The death
of Whitney Houston, like Amy Winehouse before her, is always a wake-up call to
pay attention to the lives we have, right now, today. Today is all we have. Instead
of wishing our lives away, hoping for better times in the future, or worrying
too much about the past, we are reminded that it is best to focus on today.
These are just two of many enormously-talented people in the world who achieved
fame, years of fame, and for all their fame, did not seem to find the happiness
they were seeking. Their lives sunk into the hell that is drug abuse; their personal
pain and negative experiences are poignant reminders that fame and wealth will
not necessarily bring happiness. I read somewhere that Whitney’s husband was
jealous of her professional fame, and that this led to psychological and
physical abuse on his part. If he managed to drag her down rather than her
pulling him up, how sad is that. Is professional jealousy a common thing in
marriage and relationships? I don’t know. Sometimes I am tempted to answer yes,
especially the more fame and wealth one partner achieves compared to the other.
Fame and wealth may be good to have; we may experience them as rewards for a
job well-done. They may make life easier, but they cannot buy happiness or
guarantee it. And that must be the bitter rub. With all the money in the world,
one cannot buy the love of another, not if it is real love one is out after.
And one cannot buy happiness.
Happiness
is an elusive thing, and no one has managed to define it satisfactorily (at
least for me) to date. It is a very personal experience—for some it may be the
experience of family life, for others career success, for others the
realization of personal dreams. For some it may be a combination of all these
things. For others it may be daily contact with nature and with the animals and
birds around us. It is important to acknowledge the happy times in our lives;
important to tell others when we are happy. There is too much focus in our
world on telling others when we are sad, depressed, upset, or angry; not enough
focus on telling others when we are feeling happy, content, joyful or at peace,
or when others make us happy. Why this is I cannot say. Perhaps we always want
to share the negative. Or perhaps we are afraid to share the positive. Afraid
that others will take our happiness from us, or come with a flippant or
sarcastic comment concerning our happiness. Sometimes just verbalizing
something positive sounds so strange, out-of-place, unnatural. Or perhaps we
are afraid that we will hear the standard well-meaning advice that many people
tell you—don’t get too wrapped up in your happiness; the bad times will come
again. Don’t get too comfortable or don’t be too happy about being happy. As
though that was a crime. Others may feel guilty about finding happiness,
especially when they know that family and friends have not found it. Why can’t
we be happy for others when they find happiness? It is no reflection on our
lives if they find happiness. We can choose our responses, and I think it's best
to choose to be happy for others and to support them when they are happy.
Wouldn’t you want others to be happy for you when it’s your turn? Don’t you
love the people who turn to you when you are happy and say—‘I’m so happy for
you right now’. It’s freeing, it’s loving, it’s generosity in action. God bless
those people.
