Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Things I do not want

Sometimes there are dry spells when it comes to creativity, energy, and motivation, and I’ve had some dry spells recently, when it seems that writing, photography and all of the other creative things that nourish the soul, are not worth pursuing. A spiritual malaise sets in, and sometimes spills over into the physical realm. The darkness and grayness of winter can sap a person for strength, ditto for soulless workplaces that do nothing to nourish the soul. They rather destroy it slowly.

What I don’t want at this point in my life: I don’t want to work anymore, at least not in the traditional sense. My soul derives nothing from the daily 9 to 5 grind that I used to love so much. It gets zero nourishment from a public sector workplace that is dominated by a bureaucracy that kills all motivation, by numerous leaders who are completely ineffective and who could care less about their employees, and by a level of inefficiency that in and of itself could drive a normal person to drink. Albert Einstein wrote that “Bureaucracy is the death of all sound work”. He wrote that line during the early part of the 20th century and was completely spot on! The saving grace of any workplace is of course your co-workers, many of whom feel the same way as I do, so there is some amount of shared commiseration while we all plod onward in the muck. But some of them are younger and haven’t experienced soul-sucking environments for years on end, so they are not as weary of the whole thing as I am. I still have several years to go before I can retire, and I honestly wonder at times how I’m going to survive those years without burning out.

I also do not want to work all day in an office the size of a tiny kitchen that I share with another person, with windows that open a crack, with fluorescent lighting that can never in a million years take the place of sunlight, for the prescribed number of hours. I find all sorts of excuses now to be out of my office, to be outdoors, or to leave early. Modern workplace buildings, for all their so-called environmentally-friendly architecture and technology, are completely divorced from nature, from wildness, from the outdoors. There is nothing like fresh air, a gentle breeze, sunshine on your skin, a walk along a river, or just being outdoors, to restore the soul. I want to be outdoors any chance I get. My body makes those decisions for me, and I am learning to just follow what it wants, because it wants healthy things for me.

I don’t want to listen to or to watch endless news stories about all of the horrible things going on in the world for which there are no solutions. All those stories do is create despair. Newspapers and television have become like the Dementors in the Harry Potter books—soul-sucking creatures. They bring up a problem again and again, propose few to no solutions, and suck the energy from those who try by bombarding them nonstop with stupid questions. If you are going to have an opinion about the problem, then for God’s sake have an opinion about the solution to that problem. I know the world is in deep trouble; tell me something else. Tell me about the people working to change things, trying to solve problems, trying to help, and tell me about all that in an intelligent, respectful, and decent way. Stop being belligerent, aggressive, nonstop pandering machines. Stop pandering to the lowest common denominator in listeners--to the basest instincts in people, every chance you get. Don’t encourage bigotry, hatred, and violence by talking about it ad nauseam. Stop making the rest of the world think that America is filled with pro-Trump and pro-Palin idiots. There are over 315 million people in the USA; the news media in Europe would have us think that all Americans support Trump; the American media are doing very little to dispel that notion. All of the Americans I know that are family and close friends, do not support Trump or the other GOP idiots. So there. My appeal to the media here and in the USA—please shut up unless you have something positive to say or some solution for how to get rid of Trump before November.

And while we’re at it—could we please end the reality TV culture and celebrity worship? I don’t want to see another Kardashian (any of them) on my TV screen or in any newspapers for as long as I live. I don’t watch these shows, never have and never will, but it seems as if whatever so-called 'celebrities' do is news-worthy. Here's a quick tip--NOT. Is this what money does to people’s brains? Can heads of the media no longer see what quality is and what crap is?

I no longer read the newspaper at breakfast. I read the comics page (since it is actually more intelligent than much of what passes for news--you need only to read Bloom County to know that) and then put the paper aside until later in the day. I refuse to discuss the grotesque goings-on in the world when I first get up. There are many things to be thankful for--the life we have been given, the chance to live another day, the chance to wake up to sunshine, the chance to love those in our lives (humans and pets), to chance to choose healthy, and the chance to appreciate the world we live in and to take care of it. That's how I want to start my day, and live my day. 





Saturday, April 4, 2015

Easter quotes

  • The great gift of Easter is hope - Christian hope which makes us have that confidence in God, in his ultimate triumph, and in his goodness and love, which nothing can shake.   --Basil Hume
  • It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.   --Robert H. Schuller
  • Easter is meant to be a symbol of hope, renewal, and new life.  --Janine di Giovanni
  • People respond when you tell them there is a great future in front of you, you can leave your past behind.    --Joel Osteen
  • The symbolic language of the crucifixion is the death of the old paradigm; resurrection is a leap into a whole new way of thinking.   --Deepak Chopra
  • A rule I have had for years is: to treat the Lord Jesus Christ as a personal friend. His is not a creed, a mere doctrine, but it is He Himself we have.   --Dwight L. Moody
  • There is only one secure foundation: a genuine, deep relationship with Jesus Christ, which will carry you through any and all turmoil. No matter what storms are raging all around, you'll stand firm if you stand on His love.   --Charles Stanley
  • Easter is reflecting upon suffering for one thing, but it also reflects upon Jesus and his non compliance in the face of great authority where he holds to his truth - so there's two stories there.   --Michael Leunig
  • It is at Easter that Jesus is most human, and like all humans, he fails and is failed. His is not an all-powerful God, it is an all-vulnerable God.   --Michael Leunig
  • We were old sinners - but when we came to Christ we are not sinners anymore.   --Joel Osteen
  • I think we need to do some deep soul searching about what's important in our lives and renew our spirit and our spiritual thinking, whether it's through faith-based religion or just through loving nature or helping your fellow man.   --Louis Schwartzberg


Thursday, January 1, 2015

Happy 2015!

A new year upon us, with hopefully more opportunities to 'find the strength to accept what we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to tell the difference'. I've modified the Serenity prayer written by Reinhold Niebuhr, which is a powerful little prayer. It is finding the wisdom to 'see' the difference that is the most difficult. Often we bang our heads against the wall of a problem that can never be resolved and waste precious years doing so. Other times we don't see the golden opportunities staring us right in the face for how to solve a problem that can be solved. Often the changes that most need to be made are within ourselves. We cannot change others. It's been said countless numbers of times, but it's true. Change starts with you. I've been thinking about change as it pertains to my own life, and have made some changes that I'll share with you as 2015 progresses. I've realized that taking calculated risks is what makes life interesting, likewise having a sense of adventure. And sometimes opportunities appear for helping you to change your life that can only be divinely-inspired. So here's to the new year, to positive change, to having faith, to serenity and to real peace. I wish that for everyone I know and love, and for the world too.




























And for those of you who would like to read Niebuhr's prayer in its entirety, here it is:

God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.


Saturday, December 6, 2014

How a scientist's worth is measured in academia

I promised myself that I wouldn’t post too many work-related pieces anymore, mostly because there’s so little about modern workplaces these days that is positive in my estimation. Most of the posts would just be depressing. You might think that 'noble' academia would be somewhat better than non-academic workplaces that are simply out to make a profit, but you'd be wrong. After reading this article online yesterday, I simply had to comment on it, as depressing as it is. It is a tragic real-life story of a gifted scientist in England named Stefan Grimm who simply couldn’t take the pressure of the ‘business of science’ anymore and committed suicide (http://www.timeshighereducation.co.uk/news/imperial-college-professor-stefan-grimm-was-given-grant-income-target/2017369.article; http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2861588/Professor-dead-cash-row-Cancer-scientist-said-told-fellow-academics-chiefs-treated-like-s.html). Before he did, he wrote an email to his colleagues telling them about what had happened to him and how his workplace had treated him. This incident took place in England, but I can assure you that the ‘business of science’ in Norway is no different. Universities and research institutes treat their scientists in much the same way; the only difference is that universities here cannot fire their scientists for not hauling in huge amounts of grant money, because scientists are unionized and that affords them some protection. But if they could, universities and research institutes would fire scientists without money because they are a drain on the workplace; it doesn’t matter if they have years of expertise, if they are professors and can teach, or even if they write articles and publish frequently. This country is no different than any other westernized capitalistic country in the world when it comes to worshiping money, even if it likes to think otherwise about itself.

For those of you who romanticize the world of academic scientific research, this article should rid you of any notion that there is anything idealistic or even noble about academic research these days. There isn’t. Firstly, it’s BIG BUSINESS now, and it’s been big business for a while. Money is the operative word. Those who make it to the top and gain power, those who are ‘successful’, are those who drag in hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars in grant awards. In other words, your funding is ALL that matters; it defines your worth in your workplace—period, and if you don’t get funding, you are worth nothing to your workplace. Even if you got funding five or ten years ago, not one person who sits in a leadership position cares about that or even cares enough to remember that; the ONLY thing that matters is: did you get funding this year, this month, this week? And did you get a lot of funding? What is the innovative potential of your work and can it make us money? Are you patenting your work? Theoretically, I don’t have a problem with the idea that a workplace should benefit financially from the research of its employees if their work leads to a profitable drug or treatment, for example. But it’s gotten way out of hand in reality.

Secondly, there is subtle AGE DISCRIMINATION being practiced. I know scientists who were once productive, with small research groups working on interesting topics, who no longer get research funding. Why does funding suddenly dry up? It’s certainly not a gradual change; rather it is an abrupt one. Why do good scientists who once got decent funding, no longer get any funding whatsoever? One possible reason is that they are now middle-aged (late forties/early fifties for most of us; but in Norway, you are old at 53, and I can find many articles that corroborate this). These middle-aged scientists no longer get any financial support whatsoever, not from external granting agencies nor from their universities or research institutes. They get their salaries and that’s it. It borders on idiocy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you don’t get funded, you don’t get students. Without students, you have zero chance of getting substantial research done. Without research data, there are no publications, and without publications, you have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting a grant award. After several years of this vicious circle, management steps in and tells you that it’s your fault you don’t get money, when in reality it’s not. In many cases it is age discrimination, albeit subtle. It could never be overt; think of the lawsuits. You simply reached the magic age at which point you are old and no longer ‘worth funding’. The problem of course is that you cannot retire with a good pension at 53 years of age. So you hang around your workplace hoping your luck will change. Everyone involved knows it won’t. It goes from bad to worse. Years go by with the same results; there are no publications and now management wants to know why there has been no progression in your work. What can you say? It’s merely survival of the fittest; you’ve seen the nature programs where the young males attack the old ones for control of the tribe or the harems. The same occurs in academia; once you’re labeled as old, you’re finished. You are punished for growing old.

Thirdly, if you are not designated as the absolute BEST OF THE BEST, CREAM OF THE CROP, you are finished in research these days before you even get started. Academic research science is beyond elitist at this point; it’s more like trying to make it through the proverbial eye of the needle. Almost no one manages that. Young people do their PhDs and then move on to something else; few to none are offered a post-doc position in any given research organization (http://www.theguardian.com/higher-education-network/blog/2014/may/23/so-many-phd-students-so-few-jobs). One or two may end up as the 'chosen ones', the ones that management deems worthy enough to bet on. The reason given is that they are the brightest of the bunch, but often it’s nepotism in action—those that move upward are often simply those who are management’s favorites. They are the ones who are granted the academic career opportunities. They join the networks that management has laid out for them; all involved know that this is the key to gaining grant funding, since colleagues in those networks often work in positions that have enough clout to ensure that those networks get funding. They may not review the actual grant applications, but they have a say in the final prioritization of grant applications that have been recommended for funding by external reviewers. 
  
Finally, many universities now take on far too many PhD students, knowing full well that there are no careers for them in academic science, and knowing full well that they cannot offer them any sort of job future. It’s irresponsible behavior. But there’s money involved, so that makes it ok in the eyes of the universities. PhD students come with a specific sum of money for consumables and small expenses, and additionally, if you are the primary adviser, you get a tidy sum of money for having been an adviser, once the student is finished. Additionally, more students means more hands in the lab to do the research work. Who is going to turn that down? And who is going to be honest enough about the lack of academic career opportunities to tell potential PhD students to consider another profession because there are no jobs for them once they're finished? I do it as a senior researcher, but very few others do. I've said it before but it bears repeating; there are better, healthier and yes, nobler ways of earning a living and making yourself useful to society. Find them. 

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P.S. This is the email that Stefan Grimm wrote to his colleagues before he committed suicide, including the link to the article that published it. 

Begin forwarded message:
From: Stefan Grimm <professorstefangrimm@gmail.com>
Date: 21 October 2014 23:41:03 BST
To:
Subject: How Professors are treated at Imperial College
Dear all,
If anyone is interested how Professors are treated at Imperial College: Here is my story.
On May 30th ’13 my boss, Prof Martin Wilkins, came into my office together with his PA and ask me what grants I had. After I enumerated them I was told that this was not enough and that I had to leave the College within one year – “max” as he said. He made it clear that he was acting on behalf of Prof Gavin Screaton, the then head of the Department of Medicine, and told me that I would have a meeting with him soon to be sacked. Without any further comment he left my office. It was only then that I realized that he did not even have the courtesy to close the door of my office when he delivered this message. When I turned around the corner I saw a student who seems to have overheard the conversation looking at me in utter horror.
Prof Wilkins had nothing better to do than immediately inform my colleagues in the Section that he had just sacked me.
Why does a Professor have to be treated like that?
All my grant writing stopped afterwards, as I was waiting for the meeting to get sacked by Prof Screaton. This meeting, however, never took place.
In March ’14 I then received the ultimatum email below. 200,000 pounds research income every year is required. Very interesting. I was never informed about this before and cannot remember that this is part of my contract with the College. Especially interesting is the fact that the required 200,000.- pounds could potentially also be covered by smaller grants but in my case a programme grant was expected.
Our 135,000.- pounds from the University of Dammam? Doesn’t count. I have to say that it was a lovely situation to submit grant applications for your own survival with such a deadline. We all know what a lottery grant applications are.
There was talk that the Department had accepted to be in dept for some time and would compensate this through more teaching. So I thought that I would survive. But the email below indicates otherwise. I got this after the student for whom I “have plans” received the official admission to the College as a PhD student. He waited so long to work in our group and I will never be able to tell him that this should now not happen. What these guys don’t know is that they destroy lives. Well, they certainly destroyed mine.
The reality is that these career scientists up in the hierarchy of this organization only look at figures to judge their colleagues, be it impact factors or grant income. After all, how can you convince your Department head that you are working on something exciting if he not even attends the regular Departmental seminars? The aim is only to keep up the finances of their Departments for their own career advancement.
These formidable leaders are playing an interesting game: They hire scientists from other countries to submit the work that they did abroad under completely different conditions for the Research Assessment that is supposed to gauge the performance of British universities. Afterwards they leave them alone to either perform with grants or being kicked out. Even if your work is submitted to this Research Assessment and brings in money for the university, you are targeted if your grant income is deemed insufficient. Those submitted to the research assessment hence support those colleagues who are unproductive but have grants. Grant income is all that counts here, not scientific output.
We had four papers with original data this year so far, in Cell Death and Differentiation, Oncogene, Journal of Cell Science and, as I informed Prof Wilkins this week, one accepted with the EMBO Journal. I was also the editor of a book and wrote two reviews. Doesn’t count.
This leads to a interesting spin to the old saying “publish or perish”. Here it is “publish and perish”.
Did I regret coming to this place? I enormously enjoyed interacting with my science colleagues here, but like many of them, I fell into the trap of confusing the reputation of science here with the present reality. This is not a university anymore but a business with very few up in the hierarchy, like our formidable duo, profiteering and the rest of us are milked for money, be it professors for their grant income or students who pay 100.- pounds just to extend their write-up status.
If anyone believes that I feel what my excellent coworkers and I have accomplished here over the years is inferior to other work, is wrong. With our apoptosis genes and the concept of Anticancer Genes we have developed something that is probably much more exciting than most other projects, including those that are heavily supported by grants.
Was I perhaps too lazy? My boss smugly told me that I was actually the one professor on the whole campus who had submitted the highest number of grant applications. Well, they were probably simply not good enough.
I am by far not the only one who is targeted by those formidable guys. These colleagues only keep quiet out of shame about their situation. Which is wrong. As we all know hitting the sweet spot in bioscience is simply a matter of luck, both for grant applications and publications.
Why does a Professor have to be treated like that?
One of my colleagues here at the College whom I told my story looked at me, there was a silence, and then said: “Yes, they treat us like sh*t”.
Best regards,
Stefan Grimm


Thursday, November 27, 2014

Quotes about Thanksgiving

Best wishes for a very Happy Thanksgiving! There is much to be grateful for--family, good friends, a roof over our heads, a job, and life itself. 

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There is one day that is ours. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.  -- O. Henry

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.  ---Marcel Proust

To give thanks in solitude is enough. Thanksgiving has wings and goes where it must go. Your prayer knows much more about it than you do.    ---Victor Hugo

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough. ---Oprah Winfrey

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others. --- Marcus Tullius Cicero

Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.  ---Ralph Waldo Emerson

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.  ---G.K. Chesterton

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. -- Willie Nelson

Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. -- Charles Dickens

I give thanks to my Creator for this wonderful life where each of us has the opportunity to learn lessons we could not fully comprehend by any other means. -- Joseph B. Wirthlin

God is glorified, not by our groans, but by our thanksgivings. -- Edwin Percy Whipple

Sunday, November 23, 2014

What I've learned from cats

Back in the 1980s, I shared my life with two cats, a mother and daughter combo. Smoky was the mother’s name, and Mushy was her daughter. They were as different in personality as two cats could possibly be. Smoky was in a constant state of snit, whereas Mushy was in a constant state of happiness. Even when Smoky was a new mother, she seemed irritated by the constant need that her kittens had for her. Perhaps what annoyed Smoky was that her daughter was a much happier cat than she was. It’s hard to know. I loved them both and respected their different personalities. Both of them were affectionate in their own ways. Smoky’s affection was on her terms; she came to you when she needed some stroking or a hug, but didn’t always take kindly to being petted or fussed over if you wanted to give her some affection. Mushy was the complete opposite (hence her name); she was a people-pleaser and loved nothing more than to go from one guest to another for some affection and cuddling when I had family and friends visiting. Before I moved to Norway, my friend Cindy suggested I stay with her for a few months in order to save some money, which was a wonderful idea and one for which I am very grateful to her. However, it involved moving myself and my two cats into her home, something that Cindy’s cat Burgoo did not take very kindly to. He was used to ruling the roost and was very territorial about his house, especially the kitchen, which was of course the one room in the house where we all liked to congregate. My cats did not exactly know how to deal with him initially; he would pick fights with them (especially Smoky) no matter how much berth they gave him when they walked past him. Smoky especially did not like him, something he must have sensed very early on. Their fights escalated in intensity and ended with her being relegated to the cellar in order to prevent her being injured by him, since he was larger than both my cats and quite aggressive. I spent a lot of time in the cellar with her after that. With Smoky out of the way, Burgoo tolerated having Mushy around. He permitted her entrance into the kitchen, on his terms of course. And those terms translated into her becoming a completely subservient cat. She would slink past him, body hugging the ground, not looking at him. Her behavior signaled ‘harmless’; it also signaled to him that she would not and did not want to fight him, oppose him or take control of anything he ‘owned’. She was willing to let him rule the roost whereas Smoky was not. Smoky did not take kindly to any person or any other cat telling her what she should or should not do, and she was certainly not willing to become subservient in order to deal with the situation. Looking back on it now, I wish it could have been otherwise. I wish I had not put them through that stress, even though I found a good home for them afterward where they both were happy. Had I had wanted to take them with me to Norway, they would have spent over four months in quarantine before being allowed into the country (those were the rules at that time), something I did not want to put them through since they were already older cats.


I learned some things while watching and taking care of Smoky and Mushy when we lived in Cindy’s house. The first was that Mushy was none the worse for wear after her short stay in Burgoo’s house; she adapted to that situation and dealt with it in the best way she could. When she and her mother went to live in my friend Judy’s house, she adapted to that situation as well and became a beloved member of Judy’s family, which included a dog and two cats from before. Smoky also adapted in her own way, but stayed mostly to herself, as I might have expected. I’ve thought a lot about both of my cats since then, and about how they adapted to change, new situations, and potential threats. I have a bit of both Smoky and Mushy in me. I haven’t backed away from a fight if felt that I was threatened or if I found myself in an unfair situation; I have not had any problems stating my opinion or making my wishes known. I haven’t had major problems with change, although it does take me a while to adapt to new situations. And if change or unfair situations threaten me or those I care about, I am more likely to respond as Smoky did. But what if Mushy’s way is the better way? What if choosing not to fight gets you what you want? Mushy did not want to end up living in the cellar like Smoky; she wanted to make sure she could always be in my vicinity. So she gave Burgoo what he wanted in order to get what she wanted, which was me. She was smart. I don’t know how she figured that out, but she did. And she definitely understood that the cellar was not where she wanted to be; she avoided going down there when I went to visit with Smoky. Mushy wanted to be with me and with people generally; she cared more about that than about doing what she had to do to appease Burgoo. She appeased the aggressor. I have to wonder how she knew how to do that, and why Smoky could not learn that behavior. But we humans don’t always manage that either; some of us will fight forever against what threatens us and it can end up literally killing us (stress, heart attacks, poor health). Whereas some of us will try to appease those who want to keep us down or take us down, by giving in, letting it happen, dealing with it and moving on. I have a hard time with that. I have a hard time ‘giving in’ especially in situations where I know that being in opposition would be the more ethical and fair way to proceed, for example, in work situations where workplace leaders harass others unfairly because they sit in power positions. But let’s suppose that appeasement might get you what you want, e.g. to an organizational level where you could make a difference? Where you could fight for the rights of those you meant were treated unfairly? I suppose what I’m trying to say is that you’ve got to strategize; you’ve got to give in order to get in a world that is not fair from the get-go. Strange that I should be learning that now at this point in my life. But now the goals are clear and more important than trying to change unfair and unethical leaders into fair and ethical ones. I am not the person who is best suited to taking on that fight, and I’m not sure I ever was.  


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

'Making your unknown known'

Georgia O’Keefe wrote: ’Whether you succeed or not is irrelevant, there is no such thing. Making your unknown known is the important thing’. This quote has been running through my mind the past couple of days, for good reason. I finally understand what she means; I’ve understood her words before, but more abstractly. Now I feel the understanding and embrace it personally. Each time I publish a new book, post new photos to this blog, or create short video clips, I am making my unknown known. But I didn’t fully realize until recently that the reason I do these things has more to do with unleashing my creative energy (true success) and less to do with aiming for financial success. Just so I am not misunderstood; if my books, photos or videos can earn some money, I’d be very pleased about that. But it’s not the main reason I create them. It matters more to me that a reader of one of my books or blog posts contacts me to tell me that he or she really liked what I wrote, or that I helped him or her see a situation in a new way. I know that’s true because that has happened in my own life. There are books, albeit very few, that have changed my life for the better. Something about the way they were written, in addition to the time in my life when I read them—a coincidence that led to change. The written word has much power; that has been commented on many times before. But the same has happened to me when I have watched a good film or happened upon a very special song. Doors get unlocked in my mind, and I get to wander through them and into new rooms--wide open spaces waiting to be filled with new experiences. The creative world is a world that I simply could not live without; it is true freedom that no one can take from you. Now that I live in it, I have no desire to return to a world that wishes to shackle me. The desire to shackle may not be intentional, but whenever the unappeasable demands of others, e.g. in the workplace, supersede my own wishes, I feel shackled. Whenever someone or something wants to waste my precious time, I feel shackled. When you finally realize how precious time is, and how short life is, you don’t want to squander it on activities or people that give you nothing in return.


Socrates wrote: ‘The unexamined life is not worth living’. It was important to him that he got in touch with his ‘unknown’; that was his definition of being alive. I agree with him. If you never dig deeper into yourself, you’ll never know what you could create. You’ll never find your talents, and you’ll never make your unknown known. Perhaps that doesn’t bother most people. But I don’t know if I believe that. I wonder sometimes if most of us just never find the time, or make the time, to make it happen. Time passes by, and suddenly a lifetime does too. Suddenly I am reminded of Horace’s quote: ‘Carpe diem (seize the day)’. There’s no time like the present to get started…….

Monday, August 18, 2014

Realizations

When you’re on vacation, you have a real chance to take a good long look at your life and the world around you, to assess the strengths and weaknesses of choices you’ve made, and the advantages and disadvantages of living and working in a certain way. My recent vacation in New York State made me realize that I have reached a point in my life where I prefer small to large—small towns, small companies, and small groups of people I care about. The preference for small towns instead of big cities will surprise some people who know me, I’m sure. The largeness of city life no longer appeals to me the way it did when I was starting out in my career; city life energized me then, and that is perhaps as it should be. When you’re starting out, ‘the world is your oyster’, as the saying goes. I don’t know the origin of that quote, but it most likely has to do with opening an oyster and finding a pearl inside, or opening many oysters in the search for pearls. In any case, the world of a large city is amazing and attractive for its energy and excitement. New York City is a perfect example; at one time in my life I worked there and loved that time in my life. But I would not want to have that work experience again. I grew up in a small town--Tarrytown, and every time I return to it on my annual trips, I realize how lovely it is. Part of that has to do with its smallness; it is manageable and familiar to me, even though it is no longer the same town in which I grew up. I don’t require that at all. Nothing stays the same, so it would be a waste of time and energy to try to keep things from changing. In fact, I like the changes that my hometown has made; I like what it has become. It is a lovelier town, and I feel comfortable there, with the people, the atmosphere and the landscapes. As one of my friends said, it is a mixture of people from all walks of life. I like that—a microcosm of the world. In the same way, I have come to appreciate small companies and ventures. If I could, I would work for a small company rather than for a huge bureaucratic organization where you are just an employee number at best. That’s not to say that large companies don’t function well or that they don’t treat employees well, they can and they often do, but the work experience is impersonal and it’s tough to find people who care enough about your career for it to really make an intellectual and emotional difference in your life. That’s been my experience, in any case. Bigger is not better, for many reasons that I won’t go into here.

I alternate between wanting to take new risks/start on new adventures (residual impulses from my past that continue to exert a small pull on me), and wanting to play it safer in order to focus on the people and activities that matter most to me. I am past the point where I need to take risks to prove anything as far as my career is concerned. I’ve achieved the personal career goals I aimed for and I now have other ideas about how I want to use my time, e.g. writing, as I’ve often talked about in this blog. I am already well-underway in that venture; I am currently writing two books, one a new poetry collection, the other a book about the town where I grew up. Writing feels right, even though it feels scary at times to feel that way. Am I really writer-material? Can I do it full-time instead of in my free time? I don’t do it full-time as a way of making a living, at least not now; it would not pay the bills. And that’s what’s needed right now—a job that pays the bills. I work to live, rather than live to work as I did when I was younger. That feels right too. If I don’t have to worry about the bills, I am free to write. That’s how I look at it. And if I focus small, i.e., don’t worry about the big literary world out there, full of would-be authors and budding writers, I’m fine. I can write in peace and believe in what I’m writing, without worrying about how it will be received generally. What drives me now is the desire to share my thoughts and feelings that make up the stories, poems, and novels that I am creating. The desire to create is what satisfies me now, followed by the desire to share what I’ve created. Quite a new thing for me. 

Mostly, I’m happy with my life at present. I am letting go of older ways of thinking and doing things, and that feels right. I’m preparing for new life phases, and am grateful for the time to think about those phases and to prepare for them. Not everyone gets that chance, for different reasons. I am grateful for the peace and harmony that vacation has imparted to me. I am also grateful for all those who are dear to me, whom I care about and who care about me. Not everyone has those kinds of people in their life, for different reasons. I’ve realized too that letting go leads to peace and to the understanding that living life is not about controlling it or its outcome. It’s about living life and being present in your life.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Reflections on and some quotes about cynicism

It might be my imagination, but it seems that there is a lot more cynicism in society now than ever before. How is cynicism defined? The online dictionary defines it as ‘an attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others’. Another definition is ‘the beliefs of a cynic, a person who believes all people are motivated by selfishness or whose outlook is scornfully and often habitually negative’. It manifests itself in the snappy retorts I often get when I comment (infrequently) about some good thing that a politician or a large company has said or done—for example, comments like 'so-and-so is an idiot and a jerk', or 'that company is corrupt and worthless'. For example, in today’s news, it was reported that Starbucks will pay for its employees to get an online college degree at Arizona State University. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/15/starbucks-online-college-arizona-state_n_5497622.html). There are no strings attached—employees can work at Starbucks, study whatever they like, and are free to leave the company when they have achieved their goal. If you ask me, this is a positive gesture on the part of a large corporation that has a lot of money, one that looks ahead and has understood that the middle class is having a difficult time paying for college education and making ends meet. They are trying to meet the needs of the future. I read the newspaper article about this and then the reader comments that accompanied it. At least half of the comments were blatantly cynical. It struck me that it is nearly impossible to be taken seriously these days, whether you are an individual or a large company interested in trying to do the right thing. You will meet the cynics, the negative people, and the attackers—no matter what good thing you do or try to do. I say, do it anyway and let the cynics and all the other negative people wallow in the mud of their negativity. It will not do any of us any good to become like them. Each time we respond cynically to a particular event, we undo ourselves; we dismantle our own belief systems. We essentially say that there is no reason to believe in anyone or to believe that anything good ever happens in the world, that there is no altruism, and that all people have ulterior motives and are ultimately selfish. In other words, there is no such thing as a good deed.

I’m not advocating naivete, ignorance or stupidity about what goes on in the world. There are enough societal problems to solve that will keep us busy for many years to come. But I am an advocate of accepting the goodness in others when they do a good deed and of taking things at face value if someone does you a good turn. I’m an advocate of kindness, civility, and respect toward oneself and others. If we respond cynically to everything around us, we disrespect and destroy ourselves and others, we disrespect and destroy our relationships, and ultimately we disrespect and destroy the societies we live in. Cynicism negates gratitude; in a cynic’s world, there is no need for gratitude, because there is nothing to really be grateful for. Living in a world full of cynics is about the closest thing to hell on earth that I can imagine.

Here are some quotes about cynicism:
  • A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing. ― Oscar Wilde
  • Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. ― George Carlin
  • Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes'.― Stephen Colbert
  • Life is not an easy matter…. You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of perfidy and baseness. ― Leon Trotsky, Trotsky's Diary in Exile, 1935
  • Cynicism was a one-way path, and once taken the way back was lost forever. ― Chris Wooding, Poison
  • Cynicism is when a small mind and a hurt heart reject the hope, love, and truth of a big and caring God.― Jayce O'Neal
  • I fight cynicism. It`s too easy. It`s really boring. It`s much harder to be positive and see the wonder of everything. Cynicism is a bunch of people who aren`t as talented as other people, knocking them because they make them feel even more untalented. ― Ewan McGregor
  • To be cynical is to be distant. While offering a false intimacy of being "in the know," cynicism actually destroys intimacy. It leads to a creeping bitterness that can deaden and even destroy the spirit...A praying life is just the opposite. …..Prayer is feisty. Cynicism, on the other hand, merely critiques. It is passive, cocooning itself from the passions of the great cosmic battle we are engaged in. It is without hope. ― Paul E. Miller, A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World

Sunday, June 15, 2014

On Father’s Day, remembering my father and my mother

There was little in the way of material wealth in the family in which I grew up. My parents were not rich nor were they particularly preoccupied with accumulating wealth in their lifetimes. Sometimes I wish they had been better at financial planning or at saving for retirement, but they weren’t. We had the things we needed, but no more. When times were financially difficult in our family, we felt it. My parents made mistakes in that regard in terms of saving money for uncertain times, and my father would have been the first one to admit that. But by the time he understood that, his health was poor and there was little he could have done to reverse the course of things. We managed, but there was never really enough left over to secure a comfortable future for them when they got older. As fate would have it, my father passed away in his late 60s, leaving my mother alone for what should have been their retirement years spent doing enjoyable things together. But that was not to be.

My parents were preoccupied with other things than money and career—books mostly, during their lives. They loved to read, and they shared their thoughts about what they read with us. My father especially was an avid reader, and he and I would often walk together on summer evenings when I was a teenager and discuss books and life in general. He and my mother also enjoyed classical music and shared that with us as well. They read newspapers and we discussed politics and current events at the dinner table. We did not get together often with extended family, but our friends were always welcome, and in that regard, the door to our house was always open. It never seemed as though we lacked for much, and I did not compare what we had to what our friends had. I was never particularly interested in doing that. It always seemed to me that some people had more money and material things, and some people didn’t. That was just the way life was; I rarely pondered it when I was a child or teenager. But the difficult times in our family, e.g., when my father was unemployed for nearly two years and his subsequent gradual decline in health, taught me to be independent and to not rely on other to support me financially. So the hard times did have an influence on my adult career choices, and I do feel that I made the right decisions when it came to pursuing a career. 

On Father’s Day, I cannot remember my father without remembering my mother, who passed away sixteen years after he did. During her life, my mother did what she needed to do for herself and for my father; she did it without much fuss or talk. She was a doer, not a talker. She took good care of my father and of us, but his cardiovascular disease had its roots already in his late teens as a result of a ruptured appendix that nearly killed him. His illness manifested itself in his early 50s, with his first heart attack at the age of 52. In response to this, my mother prepared low-fat meals which we all ate. We mostly ate lean baked chicken, lean cuts of beef, and fish. Sometimes she would make pork chops or tuna casserole. There were never heavy cream sauces or gravies to accompany the meats or fish. We rarely ate mayonnaise, ice cream or drank whole milk. My parents would drive to the local farm stands during the summer to stock up on fruits and vegetables; that was an important part of summer meals. My mother ate very little in the way of dessert and rarely snacked on junk food and there was not much of either one in our house. She did buy cookies and cupcakes for us to eat as snacks after school when we were children, but they were regulated—we were allowed one or two and that was all. We were not allowed to raid the refrigerator at will; the refrigerator was off limits once we had eaten our snacks. In that way, she controlled the amount of food we put into ourselves. Dessert after dinner on weeknights might be Jell-o with fruit, or a few cookies. On Sundays, we usually had a lemon sponge cake from the local bakery for dessert; she also made a great lemon cake drizzled with lemon juice. When I think back to the way she ate, I realize that she ate a bit of everything, but she did so in moderation. She never overate; she never overdid anything when it came to food. She was more the type to make sure that others were full before she was. But that could also have been her way of ensuring that she did not overeat. She drank a lot of water, loved her black tea, and drank a couple of cups of coffee per day. Breakfast for her was toast and tea. When she and I would go out to eat (when she was in her 70s), we usually found the local diner and ordered ourselves grilled cheese sandwiches with cole slaw on the side and a cup of tea. That was enough for the both of us.

My mother was a great walker for most of her life. She didn’t learn to drive until she was around 65 years old, and even then, when she got her license, she drove for a couple of years around town, and then gave up driving and sold her car. We often wondered why she did that; I think it was because she missed walking around town. She understood that she was onto something by walking. She didn’t turn down the offer of a ride if she had a lot of groceries to shop for, especially as she got older. But she looked forward to getting outside to walk, in all types of weather. Rain never bothered her, ditto for snow. She was in good shape for most of her life, rarely sick, not overweight (she was slender)—and she didn’t look her age. She was proud of that. When I look back at what mattered to her in the way of her personal health, I know now that my mother was interested in taking care of herself long before it became trendy to do so. She never announced it with fanfare; she was not an ardent missionary for the cause nor did she nag others to ‘see it her way’. She just did it. She would just say she was going to the supermarket to pick up a few items, and that was one of her several walks for the day. Sometimes we joined her, sometimes not. It didn’t matter to her if she walked alone; she enjoyed it. All these years later, I realize she was on the right track when it came to eating and taking care of herself. My mother was a quiet instigator of change. I appreciate her simple wisdom and ways of doing things, more and more as I get older. Her legacy lives on in the way I approach my life and in my approach to getting older. I wish my parents had lived longer. I got to know each of them first together, as my parents, and then separately as I spent time with each of them individually. I am grateful for the time I was able to spend with each of them.


Sunday, April 6, 2014

Quotes about friendship

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.
--Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
--Marcel Proust

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.
--Henri Nouwen

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
--Albert Schweitzer

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun.
--Charles R. Swindoll

So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good.
--Helen Keller

A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.
--Len Wein

Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
--Anais Nin

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.
--Thomas Aquinas

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.
--Octavia Butler

Friends... they cherish one another's hopes. They are kind to one another's dreams.
--Henry David Thoreau

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
--Walter Winchell

You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
--Laurence J. Peter

Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend.
--Plautus

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Letting go and finding peace

Ego says, "Once everything falls into place, I'll feel peace." Spirit says, "Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place." (Marianne Williamson)

I came across this quote the other day, and it resonated with me, especially now after many years of struggling to make work-related issues fall into place. Sometimes they did, other times I hit the wall or fumbled the ball and had to come up with new strategies. I kept thinking that once work issues were solved, I’d be in a better place psychologically and then I could find peace of mind. I discovered that it didn’t work that way for me. Things didn't 'fall into place' (work out as I wanted) no matter how hard I tried to make them do so, and I had to learn a new way of being. Additionally, the idea that we can make things fall into place by exerting control over situations or people is an illusion that is sold to us as sound advice over and over, in advice columns, self-help books, via well-meaning colleagues and friends. We're often told that 'we choose our lives or the situations that happen to us'. That may be true at times, but it is not an absolute. People want the best for us--I do believe that, at least the people who care about us. They mean well. But their words cannot guarantee a desired outcome any more than can our attempts to control that desired outcome. Things in life don’t always fall into place; we can't mold life to suit our desires. We don’t always get what we want, when we want it or how we want it, but we have to live our lives anyway, dealing with the jumble of stressful feelings that the struggle for control and order create in us.  

Although we can hope that things will fall into place, we cannot make them fall into place. I think another way of saying this is ‘let go and let God’. In all instances, the realization that we can have peace of mind without striving for full control and order, is freeing and peaceful in and of itself. During the past few years, I have rediscovered the joys of just being—something I was more in tune with when I was a teenager--not always having something to do or somewhere to be. When I am out walking in nature, I am with nature, looking and listening to the birds, watching the clouds go by, enjoying the warm sunshine in the midst of winter. I don’t want to be connected to social media; I don’t even need conversation sometimes. I just want to be. I think that is peace of soul and mind. When I find myself wondering or worrying about how situations are going to turn out and what my role in them might be, I tell myself to let go and to take a step back, so that I can view the situation from afar. It helps me maintain perspective. Perspective helps me maintain objectivity, something that gets lost when I get too involved in worrying about or trying to force the outcome of a situation. Perspective gives me peace, and the odd thing is that when I feel peaceful, I am much less concerned with the outcome of a particular situation, perhaps because I realize that I do not have complete control over anything. There is too much to obsess over in modern society, too much to chase, too many goals, too many material things to distract us and destroy peace, and too many interruptions. There is too little time for reflection, stillness and solitude. I want peace more now than I want any of the other things. At this point in my life, peace is worth gold.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

The Surrealism of Illness

Since the New Year began, major illness has already reared its ugly head for two people I know, one a close personal friend who received the diagnosis of multiple systemic atrophy of the brain, the other a valued colleague and friend who suffered most of the autumn with a persistent cough and was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. In both cases, when I heard the news, I was truly shocked. It just seemed so unreal and so unbelievable that this could be happening to them. When I finally ‘came to’, I realized that I have to learn how to be strong so that I can be there for the both of them in the best way I know how. Because their shock and disbelief, their sorrow and pain, are so much greater than mine; they have to tackle the surrealism of being given a diagnosis that could mean an earlier passage from this life compared to the rest of us. I cannot imagine what that must feel like. I do know what it feels like to witness the journeys of two friends who were diagnosed with breast cancer a decade ago. One of them received a diagnosis of breast cancer when she was sitting in her doctor’s office. She fainted on hearing the news. Luckily her husband was with her and he caught her as she fell off her chair. She was operated on to remove her tumor, received chemo and radiation, and is disease-free today. Another friend of mine was not so lucky; she passed away three years ago from metastatic breast cancer. She was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly after my other woman friend, underwent an operation to remove the tumor, but did not start with chemotherapy right away for reasons that made sense then but no longer now. Just because no cancer was found in the surrounding lymph nodes is no reason to not undergo chemo. But doctors have their viewpoints, and they most often prevail.

At times, I am struck by the surrealism that surrounds illness. It just seems so unreal at times and impossible to deal with, whereas at other times I am more inured to the idea of illness. I have a long relationship with illness; my father had his first heart attack when I was twelve years old, his second when I was twenty-one, his first stroke when I was in my mid-twenties, and the stroke that took his life when I was twenty-nine. I remember growing up worrying that my father could die at any time. I know he worried about the same thing because he told me that and so many other things on our walks together during summer evenings when I was a teenager. He had a wife and three children to consider in addition to the fear that he might die young. He was sixty-seven when he died, and that is young. When you are a child, you are perhaps somewhat more protected psychologically than you are when you are older and a loved one gets sick and dies. When I was twelve, I remember that my father was home on sick leave, that he watched TV and soap operas with us, and that he read a lot. It was enjoyable to have him home and available to us. When I was in my twenties, I understood more of what chronic illness can do to the afflicted person as well as to his or her family. The stress associated with worrying about a loved one affects the lives of those around him or her. Love becomes tightly connected with sorrow and the preparation for loss. Our teenage years were not carefree or sorrow-free.


I have learned to live with hopeful optimism and an objective realism where major illness is concerned. They co-exist within me, side by side, without battling each other for dominance. I pray for miracles at the same time that I know that there aren’t many of them. I’m aware of the statistics; I’m a cancer researcher, I know the odds associated with major illnesses, not just cancer. But I pray anyway for both of my friends. I also pray for the strength to be a good and supportive friend in the years ahead. It scares me to think that I won’t know what to do, how to be, or what to say. But then I remember my father, and how the most important thing was just to love each other. In the end, it comes down to that. Make the most of the time you have together. Create good memories. Life is short; for some of us, it is shorter, but all of us will face the day when we must leave this earth for good. That’s a thought that is always with me, since I was a child. 

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Giving someone your word

Always do what you say you are going to do. It is the glue and fiber that binds successful relationships. - Jeffrey Timmons

This is something that I’ve lived by for a good part of my life. It’s one of the major reasons that I make very few promises to people I care about, because I care immensely about honoring the few promises I do make. I rarely say to those I love—‘I promise you this or that……..’ without delivering on it. I won’t promise anything if I know I cannot deliver from the get-go (barring of course sickness or natural disasters that might prevent me from doing so). The few times in my life when I’ve had to break a promise to someone has left me feeling upset, disloyal and generally bad. It doesn’t take much to make me feel like a schmuck, especially where relationships and hearts are concerned.

Our word is all we have. When we say to someone, ‘I give you my word’, it implies a promise. Promises are not relative statements. I don’t care very much about what the world thinks in that regard. The world has become a supremely relative place to live in. What is relevant today may not be relevant next week, let alone next year. I bring this up today because so much of life, including work life, has become so relative. How many times at work have I been told that ‘the past is no longer relevant’, or ‘that was THE PAST’, as though the past has no bearing whatsoever on the present environment or discussion. But it most certainly does, it’s just that the current constellation of leaders chooses to ignore that fact. Bitter workplace rivalries from twenty years ago help to shape the current ‘stellar’ constellations and political atmospheres in many workplaces, so of course the past is relevant for the present. It’s idiocy to think otherwise.

How far back must we go before a certain period of time can be considered the past? Whose definition of the past is relevant? In my workplace, the past can be two years ago or even one year ago. Imagine living in a marriage/relationship that was governed by the same principles; that what was said to a spouse or loved one two years ago is no longer relevant in the present, it no longer matters. If we gave our loved ones our word in the past that such and such will occur, we are bound by our word to honor that promise. I don’t have a problem with the promise evolving or taking on new aspects, but the promise itself is to be honored. That for me is the essence of a caring and respectful relationship--a successful relationship--be it marriage or friendship.

The problem with the idea that everything is relative and that you can go back on your word is that loyalty, commitment and stability become less important over time. The image that comes to mind is that of a boat in roiling waters, always having to deal with instability and uncertainty. If we cannot trust the people in our personal lives to honor their promises, then we can most certainly not trust the people in our work lives to do so. If you never get to peaceful waters on those fronts, if you can never relax in a relationship, if you can never achieve a level of trust, be it personal or work-related, you are the boat that is continually buffeted by the waves. The waves will upset the boat and down it after a while, or the engine will give out. That is the result of an ‘everything is relative’ way of thinking. 

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Women and top leadership positions

Women in top leadership positions—a topic that continues to fascinate the business media. There aren’t enough women in top leadership positions, we’re told. Those women who make it to the top tell us that there is no longer a glass ceiling for women (there once was, but it’s not clear exactly when it disappeared); they’ve made it to the top, so that’s proof of its non-existence. So the question at present is why there aren’t more women at the top, especially in Norway where women get long maternity leaves, where daycare is a given (not free, however), and where men are raised to pitch in and do their share. Even in this country, women are not aiming for the top-level leader positions, and it’s been written about and discussed in the media. Women no longer hit a glass ceiling on their way to becoming top leaders; the problem is rather that women don’t choose top leadership positions, for a variety of reasons. Some feel that they are not qualified to be leaders; others know that they simply won’t be able to juggle a top-level job, a household and a family, without help. And some families cannot afford help in the form of nannies, housekeepers or maids. But such help is essential if you’re going to be a top leader. Because company expectations for a top leader are high when it comes to job commitment and availability (often 24/7). How top leaders plan their days, when they start work and when they leave for home, is a personal challenge for each of them. They don’t get all their work done between 9 am and 5 pm, even though they may go home at 5 pm. They are working in the evenings at home while trying to spend quality time with their families, if they have them. It’s a superb act of juggling; some women manage it, many do not. But many men do not manage it either, especially if they are part of a two-career family, like most are these days.

It’s not just women who don’t choose top-level leadership positions; it’s men too. I know a number of American men who are/were middle-level managers, and that suits/suited them just fine. They were content to stay at the level of middle manager, because they at least got to leave the office by 6 pm to get home in time to see their kids and spend some time with them before they went to bed. In the New York City metropolitan area, a commute into and out of Manhattan from a surrounding suburb can take a commuter an hour or more at the very least, depending on where the commuter lives. Even if a train or bus ride into Manhattan is thirty minutes long, getting around in Manhattan by subway or bus can easily add another thirty minutes to the journey. There are transit delays; traffic corks if you drive or take the bus. Nothing flows smoothly all the time; you’re lucky if it does. It’s a crap shoot when it comes to commuting; I can attest to that personally. My forty-five minute commute by car into Manhattan from New Jersey took me two hours door-to-door by bus. If I had had a family at that time, I would never have gotten home before 7 or 8 pm each day. That’s no way to have a family life, and my job was just a regular job, not a top-level one. I know some men in New York who were ‘reprimanded’ for leaving the office early (5 pm) to get home at a decent hour in order to spend time with their children. I know some women here who experienced the same when they left early (4:30 pm) to pick up their children at the daycare center. It’s tough to find a balance; I see that with younger people now as well. Husbands and wives drop off and pick up children at the daycare centers; they take turns doing so. A two-career marriage with children can’t work any other way. Sacrifices must be made, and two people must make them. The sacrifices can involve spending less time at the office. However couples manage it, the fact remains that choosing to be a top leader means sacrifices, the kind of sacrifices that the majority of men and women won’t be making, by choice, in this lifetime, especially once they have a family to consider. Top-level leadership is not for everyone.  

Thursday, December 26, 2013

What Pope Francis said about light, and some other quotes about light

I am inspired by what the new pope focuses on and what he stands for. He is seventy-seven years old, and I only hope that he will live a long time so that the Catholic church can undergo the renewal that it sorely needs. Sometimes when I watch him or read about what he has said, I wonder if we are not witnessing a miracle within an (imperfect) man happening before our eyes. He does not strike me at all as a false person. 

In my post yesterday, I wrote that I wanted to focus in 2014 on lighting one candle as the better way rather than cursing the darkness. It is so easy to get discouraged and to give up. But today at Christmas mass, my heart felt free and released from worry (a seldom occurrence in these days of work stress). My heart felt light, both in the sense of being illuminated but also of being lighter in weight. And then I read the news online that the new pope had called Jesus "the light who brightens the darkness" in his Christmas sermon. And I thought that maybe that's what I felt this morning at mass. 

The pope also said that "there are both bright and dark moments, lights and shadows", and that "if our hearts are closed, if we are dominated by pride, deceit, self-seeking, then darkness falls within us and around us." It all somehow made sense to me in that way when you suddenly 'understand'. And then I thought that I would try to find some other quotes about light, because this morning, for me, it was as though a light switch got turned on again inside of me. And that feeling has not left me today at all. 

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

“There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in.”  ― Leonard Cohen

“How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.” ― William Shakespeare

“There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.”
― Bram Stoker

“As we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher

“Fear can only grow in darkness. Once you face fear with light, you win.”
― Steve Maraboli

“I've learned recently to love imperfection a lot because it shines such a big light on God's grace. And if someone has grace for you that's when you feel their love the most and they see you for who you are and they love you anyway.”
― Lacey Mosley

“Love is not consolation. It is light.”
― Simone Weil

“You have to find what sparks a light in you so that you in your own way can illuminate the world.”
― Oprah Winfrey

“Because I was more often happy for other people, I got to spend more time being happy. And as I saw more light in everybody else, I seemed to have more myself.”
― Victoria Moran

“My first memory is of light -- the brightness of light -- light all around.”
― Georgia O'Keeffe

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Wishing you all a joyful Christmas and happy new year

To all those who follow this blog:
A heartfelt wish for a joyful Christmas from A New Yorker in Oslo. I've been writing this blog for three and a half years, and I still look forward to each post that I write. It's not always clear to me what my posts will be about, but I find that a particular theme finds its way to the surface of my consciousness. I can walk around for days with a particular theme as a background process in my mind, and then 'suddenly' I know what to write about. I am fairly certain already that many more of my posts in 2014 will be about my writing or writing in general. I will be publishing my second book of poetry shortly, and will share with you the book cover and information on where to find it. There is no money in writing poetry; there never has been. I know this and will continue to do it anyway. Because even if one person gives me his or her feedback, it's worth it. It's heartening when you know that you have touched someone with your thoughts and feelings in a poem you have written, when that person writes to tell you which poems they liked and why.

My hope for 2014 is that I will be able to remember and follow this saying more often: 'It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness'. This saying was first spoken in public by the founder of Amnesty International--Peter Benenson. For me, it is good motivation for living daily life, with all of its struggles and pitfalls. It's a reminder to try to make a difference in this life, to try to be a good person, to not sit back passively and give in to the darkness, whatever form it may take. I wish all of you a happy 2014.


Monday, December 23, 2013

What I want for Christmas

  • A different and better diagnosis for a dear friend whose doctor gave her a depressing diagnosis in a manner totally unbecoming for a professional—cavalier and unfeeling. My new year’s wish for her doctor? That he spend some time in her shoes to see how it feels to suffer the anxiety of having to wait until the middle of January to hear if he was mistaken or not, because he is no expert and should never have given her any sort of diagnosis in the first place
  • To find a way to be with my family and friends in the States so that I don’t have to wait until retirement to see them more
  • Better lives for those close to me who have problems maintaining their standards of living, due to circumstances beyond their control
  • To find a way to do what I love so that I can quit what I no longer love. I wish that for those I love as well
  • That we find and restore balance to our daily lives: work is work, home is home. We need both and we need to find time for both. Work should not usurp the role of family and friends
  • That the workplace does not continue to be the church where we worship. That we find our way back to our real churches and turn our backs on the worship of money, greed and competition
  • That ‘God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what should be changed, and wisdom to know the difference’ (Serenity Prayer)

Thursday, December 19, 2013

On the journey

“It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.”  Ursula K Le Guin

When I wrote my doctoral thesis back in the late 1990s, I used this quote in the preface. It was quite relevant at the time, since my doctoral work was a long journey toward the PhD degree, which seemed so unattainable at times. Especially during the difficult times in the lab, when things were not going well or taking too long, or when my articles were rejected and sent back to me. When I finally reached my goal, I realized that much of the enjoyment in pursuing a goal is in fact the journey toward it. I realized that the lab work, no matter how difficult or frustrating, was part and parcel of the entire experience. You don’t get to be a full-fledged scientist without dealing with frustration, long hours in the lab, difficulties, crying fits, wanting to give up, waking up the next day and feeling ok again and wanting to start anew. Pursuing a doctorate is a difficult experience; it’s a challenge that you are not likely to forget the rest of your life. I see that in some of the students I have advised during the past decade; they struggled, some hit the wall temporarily, but they kept going in spite of setbacks. One or two were whiz kids and managed to finish in three years what it took others six years to achieve. We all have a different road to follow. If it takes you longer than it takes another, then it does. That’s your journey. Sometimes, it’s what we learn along the way in terms of patience, tenacity, faith, hope, and camaraderie that keeps us going. You learn that ‘no man is an island’; that your fellow students and/or co-workers are there for mutual support. That complaining is part of life and work, but that solving problems instead of complaining is preferable. Life is a long journey for most of us, if we're lucky; there is no point in kvetching continually. The fact remains that life really is not fair; it doesn’t always go the way we want it to. But sometimes it does, and goals get achieved. And part of the journey in this life is taking the time to enjoy those achievements, to look at them and say, I did this, yippee. We need sometimes to pat ourselves on the back and say ‘job well-done’, before we start on the next journey toward a new goal. Because that’s a reality of life too. We are never done, we are never satisfied; we are perpetually meeting the next challenge. Each decade has its challenges and goals, I see that more clearly now than when I was younger. It became even clearer this past weekend when I was together with several elderly women, all of whom are in their 80s; their journeys continue—the challenges are different—most of them have to do with the vagaries of old age—but they remain journeyers. They remain interested in the world around them, they are social, kind, patient with themselves and others; they have achieved a certain wisdom that comes from a long life journey. They are my role models.     

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Quotes about meanness

I was thinking about meanness today, about how the world seems to have gotten much harder and meaner. How workplaces have also. Or have they always been so and it's just me whose eyes have been opened for good? It's best to focus on the positive in life, and I try to for the most part. But I cannot ignore the suffering and pain I see around me and much of it is the result of unkindness on the part of mean-spirited people who do not wish others well. The reasons for their meanness are no doubt many. I'm sure there are many explanations and excuses for their not aspiring to be kind people. So as I was reflecting on this topic today, I found these quotes about meanness. The first one especially is just as true today as when it was written in 1945 (from the book Cannery Row by John Steinbeck), perhaps more so now. Steinbeck is spot on with his description of the traits of success that we claim to detest, but oh how 'successful' individuals in society who possess these traits are held in awe. We tend to forget (or perhaps we just want to forget) that ‘making it’ in terms of success may involve behaviors that are not very nice at all. The last quote is one of my all-time favorites. 
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It has always seemed strange to me... the things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling, are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest, are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first they love the produce of the second.
--John Steinbeck

Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.
--George Sand

I consider nothing low but ignorance, vice, and meanness, characteristics generally found where the animal propensities predominate over the higher sentiments.
--William John Wills

Empathy is really the opposite of spiritual meanness. It's the capacity to understand that every war is both won and lost. And that someone else's pain is as meaningful as your own.
--Barbara Kingsolver

All the meanness, all the revenge, all the selfishness, all the cruelty, all the hatred, all the infamy of which the heart of man is capable, grew, blossomed and bore fruit in this one word, Hell.
--Robert Green Ingersoll

False greatness is unsociable and remote: conscious of its own frailty, it hides, or at least averts its face, and reveals itself only enough to create an illusion and not be recognized as the meanness that it really is. True greatness is free, kind, familiar and popular; it lets itself be touched and handled, it loses nothing by being seen at close quarters; the better one knows it, the more one admires it.
--Jean de la Bruyere

In a lifetime of observing and participating in political debate, I have seen a lot of meanness.
--Dennis Prager

Like the Earth, the Web is a less appealing place than it used to be. If I want attitude and arguing and meanness and profanity and wrong information screamed at me as gospel, I'll get in a time machine and spend Christmas with my family in 1977.
--J. R. Moehringer

Be nice to those you meet on the way up. They’re the same folks you’ll meet on the way down.
--Walter Winchell

The Spinners--It's a Shame

I saw the movie The Holiday again recently, and one of the main characters had this song as his cell phone ringtone. I grew up with this mu...