A poem by Robert Frost

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-------------------------------

Another hope for the new year--that I choose and take the 'road less traveled' far more often. Whenever I have done so in the past, it always led to good things. So here's to new roads, unknown roads, roads of mystery and roads of joy. Happy New Year!

Hopes and wishes for the New Year

Some hopes and wishes for the New Year......

·         That I reclaim what was once a very important virtue to me—patience. I seem to have lost it during the past few years. Or perhaps I cast it to the wayside without really being aware of doing so.

·         Ditto for faith. Having trust and faith in the present and the future, that all unfolds as it should, in time. Faith and patience seem to go together. I had more of both when I was younger, during times that were much more difficult than any present situation.

·        Hope too. Without it, life seems rather meaningless and bleak.

·         That people drop their envy and learn to compliment others when a compliment is warranted. This doesn’t mean faking it or being superficial. It means being honest. When someone else has succeeded, achieved something you haven’t, or simply looks nice one day, for God’s sake, be happy for them. Let them know that you are happy for them. It doesn’t diminish who you are. It may be your turn the next time. And then you’d like others to be happy for your success too.

·         That the focus on competition in all things is de-emphasized. It is important to know and recognize that all individuals have different talents and strengths. It is not necessary for an artist to compete with a scientist for the same goal. Ditto for a scientist and an accountant, or a scientist and a politician. God bless the differences between us. I don’t want to be an accountant, but I have a lot of respect for what they do. Please respect my profession (science) and stop asking us to be something we’re not at work (accountants, secretaries, administrators, delivery people, media wizards and IT-experts).

·         That this culture learns for good that differences are good. All men are not created the same. We are different from everyone else already at birth. That is what the word individual denotes. We may enjoy the same access to opportunities, education, healthcare and the like, but we are not the same and we will not use these opportunities in the same way as everyone else. Can we for once acknowledge our differences and even celebrate them?

·         And while I’m at it, I hope that my workplace learns to respect its employees. They certainly haven’t done a very good job of this up until now (if ever). Perhaps 2012 will be the first year that employees in my workplace feel valued and useful. That would be an amazing thing and go a long way toward creating the kind of loyalty and dedication my workplace desperately seeks.

·         That politicians and administrators stop trying to regulate every little aspect of our lives. A lot of us feel micro-managed, at work and outside of work. Can we stop now please? Can we be treated as the adults we are and not reduced to the level of kindergarten children in all things? I know how to read, write, and interpret what I read, make my own decisions, and take care of my health. Ditto for so many other things. I’m a skeptic by nature, so leave me alone. Don’t force your opinions down my throat. I don’t need a hundred ‘besserwissers’ (German for know-it-alls) to lecture me every time I decide to do something that falls outside of the A4 (conforms to same standard) lifestyle that defines a lot of Scandinavia. There’s always someone to tell me ‘you don’t want to do that’ (yes, I do) or ‘why do you want to do that, it’s not going to work’ (because I want to and I didn’t ask for your opinion or your advice, and yes, I think it’s going to work).

·         That skepticism of the media increases, that we become warier of what we let into our minds and hearts, and that we learn to recognize evil for what it really is and how it manifests itself in modern society—as banality, hopelessness, indifference, apathy, need to control, need to dominate, need to destroy—in short, a type of negativity that is soul-destroying.

·         That we work for justice, fairness, honesty and compassion to counteract the negativity around us. All we need to do is to start in our personal lives—treat the people around us fairly, honestly and with compassion. And they will do the same with those around them. And so on.

·         That we ‘light a candle rather than curse the darkness’. Let’s light a thousand, even a million candles.

A little humor from authors about writing

·         I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Steven Wright

·         I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

·         A critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car.

Kenneth Tynan

·         I just wrote a book, but don’t go out and buy it yet, because I don’t think it’s finished yet.

Lawrence Welk

·         A blank piece of paper is God’s way of telling us how hard it to be God.

Sidney Sheldon

·         All the words I use in my stories can be found in the dictionary – it’s just a matter of arranging them into the right sentences.

Somerset Maugham

·         Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.

Christopher Hampton

·         A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.

Ring Lardner

·         A young musician plays scales in his room and only bores his family. A beginning writer, on the other hand, sometimes has the misfortune of getting into print.

Marguerite Yourcenar

·         Writing a novel is like spelunking. You kind of create the right path for yourself. But, boy, are there so many points at which you think, absolutely, I’m going down the wrong hole here.

Chang-rae Lee

·         Most writers can write books faster than publishers can write checks.

Richard Curtis

·         It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Robert Benchley

·         Writing a novel is like paddling from Boston to London in a bathtub. Sometimes the damn tub sinks. It’s a wonder that most of them don’t.

Stephen King

·         Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life.

Lawrence Kasdan

·         Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.

Flannery O’Connor

·         It’s a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.

Andrew Jackson

·         There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Somerset Maugham

·         Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.”

Samuel Johnson

The gift of time

Christmas is the season of many gifts, but it is not the material gifts that matter most. What matters most is the gift of time—making time for others but also for ourselves--visiting good friends, picking up the telephone to call friends and family, writing some Christmas cards—in a nutshell, remembering and even prioritizing others, some of whom may be sad, lonely, frustrated or just a bit down, and who may perk up a bit because you got in touch with them. Christmas can make us feel a bit down sometimes; especially when it seems as though everyone else around you is happy except you. It is a family holiday, but if you have no family to speak of, or if you and your family are estranged, what then? Where do you go if you are alone without family? If friends don’t invite you to their homes, do you sit alone and wallow in past memories that will only make you sadder? Do you force yourself to go out and celebrate Christmas with other folks who are alone and perhaps lonely?

Life is short. This can never be emphasized too often for me. Time is a gift. To have the time to read a good book, write, work on a hobby, be with family and friends, talk on the phone, visit an older person who may be alone, spend time with a child who enjoys your company—all those things are gifts, not only to others but to ourselves. Our souls grow and expand when we nourish it in these ways, likewise our hearts. In the final analysis, it is not how many hours we spent at work that will count when we are old. No one will care when we are eighty years old that we worked sixty hour-weeks. No one will remember that we did so. If you love your work, you are lucky, but I also think that those who truly love their work are also those who understand the work-life balance. They understand the blessings that they have been given—they treasure those blessings and respect them. There are many reasons to work overtime for years on end or to constantly tell others that you are so busy at work that you didn’t have time to call or write or get in touch. Sometimes it may just be about not wanting to go home—to an unhappy home, to an empty apartment, or to the overwhelming quiet that will cause one to reflect on one’s life and on what may be wrong with it. Sometimes overworking is simply an excuse to not face up to the changes that need to be made in our lives. Overwork is a panacea, and can be used as a drug to dull the pain of an unlived life, or a life lived in the shadows or under a ‘bushel basket’. Let’s make 2012 the year that we step out from under the bushel basket and shine our light out to the world, the year when we show the world that we love ourselves enough to share our time, talents, love and compassion, the year when we make time for others. The world will be a better place for it. 

What others have written about Christmas

o   Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.  ~Norman Vincent Peale

o   He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.  ~Roy L. Smith

o   I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.  ~Charles Dickens

o   Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home!  ~Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers, 1836

o   There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries.  ~W.J. Cameron

o   Christmas is a necessity.  There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves.  ~Eric Sevareid

o   Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.  ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

o   Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.  ~Washington Irving

o   Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.  ~Peg Bracken

o   Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish.  Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself.  ~Francis C. Farley

o   It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.  ~W.T. Ellis

o   For centuries men have kept an appointment with Christmas.  Christmas means fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving, a time of good cheer, home.  ~W.J. Ronald Tucker

o   I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day.  We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year.  As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year.  And thus I drift along into the holidays - let them overtake me unexpectedly - waking up some fine morning and suddenly saying to myself:  "Why, this is Christmas Day!"  ~David Grayson

Christmas in Oslo

The Norwegian Opera House

Downtown area near the waterfront

Oslo waterfront

Christmas tree at the University of Oslo

I've been taking a lot of photos lately, trying my hand at night photography. Believe me, it's not easy to get good night shots without a tripod. If you don't have your tripod with you, then you need to steady the camera on a solid surface, and sometimes that works out. Some of my night shots were satisfactory. I wanted to share them with you because I want you to see how the Norwegians deal with the intense darkness that descends upon their country in winter. The darkness envelopes you, there is no other way to describe it. It can be an uncomfortable feeling in the beginning of your stay here. So the lights go on in most buildings and they often stay on, even after work hours, creating a warming and comforting feeling when you look at them. 

We were at the Norwegian Opera House recently to see The Nutcracker, which has become an annual tradition for us. I liked the tree and the lighting, so I decided to come back and take some photos of the building and the waterfront. And then I was at the University of Oslo tonight to take photos of the newly-renovated Science Library, and I saw the Christmas tree and the lit buildings, and I had to snap them too. There is something magical about the lighting and the effect it creates inside of you. Thus, winter has its unique charm and beauty despite the darkness. When the snow comes, the darkness loses its intensity, so it is one reason to look forward to snow. 

Christmas at the Mall (Sandvika Storsenter)

We were out shopping today for Christmas gifts at the largest mall in Scandinavia--Sandvika Storsenter. It is located to the west of Oslo and is a short drive from the city. It has a large wall aquarium, so I snapped a few shots of the fish, especially the ones who were curious about what was going on on my side of the glass that divided us. We were also in an electro-boutique--sells everything from computers to stoves to smoothie machines. Had to snap a few photos--I mean really--walls of ovens and washing machines! Norway is so different than when I moved here. It has everything now in the way of material goods, thanks to the wealth created by the oil money. Twenty-two years ago, you had only a few different types of stoves to choose from; now, you can't count the choices. Supermarkets--the same thing--it's hard to know what to buy sometimes. Abundance is the operative word--an abundance of everything.

It gets dark here early now, so by 3:30 pm, it is nighttime for all intents and purposes. So it was interesting to get some evening shots of all the Christmas lights and decorations. On the drive home to Oslo, we stopped at the harbor area so that I could take some photos of the Opera House and the surrounding area at night. I'll post some of those photos in a later post.

 

Recognizing passive-aggressive behavior in workplace leaders

From time to time, I've decided I will present some excerpts from my book on passive-aggressive bosses in my blog posts. As I've mentioned previously, I've gotten a fair amount of feedback and comments on my book, which tells me that the problem of passive-aggressive bosses in the workplace is a fairly widespread problem. So why not share some of my views with you, and hopefully you will share yours with me and with others. The problem needs to be 'aired' in the workplace and talked about. My new question is the following: is this a managerial survival mechanism? Has the modern workplace become so complicated and confusing that these are the tactics that bosses must adopt in order to survive? If so, it speaks badly for the future of modern workplaces. Here is an excerpt from Chapter 1 of Blindsided--Recognizing and Dealing with Passive-Aggressive Leadership in the Workplace (these are just a few of the traits I have listed and discussed: http://www.amazon.com/Blindsided-Recognizing-Dealing-Passive-Aggressive-Leadership-Workplace/dp/1442159200/ref=tmm_pap_title_0). 

How do you feel at the hands of a passive-aggressive boss or co-worker? The word “blindsided” comes to mind. The definition of blindside is “to hit unexpectedly from or as if from the blind side; to surprise unpleasantly” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ blindsided). Thus blindsided describes how one might feel when dealing with a passive-aggressive boss. How many times have you come away from meetings or interactions with a boss or another co-worker, feeling as though you have been hit by a car that came out of nowhere? You just didn’t see it coming. How many times have you been the butt of a joke that isn’t funny or the recipient of undeserved comments, sarcasm and put-downs, and how many times have you wondered about the reason for this behavior? How many times have you ended up feeling used, duped, stabbed in the back, or the victim of dishonest behavior? How many times have you heard that same boss or co-worker describe himself or herself as a nice person (translated--one who tries to help others all the time, never says no to any request, tries to avoid conflict at all costs, one who wants to be liked by all, is not aggressive, never gets angry, is not tyrannical, is not verbally or physically abusive)?

A summary of some of the attitudes and behaviors that characterize passive-aggressive bosses (or co-workers) is presented in the next section. Using the traits and behaviors summarized here, I hope it will become somewhat easier to identify what some might call fairly typical behavior in the workplace as passive-aggressive behavior.

Attitudes/personality traits and corresponding behaviors/patterns of behavior in passive-aggressive leaders

1. Dishonest communicators

Communication with employees is not direct or honest but rather indirect, dishonest, and ambiguous. Employees never get a clear sense of what was discussed, what conclusion was reached, what is expected of them, or what future strategy or plan was outlined. These types of bosses can talk non-stop but little of what they communicate is useful for employees or even remembered by the leaders themselves at future meetings. These leaders are poor listeners and poor communicators. They behave in an indecisive and impulsive manner, are forgetful, lack focus, and are unable to think long-term or systematically. They lack the skills needed to create an organized and rational plan of action for their employees.

2. Flip-floppers

These types of leaders say one thing and then do the other. They change their minds frequently and cannot take a decisive stand on an issue. They forget what was decided upon, which confuses and frustrates those who prefer working with rational thinkers and leaders with the ability to strategize and make long-term plans.

3. Conflict-avoiders

Passive-aggressive leaders dislike conflicts, arguments, disagreements, overt shows of anger, or confrontations. They become uncomfortable or embarrassed by shows of emotion, especially anger. It is possible to recognize anger in them as their faces will redden when confronted and when they are told things they do not like to hear, but otherwise they rarely exhibit overt anger. They view themselves as diplomatic individuals, and many of them have an obsessive need to be well-liked or seen as nice people. They dislike being confronted or having their opinions challenged, but seldom respond with overt anger. Instead they will ‘punish’ employees who initiate discussions or debates (seen as conflicts or arguments). 

Julebord season

The Julebord season is upon us. Julebord is literally translated from Norwegian to English as ‘Christmas table’, but it simply means Christmas party at least in the way it is commonly used. Every year in Norway, starting in late November, employees start to prepare for their annual Christmas parties. And they are not few. Not only are there workplace Christmas parties, but also gutte-julebord or jente-julebord, Christmas parties for just men or women, respectively. And if you belong to any organization, e.g. a choir or a volunteer group, you can be sure that some type of party gets planned. Many of the people I know will attend anywhere from three to four Christmas parties before Christmas. For the most part, they take the form of sit-down dinners spread out over three to four hours, with a lot of food and a lot of alcohol (at least in the ‘old days’), interspersed with short speeches from company management or an organization’s leaders. They are fairly formal affairs; men and women dress to the nines, and most of the major chains of clothing stores advertise suits and dresses for the Julebord.

When I first started to work in Norway, the Christmas parties were often held on site at the workplace, in the hospital library or basement, where there was plenty of room to place a long dining table and chairs. Food was often catered by the hospital cafeteria, and alcohol was available for purchase. But the powers that be who arranged the parties often made their own aquavit from aquavit essence blended with absolute alcohol adjusted to a certain percentage. The alcohol was often ‘borrowed’ from the stock of absolute alcohol that the hospital kept under lock and key in each department. My guess is that the leaders ‘saw the other way’ when one or two bottles were removed from the stock, mostly because they also wished to enjoy the aquavit that was made from it. In later years the availability of alcohol was limited to one or two small bottles of wine with dinner; if you wanted more than that to drink you had to buy it yourself at the bar that was set up for the occasion, or bring it yourself. In any case, the flow of alcohol was never a problem at any of these parties. I have seen a lot of drunken people at Christmas parties here, including management and employees alike. In fact, I have been rather surprised at the number of drunken managers at these parties; it was almost as though they got a ‘free ticket’ out of prison and they made the most of it. I have experienced several of them in the ‘drunken edition’ over the years—unbelievably talkative, interested and cloying for that one night of the year, and eventually annoying. The other three hundred and sixty-four days they hardly knew you existed. You might be lucky if they smiled at you in the hallways when you met them during your workday. When they drank, they started to talk and unload about everything that was on their minds, and I thought to myself—I’m really not interested. Not interested in hearing about how your wife doesn’t understand you (classic), or how your workplace doesn’t understand you, or how you miss this or that in your life. Not my problem. After I went home at what I considered an appropriate hour (between midnight and 1am), the party was just getting started. People partied until dawn, and there was always a lot of whispering and loose talk about what went on afterwards. 

This all occurred in the mid-1990s; by the time we reached the year 2000 or so, our Christmas parties were often held at restaurants, with varying results. I can remember being stuffed into miniscule locales where you could barely stand up to go the ladies room or to go to the bar. I also remember one year (disastrous party) where we weren’t served food until close to 10 pm after having arrived at the restaurant at 7 pm. Not only were people raving drunk by 10 pm, but the food was served sporadically, which meant that some tables were finished with the first course while others were just being served it. I remember there was a guest scientist from the USA who was my table companion; at one point he turned to me and asked ‘When does the fun start?’ It kind of sums up about 70% of my Christmas party experiences in the twenty-two years I’ve been here. When does the fun start? He was right. Some of the parties have been stiflingly boring; I have a Norwegian colleague, a woman, and we more or less think alike about so many things. She and I have ‘livened’ up a few parties with our slightly anarchistic behavior. Do we regret it? No. What I can say is that our little corner of the table is often the liveliest—laughing, joking, pleasant conversation—all without a lot of alcohol. She has the same opinions as I do about public drunkenness. It is possible to have fun, even a lot of fun, without being piss-drunk. The Norwegians have a saying that they don’t trust people who don’t drink; I don’t trust people who do—especially the ones who never know when to stop. The few times when the parties have actually been fun were when they were held in large locales, like last year’s party. Food was served in one room (tapas table), which also had a formal bar where you could buy drinks or beer; the huge dining room was separate from this room and was at least comfortable to sit in. 

I have considered not going to Christmas parties at all, and some years I have dropped going to them. But the compromise now is that I leave at an appropriate time—more or less right after dinner--before the inevitable stupid behavior starts. In any case, the stupid behavior associated with too much alcohol is not necessarily reserved for Norway. I remember my father telling me about the Christmas parties at his workplace in Manhattan in the 1960s and 70s—the drunkenness, the bad behavior, the screwing around—all of it. He had no use for it, and I thus grew up with a father and a man that I could look up to and respect. I measure so many men in my generation against the caliber of my father, and many of them just don’t measure up. I actually think that many of the younger men I know behave better and more respectfully toward their wives and women in general than the men my age (middle-aged). Was my father perfect in every way? No. But when it came to behaving in a moral way, yes, he was a good man. The Christmas parties he talked about eventually went the way of many morally-questionable things—they became obsolete, killed by their own excesses, by the ‘never knowing when to stop’ mentality. I’ve heard that many corporations no longer have Christmas parties in the USA as a result of bad behavior. I don’t know if this is still the case, or how it’s done there anymore. All I know is that very little of this stupidity has to do with the real meaning or spirit of Christmas. And in the end, it’s the real meaning and spirit of Christmas that matters to me. 

One more post for today--update on NaNoWriMo

Yes, I know, there have been a lot of posts from me today. Probably because the negativity and cynicism in my workplace challenges me to rise above them, and I do that by tapping into my creativity and writing myself free of what promises to drag me to hell. I promised I would keep you all updated on my progress with NaNoWriMo, or for those who have just started following A New Yorker in Oslo, the novel writing challenge called National Novel Writing Month. I didn't make it to 50,000 words by November 30th, but I did make it to 33,000 words (about 121 pages and counting). In other words, I'm getting there, and I will definitely finish my novel and publish it. Why? Because I think it's good. I will show it to a few other people before I do. What have I learned from it all? That it's fun to write. But that it's hard work too, especially when you get writer's block for a few days or when you sit and write for five hours at a time with no breaks. Writing can become obsessive, creative, frustrating, depressing (when you get it wrong), and exhilarating (when you get it right). And only you really 'know' the exact moment when you get it right. Little wonder that editors and authors develop such intimate relationships. I can only imagine one other person who might understand where I was when I was writing---and that would be an editor.

But what I learned about myself when writing my characters--that was the best of all. It's all true what published authors say--you get to know and like (or dislike) your characters. You get to know about the people who are buried deep within you. The characters you thought you would be able to write 'well' are the ones who end up disappearing into the woodwork, and the ones who emerge front and center are the characters who really live in your subconscious and who have been clamoring for a chance to climb out and test the waters. So I let them. They directed me in how to write them. Well, I had a few ideas of the situations I wanted to put them in, but I let them do the talking for me. And that seemed quite natural somehow.

Anyway, once I finish this novel, I will start on another, and also on a screenplay that I will be collaborating on with another woman. So we'll see where that takes us. One place it will take me intellectually and emotionally is far far away from the demoralized workplace I frequent each day. And thank God for that.

Two girls graffiti

Just thought I'd share a recent photo I took on one of my walks up along the Akerselva river. Normally all you see on abandoned buildings is scrawl and tagging. But this was art, and it's lovely. Zoom in to see the nuances in the colors used for the hair. Nice work. Too bad there can't be more graffiti like this.

What Ellen Glasgow said

Ellen Glasgow (1873 - 1945) was an American novelist from Virginia who wrote about the changing world of the contemporary south, and these are some of her wise sayings. 

·         All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.

·         Doesn't all experience crumble in the end to mere literary material?

·         He knows so little and knows it so fluently.

·         I waited and worked, and watched the inferior exalted for nearly thirty years; and when recognition came at last, it was too late to alter events, or to make a difference in living.

·         Mediocrity would always win by force of numbers, but it would win only more mediocrity.

·         No idea is so antiquated that it was not once modern. No idea is so modern that it will not someday be antiquated.

·         No matter how vital experience might be while you lived it, no sooner was it ended and dead than it became as lifeless as the piles of dry dust in a school history book.

·         The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.

·         Nothing in life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it.

·         What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens.

·         Nothing is more consuming, or more illogical, than the desire for remembrance.

In these days before Christmas

Nothing works at work anymore. That’s just the sad truth—a fact of life. And no matter how much the administrators and leaders want to paint a smiley face on everything around us, the fact remains that no one below them much believes in anything they say anymore. I often say that the only reason some things do work at all is because employees generally are good people and want to do their very best (den gode viljen—good will) with some few exceptions here and there. In the twenty-two years I’ve worked here, my peers in the lab, the students, the technicians and the secretaries—all of them have done their best to make my workplace not only function, but be a nice place to work. Believe it or not, it has all been done without much direct involvement from any leader over the years. Why that was, I am not sure. Many of them felt ignored by the management over them and perhaps didn't care enough, but mostly I think it was the 'every man for himself' attitude, which is rampant in academic environments. You learn not to care too much about your potential competitors, and they can be your peers or your students. I think my present workplace is one of the few places that has functioned without much leadership over the years. At present, the extreme opposite is the norm. We now have five levels of administrative leadership; none of them know what the other level is doing and it makes for a very confusing workday. But each of them want power and control, and each of them want to control us. My situation is no different than many others I know; conflicting messages time and again. I am encouraged to join one group in a coordinator function to help out the department, but given no authority or no personnel to help me in that task. We are moved around from here to there and back again like pawns on a chess board. They say that our wishes are important to them, but we all know that it sounds good to say this; and more importantly, it can eventually be written in a report that the employees' wishes have been taken into consideration. But they haven’t. Because we haven’t wished for anything like this in our wildest dreams. And unless you’ve experienced what it’s like to be told more or less to drop what you’re doing now in order to do something else, and then in six months you get another message telling you to drop that and go back to doing what you were originally doing. I think this is a type of sickness; I’m just not sure what kind of sickness. Is there a diagnosis for it? Egomania perhaps? Or perhaps insanity?

I cannot remember one time in all the years I have worked here that any leader has bought a cake, or champagne, or any other such thing to celebrate the ending of a work year, or Christmas, or grant funding for the institute, or just to thank employees. We pay for our own Christmas parties; I can recall possibly two after-Christmas parties in recent years that we didn’t pay for; those are no more. But of course when there are birthdays, or births of babies, or weddings or any other such thing—it is the employees who have baked cakes, bought presents and acknowledged the event in some way. And then the leaders show up—to eat cake. They were and are always there to eat cake. But buy one themselves for their workplace? In my group, we have never gotten a Christmas gift of any kind from our group leader. I used to give him one in previous years, but no more. He did comment once when he first stopped receiving anything from me, but that didn’t change my mind. He once commented that he never received a Christmas card from anyone; I asked him if he ever sent any, and he said no. So then I said that there was a great place to start—write some. We in the group however, have always exchanged presents. What a far cry from my lab at UCSF—where my boss not only gave his employees small Christmas presents, but Valentine’s day chocolates and a single-stemmed rose as well. He was (and still is) a thoughtful man. It made me realize that it was possible to be professional and thoughtful—a nice definition of emotional intelligence. My boss at Memorial was the same.

Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol comes to mind in these days before Christmas. Scrooge was transformed from a miser in all respects to an emotionally-intelligent man whose heart, like the Grinch's, grew in size in order to accommodate the immense feelings of generosity that suddenly overtook it. He understood that before he died, before his body rotted to nothing in the earth and was forgotten, that he wanted to do some kind things for others. And he did. So it is never too late. My fervent wish for my workplace is that the leaders are visited by ghosts from the past, the present and future, and that they are shaken out of their miserly prisons and personal hells, into some kind of warmth and emotional intelligence, so that they can stop being scrooges in their daily lives. It will be too late for them to undo what they have done to the current generation of employees; but perhaps future employees will benefit from their generosity. What they could do for their older employees is to at least apologize—that would be a start. My fervent wish for myself is freedom, and maybe God will bless me with that in the near future. I can hope. And that is what the Christmas season is about—hope--in the age of cynicism, egoism, me-ism, narcissism, and any other ‘ism’ that has destroyed workplaces, good will, and the happiness associated with doing a good job.