One Catholic’s reflections on the sexual abuse scandal in the Church

Who knew? Who the hell knew that the Church, that bastion of all that was good and right and ethical and moral (or so we were told as children), would turn out to need a complete overhaul? Who knew that behind its closed doors, priests were behaving as criminals? No, not all of them, but enough of them to make me sit up and take notice, become angry, and demand change as of this week. When we were growing up, we would never have imagined in a million years that priests would be carrying on with young boys and girls in ways that literally make you sick to your stomach. When I read the recent article in The New York Times this past week about the grand jury’s report investigating abuse in six dioceses over a period of 70 years (https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/14/us/catholic-priests-pennsylvania-church-jury.html), I was horrified. And then something inside of me snapped. Like in so many other areas of my life, I simply do not want to tolerate bad behavior anymore. I won’t have it. I don’t want to be lied to, dissembled to, promised to, or cajoled. I have previously done so, and will continue to, cut off people who behave badly toward me. It’s that simple. They get the short shrift. No more second chances. And that philosophy now extends to the Church. I have given the Church a lot of my time over the years; I have attended mass faithfully, and have defended the Church when I felt it was unfairly attacked. And when I was a teenager, I worked church Bingo, in addition to being a church receptionist part-time, answering phones and writing out mass cards for parishioners. I also helped the cook at the rectory serve dinner to the priests, and cleaned up the dining room and their living room afterward. I saw a lot and registered it for posterity. I see now that they were nothing more than men, human, frail, weak, and lonely. They drank, many of them heavily, they smoked a lot, and they ate too much. They were decent men, the ones I knew, with one exception (a priest who was much too interested in my sex life at that time). Many of them did not stay the course; they met women in the course of their daily life, and left the Church to marry them and raise families. I understood then why they left, and I understand it even more now.

I want change in the Church, and I want it now. I want clarity, openness, honesty, and ethical behavior. I want an end to a patriarchal, male-only culture that thrives on power, prestige, secrecy, and on keeping women out. The criminal pedophile priests were allowed to do what they wanted to do, unimpeded by the law. Had they not been priests and been discovered, they would have ended up in jail. But not in the Church; pedophile priests were merely moved to other dioceses in other states, so they could start the pattern of abuse all over again. Their abusive and criminal behavior was played down by bishops and Church leaders, lied about, and covered up. The sheer arrogance, the 'we are above the law' attitude, is mind-boggling. You need only read the above article to get the full picture. Just the fact that the Church is paying out huge sums of money to the victims of these crimes, is witness enough to the magnitude of the crimes. But how many lives did these priests destroy? How many? Even one life is too much. Parents trusted priests, children likewise. Parents even encouraged their sons to become priests--that is how revered the Church was in some families. The Church could do no wrong, and of course, when that attitude becomes prevalent, it is only a matter of time before the opposite is a matter of fact.

I want priests to be able to marry, I want the vow of celibacy to be voluntary, I want women to be able to become priests, and I want pedophile priests to be prosecuted as the criminals they are. I don’t want to listen to more promises, more speeches, more 'all talk and no action'. If the Church won’t institute some of these changes, I am going to stop supporting it financially, and I encourage others to do the same.

I am so disappointed in my Church. I grieve for the parents, children, lay people, nuns, and other priests who bought into the lies sold them by an arrogant Church. While the faithful were trying to abide by the strict and unforgiving sexual codes set down by the Church (no sex before marriage, no birth control, etc.), some priests were doing anything other than abiding by moral and legal sexual codes. They were instead criminally abusing children and scarring them for life. It is a betrayal so huge that it boggles my mind. I can never forgive these men. I keep my faith, and honor my faith, because my faith is in God and Christ, not men. I am on the fence at present about how I want to punish the Church, because it is in need of punishment. It has confessed to its crimes, yes, and now it needs absolution. In my book, that means that the pedophile priests go directly to jail. The leaders who covered up their crimes can join them there. It means paying out until the coffers are empty. It means zero tolerance for criminals and criminal behavior. It means returning to a simpler Church, without the layers upon layers of bureaucracy and career power trips—bishops, archbishops, etc. It means living simply, and it could start in the Vatican, which is in possession of treasure after treasure. Open the coffers, feed the poor, shelter the homeless, and take care of the sick. God knows there are millions of them on the earth. For example, help the Venezuelans, whose country is falling apart economically, resulting in their being unable to buy food and support their families. That is far more important to me than preaching to married couples that they should not use any form of birth control. Christ would have worried about feeding the poor and homeless. Do what Christ would have done, and would have you do. I have no stomach anymore for supporting the lifestyles of priests who drive new cars, take fancy vacations, live well, and eat well. That is not living the vow of poverty that they took. I understand that priests too need shelter and food, but they would do well to take a look around and see how their parishioners live, and adjust their needs accordingly. But it would be a moot point if they could marry and live among us ordinary souls. Then they would know what it was like to earn a living, afford a place to live, buy food, raise children, and take care of aging parents. They would know what it is like not to be able to afford a third or fourth child. They might learn compassion and empathy when they actually had to face some of these problems themselves.

I close by including a link to an article, also in The New York Times, which was a response by the Vatican to the recent grand jury findings https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/16/us/catholic-church-abuse-vatican-statement.html). I pray that this is the beginning of major reforms in the Church. It is the only way it can survive. The faith of its parishioners will survive, but as my father used to say, the Church is made up of men who are human. They will fail, themselves and us, in ways that Christ will not fail us. Our faith should be in Christ. We cannot place our faith in men and institutions; they betray us without compunction.

Some images of Tarrytown

My hometown--Tarrytown--I love returning here each year when I visit New York. I know it now like the back of my hand, know all the driving shortcuts, and where the hotels and supermarkets are. It feels like home when I'm there, and that's such a good feeling.

When I was in Tarrytown on my recent vacation, I took some photos of the new Tappan Zee Bridge (from the riverside park in Irvington), of the Hudson River at sunset from Barley on the Hudson restaurant (a good restaurant for informal American food--not too expensive), and of the Tarrytown Lakes--with the lush foliage and vegetation. I realize how privileged I was to grow up amidst all this beauty, and am grateful for that, as well as for the opportunity to visit each year. 

The defiant scientist

My friend Jean has dubbed me 'the defiant scientist', following our recent conversation about taking unnecessary medicines/pills that doctors like to push on us--their trusting patients. We had agreed that the pharmaceutical industry and the medical profession are more or less in bed together, and that the former rewards the latter for pushing patients to take what might be unnecessary medicines. Our main discussion happened to be about statins, which doctors in the USA and in Europe are pushing their patients to take at doses that may be too high. And since there are major side effects to statins, one should perhaps be a bit more circumspect when it comes to taking them, or at least taking them at the doses recommended by most doctors. Some of those side effects include muscle pain, liver damage, increased blood sugar or type 2 diabetes, and neurological side effects like memory loss (https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/high-blood-cholesterol/in-depth/statin-side-effects/art-20046013).

Case in point (and the reason why I am the defiant scientist)--I don't just follow anyone's instructions blindly, including a doctor's. I am skeptical at heart and want to test things for myself. That is perhaps due to my scientific research training and background. The word 'defiant' is defined as 'non-compliant......confrontational, challenging'. That would be me, especially the non-compliant part. I was prescribed statins over a year ago, since I have a family history of heart disease (high blood pressure and high cholesterol) on both my mother's and father's sides of the family, with many early deaths on my mother's side. I don't have very high cholesterol levels--they are in the high-normal range, like my blood pressure. But my brother died several years ago of heart disease at a young age (54), so my primary care physician thought it best that I start on statins. I was prescribed a low-dose statin (10 mg each day), but that was too strong for my body and I ended up with unpleasant gastrointestinal issues. So I did what I do with most medications that cause very unpleasant side effects (and what my mother did before me--reduce the dose or stop taking the medicine). Even the Mayo Clinic says--change/lower your dose to reduce some of the side effects, but be aware that to do so may also reduce some of the cholesterol-lowering benefits the medication has. Another option is to take the medication every other day. In my case, I cut my statin dose in half--to 5 mg each day, but took that dose every other day. So I effectively take 2.5 mg each day. Lo and behold, my last blood test showed that I had achieved reduced cholesterol levels, i.e., back-to-normal cholesterol levels, and that's good enough for me. When I was taking 10 mg each day, my HDL (the 'good' cholesterol) levels were nearly zero, and that can't be good; we do need cholesterol since it aids in the production of sex hormones and liver bile production. It's also a building block for human tissues.

My point is that we need to use our heads when we are prescribed medications. We need to read the fine print on the package inserts. We need to arm ourselves with information before we talk to our doctors. We need to learn what the side effects are so that if we are walking around feeling very dizzy from taking blood pressure medication, we can deal with that (stop taking the medication, for example). If we experience breathing problems/anxiety from taking an eye medication, we need to inform the doctor. And so on. Sometimes doctors are not interested in listening to us. I have had that experience with two male doctors, and I have no intention of going back to them. Doctors should be interested in listening to us tell them about the side effects, because they can report back to the pharmaceutical firms that produce them. I will continue to test different doctors until I find one that listens to me, and have done so on several occasions. I have a primary care physician who knows I am a scientist and that I experiment with drug doses if those drugs cause me problems. He has no problems with that, as long as my blood work and other parameters are normal when tested. He was supportive of my decision to stop taking blood pressure medication that made me very dizzy/feel like I was eighty years old. He has been supportive of the reduced statin dose as well. We discuss my health and how to approach treatment of different problems. My point is that if medications produce strange and/or unpleasant side effects, you should not continue to take them; you should rather stop taking them immediately and discuss the issue with your doctor. I understand that most of us might not want to track our blood pressure or cholesterol levels the way that I do, but still, it is important to remain informed, alert, and non-compliant when the need arises. We should not just behave like sheep where the pharmaceutical industry is involved.

Grace Jones and Slave to the Rhythm

Just felt like listening to Grace Jones this morning--my favorite song by her--Slave to the Rhythm.......

Wondering if the song title reflects my thoughts about going back to work after a long summer vacation, back to the grind, to the daily routine of 'woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head' (apologies to the Beatles) and a bit of the rat race.

A beautiful poem by Edgar Albert Guest--Faith

Apropos my last post, that there are no strangers when I travel, I found this beautiful poem online that sums up my feelings about the world when I travel, especially the line That strangers are friends that we some day may meet. Enjoy.......


Faith
by Edgar Albert Guest

I believe in the world and its bigness and splendor:
That most of the hearts beating round us are tender;
That days are but footsteps and years are but miles
That lead us to beauty and singing and smiles:
That roses that blossom and toilers that plod
Are filled with the glorious spirit of God.

I believe in the purpose of everything living:
That taking is but the forerunner of giving;
That strangers are friends that we some day may meet;
And not all the bitter can equal the sweet;
That creeds are but colors, and no man has said
That God loves the yellow rose more than the red.

I believe in the path that to-day I am treading,
That I shall come safe through the dangers I'm dreading;
That even the scoffer shall turn from his ways
And some day be won back to trust and to praise;
That the leaf on the tree and the thing we call Man
Are sharing alike in His infinite plan.

I believe that all things that are living and breathing
Some richness of beauty to earth are bequeathing;
That all that goes out of this world leaves behind
Some duty accomplished for mortals to find;
That the humblest of creatures our praise is deserving,
For it, with the wisest, the Master is serving.