University of Oslo Science Library at night

I took some photos for the University of Oslo’s Science Library in December 2011. The library is in the process of consolidating eight separate science and math libraries into one large Science Library that will be moving into the newly-renovated Vilhelm Bjerknes’ building on the Blindern campus. I was asked to take some night photos outside the new building as well as to take some indoor photos on one of our inspection tours of the building. Here is one of my photos of the Science Library at night.

(update as of March 2012--this photo was used in an announcement for the official opening of the Science Library on March 12, 2012 that was published in the Norwegian newspaper Aftenposten)

Clearspeak

It happened again—I was reading the Norwegian newspaper Aftenposten and flipping through the Culture section, when I came to the book review section. I came across a review of a new book by an (American) author. The nationality of the author doesn’t really matter for this discussion; what is important was that this was his third book, that his first book had been an amazing debut, and that it had sold very well. It had also been well-received critically. The small headline that introduced the actual review provided the following message (translated more or less literally from Norwegian): ‘only the mountains are the same as in the first book; nothing else achieves the heights that were achieved in the first novel’. Clear enough message, I thought—I expected to find a negative tone throughout the review. But no, quite the opposite. The reviewer used his column to praise the book, and ended his review by saying the following: ‘it is almost unthinkable that (the author) would be able to achieve the heights that he did with his debut novel, but with his new book he has shown that he didn’t just have one good book in him. This book is undoubtedly one of the year’s most important American books’. Why did this review irritate me, when it was in fact well-written and positive to the author? Because these types of reviews or newspaper articles are not uncommon these days. Because the introductory headline and the review itself were at odds with each other. Because the headline creates the anticipation of a negative review, when in fact it was not negative at all.

This is how I would have written the introductory headline: ‘despite the fact that the third novel does not live up to the standards set by the debut novel, the author’s third book is very good and will be one of the year’s most important books’. Nothing more and nothing less. You then know what you have to deal with when you read the review. Your expectations of praise and some criticism will be met. You will get a clear message of what the reviewer meant about the book.

I look for Clearspeak in most conversations and in most of what I read and listen to in the media these days. Unfortunately, I find that Clearspeak is in short supply. What is Clearspeak, you wonder. Clearspeak is the opposite of Obscurespeak, and even of Newspeak (a la George Orwell). It is the ability to express one’s thoughts and meanings clearly, so that your listeners and readers understand you. It is the ability to use words and vocabulary in an honest and direct (not necessarily politically-correct) way, again so that your listeners and readers understand you. It is not about being politically-correct or cowardly or any of those things. Clearspeak says—'I have an opinion or a specific meaning about something and I feel comfortable with expressing it clearly. I want you to know what I think'. Obscurespeak says—'I have an opinion or a specific meaning about something but I feel uncomfortable with expressing it clearly, so I will introduce a certain amount of confusion so that readers and listeners cannot ‘attack’ me for my opinions and meanings afterward. I’m not sure I really want you to know what I think. I am afraid'. Obscurespeak is obfuscation. It is also Safespeak—it protects the writer or speaker from being taken down or attacked, because your readers and listeners are too busy trying to figure out what it was you meant by what you wrote or said. Obscurespeak is the new language of huge bureaucracies as well, because if the average ordinary person actually started to understand what is written in the rules, regulations, tax laws, import laws, etc. he or she might actually start to ask some clear and direct questions that politicians wouldn’t want or be able to answer. Understanding how society and the government work might lead to grass-root revolutions and to an overthrow of politicians and bureaucrats who worship Obscurespeak and even Newspeak. Perhaps that day is coming and that is what they’re afraid of.

An excerpt from Fading Away, a short story I'm writing

........The marriage of her parents Frank and Anna had been marred by the sense of mission that her father felt in regard to keeping his siblings close and in frequent communication. Her father’s siblings had also grown apart like in Rob’s family, but theirs was a bitter and endless drama that eventually became a cold war. It had become his life’s purpose to reunite them, but he never really understood or accepted that he could not achieve this on his own. It would have required enormous good will from the six of them--three brothers: Frank, Eugene, and John, and three sisters: Colette, Maria, and Loretta--to accomplish that. They argued with each other from the early days in her parents’ marriage and prior to their marriage. The pattern was always the same-- argue over trivial things (to others but not to them), then slam the doors shut and close their hearts indefinitely to the very people with whom they had grown up, open up a bit again, perhaps on a whim, and then slam doors shut again for even longer. Eventually the doors slammed shut for good.......

 ........Perhaps they had cared about each other when they were children, or when they were adults and she wasn’t looking or paying so close attention. She remembered them as the creators of so much drama and sorrow in her youth. It colored her memories of growing up, the domestic family dramas, the melodramas, her aunt Colette and her husband Tom arguing at family get-togethers and her aunt locking herself in the bathroom and crying hysterically, or her other uncle, John, who was an alcoholic, who came home from his drinking bouts to his sister Helen, with whom he lived, and immediately started an argument with her to alleviate his fury over the misery that had become his life. He had been jilted at the altar, and Helen always offered up that little tidbit as the explanation for his behavior each time he went on the attack, but in truth, even when Lara was a teenager, she knew that he was sick and that he had trapped himself in alcohol and doomed his life to his dependency. She did not feel sorry for him, although his behavior never really stopped her from wanting to visit her uncle and his sister, until the end, when he lay in bed dying of his disease. She saw him as a person who ruined the few happy times when family had gathered together, and as a person who ruined lives. But hearts are large when you are young, she thought, and you think they will stay large and expand forever, and that they will continue to love and to forgive and to feel and to want, and then one day they don’t do any of those things anymore.........

A poem by Robert Frost

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-------------------------------

Another hope for the new year--that I choose and take the 'road less traveled' far more often. Whenever I have done so in the past, it always led to good things. So here's to new roads, unknown roads, roads of mystery and roads of joy. Happy New Year!

Hopes and wishes for the New Year

Some hopes and wishes for the New Year......

·         That I reclaim what was once a very important virtue to me—patience. I seem to have lost it during the past few years. Or perhaps I cast it to the wayside without really being aware of doing so.

·         Ditto for faith. Having trust and faith in the present and the future, that all unfolds as it should, in time. Faith and patience seem to go together. I had more of both when I was younger, during times that were much more difficult than any present situation.

·        Hope too. Without it, life seems rather meaningless and bleak.

·         That people drop their envy and learn to compliment others when a compliment is warranted. This doesn’t mean faking it or being superficial. It means being honest. When someone else has succeeded, achieved something you haven’t, or simply looks nice one day, for God’s sake, be happy for them. Let them know that you are happy for them. It doesn’t diminish who you are. It may be your turn the next time. And then you’d like others to be happy for your success too.

·         That the focus on competition in all things is de-emphasized. It is important to know and recognize that all individuals have different talents and strengths. It is not necessary for an artist to compete with a scientist for the same goal. Ditto for a scientist and an accountant, or a scientist and a politician. God bless the differences between us. I don’t want to be an accountant, but I have a lot of respect for what they do. Please respect my profession (science) and stop asking us to be something we’re not at work (accountants, secretaries, administrators, delivery people, media wizards and IT-experts).

·         That this culture learns for good that differences are good. All men are not created the same. We are different from everyone else already at birth. That is what the word individual denotes. We may enjoy the same access to opportunities, education, healthcare and the like, but we are not the same and we will not use these opportunities in the same way as everyone else. Can we for once acknowledge our differences and even celebrate them?

·         And while I’m at it, I hope that my workplace learns to respect its employees. They certainly haven’t done a very good job of this up until now (if ever). Perhaps 2012 will be the first year that employees in my workplace feel valued and useful. That would be an amazing thing and go a long way toward creating the kind of loyalty and dedication my workplace desperately seeks.

·         That politicians and administrators stop trying to regulate every little aspect of our lives. A lot of us feel micro-managed, at work and outside of work. Can we stop now please? Can we be treated as the adults we are and not reduced to the level of kindergarten children in all things? I know how to read, write, and interpret what I read, make my own decisions, and take care of my health. Ditto for so many other things. I’m a skeptic by nature, so leave me alone. Don’t force your opinions down my throat. I don’t need a hundred ‘besserwissers’ (German for know-it-alls) to lecture me every time I decide to do something that falls outside of the A4 (conforms to same standard) lifestyle that defines a lot of Scandinavia. There’s always someone to tell me ‘you don’t want to do that’ (yes, I do) or ‘why do you want to do that, it’s not going to work’ (because I want to and I didn’t ask for your opinion or your advice, and yes, I think it’s going to work).

·         That skepticism of the media increases, that we become warier of what we let into our minds and hearts, and that we learn to recognize evil for what it really is and how it manifests itself in modern society—as banality, hopelessness, indifference, apathy, need to control, need to dominate, need to destroy—in short, a type of negativity that is soul-destroying.

·         That we work for justice, fairness, honesty and compassion to counteract the negativity around us. All we need to do is to start in our personal lives—treat the people around us fairly, honestly and with compassion. And they will do the same with those around them. And so on.

·         That we ‘light a candle rather than curse the darkness’. Let’s light a thousand, even a million candles.

A little humor from authors about writing

·         I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Steven Wright

·         I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

·         A critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car.

Kenneth Tynan

·         I just wrote a book, but don’t go out and buy it yet, because I don’t think it’s finished yet.

Lawrence Welk

·         A blank piece of paper is God’s way of telling us how hard it to be God.

Sidney Sheldon

·         All the words I use in my stories can be found in the dictionary – it’s just a matter of arranging them into the right sentences.

Somerset Maugham

·         Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.

Christopher Hampton

·         A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.

Ring Lardner

·         A young musician plays scales in his room and only bores his family. A beginning writer, on the other hand, sometimes has the misfortune of getting into print.

Marguerite Yourcenar

·         Writing a novel is like spelunking. You kind of create the right path for yourself. But, boy, are there so many points at which you think, absolutely, I’m going down the wrong hole here.

Chang-rae Lee

·         Most writers can write books faster than publishers can write checks.

Richard Curtis

·         It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Robert Benchley

·         Writing a novel is like paddling from Boston to London in a bathtub. Sometimes the damn tub sinks. It’s a wonder that most of them don’t.

Stephen King

·         Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life.

Lawrence Kasdan

·         Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.

Flannery O’Connor

·         It’s a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.

Andrew Jackson

·         There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Somerset Maugham

·         Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.”

Samuel Johnson

The gift of time

Christmas is the season of many gifts, but it is not the material gifts that matter most. What matters most is the gift of time—making time for others but also for ourselves--visiting good friends, picking up the telephone to call friends and family, writing some Christmas cards—in a nutshell, remembering and even prioritizing others, some of whom may be sad, lonely, frustrated or just a bit down, and who may perk up a bit because you got in touch with them. Christmas can make us feel a bit down sometimes; especially when it seems as though everyone else around you is happy except you. It is a family holiday, but if you have no family to speak of, or if you and your family are estranged, what then? Where do you go if you are alone without family? If friends don’t invite you to their homes, do you sit alone and wallow in past memories that will only make you sadder? Do you force yourself to go out and celebrate Christmas with other folks who are alone and perhaps lonely?

Life is short. This can never be emphasized too often for me. Time is a gift. To have the time to read a good book, write, work on a hobby, be with family and friends, talk on the phone, visit an older person who may be alone, spend time with a child who enjoys your company—all those things are gifts, not only to others but to ourselves. Our souls grow and expand when we nourish it in these ways, likewise our hearts. In the final analysis, it is not how many hours we spent at work that will count when we are old. No one will care when we are eighty years old that we worked sixty hour-weeks. No one will remember that we did so. If you love your work, you are lucky, but I also think that those who truly love their work are also those who understand the work-life balance. They understand the blessings that they have been given—they treasure those blessings and respect them. There are many reasons to work overtime for years on end or to constantly tell others that you are so busy at work that you didn’t have time to call or write or get in touch. Sometimes it may just be about not wanting to go home—to an unhappy home, to an empty apartment, or to the overwhelming quiet that will cause one to reflect on one’s life and on what may be wrong with it. Sometimes overworking is simply an excuse to not face up to the changes that need to be made in our lives. Overwork is a panacea, and can be used as a drug to dull the pain of an unlived life, or a life lived in the shadows or under a ‘bushel basket’. Let’s make 2012 the year that we step out from under the bushel basket and shine our light out to the world, the year when we show the world that we love ourselves enough to share our time, talents, love and compassion, the year when we make time for others. The world will be a better place for it. 

What others have written about Christmas

o   Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.  ~Norman Vincent Peale

o   He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.  ~Roy L. Smith

o   I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.  ~Charles Dickens

o   Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home!  ~Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers, 1836

o   There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries.  ~W.J. Cameron

o   Christmas is a necessity.  There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves.  ~Eric Sevareid

o   Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.  ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

o   Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.  ~Washington Irving

o   Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.  ~Peg Bracken

o   Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish.  Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself.  ~Francis C. Farley

o   It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.  ~W.T. Ellis

o   For centuries men have kept an appointment with Christmas.  Christmas means fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving, a time of good cheer, home.  ~W.J. Ronald Tucker

o   I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day.  We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year.  As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year.  And thus I drift along into the holidays - let them overtake me unexpectedly - waking up some fine morning and suddenly saying to myself:  "Why, this is Christmas Day!"  ~David Grayson

Christmas in Oslo

The Norwegian Opera House

Downtown area near the waterfront

Oslo waterfront

Christmas tree at the University of Oslo

I've been taking a lot of photos lately, trying my hand at night photography. Believe me, it's not easy to get good night shots without a tripod. If you don't have your tripod with you, then you need to steady the camera on a solid surface, and sometimes that works out. Some of my night shots were satisfactory. I wanted to share them with you because I want you to see how the Norwegians deal with the intense darkness that descends upon their country in winter. The darkness envelopes you, there is no other way to describe it. It can be an uncomfortable feeling in the beginning of your stay here. So the lights go on in most buildings and they often stay on, even after work hours, creating a warming and comforting feeling when you look at them. 

We were at the Norwegian Opera House recently to see The Nutcracker, which has become an annual tradition for us. I liked the tree and the lighting, so I decided to come back and take some photos of the building and the waterfront. And then I was at the University of Oslo tonight to take photos of the newly-renovated Science Library, and I saw the Christmas tree and the lit buildings, and I had to snap them too. There is something magical about the lighting and the effect it creates inside of you. Thus, winter has its unique charm and beauty despite the darkness. When the snow comes, the darkness loses its intensity, so it is one reason to look forward to snow. 

Christmas at the Mall (Sandvika Storsenter)

We were out shopping today for Christmas gifts at the largest mall in Scandinavia--Sandvika Storsenter. It is located to the west of Oslo and is a short drive from the city. It has a large wall aquarium, so I snapped a few shots of the fish, especially the ones who were curious about what was going on on my side of the glass that divided us. We were also in an electro-boutique--sells everything from computers to stoves to smoothie machines. Had to snap a few photos--I mean really--walls of ovens and washing machines! Norway is so different than when I moved here. It has everything now in the way of material goods, thanks to the wealth created by the oil money. Twenty-two years ago, you had only a few different types of stoves to choose from; now, you can't count the choices. Supermarkets--the same thing--it's hard to know what to buy sometimes. Abundance is the operative word--an abundance of everything.

It gets dark here early now, so by 3:30 pm, it is nighttime for all intents and purposes. So it was interesting to get some evening shots of all the Christmas lights and decorations. On the drive home to Oslo, we stopped at the harbor area so that I could take some photos of the Opera House and the surrounding area at night. I'll post some of those photos in a later post.

 

Recognizing passive-aggressive behavior in workplace leaders

From time to time, I've decided I will present some excerpts from my book on passive-aggressive bosses in my blog posts. As I've mentioned previously, I've gotten a fair amount of feedback and comments on my book, which tells me that the problem of passive-aggressive bosses in the workplace is a fairly widespread problem. So why not share some of my views with you, and hopefully you will share yours with me and with others. The problem needs to be 'aired' in the workplace and talked about. My new question is the following: is this a managerial survival mechanism? Has the modern workplace become so complicated and confusing that these are the tactics that bosses must adopt in order to survive? If so, it speaks badly for the future of modern workplaces. Here is an excerpt from Chapter 1 of Blindsided--Recognizing and Dealing with Passive-Aggressive Leadership in the Workplace (these are just a few of the traits I have listed and discussed: http://www.amazon.com/Blindsided-Recognizing-Dealing-Passive-Aggressive-Leadership-Workplace/dp/1442159200/ref=tmm_pap_title_0). 

How do you feel at the hands of a passive-aggressive boss or co-worker? The word “blindsided” comes to mind. The definition of blindside is “to hit unexpectedly from or as if from the blind side; to surprise unpleasantly” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ blindsided). Thus blindsided describes how one might feel when dealing with a passive-aggressive boss. How many times have you come away from meetings or interactions with a boss or another co-worker, feeling as though you have been hit by a car that came out of nowhere? You just didn’t see it coming. How many times have you been the butt of a joke that isn’t funny or the recipient of undeserved comments, sarcasm and put-downs, and how many times have you wondered about the reason for this behavior? How many times have you ended up feeling used, duped, stabbed in the back, or the victim of dishonest behavior? How many times have you heard that same boss or co-worker describe himself or herself as a nice person (translated--one who tries to help others all the time, never says no to any request, tries to avoid conflict at all costs, one who wants to be liked by all, is not aggressive, never gets angry, is not tyrannical, is not verbally or physically abusive)?

A summary of some of the attitudes and behaviors that characterize passive-aggressive bosses (or co-workers) is presented in the next section. Using the traits and behaviors summarized here, I hope it will become somewhat easier to identify what some might call fairly typical behavior in the workplace as passive-aggressive behavior.

Attitudes/personality traits and corresponding behaviors/patterns of behavior in passive-aggressive leaders

1. Dishonest communicators

Communication with employees is not direct or honest but rather indirect, dishonest, and ambiguous. Employees never get a clear sense of what was discussed, what conclusion was reached, what is expected of them, or what future strategy or plan was outlined. These types of bosses can talk non-stop but little of what they communicate is useful for employees or even remembered by the leaders themselves at future meetings. These leaders are poor listeners and poor communicators. They behave in an indecisive and impulsive manner, are forgetful, lack focus, and are unable to think long-term or systematically. They lack the skills needed to create an organized and rational plan of action for their employees.

2. Flip-floppers

These types of leaders say one thing and then do the other. They change their minds frequently and cannot take a decisive stand on an issue. They forget what was decided upon, which confuses and frustrates those who prefer working with rational thinkers and leaders with the ability to strategize and make long-term plans.

3. Conflict-avoiders

Passive-aggressive leaders dislike conflicts, arguments, disagreements, overt shows of anger, or confrontations. They become uncomfortable or embarrassed by shows of emotion, especially anger. It is possible to recognize anger in them as their faces will redden when confronted and when they are told things they do not like to hear, but otherwise they rarely exhibit overt anger. They view themselves as diplomatic individuals, and many of them have an obsessive need to be well-liked or seen as nice people. They dislike being confronted or having their opinions challenged, but seldom respond with overt anger. Instead they will ‘punish’ employees who initiate discussions or debates (seen as conflicts or arguments). 

Julebord season

The Julebord season is upon us. Julebord is literally translated from Norwegian to English as ‘Christmas table’, but it simply means Christmas party at least in the way it is commonly used. Every year in Norway, starting in late November, employees start to prepare for their annual Christmas parties. And they are not few. Not only are there workplace Christmas parties, but also gutte-julebord or jente-julebord, Christmas parties for just men or women, respectively. And if you belong to any organization, e.g. a choir or a volunteer group, you can be sure that some type of party gets planned. Many of the people I know will attend anywhere from three to four Christmas parties before Christmas. For the most part, they take the form of sit-down dinners spread out over three to four hours, with a lot of food and a lot of alcohol (at least in the ‘old days’), interspersed with short speeches from company management or an organization’s leaders. They are fairly formal affairs; men and women dress to the nines, and most of the major chains of clothing stores advertise suits and dresses for the Julebord.

When I first started to work in Norway, the Christmas parties were often held on site at the workplace, in the hospital library or basement, where there was plenty of room to place a long dining table and chairs. Food was often catered by the hospital cafeteria, and alcohol was available for purchase. But the powers that be who arranged the parties often made their own aquavit from aquavit essence blended with absolute alcohol adjusted to a certain percentage. The alcohol was often ‘borrowed’ from the stock of absolute alcohol that the hospital kept under lock and key in each department. My guess is that the leaders ‘saw the other way’ when one or two bottles were removed from the stock, mostly because they also wished to enjoy the aquavit that was made from it. In later years the availability of alcohol was limited to one or two small bottles of wine with dinner; if you wanted more than that to drink you had to buy it yourself at the bar that was set up for the occasion, or bring it yourself. In any case, the flow of alcohol was never a problem at any of these parties. I have seen a lot of drunken people at Christmas parties here, including management and employees alike. In fact, I have been rather surprised at the number of drunken managers at these parties; it was almost as though they got a ‘free ticket’ out of prison and they made the most of it. I have experienced several of them in the ‘drunken edition’ over the years—unbelievably talkative, interested and cloying for that one night of the year, and eventually annoying. The other three hundred and sixty-four days they hardly knew you existed. You might be lucky if they smiled at you in the hallways when you met them during your workday. When they drank, they started to talk and unload about everything that was on their minds, and I thought to myself—I’m really not interested. Not interested in hearing about how your wife doesn’t understand you (classic), or how your workplace doesn’t understand you, or how you miss this or that in your life. Not my problem. After I went home at what I considered an appropriate hour (between midnight and 1am), the party was just getting started. People partied until dawn, and there was always a lot of whispering and loose talk about what went on afterwards. 

This all occurred in the mid-1990s; by the time we reached the year 2000 or so, our Christmas parties were often held at restaurants, with varying results. I can remember being stuffed into miniscule locales where you could barely stand up to go the ladies room or to go to the bar. I also remember one year (disastrous party) where we weren’t served food until close to 10 pm after having arrived at the restaurant at 7 pm. Not only were people raving drunk by 10 pm, but the food was served sporadically, which meant that some tables were finished with the first course while others were just being served it. I remember there was a guest scientist from the USA who was my table companion; at one point he turned to me and asked ‘When does the fun start?’ It kind of sums up about 70% of my Christmas party experiences in the twenty-two years I’ve been here. When does the fun start? He was right. Some of the parties have been stiflingly boring; I have a Norwegian colleague, a woman, and we more or less think alike about so many things. She and I have ‘livened’ up a few parties with our slightly anarchistic behavior. Do we regret it? No. What I can say is that our little corner of the table is often the liveliest—laughing, joking, pleasant conversation—all without a lot of alcohol. She has the same opinions as I do about public drunkenness. It is possible to have fun, even a lot of fun, without being piss-drunk. The Norwegians have a saying that they don’t trust people who don’t drink; I don’t trust people who do—especially the ones who never know when to stop. The few times when the parties have actually been fun were when they were held in large locales, like last year’s party. Food was served in one room (tapas table), which also had a formal bar where you could buy drinks or beer; the huge dining room was separate from this room and was at least comfortable to sit in. 

I have considered not going to Christmas parties at all, and some years I have dropped going to them. But the compromise now is that I leave at an appropriate time—more or less right after dinner--before the inevitable stupid behavior starts. In any case, the stupid behavior associated with too much alcohol is not necessarily reserved for Norway. I remember my father telling me about the Christmas parties at his workplace in Manhattan in the 1960s and 70s—the drunkenness, the bad behavior, the screwing around—all of it. He had no use for it, and I thus grew up with a father and a man that I could look up to and respect. I measure so many men in my generation against the caliber of my father, and many of them just don’t measure up. I actually think that many of the younger men I know behave better and more respectfully toward their wives and women in general than the men my age (middle-aged). Was my father perfect in every way? No. But when it came to behaving in a moral way, yes, he was a good man. The Christmas parties he talked about eventually went the way of many morally-questionable things—they became obsolete, killed by their own excesses, by the ‘never knowing when to stop’ mentality. I’ve heard that many corporations no longer have Christmas parties in the USA as a result of bad behavior. I don’t know if this is still the case, or how it’s done there anymore. All I know is that very little of this stupidity has to do with the real meaning or spirit of Christmas. And in the end, it’s the real meaning and spirit of Christmas that matters to me. 

One more post for today--update on NaNoWriMo

Yes, I know, there have been a lot of posts from me today. Probably because the negativity and cynicism in my workplace challenges me to rise above them, and I do that by tapping into my creativity and writing myself free of what promises to drag me to hell. I promised I would keep you all updated on my progress with NaNoWriMo, or for those who have just started following A New Yorker in Oslo, the novel writing challenge called National Novel Writing Month. I didn't make it to 50,000 words by November 30th, but I did make it to 33,000 words (about 121 pages and counting). In other words, I'm getting there, and I will definitely finish my novel and publish it. Why? Because I think it's good. I will show it to a few other people before I do. What have I learned from it all? That it's fun to write. But that it's hard work too, especially when you get writer's block for a few days or when you sit and write for five hours at a time with no breaks. Writing can become obsessive, creative, frustrating, depressing (when you get it wrong), and exhilarating (when you get it right). And only you really 'know' the exact moment when you get it right. Little wonder that editors and authors develop such intimate relationships. I can only imagine one other person who might understand where I was when I was writing---and that would be an editor.

But what I learned about myself when writing my characters--that was the best of all. It's all true what published authors say--you get to know and like (or dislike) your characters. You get to know about the people who are buried deep within you. The characters you thought you would be able to write 'well' are the ones who end up disappearing into the woodwork, and the ones who emerge front and center are the characters who really live in your subconscious and who have been clamoring for a chance to climb out and test the waters. So I let them. They directed me in how to write them. Well, I had a few ideas of the situations I wanted to put them in, but I let them do the talking for me. And that seemed quite natural somehow.

Anyway, once I finish this novel, I will start on another, and also on a screenplay that I will be collaborating on with another woman. So we'll see where that takes us. One place it will take me intellectually and emotionally is far far away from the demoralized workplace I frequent each day. And thank God for that.

Two girls graffiti

Just thought I'd share a recent photo I took on one of my walks up along the Akerselva river. Normally all you see on abandoned buildings is scrawl and tagging. But this was art, and it's lovely. Zoom in to see the nuances in the colors used for the hair. Nice work. Too bad there can't be more graffiti like this.

What Ellen Glasgow said

Ellen Glasgow (1873 - 1945) was an American novelist from Virginia who wrote about the changing world of the contemporary south, and these are some of her wise sayings. 

·         All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.

·         Doesn't all experience crumble in the end to mere literary material?

·         He knows so little and knows it so fluently.

·         I waited and worked, and watched the inferior exalted for nearly thirty years; and when recognition came at last, it was too late to alter events, or to make a difference in living.

·         Mediocrity would always win by force of numbers, but it would win only more mediocrity.

·         No idea is so antiquated that it was not once modern. No idea is so modern that it will not someday be antiquated.

·         No matter how vital experience might be while you lived it, no sooner was it ended and dead than it became as lifeless as the piles of dry dust in a school history book.

·         The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.

·         Nothing in life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it.

·         What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens.

·         Nothing is more consuming, or more illogical, than the desire for remembrance.