Amid the din, the need for silence

If there is one thing I will remember about the pandemic in 2020, it would be noise. The year was noisy, full of the sounds of boring, drilling, hammering, chopping, sanding floors, heavy construction, renovation, vacuuming, loud radios playing while all of the above occurred, and the loud coarse voices of the construction workers to accompany it all. It seems as though every apartment in our co-op complex decided to embark on some type of renovation project. It’s been a super annoying year in that respect. Apartments to the left of us, over us, under us. This is what the pandemic has wrought—young couples with money to burn, ripping out kitchens that are under three years old to put in new trendy state-of-the-art kitchens (that no longer even resemble kitchens), knocking down walls to create open spaces, moving kitchens to where the bedrooms used to be, and so on. Nowadays, the sky’s the limit when it comes to apartment design. There’s nothing you can’t do, it seems (except knock down a support wall). The problem of course is that someone’s kitchen ends up being situated over someone else’s bedroom. Or someone’s extended bathroom ends up situated over someone else’s walk-in closet. It’s a mess of rooms; no one really knows where bedrooms or kitchens will be located from apartment to apartment; it’s anyone’s guess.

2021 will hopefully be a less noisy year. But there is no guarantee. Last week and this week saw the installation of new fire alarm equipment in the hallways of our co-op complex—with the attendant drilling and boring through concrete to run new electrical cables from basement to attic. Working at home has been and is a challenge when faced with this kind of noise and last year’s noise. During the spring and summer I could take refuge in my garden, where there is peace to be found. The only noises there are the buzzing of the bumblebees and the chattering of the birds. Those are sounds I love.

I read recently in the NY Times that marine life is dealing with a similar problem—unbearable ocean noise (In the Oceans, the Volume Is Rising as Never Before - The New York Times (nytimes.com). The article states “But humans — and their ships, seismic surveys, air guns, pile drivers, dynamite fishing, drilling platforms, speedboats and even surfing — have made the ocean an unbearably noisy place for marine life”. It doesn’t surprise me that this is a problem at sea, when it is a huge problem on land. Again, I conclude that many human beings are uncomfortable with quiet, because when they experience quiet, they might begin to think and reflect upon the state of their lives, and they can’t abide that. Better to have the television on 24/7, or the radio, or to have their earphones on listening to music on their smart phones. Whatever can distract them from the unbearable experience of getting to know themselves.

Not me. I want quiet, I crave quiet. I crave the absence of noise. I look forward to the day when the boring, drilling, hammering, chopping, sanding floors, heavy construction, renovation, vacuuming, loud radios playing while all of the above occurred, and the loud coarse voices of the construction workers, come to an end. I will pop open a bottle of champagne and happily listen to the cork popping and not much else. I will rejoice in the silence. I will raise my glass in a toast to the silence.

 

Desperately seeking silence

It is difficult to find a silent place in the modern world. And on those days when one is really seeking silence in order to have some peace, it's even harder. My garden is about the only place that is unspoiled by noise, and the minute I enter it, my stress level goes to zero. Even when I go to mass these days, I can never find a quiet one, like the ones I used to attend with my mother on weekdays when I visited her. They were held in the chapel off the side of the main altar of the church, and they were small, silent, and peaceful. Just a mass without the frills. I find I neither need nor do I like the frills anymore. I just want to go to mass and find some peace of mind. I want the quiet in order to reflect--on life, on suffering, on sickness, on life's meaning. I need to do that; I need to find the time to reflect in order to understand what is going on in my life and in the lives of others. But I am not allowed that. I cannot find one mass at my church that is quiet, straightforward, and without frills. They are often long drawn-out affairs, with pre-mass processions, a lot of incense holder waving, a lot of (off-key) singing of modern songs that hold no meaning for me. I miss the old standard hymns (sung by a real choir), the ones I grew up with (like Praise to the Lord), the ones my mother and I liked and sometimes teared-up over (On Eagle's Wings). I miss ordinary masses, celebrated by a priest who appreciated silence and the absence of continual activity. There are now masses in multiple languages (Norwegian, English, Vietnamese, Tagalog, French, Spanish, Polish) at my church in Oslo; more power to them--I am sure the different cultures appreciate this effort by the church. But I wonder why there cannot be just one mass for those of us who would appreciate some silence in between the traditional celebration of the mass.

Sometimes I feel like I am desperately seeking silence. It's hard to find. When I reflect upon my need for silence, I realize that it is born of a lifetime of talking to work colleagues (having to interact in order to get things done), of sharing an office with others, of holding lectures, of attending meetings, of watching TV, of listening to the radio, of having to interact with the world the minute I wake up (via newspapers and other media forms). There is no escaping the inundation of noise that awaits you each day, ready to pounce on you and to destroy the peace of your day. I simply don't want it anymore.

As I was weeding in the garden today, I realized that my garden has become a place of peace and of silence. I pray as I work, reflecting upon the things I need to reflect upon, working out the solutions I need for specific problems. It has become my church of sorts; the way church used to be--when you could walk in and find peace. I can spend hours in my garden, and feel closer to all things spiritual there than anywhere else, including my church. I find that a bit sad, but true. And there is little to do about it. As I get older, I want peace, quiet, and time for reflection. If I cannot find them at mass, then I will find them in my garden.

Quotes about silence

Silence is a source of great strength. --Lao Tzu

Silence is a true friend who never betrays. --Confucius

Silence is better than unmeaning words. --Pythagoras

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls. --Mother Teresa

He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words. --Elbert Hubbard

Silence is true wisdom's best reply. --Euripides

Silence is argument carried out by other means. --Che Guevara

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from. --Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Keep silence for the most part, and speak only when you must, and then briefly. --Epictetus

One of the greatest attacks of the enemy is to make you busy, to make you hurried, to make you noisy, to make you distracted, to fill the people of God and the Church of God with so much noise and activity that there is no room for prayer. There is no room for being alone with God. There is no room for silence. There is no room for meditation. --Paul Washer

Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom. --Francis Bacon

Everything that's created comes out of silence. Your thoughts emerge from the nothingness of silence. Your words come out of this void. Your very essence emerged from emptiness. All creativity requires some stillness. --Wayne Dyer

Liars hate silence, so they often try to fill it up by talking more than they need to. They provide far more information than was needed or asked for. --Travis Bradberry

I am rather inclined to silence. --Abraham Lincoln

The value of collectively shutting up

My generation grew up with the quote 'Silence is golden'. And my mother also used to say, 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all'. Another stellar quote, in my opinion. We were encouraged not to open our mouths on all occasions as young adults, and as children, we were strictly instructed not to. Overall, we were raised to not talk back to our parents or elders. The key word was respect. We were taught to respect our parents and/or elders whether we liked it or not, and whether or not they actually deserved it. When I was around twelve years old, I began to understand that not all adults deserved my respect. But I didn't tell them that to their faces. I simply tried to avoid having anything to do with them whenever possible, which was not always easy. But not always opening my mouth to tell people what I thought--of them or about specific issues--was valuable training. 'Think before you speak' was one of those quotes that took root in my brain from very early on. I learn to be a bit wary of people who were quick to tell you their opinions, who were quick to judge others, who were quick to shift their opinions, and who tended to dominate with their opinions.

But back to the first two quotes. The world appears to have forgotten their value. Every time we turn around, some pundit is telling us what he or she thinks. The media and just about everyone else have an opinion about everything. Everyone is an expert on just about everything. I respect those people who when asked for their opinion, are honest and say they don't have one, or that they don't know enough about the situation to have a conclusive opinion, or something along those lines. I also respect those people who take their time in answering a question about how they think or feel about something. I fall into the latter group--someone who doesn't always have a ready answer or an immediate opinion, someone who needs to retreat into herself in order to think about what she really thinks and feels about a specific situation. I would say that my opinions about things are for the most part well-reasoned. I don't tend to 'open my mouth and insert foot'. I like working with and associating with people who are not quick to open their mouths with their opinions about everything under the sun. Modern workplaces encourage employees to brainstorm. It's all well and good, but again, the opinionated people tend to dominate. Those who wish to think about a specific issue, or who need time to do so, do not. In the world at large, it's the brash and the aggressive people who dominate in the media. Turn on the TV news, and there's another story about Trump--always larger than life, and who never shuts his mouth. After a while, you lose interest. Everything is drama, over-the-top drama. Everything is a crisis, except that it's not. The crises are Trump-made, and he uses them for all they are worth. He incites his followers, many of whom adopt his opinions uncritically. Trump is one example; the media generally are another example of those who never shut their mouths. They are paid to keep talking, to keep spouting the same story, the same rhetoric, over and over. I miss the days when I sat with my father on a Sunday afternoon and watched 'Meet the Press' with him. The debates were interesting; it was possible to listen to reasoned opinions from both political sides without name-calling, harassment, degradation or embarrassing situations. I don't want a world where the press is muzzled; I would appreciate a press that used more time on figuring out what is worth reporting and how to do so. Not everything is interesting, nor does absolutely everything need to be dissected ad nauseam.

I think we need to take a break from talking all the time. We need some silence. We need time to evaluate whether the opinions we are spouting are well-reasoned, and whether they are really our opinions or the opinions of media and political pundits. The world would benefit from a 'collective shut up', e.g. one day a week. We could use that day to digest the news and current events; we could figure out what we really want from our politicians and from the media. Or we could just 'enjoy the silence' as Depeche Mode sings. Whatever we use the day for, it's got to be a better use of our time than being the passive recipients of a constant bombardment of others' opinions. It may even help us to learn to better communicate. Because when we are constantly being bombarded, we lose our footing and we end up adrift. We end up irritated, confused, and even angry--angry at those people and situations that are constantly destroying our peace of soul and peace of mind. That cannot lead to anything good.

More Lincolns and less Trumps

There has always been contention and conflict in American politics. You need only watch Lincoln, Steven Spielberg's terrific movie from 2012, to see how the politicians of that time behaved toward each other, how they argued and fought with each other, and ultimately how making deals and utilizing their networks was what moved them toward consensus and solution. This was business as usual. Yes, the arguments were heated at times, feelings were hurt, and people didn't speak to each other. But they got over it and moved on. That doesn't seem to be happening now. If 2017 has taught us anything, it's that the behavior of the president and some congressmen is not business as usual. They seem to be in it for themselves, and to have forgotten about what's good for America. They want unquestioning loyalty to the president no matter how badly he behaves, and obedience to their whims and demands. We need better politicians, people who are truly interested in working to make society better for the people they represent, not for themselves. We need politicians who are not afraid to challenge the status quo, but who do so in a civilized manner, without crudely attacking others. Our job as non-politicians is to listen to what they have to say and to consider what it is they stand for and how they want to change America. Our job is to be actively engaged in protecting and caring for our society and our traditions, protecting what we stand for, protecting the values our country was founded on. Our job is not to be blindly loyal to any politician or dogma. Yes, America is my country and I am loyal to her, but I will object to all forms of abuse of power, whether nationally or internationally. Constructive criticism is also a part of being an actively-engaged citizen. Additionally, a civilized society respects quiet time, reflection and reasoning, and we need more politicians who appreciate these things. President Lincoln was a man who knew their value and who utilized them in his decision-making. We need more Lincolns and less Trumps.

The media cover every little thing that is said and done by politicians (among others), ad nauseum. I believe in the necessity of a free press. But I also believe in a citizen's right to privacy. It's not necessary to dissect every little thing about an individual. To dissect means to 'cut to pieces' and is usually done to a dead animal for scientific/medical purposes. Dissections of political figures are not necessary, at least not on a daily basis. The media dissect politicians and politics to a point where we cannot escape, no matter how hard we try. The constant unrelenting coverage is like a hungry animal that consumes us; the problem is is that it's never satisfied. Sometimes my reaction is to take a break from all the coverage, to seek silence and peace. Because silence and peace are what are needed to allow for reflection on the events of the world and how one might want to tackle them. It is ok to say that 'yes, I've had enough of the world's problems for one day', and to go for a long walk in nature. It's ok to want to start the day by feeding the birds, watching how they start their day. It's ok to start the day with a prayer of thanks for another day of life. It's ok to want to start the day with a peaceful soul. Because God knows that your half hour of reprieve won't last long. You will face spouses, friends, and colleagues who want nothing more than to discuss with you the latest political or world news: Trump, all the atrocities committed in the name of patriotism, why this, why that, the world is coming to an end, civilized society is coming to an end. My retort is that we need to seek refuge from the coming zombie apocalypse. That usually silences the fatalists. But who knows, that could be a relevant scenario in a few years--a genetically-engineered virus that spreads rapidly, infecting its victims and causing them to become 'anger zombies', similar to the zombies in the horror film '28 Days Later'.

This is what I don't want each day, at least when I first wake up. I don't want to start my day being bombarded with all of the bad news in the world. I want to say hello to the birds outside my kitchen window, to give them some food to start their day, to watch them for a few minutes. I want to make some coffee, putter around my kitchen in complete peace and quiet, ignoring the presence of the newspaper that will invade my day. I do read it, but I start with the comics, as they give me some fortitude to face the coming day. I need fortitude because our days are nothing short of frustrating and complicated. Bureaucracy, rules and regulations are the order of business. Our bosses and co-workers require our attention or interrupt us during the day with their concerns. Plans that have been discussed and agreed upon at multiple meetings are tossed aside in order to remake them in a new image. Our society is in constant upheaval, everywhere you turn. The seasons in nature do not change like this; the change is more orderly. Spring leads to summer leads to autumn. Autumn doesn't arrive and then suddenly decide that nature must return to July again. It would be a bizarre chain of events if such things happened in nature. But such bizarreness is almost the order of business now in the workplace and in politics.

I am looking for consistency and will never find it. I have accepted that now. I am looking for peace and quiet in a global society that has forgotten what peace and quiet are and why they are valuable for society. I am looking for manners, less aggression, more real feelings, more caring, more respect. I am looking for less egoism and more interest in the welfare of others. I wonder if we could all take a collective step backward and collectively breathe. Count to ten. Dig into our souls to find some patience, with ourselves and others. Be quiet. Be grateful. Stop forcing our ways of thinking down others' throats. Stop being aggressive. Stop being crude. Stop being Trump. For God's sake, start there.