How you can change your world and the world around you

For all those who start their day by complaining--stop. Just stop. When you wake up, thank God for another day, get out of bed, and be glad that the only thing you have to deal with is a few minor aches and pains. Because that is not the case for a good number of people I know, who have different types of cancer of varying stages. Some will survive and some will not. They impress me with their will to just keep going, no matter what. They don't complain, or if they do, they do it privately. I know other people who have/had neurological diseases (multiple sclerosis, progressive parasupranuclear palsy, multiple systemic atrophy) that have taken/will take their lives. It's a slow gradual decline for most of them; they lose the ability to walk, to be mobile generally, to use their hands, to talk, to hold their heads up. It's terrible to watch people we love suffer in this way. I remember them each day and pray for them, as I try to do for all those I know who are seriously ill. 

Show real respect for others. Listen. Don't interrupt others at every turn. Give your undivided attention to a child who wants your attention, likewise to an adult who wants the same. We all want to be noticed by others, to be valued and confirmed by others. As Mother Teresa said, charity and love begin at home. What does it profit the world if we help the needy on the street and turn our backs on or ignore those who are closest to us? Don't yell at others or shout them down. Don't belittle others. Too many people do this, thinking that if they raise their voices, they will be heard better. Don't insist on being right all the time, even if you know you are. LET IT GO. What difference does it make if you were correct about some unimportant thing? Were the consequences dire? Most likely they weren't. But we love to be right, to feel that we are better than others. Sometimes we are glad that we 'win' over others. But at what cost? Because if we constantly belittle others, they pay it forward by belittling others, to get rid of that bad feeling they have about themselves. Guaranteed, if you feel bad about yourself, you will try to make others feel bad about themselves as well. It's human nature and is often the first response unless you remember that a higher power is looking out for you, so that you know you are loved and valued.

Don't derive your self esteem or your sense of happiness from social media, television, or any other technology that seeks to suck most of your waking hours from you. Put them in their place. Use them wisely, but let them go otherwise. They are not important. They are a source of entertainment, but there are many ways (perhaps better ways) to enjoy yourself. Read a good book or magazine, read something that inspires you to be a better person. Read. Think about what you read. Write about what you're thinking about and feeling, if you are so inclined. Share what you write with others if you are so inclined. Write a card or a letter to someone who would like to hear from you. Pick up the phone and make a call to someone who would like to hear from you.  

Believe in something larger than yourself--a higher power. It will give you perspective about yourself, a perspective that is sorely lacking in today's world. Find a religion, go to a church. Find yourself a  congregation, a group of people who share your beliefs. Keep it simple. Don't expect answers to the mysteries of life and death. Just BE, in the company of others. It is immensely comforting. 

Don't set out to change the world. Change yourself. As has been said before, be the change you want to see in others. If you change yourself, if you treat others with respect and kindness, it WILL make a difference in the world. Kindness and love are energies that induce the same in others, in the same way that unkindness and disrespect do. There is too much of the latter in the world. There has been a loss of personal boundaries that has led to a catastrophic disrespect for others, mostly due to social media and the hatred that is found there. I am appalled at times by the hatred I find there. I have begun to literally and figuratively walk away from all that is negative, destructive, or too dark because it brings the world closer to a hellish existence that benefits no one. 

Updates on my blog--A New Yorker in Oslo and on my book--A Town and A Valley: Growing Up in Tarrytown and the Hudson Valley

Last month this blog had almost 41,000 visitors, most of them Americans. That is the highest number of visitors ever; I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of visitors. Thank you to everyone who has checked out the blog, read a few posts, and enjoyed what they've read. I've been told by several people that it's not possible to leave a comment on the individual posts; that's not true. If you'd like to leave a comment, you can. Please do, I enjoy hearing from readers. 

My book, A Town and A Valley--Growing Up in Tarrytown and the Hudson Valley, was purchased by the Warner Library in Tarrytown and can be found in the Local History section. It has also been purchased by the Historical Society in Tarrytown. For those readers who would like to know more about the area of New York State where I was born and where I grew up, the book might be of interest to you. It can be purchased on Amazon: 

A Town and A Valley: Growing Up in Tarrytown and the Hudson Valley: De Angelis, Paula Mary: 9798842022946: Amazon.com: Books

and also on Barnes & Noble: 

A Town and A Valley: Growing Up in Tarrytown and the Hudson Valley by Paula Mary De Angelis, Paperback | Barnes & Noble® (barnesandnoble.com)

Portsmouth, Salisbury, and the Isle of Wight--photos

 

where we stayed in Portsmouth

Portsmouth harbor area 

the Bridge Tavern and the famous Spinnaker Tower to the right

Portsmouth harbor area

the HMS Warrior in Portsmouth Harbor 

Salisbury Cathedral

Ryde Pier on the Isle of Wight

scenic view on the Isle of Wight

the Isle of Wight has its own white cliffs

scenic view on the Isle of Wight

scenic view on the Isle of Wight

Traveling along the southeast coast of England

We've always wanted to tour the southeast coast of England after having watched some tv shows that detailed different train trips along this coast, and decided to do the trip by car rather than train at the beginning of July. We planned it such that once we arrived in Portsmouth, we would travel along the coastal roads (basically route 259) to Brighton and Dover. Our start point was Oslo; we took the overnight car ferry from Oslo to Kiel, drove westward through Germany into the Netherlands (Holland) to Rotterdam, where we took the overnight car ferry from Hook of Holland (Stena Brittanica) to Harwich UK. From there we drove to Portsmouth where we stayed at the Red Lion inn/pub for three nights. We then drove onward to Brighton, where we stayed at the King's Hotel for two nights, and then we drove along the coastal road to Hastings where we stopped at the First In, Last Out pub for lunch. We then drove onward to Dover where we stayed at the Royal Oak inn/pub for two nights. Our trip back to Norway was via the Eurotunnel in Folkestone and then a long drive through Germany up to Kiel, where we took the overnight car ferry back to Oslo. 

We explored Portsmouth the first day we were there; our hotel location was right across the street from the bus connection to the downtown. Portsmouth is an old port city with a long naval history; it has been a major Royal Navy dockyard and base since the 12th century, and is known for the Portsmouth Historic Dockyard. We walked quite a bit around the downtown part of the city, as we always do when we come to new places, and then headed out toward the harbor area, where we ate lunch and walked along the harbor boardwalk. The ferries that travel to the Isle of Wight leave from this area, and we decided to take the catamaran out to the Isle of Wight on one of the days we were there. The Isle of Wight is such a beautiful place, well-worth visiting; we took a bus tour around a good portion of the island. On another day, we took a trip to Salisbury to see the old cathedral there, and then to Bath so that we could visit the Roman Baths (I've seen them but my husband had not). Unfortunately the city was inundated with tourists and the wait to get into the baths was around two hours, so we opted not to do the tour. But it was a gorgeous day in England so we weren't that disappointed. 

We then drove on to Brighton, where we stayed for two nights. The day we arrived, we walked for miles around the city, along the beachfront and then into the city itself. My husband took a swim in the ocean; the water was fairly warm. The beach is not composed of sand, but of fine water-worn pebbles. Unfortunately, it was extremely painful to walk on them (at least for me) as I discovered when I walked down to the water's edge, so I ended up sitting on the beach watching my husband swim. We ate lunch and dinner at Pinello's restaurant (very good Italian food), a restaurant very near the hotel. The following day we took a bus tour around the city, which was smart because it rained that day and we were inside the bus when the torrential rains hit. But they didn't last long and when we got off the bus we walked along the Brighton Palace Pier, which is a type of amusement park on the pier, with arcades, shops, casinos, rides, cafes and deck chairs. Fun to see, but mostly for the younger crowd. Again we ate dinner at Pinello's and met a young couple (Darren and Jasmine) and their three children. It was nice to talk to them and we traded contact info on the off chance that they visit Oslo at some point. 

The following day we drove along the coastal road to Hastings where we had a great pub lunch at the First In, Last Out pub (of Foyle's War fame according to my husband). We then drove on to Dover where we stayed two nights. The first day we walked around the area of Dover where the hotel was; there was a very lovely park/garden nearby called Kearsney Parks/Russell Gardens that we spent some time in walking around. The following day we visited Dover Castle and the White Cliffs of Dover, both of which were impressive in their own ways. 

I will post some photos of our trip in my next post. We very much enjoyed this trip and look forward to returning to England in a few years to visit Cornwall and the southwest coast. 

Here is the map of our travels: 

Time as a wheel with spokes

Time is a strange thing. We experience it as linear, as a continual forward progression, and in a major sense it is. But it also seems circular to me--like a wheel with spokes. My experience with time is that it can be all-encompassing; it surrounds me, as though I am in the center of a circle from which spokes radiate out. At the end of those spokes are specific experiences that envelope me. The straight lines that are those spokes are the chronological events leading to those ends. But they could just as well be wavy spokes, or spokes with spikes poking out every which way. The spikes could be detours along the way or interesting experiences in and of themselves, leading to the ends. I think more and more that time is circular; that the individual experiences of each individual person are connected, that they radiate out from a center (the person in question) but that they meet and form the wheel of time that defines one person's life. The spikes may stick out in all directions from the spokes; they may be long or short. In this way we can interact with others during our lives. 

I wondered if others have pondered this view of time, so I googled 'time as a wheel with spokes' and the first link that was returned was the 'Wheel of Time' on Wikipedia (Wheel of time - Wikipedia). Apparently a number of religions subscribe to the concept of time as cyclical, including Hinduism, Jainism, Sikhism, and Buddhism. But I didn't really find any discussion of spokes and spikes. It seems to me that as we age, we accumulate more spokes, so that eventually the spokes begin to interact with each other, begin to touch each other, begin to crowd each other. Perhaps the spikes from each spoke meet the spikes from the other spokes and form 'ladders'. Perhaps that explains the feeling of being enveloped, of being surrounded by multiple experiences. Perhaps this is what is meant by the feeling that we have coexistent 'parallel lives'; not lives at all, but parallel experiences that eventually interact with each other or join each other. In this way, time seems to be more fluid. At least it doesn't feel solid to me; I don't experience it that way. 

I am curious (and always have been) about time because sometimes I experience what I call  'the ache across time'. The ache across time is the knowledge that somewhere out there is an experience of time that has touched us deeply, that has passed, that will never come again, but one that we remember perfectly. It is an ache for what will never come again in exactly that way--be it times together with loved ones, the experience of the beauty of the natural world, or a book or song that touches us. The ache is a part of us, ingrained in our time memory. We remember those times and experiences as though they happened yesterday. The spikes on our wheel spokes have interacted with the spikes of other people, floating in the vast expanse of the universe. Perhaps our wheels have attached to them via the spikes and become entangled. 

I like this view of time. It's intensely personal but interpersonal as well. It can account for that feeling of parallel lives, and can be modified to suit different situations. I asked Bing's AI chatbot to draw me a wheel with spokes that have spikes, but it really didn't return a satisfactory drawing. It did return four actual photos of wheels with spokes, but no spikes attached to the spokes. I'll have to work on drawing one myself. I'm not sure how the people in my life view time or if they reflect on it at all; I've had some interesting discussions with my husband about time some years ago, but mostly in regard to how time is viewed according to the theory of general relativity, which is not at all my forte. I think it's interesting, but I hit the wall immediately when I tried to understand the mathematics underlying the principles of physics. I am more comfortable residing in the realm of sci-fi and fantasy where such things are concerned. 

Morning games

I have a certain daily routine that I follow for the most part when I get up each day. There's breakfast to be made and eaten and washing-up afterward, and all of the other odd household chores that nag at me for my attention. But when they're done and I have some time to myself, I sit down with my laptop and open Wordle; after Wordle come Spelling Bee, Digits, and finally Connections. These games are all found under the Games section of The New York Times, for which I have a digital subscription. I have become a devotee of these games and look forward to new ones each day. Wordle is an online word game in which players are given six attempts to guess a five-letter word. Everyone has heard about Wordle; Josh Wardle, who created it for his partner, sold it to The New York Times for a low-seven figure sum. There are Wordle chat forums and AI chatbots that will analyze your moves for you after you have finished. Spelling Bee is a word puzzle game that challenges players to form words using a set of seven letters; these letters are arranged in a honeycomb with the center letter highlighted in yellow. The center letter must be used in all words formed and all words must be four letters or more. The game offers Hints to players, informing them of how many total words there are for that day, how many pangrams, and what the first letters are for the words in question. It would be a much more difficult game without the Hints, but of course that's the challenge. Even with the Hints, it can be a tough nut to crack. So there is something about reaching the rank of 'Genius' in Spelling Bee that floats my boat, likewise for Digits, a daily math puzzle game where you can use any combination of numbers to reach the target number. There are five daily target numbers to reach. It's fun and challenging and not as easy as one might think. And finally there is the game Connections (currently in beta form); it presents players with sixteen words that have to be grouped into four groups according to similarity/commonality, e.g. names of colleges or types of vegetables. 

I've learned that the best thing to do when I get stuck at any point is to take a break and come back after an hour or so. For some reason that always helps. Apparently there are millions of people each day who play these games and I understand why. They're fun, and they draw on one's vocabulary and/or ability to be brain-flexible. Sometimes I find myself really 'reaching' to come up with words in Spelling Bee or Wordle, but that's the fun part--meeting the challenge. 

The Reluctant Valedictorian

When I was together with my high school friends at the beginning of June, the talk inevitably turned to our high school years and some of the memories we have from those times. For my part, I would say that high school was quite okay but not much more than that. I'm thankful that my friendships with Janet, Judy and Laura were strengthened during those years; we remain friends to this day and make an effort to talk to and visit each other. I spent most of my high school years observing what went on around me, perhaps in preparation for my career as a scientist, which involves a lot of observation. I was book smart but not very street smart, perhaps natural for that age. But it seemed to me that so many of my fellow students were much more street smart. That came later for me, once I was in college and got to experience the urban environment of Fordham University. 

Since I had the highest grades in my class, that led to my being the valedictorian. The privilege of being the valedictorian was that I got to deliver the valedictory--the farewell address to the graduating senior class. Suffice it to say that I did not look forward to holding this address at our graduation in front of hundreds of people--my classmates and their families. But I did it. One could say that I did it my way. I'm sure my speech irritated a number of parents who were politically conservative, since I chose to focus on Nixon and Watergate and the lack of ethics in politics. I said that I hoped that our graduating class would stand for ethical behavior in all we did in our future careers. I practiced that speech many times in front of my teachers, who were constructive in their criticism but who never told me that I couldn't say this or that. I'm glad that they allowed me to say what I wished to say, that I wasn't censored in any way. But still, I was reluctant to speak publicly--the reluctant valedictorian. 

The dislike of public speaking followed me throughout my scientific career. I got better at it, and some of my lectures were downright inspired. I always remembered the words of Eleanor Roosevelt: 'you must do the thing you think you cannot do'. So I did. I faced my fear of public speaking, but I never grew comfortable with it and I never grew to like it. I don't like having all eyes on me. I do best in one-on-one conversations and small meetings. I don't know when I changed, because in grammar school and the first two years of high school, I had no problems with talking in class and being the center of attention. Somewhere along the line, it all changed and I don't know why. Ultimately, I came to prefer writing and sharing my writing, an avocation that I have pursued to this day. Writing is what I enjoy most. It's a way of putting myself out there that makes me feel comfortable. When I write, I'm not worrying about how vulnerable I am. I know that those who want to read what I write will do so; those who don't will go elsewhere. I'm comfortable with that.