I read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey during the 1990s (it was first published in 1989) and recently reread it. I enjoyed rereading it, now that I have the perspective of someone who was in the workforce for over forty years and just recently retired. He imparted his wisdom as a leader and a teacher, much of it practical, but he also emphasized the necessity of reflection in order to help us make the choices we need to make. His book is really a primer for how one should live one's life, even though the book is often utilized as a primer for how to be more effective in the workplace.
The seven habits are as follows:
- Be proactive
- Begin with the end in mind
- Put first things first
- Think win-win
- Seek first to understand, then to be understood
- Synergize
- Sharpen the saw
I'm not going to give detailed analyses or summaries of each habit, as I encourage you to read the book and reflect upon his advice. I agree with much of what he writes. It is important to be proactive, not reactive in most situations where there is an actual choice, and it is beneficial to try to understand the other party first before wanting to be understood. Those two habits alone will help you in the workplace but also in most interpersonal relationships. I would add that it is important to try to understand oneself as well because that will also contribute to better relationships with others.
Many people don't understand what proactive means. I've written before in this blog about being proactive. Proactive is a conscious choice to act instead of react. It is a choice for rather than against positive change. It could mean facing a difficult situation and taking the reins oneself in order to try to solve it instead of passively waiting for someone to come along and solve it for us. Often we wait for the latter because then we have someone to blame if the situation doesn't work out. We may not consciously want to blame others, but it's the easy way out, so we 'choose' it. You'd be surprised at how many people play the blame game; whether they need to play it or like to play it is inconsequential. The point is that playing the blame game is reactive behavior. But sometimes the division between proactive and reactive is not so clear. There are situations in life (personal and work) where you have tried everything and nothing works to solve a specific problem. Inertia rules the day. You've tried being proactive and reactive. So you let go and move on because taking care of yourself becomes the priority.
I would have liked to have met Stephen Covey and discussed some aspects of work life with him. I would have asked him for his reflections about specific situations, e.g. when you have bent over backward trying to understand frustrating and incompetent workplace leaders, when you have been proactive and positive and tried to help them and give them what they say they want, but there is no response. You meet a wall of no response no matter what you do. After a period of time where you give them the benefit of the doubt, you let go and move on. Because that is best for your health--physical and psychological.
The main misconception that most advice-givers and motivational teachers have is that workplace leaders are very invested in their employees' career advancement and overall job satisfaction. But sometimes they are not. Sometimes all they want around them are yes-people who make no waves and who demand nothing. Some leaders just want to be left alone so that they don't have to deal with those they view as bothersome employees. Covey doesn't really address such situations in his book. In other words, most of the situations he presents are win-win for both parties--the success stories. That's great but it's not always real life because both sides have to think win-win, and it's not all the time that both sides do.
I'm glad I reread his book, because I realized that I've figured out a lot for myself by myself over the years, even though I have on occasion sought advice in such books. I mostly didn't rely on others to solve my workplace issues and I came through them a changed person--stronger and more capable of dealing with bullshit-dispensing leaders or leaders who simply didn't care about their employees. The latter exist, make no mistake about that, and those are the leaders with whom I've had to deal sometimes. The problem with people who believe that there is a solution to all problems is that they believe their own hype. I believe in trying to find solutions to problems, yes, but I also believe in letting go and moving on when it no longer makes sense to hang around. That may not be viewed as a positive solution by those who want to solve all conflicts in a positive manner, but sometimes leaving forces change in the people who need to change, including the person who leaves.
