The murders of Rob and Michele Reiner triggered many reactions and feelings in me. When their son was arrested for their murders, I began to think about their other children and how they are feeling. Devastated for sure. Horrified that their brother is to blame. A horrific situation any way you look at it, starting with the murders; the parents had their throats slit and they were stabbed, according to the news reports. How can a son do this to his parents? How much hatred do you have to possess in order to do such a thing? People repeat the same phrase over and over--he is mentally ill. As though that should explain it all. It doesn't. The majority of mentally ill people are not violent, but some types of mental illness (schizophrenia and bipolar disorder) are more associated with violent behavior than others, as a recent article in The Lancet points out
People with severe mental illness as the perpetrators and victims of violence: time for a new public health approach - The Lancet Public Health Mental illness is not an automatic defense for dealing with killers nor should it be.
How can the siblings of Nick Reiner forgive him for what he did to their parents? I'm not sure they can. I don't know that I could forgive a sibling for doing such a horrible thing. I have experienced a few major hurtful and disturbing behaviors (not murder) in my life, and I honestly cannot say that I forgave the perpetrators, at least not for a long time afterward. What is forgiveness, really? According to what I have gathered from my online reading and from what my religion teaches, forgiveness involves letting go of angry and bitter thoughts and the desire for revenge. It does not mean that one is to eradicate these feelings, something that is not possible since we are human beings with feelings. The desire for revenge is strong. Forgiveness does not mean that one forgets what has happened. It does not mean condoning what has happened, or even necessarily trying to understand why it happened. I spent several years trying to figure out why someone would behave so badly to me, and that prevented me from moving on with my life. I did a lot of reading about evil and bad behavior at that time in my life, which did help. But no amount of trying to explain evil and bad behavior will erase the fact that it happened, and that it happens every day in the world at large. People can be horrible to each other on a personal level or horrible to others generally (think bullying and social media bullying, abuse, pedophilia, domestic violence, rape, murder, war and related aggression). The list is long and such behaviors have been around for centuries. Evil exists, even though many people would prefer not to label it as such, because they're not comfortable with the idea of evil spirits, demons, and the like. No one is comfortable with that idea, but many religions acknowledge the existence of evil and evil spirits, the Catholic Church being one of them.
I grew up with Catholic teachings. The older I get, the more I believe that true evil exists and that it cannot be explained away by science or rational thought. The latter is more comforting to believe, that if we just somehow find the right explanation, we will be able to find a cure for preventing evil behavior. It will never happen. In one way, by acknowledging that evil exists, our response to evil can be simpler. We can 'forgive' the perpetrator of evil acts in the sense that we can let go of wanting vengeance, let go of wanting explanations, let go of wanting to know why. But we can never forget what happened, nor should we. What we have experienced can guide us to better decisions and choices. Don't trust the wrong person when your gut tells you not to, don't allow narcissists to manipulate you, don't tolerate abuse of any kind (walk away if possible), protect yourself and your sanity at all costs. Because the cost of not doing so can be high down the road. Living with evil or in an evil environment can cost you your health down the road. In this sense, it is easier to 'forgive' a person who has wronged you in order to move on and away from what has happened to you. But it does not mean compassion or empathy for the perpetrator of an evil act, nor should it. There should be real consequences for evil behavior.
It's interesting that Christ came to save humanity, to collectively forgive our sins. At one point, he says 'forgive them Father, for they know not what they do' in relation to those people who wanted him dead. I'm not sure I agree with the latter part of the statement. I believe those who made the decision to end the life of Christ knew exactly what they were doing, which makes them that much more evil in my opinion. But perhaps some of the soldiers and people who were ordered to crucify him were ignorant. But does that make his death more palatable? Are these people off the hook?
It's best not to live a life burdened by anger and bitterness, burdened by the desire for revenge. It's also best not to live a life burdened by PTSD, anxiety, nightmares and the other unfortunate consequences of having been the victim of evil behavior or evil situations in general. I think of the the innocent victims of the countless wars throughout the world, the nearly 3000 people who died in the 9/11 World Trade Center attacks in 2001, the more than 1200 people who were brutally murdered (and raped first in the case of women) in Israel on October 7, 2023, the countless number of children who have died in USA school shootings, the 77 victims of Anders Behring Breivik in 2011 in Norway, the two young Norwegian women murdered in Morocco in 2018, the young women in Jeffrey Epstein's world who were abused to satisfy the insatiable evil lusts of the men in that world, and the countless number of children abused by pedophile priests and pedophiles generally. The list of evil behaviors is long. How do you go on living after experiencing such things, if in fact you did/do survive? How do the families of the victims go on living? A number of the survivors and their family members don't--they commit suicide because they can't deal with the aftermath.
So if forgiveness is letting go in order to be free of the feelings of anger, bitterness, vengeance and to deal with anxiety and other major mental issues after having been wronged by another, then forgiveness is a good thing in my opinion. It is not for the benefit of the perpetrator, it is rather for the benefit of the wronged. I don't know if this is in line with Catholic teachings, but I find it hard to accept that I should 'free' the perpetrator, especially if the perpetrator has gone on to other evil acts and shows no interest or signs of becoming or wanting to become a better person, ready to take his or her punishment. Freeing the perpetrator is a job that belongs to the divine. It is only when the perpetrator meets with his or her victims/families of the victims and asks to be forgiven that the picture changes--only when the perpetrator is ready to take his punishment. At that point, I still don't know what I would do, I guess it depends on the type of evil, the type of crime committed. I know what Christ would do. But that doesn't make it any easier to know what I would do.
