The film Klaus just recently showed up as a new offering on Netflix, and I was immediately interested, as I am in most animated films for children (and adults). It's a Christmas film to boot, so I was completely hooked. I'd call it a new Christmas classic--a sweet and memorable film about how the phenomenon of sending letters to Santa Claus and children receiving presents got its start. The story is original and unafraid to depict different aspects of human behavior, including cynicism, negativity, meanness, kindness, generosity, and positivity. I won't describe the entire story or provide spoilers, but will say that it was absolutely worth seeing! You can read more about it at this link:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4729430/
Wednesday, November 20, 2019
Tuesday, November 19, 2019
"In a world full of people, only some want to fly" (Crazy by Seal)
Sometimes you've just got to hear a song that blew you away when you first heard it. Seal's Crazy is one of those songs. Released in 1990, it sounds as new now as it did when it was first released. Terrific song......
And here are the lyrics:
And here are the lyrics:
In a church, by the face
He talks about the people going under
He talks about the people going under
Only child know
A man decides after seventy years
That what he goes there for, is to unlock the door
While those around him criticize and sleep
And through a fractal on a breaking wall
I see you my friend, and touch your face again
Miracles will happen as we trip
That what he goes there for, is to unlock the door
While those around him criticize and sleep
And through a fractal on a breaking wall
I see you my friend, and touch your face again
Miracles will happen as we trip
But we're never gonna survive, unless
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive, unless
We are a little crazy
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive, unless
We are a little crazy
Crazy yellow people walking through my head
One of them's got a gun, to shoot the other one
And yet together they were friends at school
Ohh, get it, get it, get it, get it no no
One of them's got a gun, to shoot the other one
And yet together they were friends at school
Ohh, get it, get it, get it, get it no no
If all were there when we first took the pill
Then maybe, then maybe, then maybe, then maybe
Miracles will happen as we speak
Then maybe, then maybe, then maybe, then maybe
Miracles will happen as we speak
But we're never gonna survive unless
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive unless
We are a little crazy
No no, never survive, unless we get a little bit
We get a little crazy
No we're never gonna survive unless
We are a little crazy
No no, never survive, unless we get a little bit
Source: LyricFind
Sunday, November 17, 2019
Snow-covered rowan berries
The Norwegians call rowan berries, rognebær. The rognebær trees outside my office window were covered in snow this past Monday, and the snow-covered berries looked like little bells! So pretty. The birds seemed to like them too. As of Friday, the snow was gone, but for just that brief amount of time on Monday, the view of the trees was magical.
Finding our true direction
Sometimes in the waves of change we find our true direction.
--Unknown
I saw this quote recently and it struck a chord in me. During the past decade, I've been witness to more changes in my workplace than occurred during the first twenty years I've worked there. The biggest change was the merger of four separate hospitals with different work cultures into one large mega-hospital. After ten years, it is clear to most people that we may be one hospital, but that the cultures often remain as they were, with some exceptions in some departments. People often hold fast to what they know. It's safer that way.
But we know too that moving out of our comfort zones is often very good for us. We may be dragged out of our comfort zones kicking and screaming, or we may willingly leave them. Either way, we move into an unknown sphere, one that may test us, challenge us, and make us uncomfortable. And that's the point of change. It should make us uncomfortable. Feeling insecure, a bit fearful, somewhat anxious, are all parts of change. We don't want to feel those feelings, but we cannot grow or progress without them. I have discovered that situations involving change often provide answers to problems that I would not have otherwise come upon, and that is because they upend our sense of order, of what we perceive to be the right way of doing something. They force us to consider new and hitherto untested and not previously thought of ways of doing something. We find new solutions to old problems, or new solutions to problems in which we have become stuck. Or we find that we are not the people we thought we were, which should perhaps be obvious, but often is not. Life is about change, but that change is often gradual, so that we don't notice the changes that are happening to us or to those around us. We are not the same people now as we were at twenty, thirty, or forty, even if we like to think that we are. We were once single, then married, then parents. We were once students, then inexperienced employees, then managers, and then experienced employees. Some are now retirees. We may have been politically liberal as young adults, but are now more politically conservative as older adults. The point is that we are always changing and growing. Those people who resent that are often those who have a hard time adjusting to anything that threatens their status quo. The status quo can differ from person to person, but it would be safe to say that each of us can feel threatened by some change at some level, especially if that change touches some deep core part of us, a part of us that perhaps reminds us of unpleasant experiences in childhood.
After many years in the workforce, after many years of working in the lab, I now have a more administrative position in an area that makes use of my scientific background, but that is a new area for me intellectually. My current boss suggested me for this position two years ago, and I said yes to it without really knowing what it would lead to. To my surprise, I found that not only do I have aptitude for this type of work, but that I really enjoy it. I enjoy developing strategies and plans for how to create and integrate specific functions into the daily workings of a department. I enjoy interacting with leaders and with the people working on the floor who are the ones that understand the 'guts' of the organization. I can lead meetings or just participate in them; either way, I've found that I have ideas to contribute that actually get listened to. Not all of them make their way into policies in my department, but I've nevertheless contributed them. I've learned the value of diplomacy (listening to and acknowledging the validity of arguments from two or more 'sides') and of making time to listen to others (something I've been good at before, which is another aptitude that comes in handy). I can summarize meetings quickly and write a meeting report that is concise and to the point. I see the value of the dissemination of information; without that, employees grumble and complain, which will only lead to demoralization and dissatisfaction. I have drawn on my scientific background when it comes to following through on plans; scientific experiments rely on follow-through and the summing-up of the observations you've made. You must organize the data you have into a written and/or oral presentation that can be conveyed to a wider audience. After thirty years of doing that as a scientist, I can do the same in my role as coordinator. In fact, I would say that it is that experience alone that has facilitated my ability to be a coordinator.
I think I was blindsided by changes in the workplace ten or fifteen years ago, because there were too many changes at the same time, none of which were properly explained to us. The visions and strategies involved in the changes were not conveyed properly to us. Was the merger of four hospitals into one done to save money, to concentrate expertise, or to make the running of the hospital more effective? Because the outcome of the merger, according to most employees, has not led to more effectiveness or to concentration of expertise. Most employees would say that the merger has only led to higher costs, to more bureaucracy and an unnecessary increase in levels of management, and to a blurring of roles that has confused employees who wonder what is really expected of them. I would wager that these outcomes were not the intention at the outset, but they are now the reality. So it is possible that these changes were not properly planned or executed, or that the budget that should have been in place to facilitate the changes, was too small.
I am no longer afraid of change. I look forward to it now, because I know that whatever is thrown at me, I can do something with it. I am no longer uncomfortable with moving out of my comfort zone, although I do miss the comfort zone at times. I see how far I've come in the space of two years, and I am glad that I said yes to taking on a new role. Sometimes in the waves of change we really do find our true direction.
--Unknown
I saw this quote recently and it struck a chord in me. During the past decade, I've been witness to more changes in my workplace than occurred during the first twenty years I've worked there. The biggest change was the merger of four separate hospitals with different work cultures into one large mega-hospital. After ten years, it is clear to most people that we may be one hospital, but that the cultures often remain as they were, with some exceptions in some departments. People often hold fast to what they know. It's safer that way.
But we know too that moving out of our comfort zones is often very good for us. We may be dragged out of our comfort zones kicking and screaming, or we may willingly leave them. Either way, we move into an unknown sphere, one that may test us, challenge us, and make us uncomfortable. And that's the point of change. It should make us uncomfortable. Feeling insecure, a bit fearful, somewhat anxious, are all parts of change. We don't want to feel those feelings, but we cannot grow or progress without them. I have discovered that situations involving change often provide answers to problems that I would not have otherwise come upon, and that is because they upend our sense of order, of what we perceive to be the right way of doing something. They force us to consider new and hitherto untested and not previously thought of ways of doing something. We find new solutions to old problems, or new solutions to problems in which we have become stuck. Or we find that we are not the people we thought we were, which should perhaps be obvious, but often is not. Life is about change, but that change is often gradual, so that we don't notice the changes that are happening to us or to those around us. We are not the same people now as we were at twenty, thirty, or forty, even if we like to think that we are. We were once single, then married, then parents. We were once students, then inexperienced employees, then managers, and then experienced employees. Some are now retirees. We may have been politically liberal as young adults, but are now more politically conservative as older adults. The point is that we are always changing and growing. Those people who resent that are often those who have a hard time adjusting to anything that threatens their status quo. The status quo can differ from person to person, but it would be safe to say that each of us can feel threatened by some change at some level, especially if that change touches some deep core part of us, a part of us that perhaps reminds us of unpleasant experiences in childhood.
After many years in the workforce, after many years of working in the lab, I now have a more administrative position in an area that makes use of my scientific background, but that is a new area for me intellectually. My current boss suggested me for this position two years ago, and I said yes to it without really knowing what it would lead to. To my surprise, I found that not only do I have aptitude for this type of work, but that I really enjoy it. I enjoy developing strategies and plans for how to create and integrate specific functions into the daily workings of a department. I enjoy interacting with leaders and with the people working on the floor who are the ones that understand the 'guts' of the organization. I can lead meetings or just participate in them; either way, I've found that I have ideas to contribute that actually get listened to. Not all of them make their way into policies in my department, but I've nevertheless contributed them. I've learned the value of diplomacy (listening to and acknowledging the validity of arguments from two or more 'sides') and of making time to listen to others (something I've been good at before, which is another aptitude that comes in handy). I can summarize meetings quickly and write a meeting report that is concise and to the point. I see the value of the dissemination of information; without that, employees grumble and complain, which will only lead to demoralization and dissatisfaction. I have drawn on my scientific background when it comes to following through on plans; scientific experiments rely on follow-through and the summing-up of the observations you've made. You must organize the data you have into a written and/or oral presentation that can be conveyed to a wider audience. After thirty years of doing that as a scientist, I can do the same in my role as coordinator. In fact, I would say that it is that experience alone that has facilitated my ability to be a coordinator.
I think I was blindsided by changes in the workplace ten or fifteen years ago, because there were too many changes at the same time, none of which were properly explained to us. The visions and strategies involved in the changes were not conveyed properly to us. Was the merger of four hospitals into one done to save money, to concentrate expertise, or to make the running of the hospital more effective? Because the outcome of the merger, according to most employees, has not led to more effectiveness or to concentration of expertise. Most employees would say that the merger has only led to higher costs, to more bureaucracy and an unnecessary increase in levels of management, and to a blurring of roles that has confused employees who wonder what is really expected of them. I would wager that these outcomes were not the intention at the outset, but they are now the reality. So it is possible that these changes were not properly planned or executed, or that the budget that should have been in place to facilitate the changes, was too small.
I am no longer afraid of change. I look forward to it now, because I know that whatever is thrown at me, I can do something with it. I am no longer uncomfortable with moving out of my comfort zone, although I do miss the comfort zone at times. I see how far I've come in the space of two years, and I am glad that I said yes to taking on a new role. Sometimes in the waves of change we really do find our true direction.
Sunday, November 3, 2019
I am my parents' daughter
My parents met in the Brooklyn Public Library; my father was the head librarian and my mother was an assistant librarian. Both of them loved all things 'library', and they made sure we had a library card to loan books from an early age. We learned early on the value of books, newspapers, and magazines to provide important and enjoyable information, and we were avid readers as children. Reading was encouraged by our parents and our schools. Libraries were an important part of our childhood and teenage years. It helped that one of the most beautiful libraries I have ever seen, (if not the most beautiful)--The Warner Library in Tarrytown--was the library where we spent many a summer day looking for books to read.
My father went to his job as head librarian through the years, working for several different companies in Tarrytown and Manhattan. Our dinner table discussions were interesting; I learned a lot about the library world from listening to him, and absorbed his enthusiasm for his job. My father showed me how to use different reference books, so that I could apply to different companies for jobs after college. He knew all about the different reference books that existed. My mother kept a spotless house, not an easy task when we were children. There were places for our toys, and we were expected to keep them in those places, which made sense, because we grew up in an apartment and there wasn't much room to spread out. My mother was able to get three children out of bed, washed, dressed, fed breakfast, all by 8:15 am when we left for school. She had a sense of order and discipline, and she expected us to live according to both.
As I've gotten older, I've realized that my sense of order, my predilection for systematizing many of the things in my life--books I've read, films I've seen, Christmas card lists and lists in general, garden plans--stem from my upbringing. They are the direct result of parents who appreciated order and systems, likely due to their both being librarians. But of course genetics play a part in it too. I inherited the genes for organization and order from both my parents. I realized the other day that one of the reasons I enjoy the new role I have at work (biobank coordinator) is because it requires me to structure and organize information and procedures. I'm good at it and I enjoy it. It is a niche in which I feel comfortable. I channel my parents these days, and it's a nice reminder of how much they meant to me when I was growing up, of how important they were for the security and comfort we enjoyed. I have joined their circle, so to speak, the circle of people for whom dissemination of information, organization, and order, are desirable things.
My father went to his job as head librarian through the years, working for several different companies in Tarrytown and Manhattan. Our dinner table discussions were interesting; I learned a lot about the library world from listening to him, and absorbed his enthusiasm for his job. My father showed me how to use different reference books, so that I could apply to different companies for jobs after college. He knew all about the different reference books that existed. My mother kept a spotless house, not an easy task when we were children. There were places for our toys, and we were expected to keep them in those places, which made sense, because we grew up in an apartment and there wasn't much room to spread out. My mother was able to get three children out of bed, washed, dressed, fed breakfast, all by 8:15 am when we left for school. She had a sense of order and discipline, and she expected us to live according to both.
As I've gotten older, I've realized that my sense of order, my predilection for systematizing many of the things in my life--books I've read, films I've seen, Christmas card lists and lists in general, garden plans--stem from my upbringing. They are the direct result of parents who appreciated order and systems, likely due to their both being librarians. But of course genetics play a part in it too. I inherited the genes for organization and order from both my parents. I realized the other day that one of the reasons I enjoy the new role I have at work (biobank coordinator) is because it requires me to structure and organize information and procedures. I'm good at it and I enjoy it. It is a niche in which I feel comfortable. I channel my parents these days, and it's a nice reminder of how much they meant to me when I was growing up, of how important they were for the security and comfort we enjoyed. I have joined their circle, so to speak, the circle of people for whom dissemination of information, organization, and order, are desirable things.
Thursday, October 31, 2019
Plums, butterflies, and bees
I took this video of the butterflies and bees in the garden at the end of August, when they were happily enjoying the plums that were rotting after having fallen to the ground from my neighbor's plum tree. They were completely wild about the plums, and the butterflies especially flew around as though they were a bit drunk. It was fun to watch them. Of course I would have preferred that the plums would not have rotted, that they would rather have been collected and used in preserves and other food items, but it was not my call because it was not my garden. But at least they provided weeks' worth of food for the butterflies and bees.
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
Learning about narcissistic personality disorder
Interacting with people who have narcissistic personality disorder (pathological narcissism) is unnerving and unpleasant. There really is no other way to describe it. There is
little that is enjoyable in any interactions with them. I’ve been wanting to write a post about pathological narcissists for a while now, because I’ve had several brushes with them in my life thus far. You will know you’ve
dealt with them when you feel abused, intimidated, and angry about it; when you feel completely manipulated (out-maneuvered) into
doing something you did not want to do; when
you feel angry at yourself for giving in on an issue that you wanted to stand
firm on; and when you experience a sense of bewilderment concerning the outcome
of a situation that on the surface seemed quite straightforward and
unproblematic. Some interactions with them can quickly escalate into situations
that border on craziness, where you will question your own sanity after having
been privy to their borderline insanity.
Narcissistic personality disorder is rare, and perhaps that is the reason it has not been talked about much. But
the time has come to throw some light on this disorder. My descriptions of a
pathological narcissist, based on my unnerving and unpleasant interactions with
them, are as follows: a person who has an extreme sense of entitlement and
who will run roughshod over others to get what he or she thinks he or she
deserves; a person who will shamelessly manipulate others to get what he or she
wants; a person who harasses others without letting up until he or she gets
what he or she wants (a psychologically abusive person); a person who does not
understand the word ‘no’ and the importance of personal boundaries; a person
who is completely indifferent to the pain and suffering of others, i.e., lacks
empathy; a person who will turn on others at a moment’s notice (often in a cold
rage) and pull the rug right out from under them; a person who really does not care
about or love others in a real way. You may think that you can get the upper
hand in terms of controlling pathological narcissists and their destructive
behavior, but you cannot, much like you cannot control psychopaths. The only
way you will be able to control them is to become like them; but most normal
people with a healthy sense of self-esteem and a good set of ethics and morals
simply cannot do this. So your best bet is to withdraw and to not engage with or enable them in any way. This requires an acute sense of awareness of how and when
they manipulate others, and if you have
to interact with them because they are e.g. co-workers or family members,
then all the more reason for the awareness. But if you have been burned once by
a pathological narcissist, your manipulation detector will be on full-blast at
all times anyway, especially when dealing with that person. You cannot ever let your guard down when you
are around a pathological narcissist, which is one of the reasons most normal
people want nothing to do with them. You must always assume that they want
something from you or that you have something that they wish to take from you, whenever
they establish contact with you. You cannot ever trust them to behave fairly,
kindly, or empathetically. You can
trust them to behave unfairly, unkindly, or unsympathetically. There is no real
relationship with them, nor should you try to pursue one. They are takers, and they rely on the fact that most normal
people both give and take in equal measures. They however can come into your
life, take what they want, and disrupt that balance in a very short amount of time.
One might think that pathological
narcissists would be ashamed of their manipulative behavior, but they aren’t,
and that allows them to continue behaving in this way. The disorder is very
difficult to treat, as are most personality disorders, because those who have
them refuse to admit that they are ill. They don’t really care for or about
others; they don’t care what others think about them, and this allows them to
behave badly. There is no sense of guilt because they don’t see that they’ve
done anything wrong so that they should feel guilty. They always blame others
if things go wrong. They walk away from the suffering or destruction they’ve
caused, leaving others to pick up the pieces, and I can attest to this. They are indifferent to the
sufferings of others. They do not seem to be equipped with a normal sense of self-esteem and a good set of ethics and morals.
The following are symptoms
of narcissistic personality disorder, reprinted from the Mayo Clinic website--https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662 ).
·
Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
·
Have a sense of entitlement and require
constant, excessive admiration
·
Expect to be recognized as superior even
without achievements that warrant it
·
Exaggerate achievements and talents
·
Be preoccupied with fantasies about success,
power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
·
Believe they are superior and can only
associate with equally special people
·
Monopolize conversations and belittle or look
down on people they perceive as inferior
·
Expect special favors and unquestioning
compliance with their expectations
·
Take advantage of others to get what they want
·
Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize
the needs and feelings of others
·
Be envious of others and believe others envy
them
·
Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming
across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
·
Insist on having the best of everything — for
instance, the best car or office
The website goes on
to say: At the same time, people with
narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive
as criticism, and they can:
·
Become impatient or angry when they don't
receive special treatment
·
Have significant interpersonal problems and easily
feel slighted
·
React with rage or contempt and try to belittle
the other person to make themselves appear superior
·
Have difficulty regulating emotions and
behavior
·
Experience major problems dealing with stress
and adapting to change
·
Feel depressed and moody because they fall
short of perfection
·
Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame,
vulnerability and humiliation
These symptoms
describe the pathological narcissists I have had the displeasure of meeting and
interacting with. Just dealing with one such person is enough for an entire lifetime. How did they get that way? Pathological narcissists were
probably enabled from a very early age, of that I’m sure. As children, they
were likely indulged at all turns, spoiled by their ‘well-meaning’ but rather
stupid parents, given their way, told that all they did was perfect or nearly
so. There has to be something pathological in the parent-child relationship; either parents are too smothering or too critical. I am sure that many such parents did not think that their
children would grow up to become pathological narcissists. But it must be quite
a shock for some parents to see the monsters they have created. I doubt that
these children are grateful in any way to their parents; they must view them in
the same way as they view others—with contempt for how easy it is to manipulate
them, and how easy it is to manipulate situations that involve them. As I have
stated earlier, steer clear of these types of people if you want your life to
be in any way peaceful or happy, or if you want to prevent the destruction of your own life. Let the professionals deal with them. It is not worth the heartache involved to try
and care about these people.
Wednesday, October 23, 2019
Our Scotland adventure in photos, continued
 |
| driving through the Highlands on the way to Loch Ness |
 |
| on the Loch Ness boat approaching Urquhart Castle |
 |
| Loch Ness |
 |
| Urquhart Castle |
 |
| Loch Ness |
 |
| Loch Ness from Urquhart Castle |
 |
| the Highlands |
 |
| the Highlands |
 |
| Dean Village |
Our Scotland adventure in photos
As I wrote about in my recent post: https://paulamdeangelis.blogspot.com/2019/10/our-scotland-adventure.html , our Scotland adventure was a memorable trip--three good friends exploring Scotland. Here are some photos from the week we spent traveling around the country.
 |
| Edinburgh Castle |
 |
| the Kelpies |
 |
| Loch Lomond |
 |
| Stirling Castle and gardens |
 |
| Anstruther |
 |
| Anstruther |
 |
| St. Andrews--the old golf course |
 |
| St. Andrews Cathedral |
 |
| the beach in the film Chariots of Fire |
 |
| Falkland Palace |
 |
| Falkland Palace garden gate |
 |
| another interesting gate |
 |
| Falkland Palace gardens |
 |
| St. Giles Cathedral in Edinburgh |
 |
| Canongate kirkyard--cemetery on the way to Calton Hill |
 |
| Calton Hill, Edinburgh |
 |
| Salisbury Crags, seen from Calton Hill |
 |
| view of Edinburgh from Calton Hill |
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Queen Bee
I play The New York Times Spelling Bee game each day. There are a set number of words that one must find (spell) each day given the letters...
