The garden in late May

It's taking a while this year for the garden to really 'take off'. Daytime temperatures have been mild, around 50-55 degrees F, but at night it's quite chilly, with temperatures around 40-45 degrees. A lot of the plants don't know what to make of it; there has been too much temperature swinging. In late April we had temperatures between 60 and 70 degrees F and a lot of sunny days, and here we are, nearly in June, and we're still struggling with chilly temperatures and mostly cloudy days. That can confuse a garden, especially the vegetables and some of the more sensitive flowers. Some few vegetable plants have died, whereas others (like my green bean plants) have not sprouted yet (I put the seeds right into the soil). Conclusion: seedlings do not like chilly temperatures and therefore do not sprout. So it doesn't help to start plants in the greenhouse if the temperatures drop considerably after the seedlings are transplanted outdoors. Yesterday, I seeded out green bean seeds in the greenhouse again, in the hope that the warmth inside will allow for quick sprouting. We'll see. Otherwise, the perennial flowers have come back, albeit slowly. I planted dahlia tubers for the first time this year, and they are coming up nicely. But as I said, it's slow-going and slow-growing for the garden this season.

I took some photos of the garden this past Sunday; this is my garden in late May.

Allium blooming--the bees love it

Potato plants--Folva type

Strawberry patch starting to flower--one of two patches

view of garden facing Telthusbakken (street)

north view of garden including greenhouse

Heuchera (aka coral bells or alumroot) perennials interspersed with pansies

Quotes about miracles

• Hope... is the companion of power, and the mother of success; for who so hopes has within him the gift of miracles. --Samuel Smiles
• God continues to work miracles in my life.--Willie Aames
• There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. --Albert Einstein
• Seeing, hearing, feeling, are miracles, and each part and tag of me is a miracle. --Walt Whitman
• His hands are miracles. I can watch them for hours, transforming wood into something it never dreamed of being. --Katja Millay, The Sea of Tranquility
• It was possible that a miracle was not something that happened to you, but rather something that didn’t. --Jodi Picoult, The Tenth Circle
• Miracles, in the sense of phenomena we cannot explain, surround us on every hand: life itself is the miracle of miracles. --George Bernard Shaw
• After all, I don't see why I am always asking for private, individual, selfish miracles when every year there are miracles like white dogwood. --Anne Morrow Lindbergh
• Since most scientists are just a bit religious, and most religious are seldom wholly unscientific, we find humanity in a comical position. His scientific intellect believes in the possibility of miracles inside a black hole, while his religious intellect believes in them outside it. --William Golding
• When you look at all the miracles attributed to Jesus, they're all about change. --Michael Sheen

The first quote has special relevance for me now, especially this week. An unexpected phone call reminded me of the presence of hope inside me when I thought I had none, and that hope sometimes leads to miracles. They may be tiny--but miracle of miracles, any tiny miracle is about change, about a shift in the universe toward love and away from darkness. That is what I believe. 

. 

An incredible amount of pollen this year

Spring this year has been a particularly bad one for hay fever sufferers and those who are allergic generally--not surprising when you can literally see the yellow pollen all around you and feel the gritty layers of pollen that have built up on window sills, tables, and floors. It rained heavily today after a windy night with intermittent rain showers. The rain washed some of the pollen off the surfaces to which it has been clinging. The results--pools of rainwater that are ringed with pollen (see photos), and flowers on my balcony that are sprinkled with pollen due to the wind (see photos). But the rain didn't manage to wash all the pollen away. Once again, nature ensures the survival of the fittest. The tree or flower that has produced this type of pollen is a hardy plant and one that most likely adapts optimally to its surroundings in order to survive.

Garden layout for 2019

Here is the garden layout I designed for the 2019 planting season. There's always a new challenge each year--new flowers and vegetables to plant or a new project waiting in the wings. This year we'll be getting back the 2 meters that was taken from us about one and a half years ago when Oslo's city planners started to do necessary road work on the steep road that parallels the garden. The nice thing is that we'll get back a lot of soil, and that means I have a new area of the garden to plan. So I'll be planting trees: magnolia, lilac, and plum. And planting wild ivy so that it will grow up and along the garden fence to provide privacy. I have English poppies waiting to be planted in that area as well. I'll be posting photos during the summer, but for now, this is the planting plan, and I've already planted most of the seedlings that were in the greenhouse. I'm hoping for a warm and sunny summer.

Lyrics to Aaron Smith's Dancin

This song pretty much sums up how I feel about dancing.....

I have such good memories from our 'disco' nights back when we would all meet in Manhattan to go dancing. We could dance for hours. Whenever I need energy and motivation, I go back to those times that are tucked away in a wonderful (and accessible) part of my mind and soul, and I draw them out again to re-inspire me. It almost always works.


Dancin'

Get up on the floor
Dancin' all night long
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin'

All the time
My baby you on my mind
And I don't know why
Yeah but the feeling is fine
Can't you see
Yo' honey you are for me oh
It were meant to be
Dancin' in the moonlight
Gazing at the stars so bright
Holding you until the sunrise
Sleeping until the midnight

Get up on the floor
Dancin' all night long
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin'

Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole
Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole

Everytime when I look in your eyes
That smile was crying that you were mine
Do you know, your love is true I know
You are the best thing that has happened to me

Get up on the floor
Dancin' all night long
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin'

Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole
Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole

Get up on the floor
Dancin' all night long
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' (oh)

Get up on the floor
Dancin' all night long
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' (oh)

Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole
Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole

Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole
Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole


Songwriters: Aaron Smith / Shalyn Walker

Some good dance songs (and dancers)

The dancer in this video Dancin (Krono Remix) is Javi Valiño--such a good dancer.....




And while I haven't been an avid Ariana Grande fan up to this point, I really like her song/video Thank You, Next......




And then we have Ke$ha and TiK ToK......

Is this generation's lifestyle really more environmentally-friendly?

I saw a post on Facebook recently that had to do with an old woman buying groceries who asked for plastic bags, and the young female cashier who reamed her out for not thinking of the environment. The younger woman started lecturing the older woman on the importance of taking care of the environment. The older woman thought for a moment, and then started to list up all of the things that her generation did that were actually environmentally-friendly, but that were never pushed as being trendy for that reason. The following things were mentioned, and I'm adding some of my own:

• paper grocery bags were reused to make book covers for school books, otherwise they were used as garbage bags and were burned in the incinerator
• milk was delivered to the door each day, and the empty bottles were recycled and used again. We even used the thin cardboard bottle caps to make daisies and other decorations
• appliances like washing machines, stoves, refrigerators and dishwashers were built to last. My mother had a Maytag washing machine that lasted for at least twenty years (from 1960 until circa 1980) and never needed service. Nowadays, appliances have a 5-7-year lifespan if you're lucky
• women in my mother's generation used cloth baby diapers that were washed and reused. For a history of the disposable diaper check out this link: https://www.motherjones.com/environment/2008/04/brief-history-disposable-diaper/   Nowadays disposable diapers fill up the garbage landfills at record speed. Young mothers take for granted that they'll be using disposable diapers. Ask them to give them up in favor of washable cloth diapers and see how far you'll get 
• we grew up with one landline telephone in the house, and one television set. There were no cell phones, and the idea that one would replace a cell phone every two years would have been anathema. Nowadays that is de rigueur and the cell phone companies are helping to cause this by forcing customers to download updated software that slows down the phone to the point of obsolescence. And then cell phone batteries are tossed away like the phones themselves, and fill up the landfills unnecessarily. Ask any young person to keep his or her phone for a minimum of five years and see how far you'll get with that idea. Additionally, many homes have multiple television sets, which also increase the use of electricity
• likewise--computers; whether they are stationary or laptops, they are continually being updated with new software that slows them down to the point where they are no longer usable, and so  you need a new one. All those worn-out computers have to be dumped somewhere
• we are pushing electric cars as environmentally-friendly, but they are not really. The batteries require constant charging (electricity that has to come from somewhere), and they must also be disposed of eventually as garbage when they can no longer be recharged
• politicians in most westernized countries fly constantly from one international meeting to another. There is nothing environmentally-friendly about this. If our parents' generation was lucky, they took perhaps one plane trip every five years or so for vacation purposes only. Air travel was simply not a common thing. Politicians don't seem to be intelligent enough to make the connection between too much plane travel and the fact that this doesn't help the environment. They would rather preach to us about how we sin against the environment by using our cars to go to work. In this country, they would prefer that we biked to work year-round. Never mind that they are being transported around in comfortable cars with chauffeurs in addition to frequently flying halfway around the world. The hypocrisy is appalling. I'm simply not interested in their 'do as I say, not as I do' policies
• kitchen appliances like electric bread makers, electric juicers, electric poachers, etc. were not popular in my mother's generation. That generation made bread by hand, juiced by hand, and used their gas stoves to poach a few eggs. Their kitchens were not loaded with useless gadgets requiring a lot of electricity to use them. 
• produce in the supermarket was not strangled in plastic wrap the way it is now. It is completely unnecessary to have all of the plastic packaging and wrap that smothers the fruit and vegetables they cover. For what purpose, I have no idea
• coffee pots were used to brew coffee on the stove. Electrical drip coffee makers arrived on the scene in the 1950s-60s. My mother continued to use percolator coffee pots. We did not drink espresso, just regular coffee. Nowadays, we have coffee machines that brew coffee using disposable pods (I own one but use it only on the weekends). I have grown to dislike using the pods, but the company that makes the coffee machine I have encourages us to return the used pods to their stores, so I do. They recycle them and that is at least something

I'm sure the list could be even longer, but I'll stop here. The appliances, phones and items we take for granted today, will pollute tomorrow's world in ever-increasing numbers. We can make a start by returning to manufacturing that produces appliances that are built to last. We can stop trading in our old cell phones for new ones every two years. We can mention to supermarket managers that it is not necessary to cover produce in plastic wrap. There are many things that can be done. But it is fallacy to think that young people are the environmental saints, while older people are the sinners. Young people have a lot to learn about how to care for the environment. They can start by keeping their cell phones for at least five years, by cutting down on their air travel, and by not wasting food or throwing away perfectly good food that is one or two days past expiration date. When they've attained some street cred, then older people might be willing to pay attention to their demands.

Happy Easter

Wishing you all a Happy Easter--here are the lyrics to the hymn On Eagle's Wings. This is my prayer for Easter.........


On Eagle's Wings

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord,
Who abide in His shadow for life,
Say to the Lord, "My Refuge,
My Rock in Whom I trust."

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
And famine will bring you no fear;
Under His Wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

You need not fear the terror of the night,
Nor the arrow that flies by day,
Though thousands fall about you,
Near you it shall not come.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

For to His angels He's given a command,
To guard you in all of your ways,
Upon their hands they will bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.


Songwriter: MICHAEL JONCAS
On Eagle's Wings lyrics © MECHANICAL COPYRIGHT PROTECTION SOCIETY LTD

Desperately seeking silence

It is difficult to find a silent place in the modern world. And on those days when one is really seeking silence in order to have some peace, it's even harder. My garden is about the only place that is unspoiled by noise, and the minute I enter it, my stress level goes to zero. Even when I go to mass these days, I can never find a quiet one, like the ones I used to attend with my mother on weekdays when I visited her. They were held in the chapel off the side of the main altar of the church, and they were small, silent, and peaceful. Just a mass without the frills. I find I neither need nor do I like the frills anymore. I just want to go to mass and find some peace of mind. I want the quiet in order to reflect--on life, on suffering, on sickness, on life's meaning. I need to do that; I need to find the time to reflect in order to understand what is going on in my life and in the lives of others. But I am not allowed that. I cannot find one mass at my church that is quiet, straightforward, and without frills. They are often long drawn-out affairs, with pre-mass processions, a lot of incense holder waving, a lot of (off-key) singing of modern songs that hold no meaning for me. I miss the old standard hymns (sung by a real choir), the ones I grew up with (like Praise to the Lord), the ones my mother and I liked and sometimes teared-up over (On Eagle's Wings). I miss ordinary masses, celebrated by a priest who appreciated silence and the absence of continual activity. There are now masses in multiple languages (Norwegian, English, Vietnamese, Tagalog, French, Spanish, Polish) at my church in Oslo; more power to them--I am sure the different cultures appreciate this effort by the church. But I wonder why there cannot be just one mass for those of us who would appreciate some silence in between the traditional celebration of the mass.

Sometimes I feel like I am desperately seeking silence. It's hard to find. When I reflect upon my need for silence, I realize that it is born of a lifetime of talking to work colleagues (having to interact in order to get things done), of sharing an office with others, of holding lectures, of attending meetings, of watching TV, of listening to the radio, of having to interact with the world the minute I wake up (via newspapers and other media forms). There is no escaping the inundation of noise that awaits you each day, ready to pounce on you and to destroy the peace of your day. I simply don't want it anymore.

As I was weeding in the garden today, I realized that my garden has become a place of peace and of silence. I pray as I work, reflecting upon the things I need to reflect upon, working out the solutions I need for specific problems. It has become my church of sorts; the way church used to be--when you could walk in and find peace. I can spend hours in my garden, and feel closer to all things spiritual there than anywhere else, including my church. I find that a bit sad, but true. And there is little to do about it. As I get older, I want peace, quiet, and time for reflection. If I cannot find them at mass, then I will find them in my garden.

An extremely clever bird

Nature never ceases to amaze me, and this video of a heron fishing is proof that nature rules. What a clever bird!

A miracle right before Easter

Photo shows smoke rising around the altar in front of the cross inside the Notre Dame Cathedral.

REUTERS

It is this photo of the aftermath of the Notre Dame cathedral fire that stays in my mind. The cross and the altar remained intact, and if that isn't an Easter miracle, I don't know what is. It is a symbol of hope, of life amidst death (of a building), and of resurrection.

God bless the fireman, clergy, lay people and anyone who helped save the artwork and historical treasures that were housed in this cathedral. It was so good to see that the cathedral will be rebuilt, and that donations are pouring in. Another miracle......People do care, they just need to unite around a common cause, one that touches them deeply. This one does, for many people, on many levels--emotional, historical, spiritual and psychological.

Spring in the garden

Back in the garden......

I feel like I've been in hibernation for a long time. Actually, it has been a long time since I was in my garden, since last October--almost six months away from it. I started working in the garden about two weeks ago, since the sun was warm and the days were mild. It's gotten a bit chillier again, but we are moving toward a nice spring. I sowed out all my vegetable seeds about ten days ago in the greenhouse, and they are starting to sprout. So we're on our way toward a mid-May planting. 

Before garden season ended last year, I planted a lot of bulbs--crocuses, hyacinths, and allium among them. The crocuses bloomed almost two weeks ago already (see photos), whereas the hyacinths and allium have not, but they're on their way. My daffodils are blooming (see photo), and my tulips are starting to come up, as are my grape hyacinth plants (Muscari armeniacum). Next autumn I'll plant even more of all of these types of flowers. 

I spent five hours in the garden this past Saturday. I love being there. There's always plenty to do, and I accomplished all the tasks I had planned for that day--cleaning the strawberry patches, transplanting some of my perennials, and planting pansies, as well as raking up more leaves for the compost bin. I also spent some time trimming some of the berry bushes, and taking dead leaves off the rose bushes. The little birds are back, happily chirping in the tree near the entrance to the garden and splashing in the bird bath, and the bumblebees are also out, buzzing about the daffodils and pansies. All is well with the world. 

Moving away from trendiness

It's strange to admit it, but in a work world defined by new business trends, constant change and the stress of constantly having to adjust, I find myself longing for and retreating to a personal world defined by constancy, predictability, and permanence. My circle of friends has narrowed; I find myself wanting to spend time with my closest and dearest friends. Big parties no longer hold much appeal. I look forward to dinners in quiet restaurants where I can have a decent conversation with my husband or my friends without us screaming to make ourselves heard. Or I look forward to dinners at home, in the comfort of my kitchen. Trendy restaurants no longer hold much appeal for me; they never really did. I don't mind trying them from time to time, but when the bill arrives, I often discover that the meal is overpriced and often not worth it. I find myself thinking that I could have made the meal better myself. I also don't like being forced to buy small meals that I must share with my dinner companions, one of the newer trends at present. I was at one of the new Michelin star restaurants recently with some friends, and we had to buy small meals to share, which I found irritating. We could not purchase a single individual meal. Why do restaurants do this? All it does is make me want to frequent restaurants that focus on serving decent and good food at reasonable prices. If I never step foot into another trendy restaurant, it will be fine with me.

Trendy anything no longer holds much appeal for me. I see no point in following a trend just because everyone else is doing so; I never really did, but earlier I might have paid some attention to them. Now I just ignore trends in general. I have no idea what type of clothing is popular or not; I just buy what I like and what fits comfortably. I bought a pair of bell-bottom jeans a few years ago, and I'm still wearing them (I have no idea whether or not that trend came and went--I like them in any case so I'll wear them until they fall apart). I do follow a lot of new music, but that's because I like all kinds of music, not just what's trendy. I will never go rock climbing, or tandem parachuting, or paragliding, or do any extreme sport. It's fine with me if others want to do these sports, but I won't be doing them. I will ride my bike, hike, or go for long walks. Or you'll find me in my garden, on my hands and knees, weeding or planting. I can spend hours doing that. At work, I do my job, try to think creatively, but in the final analysis, I am who I am--a decent scientist who does the best job she can do with the challenges given her. I step up to the plate and I deliver. If given responsibility, I do something with it and take the job seriously. I expect feedback and a real outcome (don't give me busy work). I'm an old-fashioned worker and an old-fashioned leader. I treat others as I would like to be treated--with respect, fairness, and kindness. I don't play mind games and I'm not interested in keeping others down or in inflating my own importance. I won't foist fancy buzzwords or trendy bureaucracy or leadership jargon on you. I may joke about them and share a laugh with you. I answer my emails, address email recipients by name, and make an honest attempt to really provide an answer or solution to someone's question. I am always surprised when recipients write back to thank me for answering them quickly, for being effective, for giving good advice, and for caring. There is a tone of surprise in their emails, and I am surprised by their surprise, because I was raised to behave this way. This is who I am. It often seems to me that the current business trend as a leader is to constantly inform your employees how busy you are--so busy that you cannot answer your emails, cannot address recipients by name, and cannot provide the answers necessary for your employees to do their jobs. I have gotten emails from leaders that consist of one line, and not even a whole sentence--and they have not addressed me personally. If that's the new trend, then to hell with it.

Getting older has its advantages. You know who you are and just how much bullshit you'll tolerate. You walk away from/advise against the 'hip' ways of doing things when you know that 'tried and true' works just as well. You walk away from 'change for the sake of change'. You listen more and talk less. You continue to listen and learn from others, but you trust yourself more. You know your worth. You are not easily knocked over or knocked down by anyone. You can tell off those who need telling off, make hard decisions when necessary, deal with conflict, and not look back in regret. There's a certain satisfaction in being able to do that, and in trusting oneself.

Two Netflix series that make television worth watching again

As I've written before in other posts, most of the programs on television these days are reality TV programs that reflect the wasteland that TV has become. I counted at least fifteen reality TV shows the other night after flipping through about twenty channels--everything from shows about people with strange illnesses, people who have suffered surgical mishaps, people in debt, people competing to open storage lockers, people who are hoarders, people who are grossly overweight, young adults living together on an island where they are expected to party and have sex, young people who marry strangers, young women looking for wedding dresses, cringe-worthy dating shows, people competing in weird sports programs, and cooking competition shows. The only 'reality' shows I think are worth watching are shows having to do with cooking--hosted by real chefs who prepare interesting meals. Jamie Oliver's show, or Guy Fieri's 'Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives' (a favorite of mine) fall into this category. But cooking shows have been around for years--and they serve a purpose, which is to show how different dishes are prepared so that viewers could try to do the same. I see no purpose for the other reality shows; I don't want to see other people's weird or bad behavior, illnesses, surgical mishaps, dating mishaps, fake weddings, or the like.

I miss the golden age of television, when the major channels produced interesting shows and movies that were entertaining and quite often meaningful. Shows, movies and series that challenged the imagination and touched the heart. Shows that made us think about other people and the society we lived in. Nowadays the major point seems to be to embarrass other people, or laugh at them for their lack of couth or intelligence. There is no heart or intelligence in the creation of such shows.

It is no surprise to me that companies like Netflix, HBO and Amazon have stepped into the business of making movies and series and that they are successful at it. Their products are far superior to what is ordinarily available on television. The majority of their movies and series are quality productions, with some few exceptions. There is something for everyone's taste. And that's a good thing.

There are two Netflix series that I can highly recommend: After Life with Ricky Gervais, and Russian Doll with Natasha Lyonne. Both series are for adults, not for children. They deal with adult themes; the conversations, arenas and language are for adults who are searching for meaning. Both shows are excellent in their own ways. One deals with grief connected to losing a loved one, and how that affects one man's behavior (After Life). The other deals with the evolution of self from unenlightened and narcissistic to enlightened and caring via a series of personal and continual deaths (Russian Doll). Both are wryly humorous, touching, engaging, and ultimately human. They offer everything that reality TV lacks. 

Reflections on getting older in our society

I was listening to one of Oslo’s more well-known psychotherapists the other night on the nightly news; she was talking about the problem of aging in our society and how older people become ‘invisible’ as they age. She meant that both women and men felt this way, and she should know since she deals with both. I have written about this before; my mother used to say that she felt invisible as she got older—to the society around her, in the doctor’s office, and in her dealings with the bureaucracy that is supposed to help older people. My mother was not an aggressive soul, and often not even an assertive one. She accepted this type of behavior without reacting or fighting back. I doubt that I would be the same, but you never know what you will face as an older person. I have friends my age who are chronically ill, not old, and they complain about the same thing—they feel invisible, ignored, and that they should basically just stop bothering others and fade away. If I sort through their comments, I realize that much of what they comment on has to do with the loneliness associated with their illnesses. They feel abandoned, mostly by friends, sometimes by family. They have become immobile, they can no longer work or contribute to society in the ways to which they were accustomed. And today’s society will leave you in the dust as it pushes onward in its continual quest for more wealth, more material goods, and more consumerism. If you cannot produce for that society, or consume the products of that society, you have no role, really. Older people were once revered for their wisdom and experience; that is no longer the case, at least in Western society. They are more likely to be pushed out of their jobs once they turn sixty; they are considered burdensome to deal with in many cases. It occurred to me recently that old age is treated like a chronic illness in our society; older people are often shoved to the side, ignored, and abandoned to ‘their fate’, especially if they are alone. My mother did something about that; she volunteered at her local library (having been a librarian earlier in her life), and enjoyed that for most of her seventies. She worked there up until a few months before she died. But still, she often complained of loneliness and of 'not being seen'.

Many people fear getting older. I can understand why, because the society we live in worships youth and youthful attractiveness. You are considered attractive if you remain 'youthful-looking'. If you are attractive, you get 'noticed', you get 'seen'. You need only look at Facebook and the comments made about cover photos of women in their sixties whom others say still look like they did in high school. I hardly think that is the reality, but it doesn't matter. People still make these comments and I have to wonder why--why is it so important that older women look like they did in high school, and why are women flattered by these comments? These comments are not made so much about older men, but that is perhaps because men generally don't comment on such things. Women are told by society to be interested in how they look almost from the time they are pre-teenagers.

Society does not revere older people as once it did. It focuses solely on younger people and their contributions to society, workplaces, and culture. The media are to blame for much of this; articles about older artists, actors, actresses, workers, etc. are often few and far between. We have become an age-fixated society; you cannot read an article without being told how old someone is, and more often than not, if the article is about a woman, her age is usually mentioned as early as in the second sentence of the article. A man’s age is often not mentioned, or mentioned further down in the article. There is a certain amount of ‘surprise’ in some of these articles; surprise that this or that older person is still working, producing, contributing. It is strange sometimes to read these articles. They reinforce the fixation on age and the idea that the norm is that older people have stopped doing these things. Sometimes I wonder what has happened to this or that person since they are no longer written about, and then I remember, oh yes, that person is now ‘old’ by society’s definition. In other words, no longer media-worthy.

I used to think that old age meant age 70 or older. Old age includes anyone over 55 at present, at least in Scandinavia. There are many articles that talk about how employees who are 55 or older are offered ‘sluttpakker’ (severance packages) so that companies can hire younger people in their place. They don’t say that outright of course, but the intent is clear. And it is a way of getting rid of employees they feel cost the workplace too much. There is truth in that older people often have higher salaries than the younger people, but that is natural after a long work life. It is strange to think that we are living longer, but that the age for being considered old in a workplace has gotten lower. I don’t know what the solution is, but I do know that if society considers you to be old at 55, society is going to have a real problem with this portion of the population that can in theory live until they are well into their 80s.

The psychotherapist’s advice was that older people should ‘tar plass’ (literally take up space) in society. What she means is that older people should make themselves noticed, that they should announce their presence; that they should do everything within their power to not be ignored. This means that older people need to be more proactive about how they approach retirement and old age. They should not passively let society and the media define their roles in society. They should not let younger people dictate to them how they will function in society. They should not let themselves be treated as though getting older is an illness. Because it is not.

We need to be more accepting of life’s phases and to not be so afraid of aging. One thing is certain—everyone will get old at some point, and everyone will die at some point. The focus on ‘forever young’ may be in vogue, but if you take a look at some of the men and women who try desperately to remain youthful-looking via plastic surgery, you will learn quite quickly that it is better to age gracefully. With some few exceptions, most of those who have opted for extensive plastic surgery do not look younger, they look different; they do not look like themselves. I would not want to go into old age no longer looking like myself, but that is my choice. The psychotherapist said the same thing; she was not planning on using plastic surgery to remain young-looking. I applaud her. She will lead the way to something better, something healthier, than what we have in society now. When I remember the older people in my life who have passed away, I think of people whom I respect. I miss them, their wisdom, their patience, their kindness, and their civilized way of living. I miss their generation—the post WWII generation, the generation that sacrificed for a larger cause. They grew older with grace and with patience. They may not always have liked what was happening to them, but they accepted it and lived their lives as best they could. I want more respect for that approach in society. I want more kindness and more acceptance, on both sides. Everyone loses if the polarization of young versus old continues.