Bits and pieces

Some updates on what’s going on--NaNoWriMo is by far the largest project I’ve ever taken on, at least in so short a time period. I did write a doctoral thesis back in 1998, but I had three months to do so and it came out to about 110 pages. It is a real challenge to write about 1700 words a day for 30 days in the hope of having a completed (180-page) novel by the end of November. I don’t manage this each day, so what I do is wait for the weekends, like last weekend and this weekend, and write in marathon stretches. I’ve tried writing late at night after work; sometimes it works, other times it’s a bust. I find myself snoozing in front of my computer, then I wake up for a bit, write something that later on seems completely incoherent when I re-read it, and go from there. Will I make it to 50,000 words by November 30^th? By hook or by crook, I will. I want to see what will happen if I do. There's no money prize nor is there a book deal, but I am learning a lot and enjoying the journey, and at the end there will be a novel (of sorts). I’ll keep you posted.

Took a short break this afternoon and went through some of my CDs in order to find some good music to listen to. I settled on Joni Mitchell’s Dreamland: The Very Best of Joni Mitchell. Most of the tracks are vintage Joni, but I found myself mesmerized by her 2002 version of Both Sides Now. Why? Because it is an older woman singing the song, and an older one listening to it, compared to when she first sang it and to when I first heard it. It is a melancholy assessment of life and love from the vantage point of the present—when years have passed and time has made us older, and we look back on love and life, on what we have learned and on what we have lost. Regardless of whether one has regrets about one’s past, one can still be moved by the truths in this song. She sings that ‘it’s love’s (life’s) illusions I recall, I really don’t know love (life) at all’. It had me in tears by the end of it. I still can’t figure out how singers do it; I try singing along and I get all emotional and teary-eyed, and I wonder, how do they sing these songs without crying themselves? I guess maybe because they sing them so often, perhaps it lessens the intensity of the feelings? I don’t know. All I know is that is a beautiful song, as is Help Me. I’m including the lyrics to Both Sides Now here—pure poetry.

Both Sides Now      by Joni Mitchell

Bows and flows of angel hair, and ice cream castles in the air.
And feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at clouds that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud’s illusions I recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. You leave 'em laughing when you go.
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud, to say "I love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall.
I really don't know life at all.