Having gratitude

 

Some thoughts on life, roads, gratitude, and faith

I was reading through some old Time magazines, specifically one from 2019, and came across a short article--a Quick Talk with Deepak Chopra, who was promoting his book Metahuman, Unleashing Your Infinite Potential. He talked about the importance of becoming 'metahuman' in order to make the world around us a better place, and defined 'metahuman' as 'connecting with our innate beings'. He included four questions that people can ask themselves in order to get started on the path toward becoming metahuman. They are as follows: 

1. Who am I?
2. What do I want from my life?
3. What is my purpose?
4. What am I grateful for?

I don't read this genre of literature anymore, at least not like I did when I was younger and thought that such books were written by people much wiser than I was (am). It's always tempting to think that there is a guru out there who can answer all of the questions that one might have concerning life and how to live it, especially when one is younger and hits a wall of sorrows that threaten to destroy one. But there isn't a cure-all for anything in life, and there is no guru to set us on the path of enlightenment. It is the journey that matters, after all, and you find that out when you get older. The road of life is difficult and we can only navigate it by living life with all its joys and sorrows. 'The only way out is through', as one wise person once said; the quote is attributed to Robert Frost, from his poem 'A Servant to Servants'. 

The four questions are worth asking ourselves every now and then, especially if we feel we have strayed from the paths we intuitively know we'd like to be on. We have to take stock every now and then and ask ourselves if what we are doing in life is what we ought to be doing. Is it good for us? Are we wasting time on things that give us nothing or have no real meaning? For example, are we glued to our screens many hours during the day, wasting time on social media that really doesn't make us or the world a better place. Do we want to take risks or make changes that would be good for us, but are too fearful to do so? 

One of the simplest ways to find our true paths again is to start by being grateful for something in our lives. That has helped me in tough times. There is always something for which we can be grateful. Just the fact that we have been given another day is a gift. I find that gratitude comes easier to me now, perhaps because I am older, but also because I know how difficult life is for some people in my life. They have sorrows in abundance. Yet they plod on. They have faith in God and that seems to help them. I don't purport to understand faith and how it strengthens people. I have faith but I also have dark times where I question it. I do know that it is a solace, albeit a mysterious one. But life gets simpler with each passing year. It's getting easier to say yes, to accept, to let go, to not argue or want to dissect or overanalyze. Perhaps that's one path that will put us in touch with our innate selves and strengthen our faith. Your will, not mine. There is a lot of power in that. I just never knew how much before. 

Cultivating gratitude

Cultivating gratitude. How easy is it to do that, to learn to be grateful for what we have? When we're young, we really don't think much about it. When we're older, we do, because we have more time to look back on and reflect on our lives and how we've lived them up to this point. We look around us and see the lives of other people, the struggles and the good times, and we look at our own lives and reflect on the same. I've thought a lot about gratitude during the past decade especially. When life doesn't go the way you thought it would, when disappointments abound (and they will inevitably appear), they push you in the direction of reflection and eventually gratitude or bitterness. The latter is a recipe for doom. If you choose bitterness because your life didn't work out the way you planned, then you essentially tell yourself that the rest of your life is not worth living and exploring. Because here's the kicker--you have no idea how the rest of your life will turn out. If you close yourself off and wallow in bitterness, you will not experience what God wants for your life. If you let your bitterness lead you down the path to self-destruction in the form of different physical addictions, you will not honor the life that God has given you. Nothing is set in stone. Unhappy times can lead to happy ones. Life can change for the better. Life is not static, it is constantly moving, flowing onward, changing. Life is fluid, and thank God for that. 

If you choose gratitude eventually after having gone through hard times and disappointments, you will free yourself. It sounds hard but it is not over time. Gratitude is what develops in our minds and hearts when we are patient with ourselves and others, when we forgive ourselves and others. When we let go of whatever millstones we are dragging around that tell us that we failed because we didn't measure up to this or that level that someone else said we should have reached. Whenever we drag around the 'should-haves' for our lives, we won't be grateful--should have worked more, should have been richer, should have traveled more, and so on. When we let go of the should-haves, we learn to be content with good enough. We are good enough as we are. That doesn't mean that we can't try to be better people each day. It means that we accept ourselves for where we are in this moment, grateful for what we have--families, friends, good health, hobbies, material wealth, a good life. None of these are guaranteed anyone. I have friends who no longer have good health; they mourn that loss but they are not bitter people. They could have been. They are adjusting to their new daily lives patiently, sometimes with irritation or anger, but overall in a spirit of wanting to continue to live life as normally as possible. They have not given up, and they would say they are thankful that they have the material wealth that provides them with the support they need. Not everyone has that. 

I've read many columns in the last few days about gratitude and what it means. Most of them point out that being grateful one day a year, on Thanksgiving Day, is not enough. They're right, it isn't. Cultivating gratitude on a daily basis, that's a worthwhile pursuit. One of the books that has helped me through the years, given to me by a good friend after a particularly sad time in my twenties, is Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women (Hazelden Meditations) by Karen Casey (Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women (Hazelden Meditation Series): Karen Casey: 9780866835015: Amazon.com: Books ). This little green book is worth its weight in gold. I am grateful for the messages it contains but also for the friend who cared enough to give it to me. Whenever I find myself moving toward bitterness, I pick it up and find in it what I need to steer me toward a spirit of gratitude. 

Happy Thanksgiving

We have much to be thankful for, and on this Thanksgiving Day, I am grateful for who I am and for being able to live freely and responsibly, grateful for all that I have, and most importantly, grateful for all those in my life whom I love. Despite setbacks, disappointments, sadness and loss, life is good. God has been and is good to me. Happy Thanksgiving--enjoy the day and give thanks for all your blessings. 

Grateful for the friends who didn't make life a competition

My favorite line--the friends who didn't make life a competition, but rather a grand adventure that became better together. I'm so grateful for my closest friends, because we have shared some wonderful adventures together, and have not wasted our lives competing with each other. We care about each other and love each other, and always have each other's backs. I consider myself blessed to have such friends in my life. 

The gift of a poem at Easter

I love this poem for so many reasons that you'll understand when you read it. Enjoy. Wishing all my readers a very Happy Easter! 

Looking back on 2018 and the need for hope

What a year--2018. Looking back, I'd say it was a whirlwind of a year for me personally. My work life took an unexpected turn for the better, and as the old expression goes, 'I never looked back' once I hopped on this new train--a new focus area and one for which I seem to be suited. It could all change in an instant; I am fully aware of that, but that is the beauty of growing older. One has been down those paths before, so one is less surprised if it all goes to hell again. I hope it won't, but the universe might have other plans, so it's just to stay open to new possibilities and opportunities.

I realized too how important traveling is for broadening our horizons, and planning a trip to a new place each summer has become a fun occupation. I want to explore more of Great Britain--more of England, Scotland, and Wales. I'd love to revisit Italy in order to take in Florence and Sienna. I'd like to see Spain and Portugal as well. I have a feeling we'll get there, one country at a time. For that reason (and a few others), I really do look forward to retirement and to taking some longer trips with my husband and my friends.

But one doesn't always need to physically travel to a new place in order to broaden one's horizons; one need only pick up a good book that will take you where you want to go (or sometimes where you never thought about going). I have rediscovered how interesting American history is, thanks to Caroline Fraser and her wonderful book Prairie Fires--The American Dreams of Laura Ingalls Wilder. If there is one book I can recommend from this year's reading, it is this one. I have mentioned it before in a previous post (https://paulamdeangelis.blogspot.com/2018/08/book-recommendation-biography-of-laura.html), but it bears repeating--the USA has been through some pretty dark times, and it has survived them--climate changes, rampant corruption, economic depressions, widespread poverty, political uproars and turmoil, world wars, and so much more. Our country has had great presidents and terrible presidents. It survived them. We will survive. We may need to undergo some forms of renewal (much like the Catholic church needs to do in order to deal with the sexual abuse scandals), but we will survive. There is comfort in knowing that, and that is what learning about our history gives us--new realizations about where we come from, and even insights about where we might be headed.

Despite the current political chaos that reigns in the White House, our country will survive. The founding fathers built many checks and balances into our system of government. It may seem as thought they are failing one by one, but they are not. The majority of politicians still believe in something good; one must hope that they will rise to the challenge of defending our country's honor and dignity. And if they cannot do it, that we the people must do it for them. Our ancestors left Europe to find a better life in America; perhaps some found that, while others didn't. What they did find was the chance to figure it out for themselves, to think for themselves, to take responsibility for their own lives. They took a risk, and we must take risks too, in order to preserve the freedoms that we have fought to attain. We must not be complacent, self-satisfied, or slothful. We cannot afford to be any of those things. We must find it in our hearts to be grateful and hopeful, because from gratitude and hope spring all that is good, and we must translate our gratitude and hope into positive action.

Gratitude

It's a crazy world, and it probably will get crazier before it changes for the better. Sometimes it's hard to stay optimistic and to keep an open mind. But we need to in order for our lives to change and grow. We cannot give up believing in ethics and decency and hope. Hope is what allows the world to change for the better; hope and the visualization of how it could be. Some people have dreams, powerful dreams for positive change, and they make them come true. We need more of those types of people, especially in politics. We need politicians who are not afraid to talk about the need for positive change, for decency, for hope. We need politicians who show gratitude for what they have been given--power to effect change in a world that needs positive change, guidance and hope. 

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in the USA, and most Americans will celebrate this wonderful holiday. No matter who you are or where you come from, it is a day for gathering together, for showing gratitude, for being grateful for what you have been given in this life. So I thank God for all that I have, and all that I have gone through in order to get where I am now. Life is not easy, but I don't suppose it's meant to be. It's meant to have ups and downs, joys and sorrows, and all of the other things that make us human. I am grateful to God for all of them; I am grateful for life, love, family, friends and work because they are God's blessings in my life, as they are in yours. And as far as material things go, I have enough--I don't need more. I'm thankful for that too.

Quotes about gratitude

• If the only prayer you said in your whole life was “thank you” that would suffice. --Meister Eckhart
• We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives. --John F. Kennedy
• Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more. --Roy T. Bennett
• True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. --Seneca
• The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not. --Seneca
• This a wonderful day. I’ve never seen this one before. --Maya Angelou
• When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed. --Maya Angelou
• A sense of blessedness comes from a change of heart, not from more blessings. --Mason Cooley
• May the work of your hands be a sign of gratitude and reverence to the human condition. --Mahatma Gandhi
• As long as this exists, this sunshine and this cloudless sky, and as long as I can enjoy it, how can I be sad? --Anne Frank
• In ordinary life, we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich. --Dietrich Bonhoeffer
• When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude. --G.K. Chesterton
• I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. --Gilbert K. Chesterton
• We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses. --Alphonse Karr
• I was complaining that I had no shoes till I met a man who had no feet. --Confucius 
• Ingratitude is the daughter of pride. --Miguel de Cervantes

Practicing gratitude

I recently posted the following image on Facebook as it resonated with the way I feel these days about people who complain constantly--about everything--a never-ending stream of dissatisfaction, irritations, and unhappiness.

It strikes me as fairly odd that people would rather spend their days complaining instead of being grateful for what they have. And I don't just mean material wealth or possessions, although they would be something to be grateful for. I mean being grateful for the gift of another day--grateful that you woke up, because there are people who were close to me, my brother for one, who did not get that chance--who died young. Or friends who were once able to walk and can no longer because of their illness. We should be grateful for the chance to start over each day, to start anew, pursue a long-held dream, fulfill a half-finished project, or start a new one. We should be grateful for our spouses, our parents, our children, and our friends--all those who mean the world to us. But we are often too busy looking at our cell phones, or watching TV, or working too much, or arguing too much about inconsequential things. We don't appreciate the silence and peace of our minds and hearts, which remind us to slow down and take a good look at our lives. Because if we did slow down and look at our lives, we would see how blessed we are--material goods, shelter, a job, money, family, friends, and good health--all things that many of us take for granted, but that millions of people in the world don't have. So like the picture says, essentially, if you're not satisfied, do something to make yourself satisfied, and for God's sake, shut up and stop complaining about what you don't have. Money and material possessions aren't everything. Yes, it's nice to have them, and yes, we've worked hard for what we have, but there is no automatic guarantee of entitlement. I know people who have worked hard all their lives who ended up with very little to show for it. Ironically, it is not those people who complain ad nauseam. My experience is that it is those with the most who complain the most, and who are never satisfied; they always want more. The Norwegians have a good expression for it--"mye vil ha mer" (much wants more). Let's practice gratitude today. We can start by getting out of bed with gratitude in our hearts for having been given another day on this earth, and for being thankful for what we do have.

December reflections

We are midway through December and nearly at the end of another year. We are also more than halfway through Advent—a time before Christmas in the Christian church that lends itself to reflection. I haven’t written much on this blog lately; I’ve been very busy, but also unsure of what to write about. This year passed by rather quickly, and the tone of the year was influenced in many ways by my brother’s death from cardiac disease in February. When I received the news of his death, I realized yet again that there is no escape from life’s sadness and suffering. I knew that already when I was twelve years old and my father had his first of several heart attacks. He survived the first one, and was progressively weaker by the time he had his second one. I felt then that life was unpredictable, unsafe, and often dark. I struggled to find meaning in life. Was it only about suffering and death? I was a churchgoer but was at a loss to know what it was I really believed in or sometimes even why I went to church. It was not until a good friend of mine helped me to find what I could personally relate to in my faith that I began to understand what it was I professed to believe in. When I understood and believed that God cares about me personally—that is when my relationship to my faith changed. Many years later, my conclusion is that it is love, and love alone, that transforms people, changes lives, allows for forgiveness and acceptance, offers hope and gives us a safe haven during life’s storms. It gives us something to believe in and to act on. I am not talking about romantic love, although that is definitely a part of love. I am talking about the love described in 1 Corinthians 13, the passage about love that is read at countless weddings:

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.        

These words were first uttered/written many centuries ago, and speak for themselves. They have shown themselves to be quite prescient in my life. It is clear to me after many years in academia, that higher education does not always enlighten its recipients or make them better people. Unfortunately, there are a number of self-centered people with PhDs and MDs who are mostly concerned with titles, incomes, amount of grant support, and the number of high impact-factor publications a person has. There is no direct correlation between higher education and good behavior, unfortunately for the world. It doesn’t matter much in our current world that a person treats his or her students well, gets along with his or her colleagues, or finds happiness in playing a supportive role for others. These characteristics are simply not valued in the same way as is being a cash cow for your organization. As long as a person brings in research money, bad behavior, bullying and envy are tolerated. So yes, knowledge will pass away, as will titles and honors. Aging takes care of that--the top person of the moment in any profession will lose that status, replaced by someone younger and smarter—and the cycle continues, as well it should. If all a person has had is his or her job, and he or she has not treated colleagues, friends or family well, then he or she can end up bitter and lonely in old age. Or frantic, desperate and borderline hysterical, because no one remembers the ‘important’ contributions he or she has made. You would think that people gain perspective as they age; some do, but you’d be surprised at the stories I’ve heard about former professors (men and women both) in their eighties and nineties arguing about who was the better scientist, or convinced that their contributions to the field were those that revolutionized it. ‘You’re only as good as your last publication’—is a common expression in academia. The problem begins when a person begins to believe the hype he or she hears about himself or herself—that one is irreplaceable, brilliant, a genius, the best in the field. It’s nice to receive the accolades. Far better to have reflected on what is really important in life, and to have treated your colleagues and students in a way that reflects the kind of love that 1 Corinthians 13 talks about--patience, kindness, lack of envy, lack of boasting, and humility. How many former top professors will mentor and encourage their one or two brilliant students without envy, and how many of them will keep those students down so as to hinder competition? How many of them will actually let go of their control over their students and let them fly and shine? I’ve seen a few of the latter, and many of the former.

What have I learned this year from my reflections upon the good and bad things that have happened? My brother’s death was a real shock to me (and to my sister), and permeated our lives during this past year. The complicated situations surrounding his death introduced me to a dark world where nothing was as it seemed. My brother was a master at pretending that everything was ok, when in fact it was not during the last two years of his life. He opened the window into his life a crack and let me see some of what he had to deal with (financial problems, his being the primary parent), but he shut it just as quickly, either so I would not worry, or so that he would not lose face. Either way, he was afraid that he would be judged, because he himself was often quick to judge. He knew that I would not judge him; perhaps that made it harder for him to open up, because it would have meant breaking down his own walls. I wish he had, because I loved him and however difficult his life had become, I would always have loved him. He, like many others in our materialistic society, did not want to admit that money, fame, a city job, an apartment in a tony Manhattan suburb, or materialistic things generally, were not the answers to happiness in life. But it’s hard in our society to let go of that way of thinking. He was on the verge of changing his life when he died. Sometimes you’ve got to just toss in the towel and start over in a simpler world, where love is the foundation, and not materialism. There were many people who got in touch with me after his death to tell me how he had affected their lives, especially when we all were younger—how he helped others, was a good listener, took a back seat to others—all things I knew and loved about him. My brother was my good friend when we were younger; we spent many a Saturday evening in Manhattan, meeting friends, dancing and having a good time together. My friends knew and liked him, and his friends knew and liked me. Despite having the Atlantic Ocean between us after I moved abroad, we always got together in Manhattan when I visited each year in the summertime. He would use his company expense account and treat me to lunch at one or another restaurant that he had discovered, and we would walk around lower Manhattan for a few hours and just talk. I am grateful for those memories.

I am grateful for so many other things this past year—my closest friends who were and are always there for me, in good times and in bad. I am grateful for having been a part of a joyous May wedding (the daughter of my close friend got married) that balanced out the sadness of my brother’s death. I am grateful for having met a lawyer (the father of my good friend) who helped me with a specific legal situation related to my brother’s death; I am forever grateful to my friend for having arranged that meeting with her father. I am grateful to my husband for always being there for me, without a lot of fanfare and fuss. I am grateful to my workplace that approved and financed a yearlong leadership course from which I learned a lot—a course that changed my perspective about leadership, about my own leadership qualities, and about the importance of real dialog and communication in the workplace. It seems strange to say it, but often out of sadness come many good things—reminders as it were that there is a reason to continue to hope and to believe.  There is good in the world, and real love does exist. 

Gratitude

We celebrated Thanksgiving early this year. It’s usually not possible to celebrate it on the same Thursday as in the USA, since Norway does not celebrate the holiday. Even if I wanted to celebrate it on the same day, I’d have to take that Thursday off from work, as would any of the guests who might want to join us for the festivities. So for the past twenty-three years I’ve usually celebrated on the weekend following Thanksgiving in the States. But since we already have plans for the next two weekends, today (Sunday) was our celebration. Just my husband and me this year; all our usual guests had other plans. I asked my husband how he would feel if I stopped celebrating the holiday, and he said he would miss it. It’s true; he would miss it, because it’s become a part of our annual holiday repertoire. He’s appreciative of the gestures I make to share my culture, as I am grateful for the gestures he makes to share his. Since I moved here, I’ve made it a point to keep on celebrating the holidays I celebrated when I lived in the USA---Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day and Easter. Norwegians celebrate Christmas, New Year’s and Easter, so there’s pretty good overlap in terms of food and drink; in recent years Halloween and Valentine’s Day have become a part of their society, albeit on a much smaller commercial scale than in the USA. The Norwegian postal service offers some really nice Valentine’s Day stamps; I’ll have to scan in some of the first day covers for Valentine’s Day that I own and present them in a future post.  

It’s nice to have the holidays to look forward to and to prepare for each year. I might even say it’s become necessary for me to celebrate them. Doing so breaks up the long darkness that is winter here. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to celebrate them. The winters are not much worse weather-wise than they were in New York; it’s the short days and the black darkness that get to you after a while. So the holidays are a way to get me through each dark month of winter. By the time Valentine’s Day is over, the darkness has lifted, and the promise of spring, summer and long sunlit days is in the air. In that sense, I am grateful for all the holidays each year; each holiday has its special charm. Thanksgiving especially is a holiday for reflection on all those things that we have to be grateful for. It is not about shopping or bargains or football, even though it may seem that way sometimes. It is about family and the ties that bind, about being thankful for them and for good friends. I remember when we were in our teens, our friends lived right around the corner, and after dinner, we hung out at each other’s houses or went for walks around the town. We always stopped in to say hello to our friends’ parents at some point. Those friends are still my friends today, my oldest and dearest friends, and I am grateful for their friendship. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Thanksgiving is also about being thankful for the bounties that America enjoys. In that sense, Norway has much to be grateful for as well; its oil wealth is certainly a bounty. We don’t always realize that we are blessed; often we are too busy kvetching or constantly on the lookout for the next new thing that will better our lives. We actually have all that we need; we just need to appreciate our lives more, and appreciate the life around us.  

Three-year anniversary

A New Yorker in Oslo is three years old this month! I'm pleased to announce this, because as I wrote when I started my blog, this is a labor of love. I don't receive any money for writing the blog. I have a dedicated core group of followers, and a number of readers who comment on posts that interest them. I take this opportunity to thank you all for your support and feedback.

I plan to continue writing the blog as long as there are things to write about. And there are, in abundance. It's just that sometimes I experience writer's block--unsure of what to write about, unable to sit down and write about this or that, overwhelmed by the state of the world, overwhelmed by my lack of faith in my abilities at times. I hate the latter--when that dark cloud of lack of faith in myself hangs over my head and prevents me from expressing what I want to express. The little voices that tell me to forget about it, to slack off, to not care. But then something always happens to make me care again. It can be as simple as that someone read and commented on a post that touched them. Made them think, made them want to write to me. I've met some interesting people through this blog--students, Sherlock Holmes fans, business folk--and I'm thrilled that you reached out to talk to me.

You might wonder which posts are the most popular, after three years online. You'd be surprised. I know I was. But it's fun to see what interests readers the most. Here is a listing of the top 10 posts of all time (those which are the most-read):

Amsterdam coffee shops, head shops, sex shop and o... Sep 2, 2011, 2 comments
Recognizing passive-aggressive behavior in workpla... Dec 7, 2011, 10 comments
Dark Shadows and Collinwood mansion Sep 17, 2010
Ridley Scott's Prometheus Jun 1, 2012
A love poem by Ezra Pound in honor of Valentine's ... Feb 13, 2011
The Nighthawk Diner Jun 25, 2010, 3 comments
Berlin's East Side Gallery Jul 5, 2012
Christmas crèche in St.Olav's church Jan 9, 2011, 2 comments
Photos of Tarrytown Lakes and Hudson River Valley ... Jun 19, 2011, 2 comments
“There are no answers, only choices” Apr 30, 2011, 1 comment

Giving thanks

I have celebrated Thanksgiving each year since I moved to Norway, and each year I look forward to celebrating the holiday. I never really get tired of preparing food and inviting people to share it with us, although I must admit that at the end of Thanksgiving Day I’m pretty exhausted. This year was no exception. I normally invite family and/or friends to join us during the weekend after Thanksgiving, as we are at work on Thanksgiving Day. This year was different; I made Thanksgiving dinner today and invited family.

I am always nervous each year that something will go wrong; that feeling that I will suddenly become a completely inept hostess rears its head each year. But except for the first year I was here, things have mostly never gone wrong. That year was the year that the antique electric oven that my husband inherited from his parents didn’t tolerate being opened too often to baste the turkey (the temperature dropped dramatically each time the door was opened). Suffice it to say that it took about nine hours before the turkey was done. Our guests were patient though and they hung around, back in the days when people did hang around until 1 or 2 am (when we were younger and losing a good night’s sleep didn’t destroy the following five days in terms of sleep and lack of energy). We bought a new stove shortly after that. In the twenty-two years I’ve been here, the turkey has turned out dry on two occasions. This year the corn bread didn’t rise as high as it should have and I don’t know why, I couldn’t find cranberries in the supermarkets or in the small neighborhood markets to make sauce (I used tyttebær instead and that’s always a good substitute), and I almost couldn’t find a turkey. It seems as though eating turkey has caught on here at Christmastime, which means that turkeys will be available in mid-December. But as I explained to one supermarket manager—I’m American--I need a turkey now! But I finally did find one that was the right size after visits to a number of different supermarkets. It turned out to be a very good turkey, not dry at all.

Thanksgiving, for all its informality and joviality, is really a formal holiday, in the sense of giving thanks on a national scale. I can remember attending mass when we were children and singing ‘America the Beautiful’. The first stanza is particularly beautiful and memorable:

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

It’s good to be reminded that we ought to be grateful for all that is good in our lives. And maybe sometimes even for what may not be good in our lives at present—unhappiness, unfairness, losses, hurts. Because without the sadness that life deals out at times, we might not be able to appreciate the happiness when it appears. We need the contrast. 

Some wise words about gratitude

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.

- Brian Tracy

What you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it. Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.

- Oprah Winfrey

Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.

- Kahlil Gibran

Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.

- Doris Day

You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.

- G. K. Chesterton

Joy is a heart full and a mind purified by gratitude.

- Marietta McCarty

There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.

- Jean Jacques Rousseau

Kindness trumps greed: it asks for sharing. Kindness trumps fear: it calls forth gratefulness and love. Kindness trumps even stupidity, for with sharing and love, one learns.

- Marc Estrin

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.

- Johannes A. Gaertner

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.

- Melodie Beattie

To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude.

- Albert Schweitzer

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.

- Eric Hoffer

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice.

- Meister Eckhart

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

- Marcel Proust

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.

- Cicero