I've had the privilege of mentoring/co-mentoring seven younger women and three younger men who have been interested in doing doctoral or Masters degree work. I've taken my mentoring responsibilities seriously, as I've done with most of my career responsibilities. All of the younger people I've mentored have finished their degrees successfully. Not one of them quit, although there were three women who wanted to quit at times (when life was made unbearable for them by other mentors). After many years in this business, I've realized that there are clear differences between women and men in terms of the self-confidence they bring to the table. Two of the men I've co-mentored took PhD degrees in record time; they were finished with their lab work within three years and defended their work not long after. Their self-confidence levels were high throughout; neither of them had any misgivings about their capabilities or expertise, and neither of them suffered from that nagging feeling that they were not good enough. They knew they were, and they acted accordingly. They didn't have to learn to take center stage; they were comfortable being the centers of attention when all eyes were on them. They adapted quickly, finished quickly, and moved into the private sector once they finished their doctoral work. The PhD degree was the key to their future career success in private industry; they understood that, and also made it clear to those around them that they were not interested in academic careers. These are my observations about them, after having had a number of conversations with them. We had a good rapport for the most part; the guidance they needed from me was more collaborative. They were driven and self-motivated, and if they suffered from any negative or anxious feelings, they hid them well. They also received a large amount of positive feedback and praise from their male co-mentor, who was a bit more sparse in dealing the same out to the women for whom he's been a co-mentor.
All of the women I've mentored/co-mentored had completely different experiences. They did not adapt to their chosen paths quickly. They took their time, felt their way forward, sometimes stumbling in the dark. They were not afraid to say that they were anxious about not measuring up, and in three cases, the treatment they received at the hands of the other co-mentor was often crippling to their self-confidence. When I have reflected upon this, I conclude that male mentors are more supportive of the men they mentor than they are of the women they mentor. I don't know why, but I wonder if it has to do with the level of comfort and camaraderie they feel with other men. I have had many discussions with this particular male mentor about his behavior; I've had to tell him not to be rude, disparaging, arrogant, and dismissive. He's been all those things, mostly to women. Perhaps he is an isolated case as a mentor. I don't know. He's had a lot of power and been given a lot of leeway. In short, he's been allowed to behave pretty much as he's wanted to all these years. He might not have behaved this way with the men he mentored because he knew they'd fight back. I don't know that either. The women have not fought back. Part of my mentoring them was to teach them to fight back--that they don't need to take all of the crap dished out to them (just because they are women). They are allowed to fight back; I've said that, and I've supported them when they did.
I've been available to my students, male and female. The men needed me less; the women needed me more. Almost thirty years after I started my own doctoral work, I see that times haven't changed all that much. I had no one to talk to when times got tough (my husband was some help, but he wasn't my main mentor), so I promised myself that when it was my turn to be a mentor, I would be there for my students. And I've lived up to that promise. My mentor was a man, by turns rude and supportive, if that is possible. He didn't push me around because he knew I'd fight him back, even though it took me some years to learn how to do that. He did respect my intelligence, albeit grudgingly at times. But as I've told the women I've mentored, I never had a problem with self-confidence when it came to my work. I knew I was good, good enough to be a scientist and good enough to be a project group leader. I know my limitations and my strengths. I've been told that I was good but not good enough by one of my research leaders (a man), and I ignored him and continued to do what I do best. I've gotten all my students through their degree work; he has not. He has harassed many of the post-docs he's hired and they left his lab demotivated and discouraged about their place in science. I know this because they (women and men alike) have come into my office to share their stories with me over the years. He made mincemeat of whatever self-confidence they had at the time they were in his lab. Why? Who knows. I could write a long treatise on him, but he's not worth the effort. One thing is clear to me; the harassment of women doesn't end when they finish their doctoral work. Once a woman becomes a worthy competitor to a man, that's when the harassment intensifies. Academia is a hotbed of competition, bad behavior, arrogance, and harassment. Sometimes it amazes me that any good work actually gets done amidst the political crap that goes on. I wonder too how some people live with themselves.
Being a mentor involves so many things, but mostly it boils down to coaching and motivation, in addition to understanding the work involved. You cannot be a good mentor unless you understand the projects, the science, the lab work, and the ins and outs of academia. I am a cheerleader of sorts, praising students for a job well-done, listening to them when times are tough and providing encouragement to continue working when everything seems dark and unforgiving. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep placing one foot in front of the other and you'll get there. The only way out is through. Don't give up. This too shall pass. Sometimes just saying those words is enough for some students. Knowing that they've been listened to, that someone cares about them and their projects and goals, is the motivation they need to continue. If I've played such a role in their lives, I've done a good job, and I'm happy. And it makes me happy to see them succeed.
