Always do what you say you are going to do. It is the glue
and fiber that binds successful relationships. - Jeffrey Timmons
This is something that I’ve lived by for a good part of my
life. It’s one of the major reasons that I make very few promises to people I
care about, because I care immensely about honoring the few promises I do make.
I rarely say to those I love—‘I promise you this or that……..’ without
delivering on it. I won’t promise anything if I know I cannot deliver from the
get-go (barring of course sickness or natural disasters that might prevent me
from doing so). The few times in my life when I’ve had to break a promise to
someone has left me feeling upset, disloyal and generally bad. It doesn’t take
much to make me feel like a schmuck, especially where relationships and hearts
are concerned.
Our word is all we have. When we say to someone, ‘I give you
my word’, it implies a promise. Promises are
not relative statements. I don’t care very much about what the world thinks
in that regard. The world has become a supremely relative place to live in.
What is relevant today may not be relevant next week, let alone next year. I
bring this up today because so much of life, including work life, has become so
relative. How many times at work have I been told that ‘the past is no longer
relevant’, or ‘that was THE PAST’, as
though the past has no bearing whatsoever
on the present environment or discussion. But it most certainly does, it’s just
that the current constellation of leaders chooses to ignore that fact. Bitter
workplace rivalries from twenty years ago help to shape the current ‘stellar’
constellations and political atmospheres in many workplaces, so of course the
past is relevant for the present. It’s idiocy to think otherwise.
How far back must we go before a certain period of time can
be considered the past? Whose definition of the past is relevant?
In my workplace, the past can be two years ago or even one year ago. Imagine
living in a marriage/relationship that was governed by the same principles;
that what was said to a spouse or loved one two years ago is no longer relevant
in the present, it no longer matters. If we gave our loved ones our word in the
past that such and such will occur, we are bound by our word to honor that
promise. I don’t have a problem with the promise evolving or taking on new
aspects, but the promise itself is to
be honored. That for me is the essence of a caring and respectful relationship--a
successful relationship--be it marriage or friendship.
The problem with the idea that everything is relative and that you can go back on
your word is that loyalty, commitment and stability become less important over
time. The image that comes to mind is that of a boat in roiling waters, always
having to deal with instability and uncertainty. If we cannot trust the people
in our personal lives to honor their promises, then we can most certainly not
trust the people in our work lives to do so. If you never get to peaceful
waters on those fronts, if you can never relax in a relationship, if you can
never achieve a level of trust, be it personal or work-related, you are the
boat that is continually buffeted by the waves. The waves will upset the boat
and down it after a while, or the engine will give out. That is the result of an
‘everything is relative’ way of thinking.
