If you as a comedian want to comment or be self-deprecating about your own height, weight, attractiveness, baldness, facial characteristics, way of speaking, etc, feel free. We can choose to listen to you and laugh (or not). The point is that we can choose. Many male and female comedians made the rounds on the television circuit doing just that--Rodney Dangerfield, Don Rickles, and Phyllis Diller come to mind. Were they funny? Sometimes. But one could get tired of it. They joked about their wives and husbands too, but it was clear that they had the permission to do so. It wasn't just sprung on an unsuspecting audience.
It is the same in our personal lives. Many people find it very uncomfortable to sit in the presence of couples whose only form of communication is to belittle their significant other via so-called humor. It's not humor, it's passive-aggressive behavior and it's unkind. It's hurtful. In some cases it's abusive. It's also extremely dishonest. If you cannot be honest with your partner about something that is bothering you, then that is your problem. And rest assured it is a problem. Having dealt with a passive-aggressive workplace for many years, I can attest to how destructive such behavior actually is; bosses who 'joked' at the expense of their employees, who were unkind via their so-called humor. None of it was funny. In group situations it was mortifying, since some bosses had their particular favorites whom they enjoyed hacking at. Those of us who defended the recipients of such behavior against the bosses also came in for our share of harassment. I have few good memories of most of the leaders I encountered in my former workplace. Most were men, some few were women; women could often be as unkind as the men were, just so that's clear.
There are kind ways to criticize others, there are kind ways to instruct others. None of them involve publicly disparaging people or publicly making fun of them. The few times I had to criticize one or two employees who worked for me, I called them into my office for a private chat. No one else knew about what I wanted to say. The discussion was between me and the other person. I could say that I didn't like their behavior or attitude toward others in the research group; I could encourage them to alter the way they behaved. If they didn't do that, the consequence was that we ended our professional association. I was not unkind, just firm. They understood that and also understood that I was not out to get them. And in both cases they altered their behavior for the better.
We come back to the idea of being nice. It does not mean being weak. It does not mean that others have the right to walk all over nice people. Nice is not the same as 'woke', although if we've come to the point in society where wokeness is the only thing that forces people to examine their unkind and unjust behavior, then it serves a purpose. I believe that one should 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. That's the Golden Rule and I think society should remember it. And those who think they're cool by being mean, try keeping your mouths shut. 'Silence is golden'.