Zero tolerance for sexual harassment

Globally, the sheer number of women who have told their stories of sexual harassment in the #metoo campaign astounds me. Here in Norway, 487 actresses joined the campaign, and many of them told their stories anonymously to the newspaper Aftenposten (https://www.vg.no/nyheter/innenriks/metoo/aftenposten-487-kvinnelige-skuespillere-tar-et-oppgjoer-mot-sex-trakassering-og-overgrep/a/24189361/). When you read their stories, it is both heartbreaking and infuriating. Over 1000 artists in the music branch in Sweden did the same, and my reaction was the same. Who do these men think they are? And how did we get to this point in 2017? Where women are groped, probed, and violated against their will? Many of the stories describe attempted rapes—criminal behavior in other words. Do these men think they can get away with treating women like this? Apparently they do, because in truth, they get away with it, and have gotten away with it. None of the sexual harassers here in Norway have been named and shamed. Personally, I think they should have been, but it hasn’t happened and isn’t likely to happen. That makes it all the more important that men like Harvey Weinstein and Charlie Rose are held accountable for their disgusting behavior. I am glad that they are toppling, one after the other. I have zero sympathy for them, because they had zero sympathy for the women they abused. My reaction to most of them is that they can rot in hell.

But the entire campaign begs a larger question. Why are men behaving this way, and where were their parents in all of this when they were young boys? Why didn’t their parents teach them respect for women and for others generally? Did their schools fail them also? I went to Catholic school and we were clearly taught right from wrong from day one. Is it so difficult to behave correctly, to behave decently, and to behave respectfully? No it isn’t. It’s just that these harassers did not want to behave. They wanted what they wanted, when they wanted it, and it didn’t matter that the women didn’t share their desires. These men had immense power, and they abused it, as many men in power are wont to do. Otherwise, the old saying would never have been uttered by Lord Acton—‘Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely’. These men are corrupt degenerates, loathsome individuals, and terrible people. Perhaps they can change, but most likely they will not unless they are forced to do so, or forced to spend some time in jail for rape/attempted rape.

It infuriates me that some men (and a few women) are already calling for an end to the #metoo campaign, giving as the reason that not all men are sexual harassers. We already know this; #metoo is about some men's behavior, not all men's. But this is not the point. It is not up to men to decide when this campaign is to end. It is not their call. We have to be able to discuss this horrible behavior ad nauseam if need be. It has to be made clear over and over that men do not own women. They do not have any say over women’s bodies. Women are not their property; that idea went the way of the dinosaurs at the beginning of the 20^th century. The only way things will change is when the discomfort is so great, so painful, and so crystal clear, that male leaders and male employers wake up and do something about this behavior. If the campaign makes some men uncomfortable, good. That tells me that they are being hit close to home. Are they closet harassers? Do they have their own episodes of harassing behavior of which they are ashamed? That’s just too bad. Deal with the shame and the discomfort, the insecurity, and the nagging feeling that you are not good enough. Deal with feeling uncomfortable around women, of not knowing what to say. Drop the arrogance and the power plays. Drop the brutality. Drop the attempts to be cool in the eyes of other men. Drop the bullshit and learn to behave as a decent human being. Step up to the plate and call a spade a spade when you see sexual harassment of women. Call it out for what it is. Don’t stay silent, don’t be complicit. We’ve had enough of that in society. Stand up for women, treat them as your equals, be kind, be fair, be good men. 

The tables have turned and thank God for that

I've been writing about harassment and sexual harassment in the workplace for many years now. I've experienced both personally as have any number of other women I know. This is not just an American phenomenon, I can attest to that. Norwegian academia has its share of bullies and sexual predators who have run roughshod over the younger women and men who work for them. Some of us just got sick and tired of sweeping the bad behavior under the rug, as so often happens here. In the name of what--preserving the Scandinavian belief that those types of behaviors don't happen here--in purportedly gender-equal countries? They do, and I am here to attest to that fact.

Academia has traditionally been a conservative, male-dominated white collar profession. And there are many good men in academia who have behaved respectfully toward the women and men they lead. I know a lot of them and I am glad to know them. They better the lives of the people who work for them, because those people get the chance to grow professionally without having to succumb to the brutality and/or lust of their employers. But now is the time in society to shed light on the darker sides of life, and harassment and sexual harassment are the darker sides. If you have experienced them, you know this to be true. It taints so much of what should have been a good experience--having a career and growing professionally. The bullies and pigs can make you sick, physically and psychologically. It's easy (and wrong) to tell victims not to take it personally. How else can they take it? The bullying and/or disgusting behavior are aimed at them personally. I am so glad that the tables are turning now in society and that the sexual predators and bullies are being called out, named and shamed. It's their turn to suffer. They deserve it.

Society has dealt too much in victim-shaming. The days when I would let that happen are long-gone for me. They were gone a long time ago, the first time one of the pigs opened his mouth to say something disgusting or off-color to me. Or the first time a domineering and bullying man at work opened his mouth to tell me to shut mine. I told him to shut his. I also told him that he was the rudest man I knew, and he is. He's an old man now, and you could wonder why he's never learned how to behave properly. But he hasn't and he never will. Dealing with him is like dealing with a tantrum-prone child--boring, dissatisfying, and ultimately pointless. You deal with them simply by putting them in their place. And if you are labeled a bitch for doing so, well, then you are a bitch in some people's eyes, but they are not the eyes I care about.

I am re-posting today a piece I wrote back in October 2016 about sexual harassment in the workplace. The only thing that's changed is that more of this disgusting behavior is coming to light. And that makes me happy.

https://paulamdeangelis.blogspot.no/search?q=sexual+harassment