Reflections on the afterlife

There are dreams that you remember long after you’ve had them. They leave an intense feeling in their wake, the kind of feeling that you can carry with you for the entire day after you’ve gotten up. I’ve had such dreams, albeit not many, but those I’ve had often have to do with being visited by loved ones who have died. Both my father and my mother have visited me in dreams, talked to me without my responding, or we have had short conversations. I don’t always remember the specific words we’ve said to one another, but I do know that they are very real dreams and that the messages are not garbled or nonsense. Recently, I’ve had several such dreams, and it got me to thinking about the afterlife. I am starting to really believe in an afterlife, and I have come to that belief after many years of skepticism about its existence. I grew up with the idea that life continues on after death, and I’ve wanted the afterlife to exist. According to my religion, it does exist in the form of heaven, purgatory and hell. It’s been depicted in countless poems, novels and films, all of which have made a huge impression on me. But my skepticism kept me from fully embracing a belief in it. That has changed. It also changed because I began to seriously question the idea of love ceasing at death. How can it be that we work so hard to learn to love in this life and that we love the people we love, only to see that love die with death? It makes no intellectual sense to me, and I tend to reject arguments that make no sense to me. So that too has pushed me to embrace a belief in the afterlife, a place where love lives on, because that makes sense to me.

I searched for afterlife on the internet, and found this description of it on Wikipedia-- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afterlife

In philosophy, religion, mythology, and fiction, the afterlife (also referred to as life after death or the Hereafter) is the concept of a realm, or the realm itself (whether physical or transcendental), in which an essential part of an individual's identity or consciousness continues to exist after the death of the body in the individual's lifetime. According to various ideas about the afterlife, the essential aspect of the individual that lives on after death may be some partial element, or the entire soul or spirit, of an individual, which carries with it and confers personal identity. Belief in an afterlife, which may be naturalistic or supernatural, is in contrast to the belief in oblivion after death.

This description does not mention dreams at all. Suppose that dreams are part of the afterlife, or at least a portal between this world and the afterlife, through which deceased loved ones can talk to us. Perhaps there are other portals as well. I’m not actively looking for them, but perhaps deceased loved ones need to get in touch with us (albeit infrequently) for one reason or another—to give us a message, to reassure us, or to guide us. Nearly every such dream I’ve had has had to do with something I’ve been wondering about, and I’ve gotten the answer, or at least some semblance of one, in the dream. My mother telling me that she was fine, my visit to the beautiful house where she was living, or telling me that she was worried about someone in the family, or my father telling me that something I had written was good and worth sharing. I trust these dreams; I never wake from them thinking that they are nonsense. I believe dreams are a way of being able to have contact with those we loved who are now dead, or a way for them to contact us if they know that we subconsciously have a desire to talk to them. Now at Christmastime, it makes more literal sense to me when I read the passages describing how Joseph was visited by an angel in his dreams that told him to take Mary and Jesus and leave Bethlehem because Herod was going to search for Jesus to destroy Him, and that they should flee to Egypt. Joseph took his family and fled to Egypt because he trusted the dream and the message.  

It is easy to pay lip service to the ideas of an afterlife, of heaven, hell, purgatory, of resurrection of the body, life everlasting—all the things we say we believe in as Christians. I wonder how many of us really ponder the meaning that lies behind what we profess to believe in. I know most people want these things to exist, but that is different from knowing that they actually do. Most people, myself included, take it on faith that they do exist. But the scientist part of me has always been looking for proof throughout most of my life, for clues, for answers, and I have come to believe that the visitation dreams are evidence that the afterlife exists.

December reflections

We are midway through December and nearly at the end of another year. We are also more than halfway through Advent—a time before Christmas in the Christian church that lends itself to reflection. I haven’t written much on this blog lately; I’ve been very busy, but also unsure of what to write about. This year passed by rather quickly, and the tone of the year was influenced in many ways by my brother’s death from cardiac disease in February. When I received the news of his death, I realized yet again that there is no escape from life’s sadness and suffering. I knew that already when I was twelve years old and my father had his first of several heart attacks. He survived the first one, and was progressively weaker by the time he had his second one. I felt then that life was unpredictable, unsafe, and often dark. I struggled to find meaning in life. Was it only about suffering and death? I was a churchgoer but was at a loss to know what it was I really believed in or sometimes even why I went to church. It was not until a good friend of mine helped me to find what I could personally relate to in my faith that I began to understand what it was I professed to believe in. When I understood and believed that God cares about me personally—that is when my relationship to my faith changed. Many years later, my conclusion is that it is love, and love alone, that transforms people, changes lives, allows for forgiveness and acceptance, offers hope and gives us a safe haven during life’s storms. It gives us something to believe in and to act on. I am not talking about romantic love, although that is definitely a part of love. I am talking about the love described in 1 Corinthians 13, the passage about love that is read at countless weddings:

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.        

These words were first uttered/written many centuries ago, and speak for themselves. They have shown themselves to be quite prescient in my life. It is clear to me after many years in academia, that higher education does not always enlighten its recipients or make them better people. Unfortunately, there are a number of self-centered people with PhDs and MDs who are mostly concerned with titles, incomes, amount of grant support, and the number of high impact-factor publications a person has. There is no direct correlation between higher education and good behavior, unfortunately for the world. It doesn’t matter much in our current world that a person treats his or her students well, gets along with his or her colleagues, or finds happiness in playing a supportive role for others. These characteristics are simply not valued in the same way as is being a cash cow for your organization. As long as a person brings in research money, bad behavior, bullying and envy are tolerated. So yes, knowledge will pass away, as will titles and honors. Aging takes care of that--the top person of the moment in any profession will lose that status, replaced by someone younger and smarter—and the cycle continues, as well it should. If all a person has had is his or her job, and he or she has not treated colleagues, friends or family well, then he or she can end up bitter and lonely in old age. Or frantic, desperate and borderline hysterical, because no one remembers the ‘important’ contributions he or she has made. You would think that people gain perspective as they age; some do, but you’d be surprised at the stories I’ve heard about former professors (men and women both) in their eighties and nineties arguing about who was the better scientist, or convinced that their contributions to the field were those that revolutionized it. ‘You’re only as good as your last publication’—is a common expression in academia. The problem begins when a person begins to believe the hype he or she hears about himself or herself—that one is irreplaceable, brilliant, a genius, the best in the field. It’s nice to receive the accolades. Far better to have reflected on what is really important in life, and to have treated your colleagues and students in a way that reflects the kind of love that 1 Corinthians 13 talks about--patience, kindness, lack of envy, lack of boasting, and humility. How many former top professors will mentor and encourage their one or two brilliant students without envy, and how many of them will keep those students down so as to hinder competition? How many of them will actually let go of their control over their students and let them fly and shine? I’ve seen a few of the latter, and many of the former.

What have I learned this year from my reflections upon the good and bad things that have happened? My brother’s death was a real shock to me (and to my sister), and permeated our lives during this past year. The complicated situations surrounding his death introduced me to a dark world where nothing was as it seemed. My brother was a master at pretending that everything was ok, when in fact it was not during the last two years of his life. He opened the window into his life a crack and let me see some of what he had to deal with (financial problems, his being the primary parent), but he shut it just as quickly, either so I would not worry, or so that he would not lose face. Either way, he was afraid that he would be judged, because he himself was often quick to judge. He knew that I would not judge him; perhaps that made it harder for him to open up, because it would have meant breaking down his own walls. I wish he had, because I loved him and however difficult his life had become, I would always have loved him. He, like many others in our materialistic society, did not want to admit that money, fame, a city job, an apartment in a tony Manhattan suburb, or materialistic things generally, were not the answers to happiness in life. But it’s hard in our society to let go of that way of thinking. He was on the verge of changing his life when he died. Sometimes you’ve got to just toss in the towel and start over in a simpler world, where love is the foundation, and not materialism. There were many people who got in touch with me after his death to tell me how he had affected their lives, especially when we all were younger—how he helped others, was a good listener, took a back seat to others—all things I knew and loved about him. My brother was my good friend when we were younger; we spent many a Saturday evening in Manhattan, meeting friends, dancing and having a good time together. My friends knew and liked him, and his friends knew and liked me. Despite having the Atlantic Ocean between us after I moved abroad, we always got together in Manhattan when I visited each year in the summertime. He would use his company expense account and treat me to lunch at one or another restaurant that he had discovered, and we would walk around lower Manhattan for a few hours and just talk. I am grateful for those memories.

I am grateful for so many other things this past year—my closest friends who were and are always there for me, in good times and in bad. I am grateful for having been a part of a joyous May wedding (the daughter of my close friend got married) that balanced out the sadness of my brother’s death. I am grateful for having met a lawyer (the father of my good friend) who helped me with a specific legal situation related to my brother’s death; I am forever grateful to my friend for having arranged that meeting with her father. I am grateful to my husband for always being there for me, without a lot of fanfare and fuss. I am grateful to my workplace that approved and financed a yearlong leadership course from which I learned a lot—a course that changed my perspective about leadership, about my own leadership qualities, and about the importance of real dialog and communication in the workplace. It seems strange to say it, but often out of sadness come many good things—reminders as it were that there is a reason to continue to hope and to believe.  There is good in the world, and real love does exist. 

A beautiful song by Highasakite

I heard this song, Lover, Where Do You Live? the other night on one or another music awards show. The Norwegian group, Highasakite, performed it live, and hearing it sung that way sent chills down my spine. This is the YouTube version and it's pretty awesome. It's an intriguing song, one that grows on you more and more each time you hear it. I'm including the lyrics as well.

Lover, where do you live?
In the skies, in the clouds, in the ocean?

I learned a lesson 'bout bad ideas,
We're really out in the middle of it now,

And if I ever see you again my love
All I'm ever gonna do
is send shivers down that spine of yours

It would be nice to come home, I guess..
To a couch, and a stove, and a backyard..

Lover, where do you live?
In the skies, in the clouds, in the ocean?

And if I ever see you again my love
All I'm ever gonna do is send shivers down
that spine of yours

And if I ever see you again my love
All I'm ever gonna do is send shivers down
that spine of yours

All I'm ever gonna do is send shivers down
that spine of yours

If I ever see you again my love
If I ever see you again my love
If I ever see you again my love

Lover, where do you live?
In the skies, in the clouds, in the ocean?

Thanksgiving quotes

Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds.

--Theodore Roosevelt

Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.

--Aesop

All that we behold is full of blessings.

--William Wordsworth

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.

--William Arthur Ward

If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.

--W. Clement Stone

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

--Oprah Winfrey

I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual.

--Henry David Thoreau

For each new morning with its light,

For rest and shelter of the night,

For health and food, for love and friends,

For everything Thy goodness sends.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dear Lord; we beg but one boon more:

Peace in the hearts of all men living,

Peace in the whole world this Thanksgiving.

--Joseph Auslander

God has two dwellings; one in heaven, and the other in a meek and thankful heart.

--Izaak Walton

Forever on Thanksgiving Day

The heart will find the pathway home.

--Wilbur D. Nesbit

Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.

--Native American Saying

Waxwings chatting and taking a break in their travels

My last post was a photo of what I believe are Bohemian waxwings (sidensvanser in Norwegian) sitting together happily in the tree across the street from where we live. After listening to them 'chatting' together, I am pretty sure that they are Bohemian waxwings because they have a high trill sirrr as mentioned on the link in my previous post. You can hear that in this short video. They are migratory birds, so I wonder where they came from and where they were off to. In any case, they decided to take a short break from their trip in this tree, and it was just so enjoyable to listen to them.

Birds having a pow-wow

A gray day today, and rather chilly, but that didn't stop the birds from having a pow-wow in the tree that you can see from our kitchen window. I used my telephoto lens to get a close-up view of this important meeting. If you look carefully at the topmost branch on the left, you'll see a bird leaning down toward the other birds, almost as though he had something to say or as though he was listening to the others. As I've said so many times before, birds rule. I have no idea why they do what they do, just that I enjoy watching them do what it is they want to do. Why they were all gathered in this one tree is a mystery; perhaps they were planning their migratory activities, if indeed these are migratory birds. I'm not sure what kind of birds they are either. What I do know was that they were chirping and singing and having a great time.

After a few days of searching the web for what kind of birds they might be, I think these are Bohemian waxwings (sidensvanser in Norwegian). You can check out this link for more information on them: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemian_waxwing   They are migratory birds. 

Paris in my mind and heart

A carpet of leaves

Autumn is upon us; one might expect it to be chilly here in Oslo, but it's not. The temperatures have been fairly mild for the past few weeks. Today's temperature approached 60 degrees Fahrenheit during mid-afternoon; I can't remember when it's been so warm in November. Last year around this time we were dealing with icy rain and near-freezing temperatures. A cold winter is predicted for Norway, but we'll have to wait and see. Meanwhile, the tree outside our bedroom window has not shed its leaves, although many other trees have. I went for a walk in St. Hanshaugen Park this afternoon, and the paths were covered with leaves, as were the lawns and hillsides. Very pretty--the carpets of leaves.

a view of the Oslo fjord from the top of the hill in St. Hanshaugen Park

An amazing voice

It's impossible not to be moved by this song. She has an amazing voice and she sings with so much emotion.

Halloween 2015 in Oslo

Carved pumpkin, check. Flashing skulls with different colored lights hanging in the kitchen window, check. Candy for the kids, check. Halloween decorations here and there in the house, check. Each year at Halloween, I feel like Linus in Peanuts waiting for the Great Pumpkin to appear. I wait for the kids in the neighborhood to ring the doorbell for candy. We actually got a few children tonight made up as zombies and witches, and that makes my Halloween. But some years there have been none. Nothing to do about it, except hope that next year will be better. I've written about Halloween before, about how I began to celebrate it here in Oslo and how much I look forward to it: http://paulamdeangelis.blogspot.no/2011/10/before-and-after-pumpkin-shots.html.

Halloween is now widely-celebrated in Norway; most people seem to enjoy it but there are always those who are against it. The pettiness of a few does not destroy the spirit and enthusiasm of the many, thankfully. A number of stores sell costumes, wigs, hats, candy, candles and all sorts of Halloween decorations and accessories. Nille is one of those stores; it's right down the road from where we live. I can't tell you how many times I've been there to buy one or another Halloween item during this past week. The candle holders shown in the photos were purchased at Nille. A far cry from 1997 when I bought most of the items I needed for a Halloween party in New York on one of my visits. I had to plan well in advance to make that party happen, but it did and it was successful. The convenience of being able to buy what I need here now is something I am quite happy about. 

Wishing you all a Happy Halloween!

Nille and its Halloween displays

Zombie hand candle holder

Spider candle holder

Birds have their favorite perches

If you look out our kitchen window (facing east), you will see a tall tree that is popular with the birds in our neighborhood--crows, magpies, thrushes, starlings, and sparrows. They each seem to have their favorite perch spots.This fellow enjoys his bird's eye view of our Oslo neighborhood. For the past few evenings, he has found his favorite perch high up in this tree in order to calmly survey the world around him. I managed to snap a few shots of him just sitting there watching the world go by.

The colors of autumn sunrises

I took some sunrise photos during this past week, and here are the results--a truly spectacular blending of light and colors. There is nothing quite like an autumn sunrise to inspire the soul.

Finnair ad: baby reindeer trying to find his way home

The holidays are coming, and this wonderful little ad for Finnair is a touching reminder of the joy of coming home to loved ones and the meaning of family.

You can read more about this little video here: http://theinspirationroom.com/daily/2005/finnair-reindeer-poro/

My WriteOn by Kindle author page

Check out my WriteOn by Kindle author page--https://writeon.amazon.com/search?headerQuery=paula%20mary%20de%20angelis&ref_=ign_d_tn_sr_ac

Two short stories so far, and more to come........

My second short story--An Unusual Offer--posted on WriteOn by Kindle

My second short story, just posted to WriteOn by Kindle. You may be getting the idea that I'm putting together a collection of short stories. You'd be right. I'm doing just that--a collection that I'm planning to entitle Survivable Losses. I'm on my way..........

http://tinyurl.com/o5sgnav