No longer 'in my face'

So I've begun the process of unfriending aggressive Trump supporters on my social media accounts, mostly those on Facebook at this point. I had already begun to do this a few weeks ago when one of my 'friends' began to stalk me via the supportive comments I left on posts by the New York Times or other newspapers on Facebook criticizing Trump's behavior or policies. He would post a pro-Trump comment under my anti-Trump comment. He was the first to go. There were four more today. I'm not waiting to find out who wins the election. I'm eliminating those whose viewpoints are morally opposed to my own. I call it 'pulling a Trump'. He gets rid of people for no good reason; I at least have a good reason. 

It feels good to be rid of some of the cultists. They were 'in your face' when it came to Trump. They would post some pro-Trump meme that was downright nasty or mean one day, and then the next day a post about how there is no peace in the world anymore or how divided the country is. Uh, duh? Do you think your behavior and speech have contributed to that? Or they would post something about 'prayer being the answer'. I love when people do that. These are people who wouldn't know what real spirituality was if it came up and bit them on the ass. A gunman can mow down thirty students at a grammar school, and their frequent response is 'to pray'. That's fine, but God helps those who help themselves. How about instituting strict gun control and taking AR15 rifles away from people? But God forbid you bring that up. Don't tell me you're a Christian when you support guns for all. You're not. 

None of my Democrat friends have been as 'in your face' as the Republican ones. I have to wonder why. Why are the former more respectful of others than the latter? There's some food for thought. My own theory is that the rabid cultists have very low self-esteem and that they feel built up by Trump. In other words, he gives them the self-confidence they lack, and that translates to aggressive and bullying behavior. It's tiring, they're tiring, 45 is tiring. I'm done with them all. You may agree or disagree with this post. It's fine. I'm doing it for myself, not for anyone else. I'm doing it to stand up for what I believe in. 

What it means to be complicit

If as a woman you have ever experienced bullying, mansplaining, being talked down to or talked-over, being lectured by people with less expertise than you have, being ignored or frozen out, being sexually harassed, or being abused psychologically and/or physically, you could not vote for Donald Trump. There is no way you could vote for him with your eyes open. So if you shut your eyes and vote for him, you are complicit in everything that will happen in the coming years. And I have no intentions of listening to your telling me how bad it has become, when it ends up that way. Because if you think Trump's abuse of power is bad now, it will be worse if he gets a second term. 

Many women will vote for Trump. And for the life of me, I cannot understand why. Some are married to Trump supporters, some are not. I don't know if that is the deciding factor--that they vote the way their husbands vote. I truly hope that's not the case in 2020. Pro-life women may vote for Trump because he is purportedly anti-abortion and they are purportedly strong Christians. But they ignore all of the un-Christian things he does and says. They explain them away and in the process defend him. They say that the media have gotten it wrong, that the media always present Trump in a bad light. They post memes on Facebook showing what a great family man Trump is. They ignore the fact that he is on his third marriage, that he cheated on his wives (on the current one with a porn star, no less, whom he paid off), and that he has behaved in sexually harassing ways to women around him (behavior of which he is proud). They ignore the fact that he is setting the USA back by more than half a century with his anti-science stance. Many men will vote for Trump solely on what they perceive he has done for the economy and stock market. These men ignore the fact that Trump inherited a well-functioning economy from the Obama administration. But other men are way out there when it comes to credibility. One man I know who is a Trump supporter told me that the Covid-19 pandemic is a hoax; he hasn't seen the bodies so he doesn't believe that over 210,000 people have died from this virus in the USA alone. He also said that the whole thing is a hoax to prevent Trump from being re-elected. Argue with these types of people? You can't. You can just state your opinion and move on. 

I had hoped that women would be the moral compasses for the nation going forward. I didn't expect them to be complicit in the current insanity and chaos created by Trump and exacerbated by the media, by supporting Trump. It is disappointing to know that women who KNOW that other women have experienced bullying, mansplaining, being talked down to or talked-over, being lectured by people with less expertise, being ignored or frozen out, being sexually harassed, or being abused psychologically and/or physically, will still vote for Trump. This is perhaps the worst--they know how bad the behavior was and is, and they will still vote for a man who abuses his authority and others. They have experienced that behavior themselves, and they will still vote for Trump. Have their own degrading experiences at the hands of male bullies intimidated them? Do they not see the incongruity in what they say they stand for versus how they will vote? They have seen him mock a disabled man on live television, they have seen him show blatant disregard for his own administration by refusing to wear a mask and follow procedures for infection control. By casting their votes for Trump, they are complicit in the destruction of American democracy that is coming in the next four years. They are complicit in the continuation of the subjugation of women by a white male elite that has been free to behave badly for years (think Steve Bannon for starters). They will continue to wear their rose-colored glasses and post memes on Facebook telling the rest of us that all we need is love in the world and prayers to right the ills of the world. That may well be true, but our Christian upbringing also taught us to stand up in the name of what is right and good and true. And while I too am pro-life, I am pro-life from pre-cradle to grave. That means that I stand for taking care of all life, including human, wildlife, and the environment, which Trump does not stand for. And for as far back as I can remember, back to when I was nine or ten years old, I stood up to bullies and have tried to do so throughout my life. Love may solve many things, but it will not change a bully. What forces a bully to behave is to stand up to him or her and to effectuate specific consequences. You can forgive them (or not) when they have been stopped; some may change their ways. But in my book, once a bully, always a bully. And that is why I could never vote for a man like Trump. Ever. 

Can't wait for this year to be over

I cannot wait for the American election to be over. Cannot wait. Cannot wait until we can return to some semblance of sanity in our daily lives. Everywhere you turn, in every country on the globe (it seems), the election dominates the news. That tells you how important it is. But it also tells you how nuts it's become. I live abroad as you know, and will vote from here. By mail, because the United States Postal System works. It works, has worked, and will continue to work. But it will fall apart if the president wills it. If service has slowed up, it's because of the pandemic. The Norwegian postal system has slowed up as well since the pandemic began. 

I am just so tired of hearing about DT at every turn. Sick to death of him, sick to death of his sycophants. He's invaded daily life here, so I shudder to imagine how bad it's become over there. I just know that we cannot go on like this. His presidency pits and has pitted people against each other, affecting marriages and friendships. It makes people mistrust other people and mistrust federal institutions that the country relies on. If there are real problems in those institutions, then FIX them. Don't create a civil war because of them. There are people I know who fear that DT won't leave the White House peacefully if he loses. Have we really come to this as a country? Do you know how ridiculous it sounds from here, except that I know it's happened before in other autocratic countries and will happen again. I just didn't expect to consider that it would happen in America, my country. For heaven's sake, get a grip, people, before it is too late. I hope he wins the peace prize just so that WE can get some peace again. Then he can say that he got what Obama got, since that's all he does--compete with Obama--and then maybe we can be rid of him for good. He can enjoy the flattery for a few weeks and then we can move on with our lives. And hopefully never have to hear about him and his family ever again. 

I cannot wait for 2020 to be over. I cannot wait for all of the negative things to cease. The pandemic. Those who claim it is a hoax to destroy DT. Young people who ignore social distancing. Adults who do likewise. We need a vaccine against the virus, but then there are the anti-vaxxers to contend with. Workplaces that continue to plan for open-office landscapes when they know that viruses will spread like wildfire among those who sit there. A lot of unemployment. Greed. More greed. Never a mention of what Christ might want for the world. Sycophants who once worked for and were fired by DT, who cash in by writing tell-all books. Why didn't they have the balls to stand up to him publicly when they worked for him? Say straight to his face that he's wrong, uninformed, and ignorant about so many issues. Continue to say it. Why didn't they do that then? The books just confirm what anyone with any common sense already knows--he's unfit for the office of presidency. 

The saving grace has been my garden, but even there, there is stupidity--people complaining that there are too many honey bees flying around. I mean really. It's like complaining that there are too many birds, or earthworms, or soil that can get your hands dirty. We're in a garden for heaven sakes. Our beekeeper quit recently, and there are no plans to replace him. There are people who don't want hives or beekeepers because that will mean more bees in their gardens. I mean, really. The bees are there to help our gardens and us gardeners. They are not aggressive, they are rather wonderful little creatures with which one can peacefully co-exist, like bumblebees. Like Joni Mitchell wrote, "My heart is broken in the face of the stupidity of my species." Mine is not broken, not yet. We'll see what 2021 brings. 

The real deplorables

Someone I know on Facebook recently posted that she, as one of the ‘deplorables’, was glad that Trump was now President. As she stated it, she and her husband were dancing around the house with joy that Hillary Clinton had lost the election. The current fascination with the word deplorable is Hillary Clinton’s doing, when she referred to Trump’s followers as a ‘basket of deplorables’, and in so doing, managed to insult a fairly large group of people, apparently. But it seems to me that the wrong people are characterizing themselves as the deplorables. When I read about them online, this term seems to cover those in dire economic straits—the economically dispossessed in society—those who have lost their jobs, their homes, their medical coverage and so on. In 2017, this boils down to poverty; the deplorables then are the new poor. Politicians should not be poking fun at them, but rather trying to help their situation. If this is one of the reasons Trump won and Hillary lost, then so be it. She should have been smarter than to lay the ‘blame’ for their dire straits on people who are struggling and looking for any break they can find. But it’s not just about finances, because if it was, that would make her a non-empathetic elitist. She and her husband are very rich, as is Donald Trump, so none of them can really understand the plight of the deplorables, if by that word you mean those who are struggling financially. But here’s the rub; this acquaintance and her husband own their own home (and always have for as long as I’ve known them). I don’t want to judge them, but from what I can surmise, they don’t lack for money. She has never had to work full-time from what I can gather. They travel a fair amount within the USA, and eat out quite a bit from what I gather from her posts on Facebook. It takes money to do all these things. So why is she referring to her and her husband as deplorables? Isn’t this rather elitist in and of itself? They are not poor and in dire straits, not by any stretch of the imagination. Why would you label yourself as poor when you are not?

The word deplorable is not a noun, but rather an adjective. It is used to describe lamentable or wretched living conditions, or contemptible behavior. I believe we should return to the use of the word as an adjective or adverb. Drop the noun, and simply refer to people in dire straits as the new poor. That opens up for any number of people in all walks of life who may have lost everything and who are barely hanging on. I know people who struggle now in 2017—to make ends meet, to pay for health insurance, to pay rent, or to try and get a mortgage. I remember what it was like to struggle, to be overwhelmed by credit card debt, to face mounting costs with not a snowball’s chance in hell of tackling them. I had no safety net, no parents who could step in and help me pay off my bills. I remember it all, and remember too growing up in a family with a father whose health was poor and whose employment chances diminished with each heart attack he had. He eventually retired early on disability, but throughout my growing-up years I remember the struggle. We were far from rich. When my father died, my mother lived on his meager pension and tried to get some part-time work at the local library. She ended up volunteering there and loved it, but she really should have been hired by them part-time. But the library too was on a budget and could not afford to hire her. And so it goes. Life doesn’t always work out well for everyone; not everyone makes a good salary and not everyone can own their own home or condo or co-op. Not everyone can afford to send their children to private schools and universities, or travel to exotic places on vacation each year. 

I grew up in the middle class, and the middle class is non-existent at present. Thankfully, I no longer struggle financially as I did when I was younger. But I have never forgotten what it was like to not have much money, and am very careful with money as an adult. Things could change tomorrow, and if you've read my posts on this blog about modern workplaces, you know that I do not trust ANY workplace to treat its employees well. Not a one. They can and will get rid of you tomorrow if they need to, and won't care at all about how you'll manage without a job. You're on your own in this life and your loyalty should be saved for family and friends, not a workplace. But I would never at present label myself as a deplorable for political purposes. Why can't you just say that you're a Trump supporter? If you are not currently struggling financially, I would be very careful about labeling yourself as a deplorable. You are likely to be perceived as a non-empathetic elitist jerk.

No guarantees

This past Monday afternoon at work I decided to go to the main cafeteria to buy a coffee and something sweet to pick me up. As I was waiting on line to pay, I noticed the woman in front of me, struggling to find her wallet in her knapsack so that she could pay. She was a bit agitated and was talking to the cashier in English. She found her money and walked away with her food, but I noticed that she was talking to herself in a perturbed manner as she walked away. I paid for my coffee and dessert and walked toward the exit door. I saw this woman and she caught my eye as I passed her. She was still ranting a bit about the price of the meal she had just paid for (probably not so strange since the cafeteria prices are rather high). I commented briefly about the high prices and was preparing to walk on when she commented that I spoke English and wondered where I came from. I told her that I was American and she said she was as well. She told me that she was traveling around Norway and that her mother had Norwegian ancestry. She also mentioned that she had now made it to Oslo and figured that hospital cafeterias might have some cheaper meals (wrong as it turns out). But then she asked me a question—how easy would it be to make an appointment to talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist. I told her that the lines were long in the public healthcare system to talk to a professional but that she might try private healthcare organizations (similar to American HMOs). She explained that she had left the USA because Trump had been elected, and that she was extremely upset about that, and also that her mother was sick and that she just couldn’t cope with it all. She didn’t seem to want to go home. I took a long look at her—she must have been around fifty years old, in good shape, athletic—and I wondered then what the world was coming to. She seemed so lost and I felt so sorry for her. This was the first person I met who had left the States because of Trump, and he hasn’t even taken office yet. I gave her some information that I thought might help, and she thanked me profusely. I felt almost guilty for doing so little, really.

But then I thought about my own reaction to Trump’s being elected president; I was depressed for nearly a month afterward. I am no longer depressed, but I am wary and anxious about him and about the state of the world. I normally don’t react viscerally to an election, but I did to this one. I don’t like Trump or what he stands for. I think my country has lost its way and is moving in a dangerous direction. I love my country and I don’t want to see it or its people suffer. I simply don’t know what to do about it except to remain aware and informed. But I find it appalling that we cannot trust the media to deliver truth, and if we cannot trust the media, then we are on the road to perdition. I see no reason for optimism at present, but I will try to be optimistic, if only for the sake of the many young people I know and care about who want to inherit a world within which they can live and plan their futures. We owe it to them to give them a future. But there are no guarantees. Our grandparents and parents lived through World Wars I and II; they wanted futures too, but got war instead. They saw their lives turned upside-down and futures smashed. They experienced separation from loved ones, from spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, children, parents—family in general and friends. Many soldiers made the supreme sacrifice—their lives--at very young ages. Maybe some of them didn’t really know what they were fighting for. Perhaps most of them were just plain afraid, like most of us would be. No one wants war. But sometimes the wrong people get into power and lead us astray. There are no guarantees in life, and that is what causes anxiety and depression. I have renewed respect for the men and women who lived through and survived two world wars and returned home to try to rebuild their lives, in addition to those who gave their lives for causes they might not have understood. It could not have been easy for the survivors, and I do know that many of them suffered from post-traumatic stress and other psychological afflictions. Many in my grandparents’ and parents’ generations wanted futures too, and many of those futures were taken from them by death or put on hold indefinitely. It is food for thought at this point in time. There is no guarantee that we are not on the road to perdition, however it is defined or whatever shape it takes.

Not my president

I’ve been watching the Trump campaign implode more and more with each day that passes. If he gives up his position as Republican presidential nominee, I won’t be surprised or sorry to see him go. His vice-presidential nominee, Mike Pence, could do a better job as president, I’m sure of it. He seems to be a far more decent man. The whole sordid affair of watching Trump make an ass of himself (something he seems to care nothing about) is also beginning to get creepy. His behavior is creepy. It’s the behavior of a sociopath, one who doesn’t think the rules apply to him, but damned if they don’t apply to everyone else. In his view, he’s special, up there in the clouds, wealthier than God, worthy of being worshipped. He’s the best, no matter what is being discussed. He doesn’t do anything wrong, and if he does, his apologies are at best lip service. But it’s his views about women that are truly creepy for me. When I listen to him talk, I have to pinch myself to remind myself that we’re not living in the Mad Men era. I could never stomach watching that series, even though I know it’s won many awards. I found the male characters on that show repugnant—smug, arrogant, and proud of their sexual conquests and treatment of women. Maybe it bothers me because of what I have seen in academia (a profession that also seems to be mired in the 1950s and 60s—when men were kings and women were the underlings).

I have to wonder how we got to this place and what we are telling our children when we condone or make excuses for Trump's behavior and statements. I have some questions for the average men and women who support Trump. I need to ask these questions because I have no answers that make any sense to me in 2016. Because I simply don’t understand how a person can call himself or herself a modern man or a modern woman and support Trump and what he stands for. Yes, he is anti-abortion. So what. I know Christians and priests who support him solely for that reason. Not good enough. In every other way, he does not live the life of a Christian--he makes fun of handicapped people, he is rude, he is without empathy or respect for others, he incites hatred and racism rather than peace and tolerance, he seems to despise the poor or at least blame them for their situation, and he treats women like crap. This is a man we want for President of the USA? Why? Just to prevent Hillary Clinton from becoming President? Not good enough. This is a man who will be meeting heads of state from around the world, some of whom are women. If he thinks they’re pretty, will it be ok if he goes after them and tries to seduce them? Will it be ok if he ‘grabs their p*****s’? What about their breasts? Will we stand by and condone his behavior at that time and try to explain it away once again? This is a grown man who should know how to behave. Is it ok to refer to women as ‘c***s, b*****s, and ‘p*****s’? No, it’s not. A real man knows how to treat a woman respectfully, and it’s not the way Trump treats them. Why bother raising our sons and daughters to have respect for each other if an important role model like the President of the USA treats women like crap and gets away with it? Does anyone ever wonder if the current ‘rape culture’ and this type of behavior in men go together? We certainly don’t need more of this kind of behavior; we need less.

If my father was alive, he’d have a lot to say about Donald Trump, none of it good. My father was a good man from a generation that fought in WWII; he had morals and respect for his country. He did not denigrate women and minorities. He would have been appalled by Trump’s statements, and even more appalled that many Americans were considering electing him to the highest political office in the USA. He would have wondered aloud (and discussed with me) how it was possible that in 2016, racism was still so easily incited and women were still disrespected and sexually harassed. He would wonder how men with wives and daughters could defend Donald Trump’s behavior and statements. He’d say that Trump gives men a bad name, because many men do not disrespect women nor do they wish to keep them down or treat them as second-class citizens. And he’d be right, because I knew other men (now deceased) in my father’s generation that were decent men—good husbands and good fathers. They never referred to their wives in a disrespectful way; they never joked about their wives when they got together with other men or told those other men that their own daughters were a good ‘piece of ass’. If my father had been anything like Donald Trump, I would not have had anything to do with him. If I was any one of Trump’s children, I’d be cringing right now. Painfully embarrassed by and for my father. Wondering how to show my face, and wondering how I was going to survive having to deal with him. I haven’t heard a word from any of his children after his last comments. Why? Trump’s current wife came out and said she found his comments offensive but she still found some room to defend him (she has to unless she is looking to become ex-wife #3). Mike Pence has said he cannot defend such comments. Who can? They are cringe-worthy, embarrassing, rude, crude, and demeaning, not only to women, but to men who do not want to identify with a man like Trump. He is an embarrassment to our country. I know a lot of good men, and they are not like Trump. They don’t talk like him, they don’t treat their wives and children disrespectfully, and they don’t treat other people disrespectfully. So how did Trump get to the place he’s at? Are there really that many men and women who think he’d make a good President? The question we need to be asking is how did we get to this place? And how do we step back from it and move in another direction—one that is respectful of women, of minorities, of the handicapped, of the poor? One that shows that we as a nation are decent people who don’t support people like Trump for public office. It’s as simple as this--get rid of him and replace him with someone we can stomach, someone who doesn't make you want to vomit each time he opens his mouth.