The lies we tell others and ourselves

I am currently watching The Lying Life of Adults series on Netflix, based on the book of the same name by Elena Ferrante. I read the book in 2021 and wrote a post about it (A New Yorker in Oslo: Elena Ferrante's The Lying Life of Adults (paulamdeangelis.blogspot.com). The Netflix series encompasses six episodes, and I've already seen four of them. Elena Ferrante has been involved in the writing of the script for the series, and you can always tell when she has had her hand in things. There is a certain identifying mark that raises the overall quality to very good (this series: The Lying Life of Adults (TV Series 2023– ) - IMDb) to superb (My Brilliant Friend on HBO: My Brilliant Friend (TV Series 2018– ) - IMDb ). The series was created by Edoardo De Angelis (every time I see his last name on the screen I have to smile since it is my last name as well, spelled the same way). His wife Pina Turco plays Nella, whose husband Andrea leaves her for Costanza, a family friend. But by extension, he leaves his teenage daughter Giovanna as well. The series is about Giovanna (very well-acted by Giordana Marengo) and her growing up amidst the turmoil around her: her parents' separation and divorce; her father's eventual remarriage to Costanza and his new home in Posillipo (an affluent area of Naples) on the Gulf of Naples; Giovanna's introduction to her aunt Vittoria (wonderfully-acted by Valeria Golino) and to the family of Enzo, Vittoria's now-deceased lover; her relationships with her two best friends, Angela and Ida, who just happen to be Costanza's daughters. But it is her relationship with Vittoria (Andrea's sister whom he cannot abide) that changes her life and moves her firmly into adulthood. 

Andrea, Nella, Costanza, Mariano (Costanza's ex-husband), and Vittoria all lie to others and to themselves. Andrea and Costanza have lived a lie for years by having an affair and keeping it secret. Nella has either refused to see the truth or has turned a blind eye to it; in any case, she continues to defend Andrea and to call him a good man. Vittoria initially seems to be the most honest of all the adults in Giovanna's life, but she too turns out to be a liar who tells herself and others (particularly Giovanna) that she loved only Enzo and has never been with another man since he died, but this is not true. Giovanna learns that she cannot trust very many people, which of course is the demarcation between childhood and adulthood. What do you do with that knowledge? What do you do when you find out that the adults in your life are no better at handling/navigating their lives than the teenagers they are trying to raise? What do you do when you find out that their lives are as miserable and chaotic as yours? 

The lies we tell others and ourselves, when others ask us how we are, how our lives are going. How many people really answer honestly? We do so with those few people we love and trust, with our closest friends. We know we can trust them to listen to us without judging us, without abandoning us. That is a rarity in a world that seeks to judge (and cancel) another immediately without knowing or being interested in the facts. Of course we can ask, what is the truth? Is your side of a story truer than mine? We all lie to ourselves to some extent; we do so in order to deal with each day. We tell ourselves that our spouses and children are better than those of others we know, but the reality is otherwise. All families have problems, perhaps the same types of problems but to varying degrees. All families have squabbles, some have real fights, and some are on the outs with other family members for entire lifetimes. We may not have much of a relationship with a sibling, but we say that he or she has a busy life and we talk to them when we can. A spouse may not be all that involved in the family life at home, and we make the same excuse--he or she has a demanding job that keeps him or her busy. Those who are workaholics know that they are overworking to avoid something else in their lives, perhaps an unhappy home life, and those who are diehard alcoholics, drug addicts and overeaters tell themselves that they have their addictions under control, that they can quit drinking, doing drugs, or overeating any time they want. But deep down inside, they know the truth; they can't quit overworking, drinking to excess, doing drugs, or overeating, not without help and a lot of motivation to change. Lying to ourselves, even just a little, helps to mitigate the intensity of our problems. And for most of us, it does; we get through each day without major calamities ensuing. But for those with serious problems, those problems just get worse. 

It might not be a good thing if we were always honest about our thoughts and feelings in relation to others. Little white lies help us survive in what could be awkward situations with loved ones. We do our best to be truthful, but sometimes you have to weigh the situation and ask yourself if others (or you yourself) can tolerate hearing the truth or the answers to the questions they've asked. I think of those I know with health problems; is it better for them to hear that their overall prognosis could be good if they do this or that, rather than dismal because of the type of illness they have or because of one's hereditary tendencies? Nobody wants to be told straight out that they are going to die in a few months or years. And if people are told that, they often want to consider themselves the outliers--those few who fall outside the norm. Can you blame people for thinking this way? I think we are hotwired to think this way to some degree, due to the idea of self-preservation and the instinct for survival. We lie to ourselves in the hope that it will turn out alright. And sometimes it does. 

The television series White Wall

White Wall is an eight-episode Finnish/Swedish tv series from 2020 that showed up on Norwegian tv (NRK1) recently (perhaps it's been there a while and I just didn't know about it) and we finished watching it last week. It is apparently available for viewing on Netflix as well. White Wall is a sci-fi series that I can recommend, although the ending will probably frustrate some people (not me). But I happen to like the sci-fi genre and will cut sci-fi writers/filmmakers some slack if their creations are mostly well-done. I think this series was well-done, even though it moved slowly. It took its time getting to the revelation of what the white wall actually was and what was behind it. Additionally it had an appropriate 'atmosphere' and subtle feeling of impending doom in each episode.  

The series has Norwegian actor (Aksel Hennie) in one of the main roles. I thought he did a very good job as the character Lars Ruud, project leader at a former Swedish mining site that is being prepared as a large repository for nuclear waste. There are the extremist environmental activists who are against the opening of the site as well as corporate leadership that doesn't want anything to stand in the way of the formal opening. The underground team working on the site discovers the existence of a white wall at the end of one of the many tunnels after an unexplained explosion. Several members of the team are killed and this prompts an investigation by security; Lars and his team keep the discovery of the white wall secret from corporate leadership while letting the security leader in on the secret. They come to realize that they cannot dig around the wall or excavate it; it has an oblong shape and is quite high. Without giving away the rest of the story, the white wall is eventually shown to be a huge capsule of some sort, composed of carbon and unidentifiable materials not before seen on earth. What this capsule is doing there, who put it there, and what it contains are the subjects of the last three episodes. Subplots include Lars' affair with his colleague Helen Wikberg (played by Vera Vitali), her autistic son Axel's behavioral changes after touching the capsule wall, the activist Astrid and her father Besse (retired but who once worked in the mine and knew about the existence of the white wall), and the relationship of Oskar the security guard with Astrid. The atmosphere is appropriately eerie and claustrophobic, as one might expect when working in deserted mine tunnels. The series was filmed in an actual mine located in Pyhäjärvi, Finland. Kudos to the actors who worked in these mine tunnels for months at a time. You couldn't have paid me enough money to descend so far underground; my claustrophobia would have gotten the better of me. 

It's unclear whether there will be a season 2 based on the ending of season 1. Without giving it away, I'll say that it's fairly catastrophic, so what there would be to continue in terms of storyline would be truly challenging to write. But time will tell. 

Picnic at Hanging Rock--the movie and the series

Picnic at Hanging Rock--the movie--came out in 1975 and was lauded as a great film. Indeed, its director, Peter Weir, of The Last Wave fame, went on to make some hugely popular movies, among them Witness, Master and Commander, Green Card, and The Truman Show. The Last Wave, with Richard Chamberlain, is a masterpiece of a film about a lawyer defending several Aboriginal men accused of murder, who falls under the spell of the Aboriginal culture; he begins to have premonitions about a last wave, which may or may not be a huge tidal wave or a tsunami. The film was released in 1977, two years after Picnic at Hanging Rock, which I never saw until recently. I watched it after I had seen the BBC television series of the same name (now available on the streaming channel Cirkus here in Norway). Although most reviewers and viewers preferred the film, I preferred the television series. 

I have not read the novel by Joan Lindsay on which both the film and series are based, but I plan on doing so. That said, I found the series to be quite good, and I liked it better than the film version, probably because it was longer and viewers could get better insights into the characters and what made them tick. Additionally, I had read movie reviews that kept mentioning how eerie the film was; I thought the series was far more so. It really got under my skin. I do agree with the naysayers that the series could probably have been shortened to four episodes instead of six, but regardless, it held my interest throughout.

I liked that series viewers learned a lot about the main characters--where they came from, their backstories. The series got the chance to really flesh out the characters. They took liberties with the actual story, I am sure of that. But it worked. I liked the dreamy atmosphere that hovered between the natural and the supernatural, I liked the flirtation with subtle horror and madness. Was satanism or witchcraft involved in the disappearance at Hanging Rock of four women from a Victorian era girl's school? Were there evil spirits there, or spirits protecting the rock against trespassers? Was there a time warp into which they slipped, never to return? Why did watches stop in the vicinity of the rock? Were they murdered by local men in the area, or did they commit suicide? Their bodies were never found. One of the women does return, but unfortunately, she cannot remember anything that happened, and that by itself unnerves most of the townspeople as well as the school staff. A run of bad luck ensues, and the wealthy parents whose daughters go to the school begin to withdraw them, one by one, which leads to a crisis for (and eventual suicide of) the headmistress Mrs. Appleyard (played by an excellent Natalie Dormer). 

There are many theories as to what could have happened to the girls. The film and the series tantalize us with possible answers, but never really make clear what actually did happen to them. Apparently that was the ending in Lindsay's book as well, although she purportedly wrote a a rather bizarre ending that never made it into the published book. The ending of the film and series give viewers some ideas of what probably happened to the missing girls, but it remains up to the viewers to intuit how large a role the atmosphere at the rock and legends surrounding the rock played. The series moved slowly in terms of building up to the reality of the horror that occurred; a creeping sense of creepiness as it were. I do not agree with the critics of the series that the focus was not on the picnic. It was, in every episode: it is the backdrop in every episode. The fact that the girls went missing affected just about everyone at the school, and each episode revealed that in one way or another. Bad fortune found a number of them. The music was a good accompaniment to the goings-on--eerie at times, dreamy at other times. 

I suggest watching the 1975 film first, and then the television series. The acting in both is very good, but I prefer the acting and cinematography of the television series, as well as the ever-present intense atmosphere of foreboding in the series, even in daylight. I did not get that same feeling from the movie.  

Raised by Wolves - Main Theme (OPENING TITLES) by Ben Frost and sung by Mariam Wallentin

You'll find the sci-fi series Raised By Wolves on HBO (Max in the USA, Nordic in Norway). I recommend it highly. It is creative, intriguing, exciting, and gripping. I'm glad to hear that it was renewed for a second season. I will write another post about the actual series soon. The theme song for the series is also haunting and emotionally-gripping and is sung by Mariam Wallentin, a Swedish musician (vocals, percussion, composer) who has done a lot of work in experimental jazz.

The lyrics, which are poetic and beautiful, are as follows: 

[Verse 1]

The door that finally opens

With light flooding in

Spilling out on the floor

The core that never was

Now it will be

The bones of what was there before

Every step, every beat

Every thought, every breath

Everything is longing

Every wind, every wave

Every sky, every cloud

Every grave is longing (2X)

Pulling you from the sky

Just like love will do

[Verse 2]

The door that finally opens

With light flooding in

Spilling out on the floor

The core that nevеr was

Now it will be

The bones of what was thеre before

Every step, every beat

Every thought, every breath

Everything is longing

Every wind, every wave

Every sky, every cloud

Every grave is longing (2X)

Pulling you from the sky

Just like love will do

Pulling you from the ground

Just like love will do

The intro music for Atlantic Crossing

This is the intro song (the first two stanzas) for the Norwegian series Atlantic Crossing, currently being shown on NRK. It is a beautiful song called When, written and sung by Norwegian singer and songwriter Susanne Sundfør. She has an amazing voice, crystal clear, that is absolutely riveting. Listening to her voice transports you out into the universe, at least that's the effect on me. She also wrote (together with Anthony Gonzalez) and sang the song Oblivion (music by the French band M83) for the Tom Cruise sci-fi film Oblivion, a favorite film of mine; the music is also excellent. 

The series Atlantic Crossing is well-worth watching; it is the story of how Crown Princess Martha of Norway and her children left for the safety of America during World War II, and of her friendship with Franklin D and Eleanor Roosevelt. Supposedly her friendship with Franklin influenced him to sign the Lend-Lease Act, which allowed the USA to supply military aid to its foreign allies during World War II while still remaining officially neutral. 

Atlantic Crossing is supposed to be shown on PBS Masterpiece during the spring of 2021, from what I've read. Here is the song and the lyrics:

When    by Susanne Sundfør 

https://youtu.be/5Pw1KasvFQE

When can I see you again?

I've been waiting out here for so long and I

Don't seem to find a reason

To keep building these castles out of snow

They only melt away

When spring is arriving and you won't be here

Waiting to drag me down into your pond

You bury me slowly, you bury me slowly

Take what you can

Give what you don't need

Still I'll let it be known in every parish

You are loved, you are loved

When can I see you again?

I've been waiting out here for so long and I

Don't seem to find a reason

To keep building these castles out of snow

They only melt away

When spring is arriving and you won't be here

Waiting to drag me down into your pond

You bury me slowly, you bury me slowly

Take what you can

Give what you don't need

Still I'll let it be known in every parish

You are loved, you are loved

You are loved, you are loved

You are loved, you are loved

Grace and Frankie—why I really like this show

I didn’t start watching Grace and Frankie on Netflix until recently. I have definitely noticed it and even wondered about it, since it’s gotten mostly good reviews from the critics. But a few weeks ago, I sat down and watched the first episode, and from then on I was hooked. For starters, it is truly an adult comedy series, as in not for children, and I welcome that in a youth-focused culture and media. I like shows with younger people and I watch a lot of them, so that’s not a problem. But there has been a real lack of intelligently-written shows for older adults. One of the creators/writers is Marta Kaufman, who was one of the two writers on Friends, a show that I’ve also been re-watching recently. The wonderful timing and delivery of lines on Friends made it the excellent show it was, in addition to excellent acting. The acting on Grace and Frankie is also top-notch; Jane Fonda (Grace), Lily Tomlin (Frankie), Martin Sheen (Robert) and Sam Waterston (Sol) are simply wonderful. After about five episodes in, it felt like they lived in my neighborhood and that I was running into them every day. The writing is intelligent and natural. This is how adults talk and interact, among themselves and with their grown children who have their own lives and problems. There is cursing, yelling, love and sex and everything in between. There is also pot smoking and dabbling in alternative highs courtesy of Frankie who is an aging hippie, artist, and life lover. I’m enjoying watching her interact with Grace who is her polar opposite—a private and reserved former career woman (now retired), who worries about getting older and about lack of order. It’s entirely plausible that this is how women who have been married for forty years might react to finding out that their husbands (law firm partners for many years) are gay and want to marry each other. So divorces ensue, and all parties try their best to be civilized about the upheaval in all their lives. What’s nice about the show is that there are no pat answers—love and life are messy. Getting older is difficult. Wanting to live out your life with someone you love may hurt someone else you love or thought you would love for the rest of your life. The adults apologize a lot for hurting each other; Sam Waterston’s character Sol seems especially conflicted by his need to change his life. He loves Robert but doesn’t want to hurt his ex-wife Frankie. And yet he does, time and again. Frankie is learning how to establish boundaries for how to deal with Sol going forward. Grace seems to have accepted that she and Robert were never really that close and she acknowledges her part in that; their relationship seemed to be cold and rote, whereas Sol and Frankie’s relationship seemed to be warm and vibrant. What’s interesting is that you don’t end up rooting for any one character. I like them all; each of them has their quirks, annoying habits, ways of talking, and ways of interacting, that are by turns funny, touching and memorable. I’ve already finished season 1 and am well into season 2. It’s a welcome change from all of the murder and crime series that leave you with very little other than strangely-concocted plots, sexually-perverted criminals, and weak conclusions--in other words, nothing memorable. Grace and Frankie is a show I will remember down the road.