Saturday, April 3, 2021
Happy Easter
Friday, April 2, 2021
The gift of a poem at Easter
I love this poem for so many reasons that you'll understand when you read it. Enjoy. Wishing all my readers a very Happy Easter!
Wednesday, March 31, 2021
Reflections on the last day of March
The last day of March. The days roll by, the months likewise. One year ago, pandemic lockdown started. One year later, we're still not out of the woods. It's strange to think about. Surreal, really. I've given up trying to follow the news in any great depth. I manage to grasp the gist of news stories without really perusing them. I gravitate toward more optimistic articles, but even those tire me out after a while. I am not sure what I'm waiting for. I want society to get vaccinated and to reopen, but I have a feeling the whole thing will be anti-climactic by the time that happens. My trust in science has not really wavered, but my trust in leaders and politicians has not gotten stronger during the past year. In all fairness, I understand that they are just human beings like the rest of us, woefully unprepared for what has happened and scrambling to make the best of a bad situation.
The only place I feel whole these days is in my garden. The rest of the time I feel rather fragmented, pulled in all directions, by what is going on in the world, by country and local politics, by workplace politics and leadership (or lack thereof), and by spiritual leaders. It's all too much and it's all too overwhelming. The garden keeps life simple. It needs what it needs and you know what you need to do, each year, every year for as long as you have a garden. The garden keeps me sane. There's a job to do, a goal that gives one purpose. Our divorce from the natural world has come at a high price, too high if you ask me. But no one is asking me. I look at the urban policies just in Oslo alone. They keep on building and building ugly modern minimalistic new apartment buildings; all of them look the same and all of them have the same purpose, to pack as many people into them as possible. Oslo is to become an urban city--large, sprawling, packed with people. Why, I'm not sure. It's part of the Green Party politics, but I don't think their politics are smart. When one looks at pandemics, for example, it's clear that living together like sardines is not a good idea for keeping a pandemic infection rate low. Oslo can never become Manhattan, and why should it? Manhattan is Manhattan, and much of what characterizes Manhattan is due to politics from one hundred and two hundred years ago; having people packed into tight living quarters was not so much a decision as a result of and a need for dealing with the number of immigrants to the USA around the turn of the 19th century (late 1800s to early 1900s).
My husband and I got the first dose of the Pfizer mRNA vaccine this past Saturday. Without going into a lot of detail, there are questions as to whether the actual vaccine we received, which was not stored at the correct temperature and needed to be used up, will actually work; will our immune systems produce antibodies against covid-19? We were only told that its expiration date was on Sunday and we decided to take it, as did many other hospital employees that evening. At the same time, the Oslo municipality is calling in its residents to get vaccinated, and this is again separate from our hospital's vaccination plan, which is again separate from the vaccination program on Saturday. We got a message from the municipality yesterday saying that we will be called in soon to be vaccinated. The problem of course is that we don't know yet if the first dose we got on Saturday will work (it takes twelve to fourteen days to produce antibodies) so that we are hoping against hope that we get called in to be vaccinated at the three- to six-week time point, so that we can either get a second dose (or a first new dose), depending on whether the original first dose is effective or not. Complicated? Yes. It always amazes me how a small country can make things so complicated. The major problem is the lack of complete information; we get dribs and drabs of information but never the entire story. It's akin to being treated like stupid sheep, which I hate. It will probably all work out, but the ensuing disorder and logistical disturbance are totally boring and unnecessary.
Liquor stores remain open, likewise pharmacies and supermarkets. They do a good job of controlling the numbers of people allowed in at any given time, so no complaints. Otherwise, most everything happens online; you order online and your order is either delivered to your home or you go to the store to pick it up. Those stores that don't provide online ordering have suffered and some will probably close for good eventually (unfortunately). Pubs, restaurants, and training centers remain closed indefinitely. Not sure about massage parlors or tanning salons. Hair salons remain open. Churches remain closed.
I read the news from the USA, and it's not very encouraging there either. Spring break in Florida, where social distancing is non-existent. Rape and murder of a young woman who traveled on her own to Florida for spring break. Hate crimes against minorities. The level of racism in the USA appalls me; I wish the racists would go back to hiding under their slimy disgusting rocks. Politicians together with underage young women. NY State governor Cuomo accused of sexually harassing a number of women who worked for him. Republican men who won't get vaccinated. Still a huge amount of support for Trump. It's tiring to read and to listen to. When does it all get better? A vaccine against covid-19 won't impart immunity against stupidity, idiocy, hatred, racism, vitriol and bad behavior. I wish it did, but even if it did, there'd still be many people who wouldn't take it. Guaranteed. Because there are some people who won't listen to any reason and who only have contempt for science. It's always been that way, and at one point in time, even churches erred on the side of ignorance when it came to supporting or not supporting scientists. Luckily that is no longer the case for the most part.
We are three days away from Easter Sunday. I am hoping for a resurrection into a new year filled with life, not death, filled with good things, not bad. I am hoping for an Easter miracle, a rebirth of values, ethics, good behavior, kindness and empathy--for us all.
Saturday, March 27, 2021
Pink Floyd - Us and Them, from the album Dark Side of the Moon
This song, Us and Them, is every bit as relevant now as it was back in 1973. I'm not sure what happened to music over the years, but there is very little music made today that even approaches the creativity found in this album. This music touches your soul; the lyrics are poetry.
Us And Them
Us and them
And after all we're only ordinary men
Me and you
God only knows it's not what we would choose to do
"Forward!" he cried
From the rear
And the front rank died
And the general sat
And the lines on the map
Moved from side to side
Black and blue
And who knows which is which and who is who?
Up and down
And in the end it's only round and round and round
"Haven't you heard
It's a battle of words?"
The poster bearer cried.
"Listen, son,"
Said the man with the gun,
"There's room for you inside."
"Well, I mean, they're gonna kill ya, so like, if you give 'em a quick sh...short, sharp shock, they don't do it again.
Dig it? I mean he got off light, 'cause I could've given him a thrashin' but I only hit him once.
It's only the difference between right and wrong, innit? I mean good manners don't cost nothing, do they? Eh?"
Down and out
It can't be helped but there's a lot of it about
With, without
And who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about?
Out of the way
It's a busy day
I've got things on my mind
For want of the price
Of tea and a slice
The old man died
Friday, March 26, 2021
Leadership and followship
I've been thinking about leadership, about leaders who inspire and have inspired me, and it occurred to me that I have been willing to follow such leaders during my long work career. I have not been willing to follow leaders who do not inspire me. For me there is a clear-cut line between real leaders and fake leaders, and what separates them is their ability to motivate others, to inspire others with their ideas and thoughts. Fake leaders are those who are leaders in name only; they are only interested in the title, prestige, and money attached to the position. They have no idea of how to lead others or how to motivate them. Unfortunately, there are too many of the fake leaders and not enough of the real leaders.
I've been thinking about this since I found out that all three of my managers at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center have passed, the first in 2013 and the other two during the past six months. They were my managers, but they were real leaders, all three of them. One was an innovative pathologist who led the pathology department, the second was an idea-rich medical doctor/researcher, and the third was an attention-to-detail basic researcher who pulled it all together. They were an excellent team that managed to present their ideas to their team of employees, who worked hard to translate those ideas into reality. The results were good publications, successful grant applications, money to hire people and to buy consumables for the lab, travel to conferences to present our data, and money to buy state-of-the-art flow cytometers that our lab used at that time.
There really is nothing new under the sun. I've googled the terms 'leadership and followship' and discovered that I'm not the first one to coin the term 'followship'. As I've pointed out above, followship is a good thing if those one follows are real leaders who inspire their employees. Followship is not a good thing if it is characterized by passivity, conformity, lack of good ideas, lack of motivation, and a pervading sense of mediocrity. Negative followship implies that the leaders employees follow are not real leaders. Unfortunately, there is too much negative followship afoot, also in society at large. Rather than think for themselves, many people prefer to simply accept what they read online or in the media generally, without weighing the consequences or debating the wisdom and truth in what they read or watch on television. They would rather be passive and conformist, and those traits can be manipulated and abused by unethical leaders.
When I had the chance to lead a small project research group over ten years ago, I managed to do a good job, according to the feedback I've gotten from those who worked for me and with me. One young woman even said to me that she hoped she would be like me when it was her chance to lead others. Others have said that they have learned a lot from my leadership style. I've been told that I am a good people manager, but I know too that many of my scientific ideas were good and that the research projects that we were involved in were interesting and timely. Ground-breaking, no. But relevant, yes--work that may have advanced some of the knowledge in the field. I can live with that, now that my career is nearing its natural end. I would rather know that when it was my turn to lead, I stepped up to the plate and did a good job of leading and inspiring others. That's all that matters to me at this point.
Snowdrops and honeybees
Saturday, March 20, 2021
More pandemic humor
Pearls Before Swine is probably my favorite comic strip at this point in time. Stephan Pastis has had so many good commentaries on the pandemic in which we find ourselves trapped. Here are some recent strips that are pretty funny.
Friday, March 19, 2021
Pandemic humor
My friend Stef has been sending me coronavirus-inspired cartoons and memes since shortly after the pandemic started. These two made me laugh out loud......
Wednesday, March 17, 2021
Exit and the quest for more and more money
It strikes me, after having seen seasons 1 and 2 of Exit,
the Norwegian series about four investment brokers--Henrik, Jeppe, William, and
Adam--in the Norwegian financial world and their (mostly miserable) personal
lives, that we have been handed a morality tale, yet again, on the evils of
greed. Much like Wall Street and The Wolf of Wall
Street, where ‘greed is good’, except that it isn’t. We the viewers know
it, the creators and producers of the series know it, and the actors know it.
There’s a price to pay for being greedy, and it’s huge, even though payment
might not come due immediately. But because Exit is a series
and not a movie, it’s possible to delve into the lives of each of these men,
and you come to learn quite a lot about them and what made them the way they
are. None of them are nice men, none of them are men you root for, and none of
them are men you’d like your daughters to marry. They are actually evil men,
except that their brand of evil is banal—they are unfaithful husbands, whore
chasers, alcoholics, and drug users—by choice. Some of them are bullying and
aggressive (violent) toward other men (Jeppe and Henrik) while one of them
(Adam) is a bona fide wife abuser. There are several scenes with William, where
the camera focuses on his face and his eyes, which hold a contempt for others
that is positively chilling. Overall, these men are dinosaurs when it comes to
their views on women and careers. Their dinosaur stance is that they are the
providers, they want to marry trophy wives who don’t work and who bear them
children who are mostly raised by au pairs, and they end up resenting their
trophy wives for loving the life and the money that they provide for them. Part
of the deal between marital partners is that the trophy wives don't complain
when their husbands work long hours, are out late, don't account for their
absences, and have little or nothing to do with raising the children.
Exit is not for everyone, definitely not for the prudish, because of the amount of sex and no-holds barred presentation of prostitution and sexual activity. It’s all staged, that I know. But nevertheless, it pushes the boundaries for what could be considered decent behavior in most circles. Perhaps there is a point to it, or perhaps not. Perhaps the series’ creators and producers are cynical enough to know that sex sells. It does, because Exit has been a ratings hit here in Norway (both seasons 1 and 2). When the series is sold to other countries, it will probably do well there also. The acting is very good, the storylines likewise. It’s a soap opera for adults with lots of sex, about the financial world, the highs, the lows, the drug abuse, the alcohol abuse, the cynicism, the hubris (that comes before a fall), and the daily abuse by these four men of people who would be seen as normal people under most circumstances. These four men have zero concept of what happiness is; the strange thing is that they know it, and still they carry on doing all the things that most of us would never do. They are on a quest for more and more money and greater and greater kicks, and that can only lead to one end—the deaths of others or the deaths of themselves, or both. At heart, they are miserable human beings who ruin the lives of most people with whom they come into contact.
The character William tried to commit suicide in season 1
after many bouts with cocaine abuse and alcoholism. He enters rehab, only to
return to the same environment that he left—an empty soulless environment that
really does not permit or encourage sobriety, monogamy, fidelity, kindness, or
empathy. So he falls again and again, and by the time season 2 ends, it’s not
clear whether he will survive. The story does not really create much compassion
for him; rather, it seemed that the inevitable outcome of the storyline will be
his death, and it seemed almost natural that it should end up that way. That
actually seemed fine with me since he doesn’t really want to continue living
and since no one can get through to him. He wants to die. The others lead
pointless lives with wives and children for whom they have little or no
feelings or connection. They would rather party, screw hookers, and dull their
consciences with booze and cocaine. They would do that 24/7, except that they
cannot because they always have to wake up, sober, and start a new workday,
until they can dull their consciences again later on in the day.
One of the best scenes in season 2 is when Jeppe manages to
get his divorced elderly parents together in the same restaurant. His mother
and father (who now has a terminal illness) divorced due to his father’s
predilection for whores, his infidelity, and his mistreatment of his wife. When
you see the father who once was like Jeppe, but who is now lonely and decrepit,
you see Jeppe as an old man, and he is aware of that on some level. His mother
has no use for his father, and only agreed to the restaurant meeting to please
Jeppe. When they all sit down at the table and begin to look at the menu, his
mother suggests to his father that perhaps he should order some ‘ung due’
(young pigeon) or ‘smÃ¥ rype’ (small birds). The insinuation is clear, and it is
an excellent scene showing his mother’s visceral hatred of her ex-husband.
Jeppe’s father gets the not-so-subtle message, some unkind words are exchanged,
and he leaves the restaurant. There is no reconciliation as Jeppe had hoped for
before his father dies. Again on some level, it registers inside of him that
this could well be his future as an old man.
So what is the point of their lives, of living in this way?
These men have it all—great material success and a lot of money--and yet they
have nothing. They are morally bankrupt. It’s been said many times before--the
quest for more and more money is nothing but greed. I look at the television
portrayal of these men and their ‘successful’ lives--beautiful large houses,
expensive sports cars, extensive wine cellars, built-in pools, yachts, private
planes, being able to afford expensive restaurants and to travel, and I think
to myself—so what? Absolutely none of it appeals to me—not the materialism, not
the unbridled ambition and aggression, not the greed, not the cynicism attached
to the greed, not the cynicism attached to the abuse and exploitation of women,
not the ennui. It’s a bore, all of it. To paraphrase the bible—what does it
profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul? Indeed. Is it
worth it? What is the meaning of life between birth and death? What should one
do with all those years in-between, if one is so lucky to have been given a
long life? Should one waste it on activities that produce nothing, like working
as an investment broker, partying, contributing nothing of value to society and
the lives around you? It seems to me that a life spent on intellectual, vocational, and/or creative pursuits is a much better life, not necessarily always happier, but much
better spent, with something concrete to be proud of at life’s end.
There are also people who don’t work as investment professionals for
whom money is paramount. They live their lives in an endless quest for more
money, and the more money they go after, the more they fail at one scheme or
another that is going to make them rich. They want money too much. They make stupid and irrational mistakes trying to attain
it. They don’t use their heads. They trust the wrong people. They exploit their
families and friends. They are rude to other people, behave like narcissists,
and think that the world owes them a living. They are ‘high maintenance’
individuals, often live (or have lived) lives of privilege, generally lack
gratitude for most of the good things in their lives, and have no idea of what
it means to be happy. Some grew up without money, some grew up with plenty of
it; thus there is no meaning to be derived from their upbringings. Some of them
have fallen on hard times. I observe such people from a distance. Like the
scientist I am, I study them and have for years. If they ever do become rich,
it will have less to do with brains and intellect and more to do with pure
luck, just statistics. Perhaps it was ‘just their time’. Or perhaps not. It is
strange, this thing called greed. It makes people behave in strange ways, it
makes them rude to others, it makes them proud, it makes them abusive, and it
makes them miserable people to be around. There are wealthy people who have
learned to live with their wealth, who live their lives wisely, who do not
abuse others, who have humility, and who do not feel the need to flaunt their
material possessions. So it is possible to behave decently and have a lot of
wealth. It's just that we rarely hear about such people.
Thursday, March 11, 2021
Social media and unhappiness
I still use Facebook, but less and less these days. Since I live abroad, it remains a good way to stay in touch with my friends and colleagues in the USA. But after the political circus that was the 2020 election and Facebook's huge (and unforgivable) failure to block fake news, I lost a lot of respect for them and for social media generally.
There is research that shows that social media makes people feel unhappy, but much of it that unhappiness has to do with your popularity on whatever medium you use most, according to this article: Social media makes people feel unhappy, less popular: Study | Business Standard News (business-standard.com). Perhaps the bigger problems in terms of creating unhappiness are how much time one wastes on social media when one could be using that time more productively, and how unhappy one can become if one sees that friends or colleagues seem to be having a better life than you have. One can be assuaged by the fact that most people using social media are probably in the same boat--happy at times, frustrated at others. No one's life is perfect, no matter how perfect it may seem on social media. So my guess is that the more time you waste on Facebook, the more your brain will believe that others are happier and better off than you are. Just remember that this is not true; in fact, it's nonsense. There is no perfect world.
I'm generally not hugely affected one way or another by what people post--if it's happy news I'm happy for the poster, if it's sad news, I'm sad for them. I usually remain on an even keel. Recently I found out, via Facebook, that one of my three bosses from my workplace at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center passed away; he was 84. His son posted a nice tribute to him on Facebook; that is one of the good things about Facebook, being able to find out such things and being able to leave a tribute of one's own. It makes paying your respects and sending condolences much easier, as I found out when my brother died in 2015. It was nice to hear from the people we grew up with, fellow Tarrytowners.
But still, I found this Pearls Before Swine comic strip from yesterday, quite funny, and probably true for a good many people. Stephan Pastis seems to be focusing on the perils of social media these days, and he's come up with quite a lot of humorous strips.
Sunday, March 7, 2021
Just one more
Today's Non Sequitur by Wiley comic strip (another one of my favorites) was pretty apt as well 😀:
'If real life was like social media'--Pearls Before Swine for today
I love the comic strip Pearls Before Swine; I've been following it for years. It has the type of irony and zaniness that appeal to my sense of humor. This was today's strip--pretty apt:
Saturday, March 6, 2021
Elena Ferrante's The Lying Life of Adults
I begin Elena Ferrante's novels with a mixture of
fascination and dread. Fascination, because everything I've read by her has
gripped me. Her novels are riveting and her words flow on the pages, moving me
along and immersing me in her Italy, her Naples, and her family dramas that she
has carefully constructed. Dread, because I know that this immersion will stir
up the mud in my own life and memory; it will murky the waters that I think are
so clear, and yet when I dive deeper, I know they aren't.
How is it that one person, one writer, can speak to me and
to so many people at the same time? She has an uncanny way of getting right to
the core of what drives families apart and what keeps them together. She
describes the behaviors, utterances and dramas that comprise the push and pull
of family life, mostly without judging them, and that is where the fear comes
in. Because you know that the behaviors she writes about are real and often violent
to the spirit and body. Sometimes she judges them, but only within the contexts
of her characters, the ones who want to escape the oppression, claustrophobia,
and violence of family life. She allows them to judge, and we follow their
attempts to escape, which are seemingly successful, but we know that somewhere
down the line, the past will knock on their door and demand its due. At some
point, they will face the same situations that they ran from, and come face to
face with their early selves—the ones who said that they would never tolerate
this or that behavior, the ones who said that they would never behave like
their parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents. They experience the human
frailties, deceptions, betrayals, frustrations, rage, and even violence
(psychological and physical) that can be part of family life. The characters in
her books are flawed human beings, like we all are. Perhaps that is part of her
appeal. She explains some parts of our lives for us; I know she does that for
me. I finish her novels thinking, yes, that helps to explain this or that
family member’s behavior, or utterances, or bizarre points of view.
Everyone lies in Ferrante’s novels. Adults lie, but so do
children and teenagers. The Lying Life of
Adults is really the story of how teenagers become adults who lie to
themselves and to others. It is the story of how we become the adults we
profess to hate. Giovanna, the main character who is a teenager, is acutely aware
of the hypocritical behavior of the adults in her life. She has two friends she
confides in, Angela and Ida, the daughters of her parents’ friends Mariano and
Costanza. Her attempt to develop a relationship with her hated aunt Vittoria,
her father’s sister, has far-reaching repercussions for her parents, her
parents’ friends, involved children, and her own life. Vittoria is a destructive
force of nature. She is (presumably) the opposite of Giovanna’s educated, intellectual
and refined father, Andrea, who hates his coarse uneducated sister (the feeling
is mutual), and yet, that is what Ferrante wants to show us, that at their
core, both Vittoria and Andrea are the same. They are egotists and liars, they
think nothing of destroying others’ lives by wanting what they want (Vittoria
wanted Enzo--the husband of her friend Margherita, and Andrea wanted Costanza—the
wife of his friend Mariano). They justify their betrayals of spouses and
families and lie to themselves about how ‘noble’ their intentions are. Nella,
Andrea’s wife, is crushed by his betrayal and their eventual divorce, but tries
to live her life following the divorce as best she can. Mariano, who has
cheated on Costanza often, is also lost; eventually Nella and Mariano find each
other despite Nella’s protests to the contrary. Giovanna is witness to all of these
happenings. At the same time, she becomes friends with Vittoria (who worshipped
Enzo), Margherita, and Margherita’s children (Corrado, Tonino, and
Giuliana). Vittoria dominates Margherita and her children’s lives; she tells
them how to live and what to do and not to do. The relationship between
Vittoria and Margherita is strange and one I found hard to understand, but for
the purposes of the book, I accepted it. But I know very few people in real
life who would have become friends with their husbands’ mistresses.
Vittoria brought to the surface memories of my father’s eldest
sister Carmela, who was also not much-liked in my family. Unlike Vittoria, she
was considered to be good-looking; she was a refined woman with many intellectual
and cultural interests. But she was a drama queen, and no family gathering ever
ended pleasantly when she was present. She was unhappily married to one of my
father’s childhood friends, which didn’t help matters. My father probably felt
pressured to take sides, and he took his sister’s side against his friend. My
mother and my aunt did not get along at all; my mother found her domineering,
controlling, and nosy. Carmela and her husband eventually divorced; she lived
alone afterward until she died, but did have a lover whom she could have married
but chose not to. After one too many unpleasant family gatherings when we were
children, my father and mother decided not to see her anymore, and by
extension, we were not to see her either. After my father died, my sister and I
made an effort to re-establish contact with her. We found her to be a decent
person, but of course by that time she was old and in a different frame of
mind. I think she was happy to see us again, but our lives were busy and we
didn’t see her often. She died eight years after my father.
I could relate to those feelings that Ferrante describes—remaining
loyal to parents while wondering why we all couldn’t just get along, and feeling guilty for wanting to have some kind of relationship with my aunt. My aunt
made an effort to remember our birthdays with gifts and cards, but they were
never well-received, and eventually she ceased to make the effort. I remember
when my grandmother died, I was around twelve or so. Frustrations and anger
came to the surface, people said things they probably regretted, and the war
only intensified. It was difficult to deal with all those feelings as a child. But
I knew even then that this kind of family life was oppressive and
claustrophobic, and I wanted no part of it. And for the most part, I have
managed to escape it, but not without many mistakes and poor decisions of my
own before I got to a place in life with which I could be comfortable. Reading
Ferrante reminds me of my early family life, and it’s a mixed blessing, as I
wrote at the beginning of this post—I am fascinated by what she manages to stir
up in me, and fearful of it at the same time. Like a moth to the flame, as the
old saying goes. I know I will get burned. Unlike the moth, I survive being
burned, but it is a strange experience nonetheless.
Thursday, March 4, 2021
Memories and the concept of time
Loneliness and longing
At Christmas mass last night, the priest gave a short sermon about God's longing for us. He meant that God did not want to be alone, he ...