Sunday, May 23, 2010

Change

Another holiday weekend—this time it’s Pentecost. We have off from work tomorrow in honor of Pentecost. I’m not always sure why we celebrate the religious holidays since this is an amazingly secular country, but I’m not complaining—I will take all the free time away from work that I can get these days.

Change is coming. I can feel it. I just need to relax and let it happen instead of trying to control it. I want a change where work is concerned. I have used the past few years preparing for it, sending my wish for change out into the universe as a prayer and hoping for an answer. I believe that I have my answer now, but it will not be easy to make a clean break from the way I have looked at my work for so long. It scares me in one way and exhilarates me in another way. It IS possible to change one’s life even in middle-age.

There are many reasons to stay put in life and to resist change. But I am not sure that one can stop change from happening anyway. We cannot really control ALL aspects of our own lives. I think this is the greatest illusion that has been sold to us during the past twenty or thirty years, that if we do this or that and live this or that way, that we will be able to determine the outcome of such and such a situation. Maybe it does work that way sometimes, but more often than not, luck and timing have played big roles in what happens to us. I am glad that they do.

My mother used to say, when one door closes, another opens. She is right. I am looking towards the new door with great expectations. The door behind me has closed and I cannot go back. I don’t want to go back either.

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