. I understand that it's not always easy to do this, but it's necessary. 

More truth

It's truer than we would like to admit.....(from Stephan Pastis and Pearls Before Swine)

Using wealth for good purposes

I keep thinking about how the gap between the rich and the poor gets wider and wider for each year that passes. The injustice of it. It has nothing to do with envy. I don't want huge amounts of wealth and never have. My dream as a child was never to become wealthy, but rather to have a rewarding career that paid decent wages, enough to live on with the possibility to save toward a house or car or some nice vacations. I've achieved that. I can't imagine what I would do with huge amounts of wealth--as in billions of dollars. I'd probably give it away like the philanthropists Melinda French Gates and MacKenzie Scott. Seriously, what does one need or even do with all that money? 

There's only so much one can accumulate in this life. You can't take it with you, as the old saying goes. The ultra-wealthy have multiple homes--huge homes, private jets, luxury yachts, the best of everything. But what is the best of everything? How would you define the best food ever? Or the most beautiful home? It's all subjective, dependent upon what we like or dislike. I think we are designed to be perpetually unsatisfied, always in search of the new 'best' thing on which we can spend money. But do we need all the things we buy, whether we're ultra-rich or simply well-off? 

When you have to find excuses for what to do with your money, then you have too much of it and can give a lot of it away. Give more to charities than you would normally do. Do it quietly so that no one knows what you've done. Give more to your churches. Finance sorely-needed school renovations or road renovations. Donate money to local gardens and parks. Pick a cause. Me, I'd go for beautification of cities and towns--public gardens, botanical gardens, many more allotment gardens, public parks--the list is long. It would be a wonderful idea to get more people interested in gardening and growing their own food. A good idea to get young people off their phones--you can't weed a garden and scroll endlessly on social media. Organizations that help the needy and the poor need your help. Build more houses for low-income families. There are plenty of projects to support that need your help. And how you help will determine the future of many of them. Rather than buying a private jet with your millions, why not buy up thousands of acres of land to give to the state(s) with the sole purpose of preserving the land for posterity. The Rockefeller family did that The Rockefeller Legacy: Philanthropy and Conservation. We need more wealthy people like them and less of those whose flashy lifestyles and unbounded consumerism find their way into the news on a daily basis. 

Reviews of Papillon and The Alto Knights

They're an odd bunch, movie reviewers. Those who do it for a living. I sometimes wonder if we've watched the same movie when I read their reviews. More often than not, we are not on the same page. I wonder too sometimes if they have an axe to grind. They find fault with so many things that I would never consider important in a million years. I guess they're trained that way. Or perhaps they've seen so many subpar movies that they have a hard time identifying a good one. 

Cases in point. I recently watched the 2017 remake of Papillon with Charlie Hunnam and Rami Malek, and the 2025 film The Alto Knights with Robert De Niro. I liked them both and gave them good ratings on IMDB. Other viewers seem to have liked them as well, since Papillon has a 7.2 rating and The Alto Knights comes in at 5.9. But the critics? They were not impressed with either film. Brian Tallerico of RogerEbert.com wrote about Papillon: “You know something has gone wrong when you want the hero to escape simply so that the movie can be over (quoting Roger Ebert's comments about the original directly). At least that aspect of the original (from 1973) and the remake remains intact." He gave the film 2/4 stars. His is just one of several negative reviews. The Alto Knights doesn't fare much better. Robert Daniels of RogerEbert.com gave the film 2/4 stars and wrote: "But as a gangster film, “The Alto Knights” does little more than putter along, taking in very few new or interesting sights along the way."  

I don't agree with either reviewer. Both films are based on true stories, although I would add, probably loosely-based, at least with Papillon. Papillon is the story of a Frenchman framed for a murder he didn't commit and sent to a horrible prison in French Guiana from which he (and a few fellow prisoners) tries to escape twice, both unsuccessfully, and then finally to Devil's Island from which he does manage to escape. He forms a tight bond with a fellow prisoner, and that aspect lends the film some kindness in the midst of the brutality all around them. They help each other all the way. I found the story touching despite the misery and seediness of prison life. I rooted for both to escape. I didn't find the film too long, and I thought the acting was very good. The film told a good story, was entertaining, and well-acted, hence my liking it and giving it a good rating (4/5 stars). 

Ditto for The Alto Knights. Robert De Niro did a very good job playing two roles--mafia bosses Frank Costello and Vito Genovese (Costello overtook the boss role from Genovese, who escaped to Italy to avoid prison for years before returning to the States wanting to resume his former boss role). Debra Messing did a very good job as Costello's wife Bobbie. The reviewers focused mostly on the dual role aspect; they weren't fans of it. It was sometimes a bit confusing to tell the two men apart, but I got used to their different looks so that ultimately it didn't bother me. The movie had enough action to keep me interested, and the story was engaging. The rivalry between two men of very different temperaments, friends from childhood, was well-presented. I don't think that the movie 'puttered along'. I'm not sure what the reviewers were hoping for--more blood and guts? More insane behavior a la The Sopranos? More sex? It's hard to know nowadays. 

It's a good thing that movie writers and directors don't make films for reviewers and don't let themselves be stopped or stifled by negative reviews. It's a good thing that they continue in the face of daunting odds. What a dull world it would be without movies. 

Making sense of what cannot be explained or proved

Interesting sermon today at mass given by one of the more enlightened priests in our parish. He has won over a lot of parishioners with his short, concise and relevant sermons, and with his ability to lead a straightforward mass without a lot of 'extras' (singing half the mass in Latin, a long drawn-out liturgy, boring sermons that merely repeat the gospel message). This is the way you get people on board with attending mass. It tells me that it is not necessary to subject people to boring sermons and an exaggerated liturgy. There is room for hymns and music, yes, but there should be room for a mass or two each week that is short and to the point. 

The sermon today had to do with faith--belief in some of the things that the church teaches, for example, the Trinity. Or that communion is the intake of the body and blood of Christ. He stressed that the latter is not just a symbolic idea. I've always wondered about this, because it is one of the things that makes Catholicism different from Protestantism. I've accepted certain Catholic theological ideas on faith alone, because there is no proving what we say we believe in. And that was the priest's point. We live in a world that wants proof, wants to measure and define everything, a world that wants explanations for all things related to religious faith. But in other areas of our lives, we 'accept' things that are impossible to explain, define or prove. So why should our religious beliefs be any different than what we accept on faith when we talk about love, trust, fidelity, and hope. We believe in love, in the existence of love, and while doing so, we accept that love exists with zero proof that it actually exists. We cannot really define it or explain it. We feel it, we know it to be true with our rational minds, but we cannot prove its existence. And yet we fall in love, marry, are faithful to our partners, and trust that our partners are faithful to us. We build lives based on hope, another intangible entity. The lives we live, based on love, fidelity, trust and hope reflect the existence of these things, but they are not scientific proof of them. 

This made so much sense to me. It was a perfect example of someone saying something so wise and so relevant that it will stick with you forever. It makes it easier to accept some ideas on faith alone without needing proof of them. I can accept this as a scientist, because I learned that even in science, there were thousands of things that we could not explain. But we like to believe we can explain most everything. We cannot. Some things, like religious ideas, love, fidelity, trust and hope, we must accept on faith alone without being able to define them.  

The daily dose

The daily dose of negativity, anger, rage, hubris, narcissism and curse-filled criticism spewed out on social media platforms and on news platforms of all kinds. The continual harassment that never stops and never leads anywhere. Daily haranguing of normal ordinary people who just want to go about their business and not have to deal with a rage-filled vengeful old man's problems. Because let's face it; he's old. He's more than a grumpy old man at this point; there are enough of them in the world. He is a breed apart. Every time he shows up on tv or in my social media feeds, every time there is 'something important, some crisis', yet again, that he just has to share with us, I turn the channel, close social media, turn the page. I block him out. I don't want to hear his voice or see his face. I don't want to see the faces of his family either. I don't want to have anything to do with him or them. I don't want those close to me to even talk about him, but of course that's not possible to expect.

A destructive force. A destroyer of peace of mind, calmness, clarity and rational thinking. He is chaos defined, with no focus and no real aims except to destroy others. He is a cause of anxiety in normal ordinary loving people. I ask the question that I've asked of several of his supporters--how would you like it if your husband, wife, or children behaved toward you like he does toward others? How would you like it if you got shut down every time you opened your mouth, told you were ugly or stupid, told you were useless? I never get an answer. Because there isn't one. His behavior qualifies as emotional and psychological abuse, nothing more and nothing less. I know, because I've experienced this type of abuse, many years ago. But for some reason, his supporters tolerate it. Why?

The USA is 250 years old this year. I was hoping for some positive celebrations of its history, some presentations of the historical experiment that is the country. I don't see much emphasis on a presentation of our history. I guess Americans have to settle for professional wrestling and car racing. I have nothing against either. I just thought that this birthday would be a great opportunity to teach young people the importance of preserving democracy, free speech, and non-partisan political behavior  and of putting one's country first--looking out for the common good. I'm not sure if young people even know what that means anymore--the common good. Who can blame them if they don't know--they've grown up in a society that worships money, greed and consumerism. That's why it would be important to show another side of the country--the side inhabited by decent citizens who work hard, raise their families, all without needing to attract attention to themselves 24/7. The salt-of-the-earth types who are what make the USA great. They can be of either political persuasion in my book, as long as they keep a civil tongue in their heads. We need to make America civil and respectful again. That's a tall order but not an impossible one. Miracles do happen (the new pope is one of them). 

Some nice reviews of my book about growing up in Tarrytown

Today I thought I'd promote my book about growing up in Tarrytown New York by posting two reviews that it's garnered on Amazon. For those of you who might be interested in reading it, here's the link to the book:

A Town and A Valley: Growing Up in Tarrytown and the Hudson Valley: De Angelis, Paula Mary: 9798842022946: Amazon.com: Books

And here are the reviews: 

• 

  Kathy

  5 out of 5 stars

  Lovely book about the town I grew up in and the beautiful Hudson Valley.

  Reviewed in the United States on September 25, 2023

  Format: Paperback

  Verified Purchase

  This book was written with a lovely nostalgic/historic viewpoint. Since I also grew up and went to school in Tarrytown and Sleepy Hollow NY it was very relatable. There are so many great places around the beautiful Hudson Valley and the author has much to share from her historic research!

• 

  Brian C. Browne

  5 out of 5 stars

  A Lovely Read

  Reviewed in the United States on October 24, 2025

  Format: Paperback

  This is a big hearted and poignant book about a small village on the east bank of the Hudson River.

  Written by a grade school classmate of mine who lived in Tarrytown as a child and teenager, it is personal and beautifully written. A must read for anyone with a connection to Tarrytown.

All about robins (the European ones)

I follow several Facebook pages having to do with European robins. These robins are the smaller versions of their North-American counterparts, and in my opinion, much cuter. They are also quite friendly to humans. I think they understand that kind humans are a good food source, especially during the winter. But they are more than smart. They are curious creatures, as I've experienced when I'm working in my garden. The one that visited my garden last year (up to late December) hung around, watching what I did. He hopped up to me, standing in front of me as if to say 'I'm here', wandered around the greenhouse, and let me feed him and take photos of him. He never landed on my finger, but we were very close to that point. I fell in love with him. There is another robin that visits now; I can tell because the new one has several black markings on his chest, unlike the previous one. 

I don't know what happened to my little friend from last year. I'd like to think he's doing well and visiting other gardens, but my gut instinct tells me that he has passed. Whether it was a natural death (the mortality statistics for the first year of an European robin's life are poor) or death by cat, crow or magpie, I will never know. Perhaps the new one who visits now is his son or daughter. I'd like to think so. They tend to remain in one place, and our allotment garden is filled with many interesting gardens to visit. There is an abundance of worms and insects--a smorgasbord for birds of all kinds. 

I'm reposting the post I wrote in December 2025 about my little robin friend. I will always treasure the time I had with him. He appeared in my life right before I had a major operation, and as they say online 'robins appear when loved ones are near'. I'd like to think that he was channeling all those whom I loved who have passed and were rooting for a successful operation. In any case, he appeared at a time in my life when I needed him. 

A New Yorker in Oslo: My little garden friend

These are my people

Gardeners. Who knew? Gardeners are my people, the ones with whom I feel most at home. They can have small or large gardens, balcony gardens, you name it. We click and bond over shared gardening experiences (sometimes failed experiments), types of seeds, what garden store is having a sale, and what we can share with each other. The latter is the most important to me. Gardeners are generous. I have not met one gardener in our allotment garden who hasn't been willing to share plants, seeds, or advice. Yesterday we had our annual Volunteer Day in the garden; we all pitch in to do weeding, raking, clipping, etc. for a few hours, and then afterward we gather together over cake and coffee. It was a lovely day, weatherwise and socially. Such events are important for strengthening the bonds between us and also for getting to know the new gardeners, those who have recently gotten their allotment gardens.

Why do I feel comfortable with gardeners? They are not flashy or chic. There are no in-your-face displays of wealth, even though there are probably a number of gardeners who are well-off. There is no overt competition among us, at least in our allotment garden. I don't feel like I'm competing with my fellow gardeners to 'have the best garden'. Each gardener is an individual with unique ways of expressing their love of gardens, and that is reflected in their choice of bushes, trees and flowers, as well as vegetables. My garden neighbor has tried growing artichokes; this year I'm attempting to grow asparagus. The lack of overt competitiveness is refreshing in a world that values 'being the best', sometimes at all costs. I'm simply not interested; perhaps I was at one time, early in my career. But even at that time, I worked together with colleagues who were more supportive rather than competitive. I'm thankful every day to be away from a work world that values competition and being the best above all else. The falsity of that way of thinking lies in the reality that only one person can really and truly be the best. All the others are accordingly ranked less. And that's ok for me, but it wasn't for our workplace leaders who did not care at all for those whose careers didn't measure up to snuff. I do not miss that world at all.

I know that gardening can be quite competitive; there are contests for having the most beautiful flower garden or for growing the largest vegetables or the most fruit. But like art, literature, and music, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can judge the beauty of a garden, but it is a subjective evaluation. There are no objective criteria for what characterizes a beautiful garden. I respond intuitively to gardens that have a 'soul', but that too is subjective and emotional. There is much in our past and in our subconscious that is wrapped up in our gardens and garden choices. For example, when I plant tulips, I remember my mother ordering tulip bulbs from Holland and planting them on the front lawn. The resulting tulips were beautiful. Lilies of the valley remind me of a neighbor from childhood who had them lining one side of her house. They were my favorite flowers for the longest time. Basil and salad plants remind me of a family friend who grew them both in her backyard; we children would pick them for dinner when we visited her. Tomato plants remind me of my friend Jean's father who grew them in their backyard. The tomatoes were delicious. She has carried on the tomato-growing tradition.

As I get older, I am drawn to visiting public and private gardens. New York State is full of lovely gardens--The New York Botanical Garden, Innisfree Garden, Kykuit/The Rockefeller Estate, and Untermyer Park and Gardens, to name just a few of the ones I've visited. There are more on the list and I look forward to experiencing them in the coming years.