Romantic Christmas movies

This year, two Norwegian channels are showing American romantic Christmas movies, either produced by Hallmark or UPTV. One channel showed them all through November; the other has decided to show them all through December. Interestingly enough, there seems to be very little overlap, because I have been taping many of them and they are all different movies, albeit with similar themes and plots. It's hard to remember the names of the movies for exactly that reason, but they mostly have the following plots--girl meets boy but has no time for a relationship because her career takes up most of her life (Hallmark and UPTV are not anti-feminists), but circumstances are such that they either run into each other randomly from time to time, or they are friends who don't want to ruin the friendship by pursuing romance, or they end up working together on a project, or boy pursues girl in a focused slow way in order to win her over, or both figure out over the course of the movie that they belong together. Whatever the plot, the endings are pretty much the same--boy and girl end up together and find happiness. They are feel-good movies for the most part, and perfect TV watching right before bedtime--nothing too heavy, violent, or deep.

You might think that I am going to criticize these types of movies--but you'd be wrong. I rather want to praise them, if for no other reason than that they add a certain lightness/goodness to a world filled with the opposite. They are reminders that the majority of ordinary people go about their ordinary lives, working, meeting a potential spouse, raising families, visiting parents and good friends. I'd rather watch two young adults find love and happiness than watch two adults destroy each other and their marriage and children, even though the latter can absolutely be good drama and provide the potential to learn from the tragedies of others. I'd rather watch the characters in these movies struggle to remain decent human beings in the face of unfairness and injustice. Many of them take the high road in circumstances that would cause others to take the low road. They may not be the most realistic of movies. But if you asked most couples how they met, I bet you'd find that many of them have some interesting stories to tell of love found, love lost, and love found again. Sometimes love is lost for good; these movies deal with that aspect as well. Friendships get them through those times. And I can relate, because friendships are very important, married or not. My mother used to tell me that I should never give up my women friends, even if I married. And I never have. One of the nicest of these Christmas films that I saw this past week dealt with just that--three close childhood friends, two of whom moved away from their hometown in order to pursue careers, and who end up returning to live there after the third friend gets divorced and is in danger of losing her house--a house that holds special memories for these friends. It's a touching movie, with a title that doesn't do it justice--Christmas on Holly Lane--you'd never know that it really is about the blessings of friendship to get you through the tough times. I really liked it.

Some of my favorite films thus far are, in addition to Christmas on Holly Lane:

• A Shoe Addict's Christmas (2018)
• Christmas Perfection (2018)
• Christmas Getaway (2017)
• A Perfect Christmas (An Unexpected Christmas) (2016)
• A Puppy for Christmas (2016)
• Just in Time for Christmas (2015) 
• The Spirit of Christmas (2015)
• A Christmas Kiss (2011)

I'll add to the list as I happily plow my way through the list of taped films during the next few weeks......

Update December 2021--here are some new films that I've enjoyed:

• A Dream of Christmas (2016)
• A Heavenly Christmas (2016)
• Christmas in Vienna (2020) 

A long road and the journey along it

Twenty years ago, I defended my doctoral work, after six long years of toil in the lab and in my office writing up the results of my hard work. While I no longer work in the lab full-time, I am and have been responsible for students (PhD and Masters) who do. One of the PhD students is finishing up her own work and hopes to submit her thesis early next year. We got to talking recently about the long journey that makes up the entirety of doctoral work. You don't reflect so much upon the journey when you are experiencing it, but when you are close to finishing or are finished (or are twenty years down the road), you realize just what an incredible and strange journey it's been. As the Grateful Dead sing "Lately it occurs to me, what a long, strange trip it's been" (from their song Truckin'). The PhD journey is difficult, frustrating, tears-inducing, overwhelming, nerve-wracking, as well as intellectually-stimulating, mind-expanding, and rewarding on so many levels. When you're done, you realize what you have accomplished, and you realize mostly that the journey is about persistence. If you persist, you'll get there. There are hindrances along the way--demotivating mentors, indifferent mentors, projects that don't work out and need to be abandoned in favor of others, bad prioritizing, journals that refuse your articles, lack of funding--the list is long. If you persist in the face of all the hindrances, you'll realize that doctoral work is a microcosm of what life is all about. Nowadays a PhD takes about four years to complete with a requirement for at least two published articles and one manuscript; back in my day it took about six years with a requirement for at least five published articles. Four or six years in the space of an average lifespan is really not a lot of years, but when you're going through it, it can feel like forever.

Persistence is the key word for much of life. There are many hindrances along life's road. Some of them threaten to overwhelm us, and for some people, perhaps the hindrances are too many and they give up. But most people do not, and once you reach middle age, you realize that the journey is about persisting and overcoming obstacles. It is also about enjoying the ride, but happiness is rather fleeting, and is not a goal in and of itself. If there is happiness, it is found in the journey itself. So many students have said that to me, that they realized how much they really did enjoy the difficulties they faced, even though in the face of them, they complained and were frustrated. I know, because I was too. I know too that I have dealt with many obstacles since my PhD years, and not all of them led to pleasant places even though I overcame them. But in the midst of the unhappiness, there was the journey, the road, the way forward and the way out. I persisted, struggled, and made my way along the road, like so many before me and many that will come after me. Like my student now, who has had many more obstacles than I ever had. But she has persisted, and come to discover that she likes research, so much so that she can envision a future where she will make room for the intellectual pursuits of research. The funny thing about difficult journeys; you insist that you just want to get to the end of the journey, but when you do, you realize one thing. Ursula Le Guin says it best:
“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”

Rage and fear in nursing homes

The Norwegian newspaper Aftenposten published a rather unsettling article in its A-magazine this weekend about violence within elderly care centers/nursing homes in Norway. At first glance, I thought it would be about abuse of elderly residents by nursing home employees. This is not unheard of, and has been written about for a number of years now. No, this article was about abuse of elderly residents and nursing home caregivers by fellow elderly residents, and it is more widespread than one might think. The nurses and care workers do not report all of the incidents that occur, hence this type of violence is under-reported. Many of the violent residents have been diagnosed with dementia, and even though they are cognitively-challenged, they still retain their physical strength and their voices, both of which they use against their fellow residents and the caregivers. In some cases, the violence was directed against visitors, who ended up terrified. Most of the violence has to do with the rage some of these residents feel, most likely rage against their illness, their mental incapacity, the fact that they know they are in a nursing home and perhaps feel like prisoners, their sense of having lost their identity--the list is long. The point is that their dementia makes them angry, makes them rage, makes them act out, and when they do, much of it takes the form of physical violence, but also verbal abuse (yelling and swearing). Some of these residents throw glasses, cups, chairs; others hold others down, slap them, punch them, kick them, bite them, spit at them, and try to break the fingers of the care workers. Still others (men) were sexually abusive toward some of the elderly women living in the homes. In most cases, the care centers and nursing homes were understaffed, especially at night when some of the demented residents wandered through the halls and into and out of other residents' rooms. It is up to the residents to decide if they want to lock their doors or not; the nursing homes cannot make this decision for them without their permission unless violent situations such as described in the article arise. These situations cannot lead to any repercussions in terms of prison sentences either, since demented individuals cannot be prosecuted.

Any way you look at it, this is an impossible situation. If employees and non-violent residents end up terrorized by violent residents in nursing homes, it will not end well for anyone. I can envision a not-to-distant future where few to no young people will choose to work as nurses or aides in nursing homes. The number of elderly with dementia is predicted to double by 2050, thus need for round-the-clock care will only increase. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that if something is not done to tackle the problem, it will not go away. I don't know what the policies are for tranquilizing such people, but it might be one way to proceed in order to keep them calm. I don't know how elderly with dementia are currently treated (with drugs), but at least if they are tranquilized they cannot be a danger to themselves or others. I know it sounds harsh, but the alternatives are harsher. If nursing homes end up being more understaffed than they are now, they will close, and then it will be up to individual families to take care of these violent demented individuals (most of whom were men in the Aftenposten article, but there were some few women). I feel sorry for them, but they cannot be allowed to destroy the peace that the non-violent elderly deserve after a long life. The latter deserve respect and the right to live out their lives in peace and without fear of being harassed or physically assaulted by fellow residents or anyone else. I applaud Aftenposten for raising this issue, which is most difficult to discuss and even more difficult to solve.

Apparently, this is a global problem, as I have seen online. In other countries, there are special nursing homes for elderly with severe (and aggressive) dementia. Anger is a part of dementia, and in other countries tranquilizers are often prescribed for such people. But they do not always take their medications. So it remains a problem--how to deal with these elderly, how to respect them but at the same time limit their aggression, and how to protect the non-violent residents and caregivers.

Klaus--a new Christmas classic

The film Klaus just recently showed up as a new offering on Netflix, and I was immediately interested, as I am in most animated films for children (and adults). It's a Christmas film to boot, so I was completely hooked. I'd call it a new Christmas classic--a sweet and memorable film about how the phenomenon of sending letters to Santa Claus and children receiving presents got its start. The story is original and unafraid to depict different aspects of human behavior, including cynicism, negativity, meanness, kindness, generosity, and positivity. I won't describe the entire story or provide spoilers, but will say that it was absolutely worth seeing! You can read more about it at this link:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4729430/

"In a world full of people, only some want to fly" (Crazy by Seal)

Sometimes you've just got to hear a song that blew you away when you first heard it. Seal's Crazy is one of those songs. Released in 1990, it sounds as new now as it did when it was first released. Terrific song......




And here are the lyrics:

Crazy

by Seal

In a church, by the face
He talks about the people going under

Only child know

A man decides after seventy years
That what he goes there for, is to unlock the door
While those around him criticize and sleep
And through a fractal on a breaking wall
I see you my friend, and touch your face again
Miracles will happen as we trip

But we're never gonna survive, unless
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive, unless
We are a little crazy

Crazy yellow people walking through my head
One of them's got a gun, to shoot the other one
And yet together they were friends at school
Ohh, get it, get it, get it, get it no no

If all were there when we first took the pill
Then maybe, then maybe, then maybe, then maybe
Miracles will happen as we speak

But we're never gonna survive unless
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive unless
We are a little crazy
No no, never survive, unless we get a little bit

Oh, a little bit
Oh, a little bit

Oh
Oh

Amanda decides to go along after seventeen years

Oh darlin'
In a sky full of people, only some want to fly
Isn't that crazy
In a world full of people, only some want to fly
Isn't that crazy, crazy
In a heaven of people there's only some want to fly
Ain't that crazy
Oh babe, oh darlin'
In a world full of people there's only some want to fly
Isn't that crazy, isn't that crazy, isn't that crazy, isn't that crazy

But were never gonna survive unless, we get a little crazy
No were never gonna to survive unless we are a little
But were never gonna survive unless, we get a little crazy
No were never gonna to survive unless, we are a little, crazy
No no, never survive unless, we get a little bit

And then you see things
The size of which youve never known before

They'll break it

Someday, only child know

Them things
The size of which youve never known before

Someday...
Someway...
Someday...
Someway...
Someday...
Someway...
Someday...

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Guy Sigsworth / Seal Samuel

Crazy lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Tratore, BMG Rights Management