What I see in the faces of others

I’ve been thinking about kindness and compassion, and how it is possible to see them in the faces of other people. It strikes me when I look at photos or live footage of powerful political figures, celebrities and the like, that there is a hardness in some of the faces that is indicative of their true characters. There is also something about the eyes that gives their true natures away. Who was it said—‘the eyes are the window to the soul’. If they are, then I’ve seen some pretty hard and merciless souls in my life. I’ve also had the misfortune of having crossed paths with a few psychopaths, and their eyes are often black and soulless—empty and actually rather frightening. So their empty eyes are the windows to their lack of souls. Luckily, the bulk of my experience with other people has shown me that kindness and compassion are still in abundance. Why is it such that we often let one bad apple spoil the bunch? We must try to guard against that happening, because if we let that happen, the wrong people win. One bad apple out of ten means that ninety percent are still good. Those are good numbers.

There is likely no hard scientific evidence to back up my observations about what I see in the faces of others. Nonetheless, I cannot help but look at the faces of Trump and Putin and observe hardness there. They look rigid, angry, formidable, and mean. They don’t look happy nor do they look relaxed. They look like plagued souls, and perhaps that is the reason for their bullying natures toward others. The current Pope is a contrast to them both. His face looks relaxed, not rigid, and he has kind eyes. My reaction to a photo of the current pope is visceral; I instinctively know that I could trust him to be kind. I could not say that about Trump or Putin or men like them.

I gravitate toward kind and compassionate people and tend to remove myself from the presence of hard, rigid and mean people if I can, including psychopaths. Not all people are so lucky. I can remove myself by choice, whereas others are perhaps trapped by virtue of the fact that they live in a dictator-led country, or in an abusive relationship, or that they work at a job they need and cannot leave.

I do not like hard, rigid, formidable and mean people, whether they are men or women. I do not like power- and control-hungry people, nor do I like boorish, loud, or narcissistic individuals. I am not interested in getting to know others if their behavior involves humiliating others, making them feel worthless, or actively trying to destroy them. I instinctively shy away from these types of people because I know they are no good for me. That is how my mother would have phrased it. She would not have been overly-judgmental; she would merely have said ‘be careful’ or ‘don’t cast your pearls before swine’. In other words, don’t waste your time on them. It’s a good way to live if one can manage it.

Understanding what employees want

I am going to plug a book in this post, a book about modern workplaces and what employees want. And why employers should make sure that employees get what they want. Because what employees want is respect. That is the basis of any good relationship, and it is essential for employee motivation and productivity.

The book is entitled What Employees Want And Why Employers Should Make Sure They Get It.  Check it out here:  http://tinyurl.com/yd3jtx6p

Raising strong women and my father's contribution to that

I sometimes wonder if my father knew what he was doing when he sat at the dinner table together with me after dinner, discussing the world news and debating with me about different topics of interest. I was a teenager at that time, in high school, and we did much of the same in our history and sociology classes. So it only felt natural to extend this behavior to the home arena. It was considered a sign of intelligence to be interested in society, in politics, in the life around you. It was considered a sign of intelligence to have a reasoned opinion about some of the important events that were happening around us, and important to impart that opinion in a reasonable manner. I credit my father with teaching me that it was important to use your brain, to use logic, to use reason, in order to argue and debate with others. He was no fan of the bully approach, and would probably have coined the phrase ‘the pen is mightier than the sword’ if it hadn’t already been coined before him. He was a great reader, as I’ve written about in this blog before. An intelligent man, an intellectual, a peace-loving man who was uncomfortable with raw conflict. He had served in WWII and lived to tell about it. I know he was proud to have served his country, but he was no war-monger. When the Watergate scandal broke, he and I watched the drama unfold on TV and watched the Watergate hearings (1973-74) together. We discussed it all, from all sides. His requirement for discussions and debates was that we used logic and reason, not just feelings, to present our opinions. He was not the kind of man that tolerated utterances such as ‘he’s an asshole’ or ‘what a jerk’ as interesting contributions to a discussion, even though we both might have felt that way about certain politicians at the time. And so I learned from him that discussion, debate and even arguments had their place in daily life. Conflict and differences of opinion were part of life; it was how you handled them that mattered. He was not perfect, and even he at times could opine about his feelings rather than his thoughts on certain matters. Then I reminded him of what he had taught us. He was not afraid to tell me when my arguments didn’t hold water, and that infuriated me, enough so that I could storm away from the dining room table, but I retreated and did my homework and came back stronger the next time. He wanted facts, logic, reason and a civil manner on top of it all. God love him for it. He helped to create strong, independent-thinking, and rational women (me and my sister) who are proud of their intelligence and talents. I think he did that because he knew what we would face in the world. I wish he was still alive, because I know he would have discussed the role of women with me now, in 2017, and how terrible it is that the current president and his cronies want to return women to a time when their opinions and wishes did not matter. He would have been appalled at the language that the president uses about women, and appalled that the world had come to this point where women were reduced to objects, to be abused and attacked, bullied and mocked. He would have deplored the state of the world in 2017.

I bring up my father because I believe the world needs more men like him. He was ahead of his time, in so many ways. He was one of the first men I knew who would absolutely have preferred to spend more time with his children and less time at the office. He had a good career as chief technical librarian for a number of companies, but he never brought his work home with him. He never spent evenings immersed in work projects that could wait until the next day. He never complained about how busy he was or how little time he had for everything. He was a family man and he made time for his family. His evenings were spent talking to us about the world, helping us with homework, and testing us in preparation for exams the next day. He and my mother bought me my first microscope set at one of the science fairs in our local grammar school. My father would patiently sit with me as we looked at slides of amoebas and diatoms together. He was as interested as I was in the natural world, but he could not keep up with me once I immersed myself in science as a career. But he was proud of me and proud of my endeavors. He called me at work once to tell me that he loved me, and I never forgot that. He would clip out articles from the newspaper and send them to me (my mother did the same)—science-related and literature-related. Because after science, it is world literature that interests me. That is in my genes from both my parents. My father was interested and involved in our lives and God bless him for it. If your father is the first man who teaches you about men, I’m glad that he was the man who taught me what a good man is. I used to tell him he was cute, and that made him happy—he would smile that little smile he had (my mother said he had a particular way of pursing his lips). I never left my parents’ house without telling them that I loved them. Because I knew that my father could disappear from my life at any moment due to his poor health. Unfortunately, I made my mistakes when it came to choosing men to share my life with, as have many others. A failed first marriage was the result. Even then, my father was supportive. I remember walking around our neighborhood, he with his cane to steady himself after a stroke he had had, and we talked about my unhappy marriage and what to do about it. He and I both knew that it would never improve. He understood what it would cost me to divorce my first husband, and he understood that my life would never be the same. Sadly, he didn’t live to witness my divorce nor did he get the chance to meet my current husband. But I know that he wished (and wishes) me well, in that universe of parallel lives where he lives now, perhaps as a healthy man. I hope so. I do know that he is still a loving one. 

Very good article by New York Daily News writer Linda Stasi

Brainiac Miss USA Kara McCullough says some really idiotic things  by Linda Stasi
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/stasi-usa-kara-mccullough-idiotic-article-1.3167660


Very good article by Linda Stasi of The New York Daily News about nuclear scientist Kara McCullough who just became the winner of the Miss USA pageant. A pageant I care nothing about, just for the record; I agree with Ms. Stasi--an outdated pageant, part of the dinosaur era that should soon become extinct.

My photo of the Vikersund ski jumping hill was used on a Polish sports website

http://sportsinwinter.pl/ps-w-vikersund-loty-na-final-raw-air-padnie-rekord-swiata-lista-startowa/

I found out recently that my photo of the Vikersund ski jumping hill was used on a Polish sports website. They even credited the photographer, me, which is not always the case. So I thank them for that and for using the photo. After all, I make my photography public and available for use, and it's a matter of trust--that you trust and hope that the people who use your photos will credit you. I make a special point out of doing so when I refer to or use other's photos.

Every now and then it's nice to see that some of the things you pour your heart and soul into, like my writing and photography, get noticed. Good karma. Thanks, universe!

Some reflections on the status of women on Mother's Day

I have been preoccupied with balance between the sexes since I was a teenager, with an atmosphere of mutual respect and love as the foundation of a relationship. Over forty years later, I don’t see much of it in modern society and I find that immensely disappointing. I watched the women in my mother’s generation raise their children and live within the constraints of the times they lived in (1950s-1960s). Most of them did not work outside the home, and the few that did (in my neighborhood) were considered to be unusual. There always had to be an excuse for why they worked—they needed extra money to help with the mortgage, or they needed to supplement their husband’s income if he was sick or on disability, etc. In addition, many of them took care of parents and other family members who were old or sick, respectively (unpaid work). Rarely was it considered that a woman, a wife, a mother, would want to work because she enjoyed working, because she wanted to put her education to use, because she wanted to contribute to progress in society in this way, because she wanted to give something back in the form of her intelligence, diligence and hard work. It was not considered that she might want to be a part of the process, might want to make a difference, and might want to matter. Wanting to work, to pursue a career had and has nothing to do with wanting to abandon her role as a wife and mother. It had and has to do with honoring herself and her unique talents.

I write this today, on Mother’s Day (in the USA), because I find it astounding that women haven’t come further in the USA than they have when it comes to childcare and working outside the home. I find it astounding that Europe is light-years ahead of the USA when it comes to federally-funded childcare centers. I find it astounding that we are still arguing about the importance of providing childcare for women in 2017 in the USA. I find it astounding that women still find that they need to defend themselves when they have children and want to work, whether part-time or full-time. It is not that they cannot work, no, there are jobs for them. Of course there are jobs for them; this is 2017. But there is still a limited support system in place to make it easier for them to do those jobs. So most of the women I know who raised their children during the past thirty years worked part-time or relied on family members to help them juggle it all. The few wealthy ones found nannies that they relied on while they pursued their careers. I am not going to argue for or against working full-time or pursuing a career for women who have children. I believe that feminism gives us the possibility of choice, and each person must choose wisely and live with her choice. But if women choose to work, then they should not be subjected to the subtle critical judgment that still exists—that she is a bad mother for wanting to leave her children and be part of the workplace. You might say that I am wrong, that this is not the case. But it is. Just take a look at the current president surrounded by his cronies who want to return the USA to a time when women had little or no say in society and in their relationships. They are white men of privilege who view women and children as their possessions and their trophies. Many of them behave like hypocritical banal evil men, not unlike many of the men in Hitler’s regime, who were married with their family lives intact while they broke up Jewish families and destroyed their lives. These men spout the importance of family values while doing exactly the opposite—they do what they want, when they want, and how they want. They promote a culture of attacks against women, they bully women, they diminish women (think Trump’s behavior toward most women he dislikes)--in short, they do not respect women, no matter what they say. They are not nice men. Some of them have been accused of spousal abuse (e.g. Steve Bannon http://www.snopes.com/2016/11/14/steve-bannon-was-accused-of-domestic-violence/). So these are not men you would want your daughters to marry. These are men who purport to know what is best for women and children. These are men interested only in power, control, money and prestige; they cannot really love their wives or their children, because real love is not about controlling others or using them as trophies. If you are interested in controlling others, you do not love them. These kinds of men I simply cannot abide. I want nothing to do with them. I do not believe in dialoguing with them, because you will simply be shouted down, squished under their thumbs, bullied, diminished, disrespected, told you are stupid, dismissed, ignored, frozen out (in the workplace), told you are ‘too emotional’, too difficult. The list of abusive terms and behaviors is endless. These men should teach a course—How to keep women down. Even in the church, women’s roles are limited; men rule the roost. It simply has become boring to consider that old men in funny hats in Rome are telling us how to live our lives. While I respect the current Pope for his kindness and compassion for others, I have little use for the hierarchy of the church. I am more preoccupied with having a personal relationship with Christ. I remember back in the 1980s when I was young and foolish and didn’t grasp the depth of men’s power in the world, that I argued with a priest about the phrasing “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…..” There was so much emphasis on the first part of this statement when I was growing up, that wives should obey their husbands. I argued with the priest that the latter part of the statement was just as important, and that I had no interest in obeying a husband unless he loved me as Christ loved the church. That put an end to that discussion, since most men simply cannot hold a candle to Christ. I guess I could have been considered a smart-ass at that time; I say now—good. More power to me. But after a lifetime of fighting injustice toward women in the workplace, and there is plenty of it, I am tired. I am leaving it over to the next generation. You’ll find me in my garden now.

It is astounding that in 2017 that women are still subject to abusive behavior publicly and privately. I applaud the women who stand up against these men, who fight them, who challenge them, who sue them, who take them to court (e.g. for spousal abuse), who call out their behaviors. I applaud the women who do all these things while raising their families, working full-time, and taking care of aging parents. I applaud the women I know today, on Mother’s Day, because without them, the world would simply not be a place worth living in. But I believe that the time has come to take another route toward changing the world. I believe that women should turn their backs on the type of world many of these men stand for. They should not marry them, they should not have children with them, and they should ignore them. I hope the younger generation of women will find it in their power to defeat these kinds of men. I will support them even if I cannot lead them. I cannot wait for these dinosaurs to die out. 

Stormy by Classics IV

There were two songs running through my head today; one I've already posted--Ship of Fools by World Party (for obvious reasons, given the current political farce in the USA that cannot lead to anywhere good). The other is Stormy by Classics IV (from 1968), also for obvious reasons, given that the weather in the middle of May resembles more like what one would see in mid-November. It even snowed today, to complete the dismal picture. I know the song is not about the weather, but it just popped into my head and the weather was the reason, especially one line of the lyrics "Bring back that sunny day". Please, weather gods, bring back the warm sun. Snow and chilly temperatures in mid-May don't do anything for me (or for anyone, for that matter). Or for the plants in my garden.

A relevant song for our times--Ship of Fools by World Party

Who knew? That a song from 1986 would foreshadow so much of what is happening in our world today, over thirty years later. It's a great song with such relevant lyrics, that I'm including here.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_BoAXopS54


Ship of Fools   by World Party   (written by Karl Wallinger)

We're setting sail to the place on the map
from which no one has ever returned
Drawn by the promise of the joker and the fool
by the light of the crosses that burned.
Drawn by the promise of the women and the lace
and the gold and the cotton and pearls
It's the place where they keep all the darkness you need.
You sail away from the light of the world on this trip, baby.
You will pay tomorrow
You're gonna pay tomorrow
You will pay tomorrow

Save me. Save me from tomorrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of fools. No, no
Oh, save me. Save me from tomorrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of fools
I want to run and hide right now

Avarice and greed are gonna drive you over the endless sea
They will leave you drifting in the shallows
or drowning in the oceans of history
Traveling the world, you're in search of no good
but I'm sure you'll build your Sodom like you knew you would
Using all the good people for your galley slaves
as you're little boat struggles through the warning waves, but you don't pay

You will pay tomorrow
You're gonna pay tomorrow
You're gonna pay tomorrow

Save me. Save me from tomorrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of fools
Save me. Save me from tomorrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of fools
Where's it comin' from?
Where's it goin' to now?
It's just a It's just a ship of fools

All aboard....

Peace is a garden

My idea of peace is a garden. My garden. It's not a secret garden, hidden behind a wall covered in ivy that conceals a hidden door. It is a community garden and we have each been allotted our own parcel of land. But it's what you do with that land that makes it 'your' garden. And if you like, you can make it as private or as open as you like. The community garden itself is contained within high fences with locks on the entrance gates; if we didn't have the fences and locked gates, you can bet there would be nightly visitors that would break in and steal what they could to make some small money (the gypsies have been accused of this). There were several break-ins during the past few months that are attributed to them. But there is no hard evidence of such. It's best not to store valuable items in the garden in order to discourage thieves.

You might think that having to worry about petty theft detracts from the overall experience of having the garden. You'd be wrong. I look forward to visiting my garden each day. It soothes my soul like nothing else. Abstinence is a good word to describe how it feels when I cannot go there on a daily basis--either too much to do at work or some other activity that takes priority. Up to now, it's fine that I haven't been there each day. But now that all the seeds are planted and the sown areas need water, I will be going there each afternoon or evening to water the planted areas. I cannot wait until I start to see growth. I planted tomatoes in large pots in the greenhouse, and small green seedlings are already starting to make their appearance. I feel responsible for them, that nothing happens to them. I also planted artichoke seeds in a container in the greenhouse, and am quite eager to see if they grow well. The greenhouse is nice and warm, but the daytime temperature can be quite high with the doors and windows closed. The temperature can be adjusted by opening the window to let in some cooler air. That will be quite useful and probably a frequent thing come summer.

I was in the garden during a late afternoon this past week. The sun was shining and it was probably close to about 5 pm. Still a lot of sunlight and warmth. I took some photos, and one in particular caught my eye. It's a lovely shot of the greenhouse, the garden, the lovely red tulips in the background, and the lovely yellow daffodils--a soothing combination of colors; in short, one of those lucky photos. Enjoy!

This year's garden project--a greenhouse

I decided last year that I wanted to buy a greenhouse for the garden, and that setting it up would be this year's garden project. Our community garden allows greenhouses, but no larger than 3.4 square meters (about 37 square feet). Luckily, Plantasjen sold one that was exactly this size: (http://www.plantasjen.no/drivhus-mythos-3-4m-200007739-no). It is now finished--assembled and functional. And yes, it was a project, a labor-intensive one, and one that I could not have accomplished without my husband's help, who patiently put most of it together, with my assistance. I thought there would be a lot more swearing during the whole process, but there wasn't. But would we do this again? Probably not. Some tips for those of you who might like to do the same: assembling a greenhouse requires two people; a good amount of time, say at least two to three days (unless you're pros--the manual is optimistic about the length of time it should take); it should be assembled on a sunny, non-windy, non-rainy day; it needs to be placed on level ground (a concrete foundation is recommended by many online garden sites, but we did not do this); and finally, the greenhouse has to be anchored in place so that a strong wind doesn't blow it away, as it doesn't weigh very much (at least if the windows and door panes are made of polycarbonate and not of glass, like ours). I am exploring different options for anchoring it, but at present have settled on large flat heavy stones that I have placed strategically on the stainless steel foundation framework inside the greenhouse. I also purchased and assembled two different bench/shelf systems from IKEA (the HINDÖ series: http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/categories/series/33957/)--one is a potting workbench with two drawers for holding tools and other useful objects, and one is a 3-shelf bench to place plants on. Both were fairly easy to assemble, and both can be bolted to the stainless steel framework of the greenhouse (another contribution to weighting it down). They are sturdy and well-made; each of them weighs circa 13 kg (28 lbs) . I also bought weed matting from Vida XL (https://www.vidaxl.no/e/8718475854869/pp-ugressduk-5-x-1m-90gsm) to cover the soil floor in order to keep weed growth down. We'll see if it does the trick.

I will say that it is nice to step into the warm greenhouse on a chilly blustery day. It seems to me already that it will provide the perfect conditions for growing plants from seed as well as for protecting plants that are very sensitive to temperature changes. It will be interesting to see how things develop this year. In any case, here are some photos of the greenhouse and the IKEA benches.

the measured area for the greenhouse

the walls are up

three-shelve plant bench

workbench

the finished greenhouse (weed matting not put down yet)