Life is brighter with good friends

Life is brighter with good friends, long-time friends--those with whom you've been friends since childhood. I'm lucky to have such friends (Jean and Maria); I know that to be true in the core of my being and I'm grateful every day for them. I'm not sure whether it has to do with luck or good decision-making or just plain old liking certain people. All I know is that they've stuck with me through thick and thin and I've done the same with them. I can't imagine my life without them. 

We've all made different choices and gone in different directions: marriage and having children, marriage and having a stepchild, and remaining single but being an aunt. Grandchildren are now in the picture and that's a new phase for all of us, with different degrees of involvement in terms of seeing them and taking care of them. But in between the new responsibilities, we find time to get together and to travel together. 

This past week, they came to Oslo and we spent a fun week together just hanging out, talking, snacking, and eating well. It reminded me of when we were young and had (what seemed to be) all the time in the world to hang out with each other. In 2019, before the pandemic, we met in Scotland and traveled around the country for a week. We had a wonderful time. Wales is now on the travel list and I hope we make it there within the next year or two. London would definitely be a good future destination, as would Amsterdam, Paris and Rome. We'll see what time brings in terms of travel possibilities for us all. 

Any time I feel out of sorts, I think of my friends and what we've shared together--good times and sad times (sickness and death). Maria's mother died recently, Jean lost her brother in 2023, and I lost my brother in 2015. They have their days too when they feel out of sorts. It's hard to keep your chin up sometimes when faced with the chaos and meanness in the world. And there's a lot of both these days. But my world brightens when I think of them and/or talk to them. Our friendship is a constant in our ever-changing lives. It gives me hope and peace of soul.  

Some good quotes about friendship

 

You say you love your country, but.......

Most people would tell you that they love their country, hands down. Most people don't even think about whether they do or not. And I'm sure most people who say they love their country, do love it on some level. But not on all levels. If they truly loved their country, they wouldn't do the following:

a) Litter. I walk around the city of Oslo and am often appalled at the amount of litter on the sidewalks and streets. Empty soiled plastic food containers here and there; empty and soiled paper bags likewise. Smashed bottles after Friday night parties. Or empty beer bottles just standing on the sidewalk or at door entrances. The same, just on a larger scale, after music festivals and outdoor concerts. Are people so lazy that they can't put their trash in a garbage can? I guess so. Lazy entitled spoiled brats. 

b) Dog poop bags. This is more litter that some folks leave lying around instead of placing in the trash can. Place the bags in the trash can, for God's sake. To your credit, at least you got halfway and placed the poop in the bag. Now place the bag in the trash can. Your dogs are not going to do it for you. 

c) Tagging. Tagging is not graffiti. Tagging is not art. Tagging is nonsensical behavior perpetrated by entitled spoiled brats who go around at night defacing the facades of apartment buildings, office buildings, and restaurants. I don't care how important you think you are, you're not. You're annoying individuals who ruin the beauty around us. 

d) Using sidewalks for biking or e-scootering. Not only is this behavior rude and uncalled for, but it is extremely dangerous. Not for those doing the biking or scootering, but for those who have the right of way on the sidewalks and yet find themselves pushed to the side as the bikes and scooters whiz by. Because if you don't move, you'll get hit and will definitely get injured. Older people, handicapped people, blind people don't stand a chance. Where are the police? As usual, nowhere in sight for this type of behavior. It's not punished or prioritized as a problem. So on the sidewalks, it's every man and woman for himself. I have begun to speak rudely to those who ride on the sidewalks when they should be riding in the road. I don't want to hear your excuses. Just get off the sidewalks. 

These are just some of the behaviors that irritate me no end. They are indicative of the lack of caring for others in society. They are indicative of our narcissistic me-first, go-screw-yourself society. The lack of civility and kindness is a huge societal problem. We could come a long way toward improving things if people stopped littering, tagging, and biking/scootering on the sidewalks. How about it people? What's it going to take for you to truly love your country and your fellow man or woman? I don't care a whit about your show of patriotism on your independence day and about your proclamations that your country is the best in the world. If you don't take care of your country and its inhabitants by behaving well, then your patriotism is just for show. Unfortunately, I've concluded that it's just for show. 

The sights, sounds and smells of summer

The sights, sounds, and smells of summer are many. Freshly-mown grass lawns, the many different kinds of birds chirping and singing, the smell of tar-soaked boardwalks at Playland and the smell of coconut sunscreen on beachgoers are just a few of the sights, sounds, and smells that are a part of my childhood summers. It didn't get dark until close to 9:30 pm in Tarrytown. Each year on July 4th, Tarrytowners would gather at the Washington Irving Junior High School to watch the fireworks that illuminated the sky over the Hudson River. A band would play until it got dark, and then the fireworks would start. 

The appearance of the ice cream truck driving through Oslo neighborhoods and playing the intro song to Norge Rundt signal that summer is here, even though the season doesn't officially start for another two weeks. I saw and heard the truck today for the first time, and even though the weather here is far from summer weather, it made me happy to hear it. Because it brings me back to my childhood, when Eddie the ice cream man would show up with his truck in our Tarrytown neighborhood. Back then, children would line up to buy ice cream bars and cones from him. I don't remember how much they cost, but it didn't matter, it was a treat to buy a toasted almond bar or an ice cream sandwich. As I did way back when, I went down to the stopped truck today and bought a box of ice cream sandwiches and a box of raspberry popsicles. 

There is a certain relaxation built into the summer months that comes from the sun and warmth. I need a dose of both in order to survive winter. I dread the coming of winter and cold when the summers have been chilly and rainy, like last year. This past winter was horrible to say the least. I hope that is not the case this year, but the weather patterns are so unstable at present that there is no longer any guarantee that the summer will be warm and sunny. We had a very warm and sunny May, but since June began, the weather has turned chilly and rainy. Everything seems to be out of whack at present. But hearing the ice cream truck today restored some kind of sanity and balance to life. I couldn't even begin to tell you why. It's enough for me to know that something as simple as an ice cream truck could bring me joy. Simple pleasures.....

Drowning in news

I found this recent Pearls Before Swine strip rather apt, considering that we're bombarded with news at every turn. It is depressing to drown in the news, and the end result is that one stops caring about what is going on in the world in order to deal with it. It is impossible to care about every problem in the world. 

The sheer amount of news is overwhelming, and sometimes one just wants to yell--'make it stop'. Or, 'stop the world, I want to get off'. Wars here and there, the threat of nuclear war, major crime in large cities here in Europe and the US, gun and knife violence, car burnings, terrorism, migrant crises here in Europe and the US, climate change (increased number and intensity of storms everywhere), rising sea levels, foods that are bad for you, household products that are bad for you, air pollution, dying oceans, inflation, prices that have skyrocketed, families that can't pay their bills, the threat of AI, the addiction to and obsession with technology (cell phones especially), weird politics everywhere, the upcoming US presidential election, the warping of truth and facts--the list is endless. The obsession with wealth. Greed and more greed. Power-hungry politicians and leaders. The move toward autocracy in Europe and the US. 

We live in decaying societies. Every time one turns around, more pieces of the foundations that support the societies we know and grew up in are crumbling. What we experienced and enjoyed as children in our generation is slowly being replaced by a new brand of society--driven by technological influences and AI (via internet). It's not hard to understand that some people want to live 'off the grid' rather than be 'guided and controlled' by AI platforms that specific companies tell us exist only to help us. Who believes this crap? The AI platforms being rolled out by the major internet and social media companies exist only to rake in more money for the advertisers on these platforms. The deals between the internet and social media companies with the advertisers are likely quite lucrative. Money talks. Money is the goal, and anything that gets them to the goal is justifiable (in their eyes). 

A half hour of news per day--that sounds good to me. Ten minutes a day would be better. We're being brainwashed into thinking that we need to be updated 24/7. We don't. Our personal and family lives would be much better and healthier if we just shut out the 24/7 news coverage. It's an obsession and an addiction, folks, like any other obsession and addiction. You will never get enough, because it's not designed that way. You get hooked and have to have it. You will need your news fix every day for the rest of your life unless you go cold turkey. Go cold turkey. Live your lives and don't let others tell you how you should think, feel or live. Stay updated without getting immersed in the sewage that passes for news. It's possible. 

 

If you read one article today, make it this one

I'm gifting my readers this article written by Thomas L. Friedman that was published yesterday in The New York Times--How We've Lost Our Moorings as a Society. It's an important opinion piece and it clearly resonated with many readers (just take a look at the Comments section). I hope the article makes you think about where the USA is going as a nation. We need to wake up before it's too late. Our future depends on it.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/28/opinion/trump-civility-society.html?unlocked_article_code=1.vk0.Maax.uk9wgGLn_2hg&smid=url-share

Looking back

I went through a nostalgic period around ten years ago, when I used a lot of time to sort through memories of childhood and young adulthood. It was a fairly creative time for me personally and led to my writing several books of poetry as well as several non-fiction books. My memoir about growing up in Tarrytown New York (A Town and A Valley: Growing Up in Tarrytown and the Hudson Valley: De Angelis, Paula Mary: 9798842022946: Amazon.com: Books) is my homage to a past that meant something to me personally; it was also was a reminder of a simpler time in my hometown's evolution. Tarrytown is no longer the town in which I grew up, nor would I expect it to be. But my childhood memories of it are quite alive in my heart and mind. I tap into them from time to time when I think about my parents, my family, my friends, and my old neighborhood. 

This morning, while I was getting ready for the day, I was reminded of my work past, more specifically, my experience working at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. Little did I know at that time (early 1980s) that it would change my life the way it did. Those changes were positive and far-reaching, but of course I couldn't know that at that time. I found myself thinking about my three bosses--Frank, Zbigniew, and Myron, and how much they supported and encouraged me to reach my full potential in the field of investigative cytology. It is thanks to them that I went on to pursue my doctorate in tumor biology. It is not without a tinge of wistfulness that I think of them; they have all passed away as of this writing. It's strange to think about that, that they are no longer with us. They were good men and immensely qualified professionally. I hope they know how much they meant to me, a young woman starting out in the work world. They gave me a real chance to succeed and I know that is not always the case. And I have no regrets about my work experiences with them. I can't say that about all my work experiences. I was lucky to get the start I got. There was something special about that time in my life. I would imagine all young people starting out in the work world feel that way; that their first years are formative years. They are. A good first work experience helps to shape one's later mindset about working. If the first experience is negative, it destroys trust in the future; I know several young people whose negative first work experiences destroyed their self-confidence. It took them several years to build up their self-image and to be able to trust a potential employer again. 

I don't look back too often anymore. There's far too much going on in the present time for me to dwell on what was or to miss the past. And even if I miss some aspects of the past, the pragmatic part of me knows that it's futile to focus on them. We can't go back, nor would I want to. The experiences of childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood are placed in memory and it is possible to go back to visit from time to time. My way of going back is often through music; I hear a song from those years and I am immediately transported back to those times. I know people who don't want to look back or be reminded at all of the past. That doesn't describe me, even though I wouldn't want to return to the past. The past has its place; the bad or sad things that happened then, happened. I moved on. And even if I had chosen not to 'move on', life would have moved me on anyway, whether I liked it or not.  

The slimy underbelly of everything

There is a slimy underbelly to everything. It is a consequence of our living in a fallen world. And make no mistake about it, we live in a fallen world. Random observations I've had this past week lend credence to this:

The USA is looking at re-electing a man who has cheated on his wife while she was pregnant, with a porn star and then paid said porn star hush money to keep her quiet. You can't make this stuff up. We've had philandering presidents before, but eventually they gave up trying to defend themselves and took the consequences (e.g. Bill Clinton). Imagine how social media would have crucified him when news of his affair came out? As it was, the news media did what they could to crucify him. You could wonder why these men do what they do? I'm not likely to get an answer to that question. 

The USA has a congress and a supreme court that are beholden to this man whom I call 'the mouth'. For some reason they are afraid of him. I guess because when he opens his mouth and badmouths someone, that person is cancelled for good. Bye bye political career. Hello harassment and more harassment. God bless Liz Cheney for speaking up about his bad behavior. I'd vote for her in a heartbeat. 

The USA does not have to remain a democratic country. There is nothing written anywhere that states that this is the case. I will miss my old country if it becomes an autocracy. If it becomes an autocracy due to 'the mouth', we will only have ourselves to blame. He's already talking about a third term in office. What does he think, that he'll live forever? Or will he appoint one of his children as his successor? I know what I'm praying for, but I'm keeping it a secret. It's my own underbelly.

And then there are the media reports about music moguls who abuse(d) their girlfriends and denied it, music moguls who rape(d) women and denied it, movie moguls and actors who did the same. But when the abuse shows up on a hotel surveillance video, suddenly the tune from some of these men is quite different. Men who abuse women are pathetic losers. But most importantly, they are criminals. Their behavior is criminal and they belong in jail. But of course the rich abusers will have a battery of lawyers to defend them. The rich always have a handy 'get out of jail free' card. 

The news is also filled with stories of celebrities on the verge of divorce, or those who have divorced, or those who are filing for divorce. Honestly, why do they bother getting married? Why have all these lavish over-the-top hyper-expensive weddings? What's the point? Just live together and stay out of the public eye. But that seems to be impossible for most of them due to their over-inflated egos. Stay off TikTok, X, Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, YouTube or any other social media channel that exposes your life for all to see. Is it worth it? No. Learn to be private about your private life. 

I haven't read or heard about one feminist women's group that has come out and condemned the October 7th attacks on young Israeli women who were massacred at the hands of Hamas. Not one group. Prove me wrong, people. I find this abhorrent. If these women who were raped, mutilated, murdered and beheaded by Hamas were your daughters, sisters, mothers, friends, would you step up to the plate and condemn their actions? You are allowed to condemn Hamas and also be critical of Israel's revenge war. It is possible to have two viewpoints in your heads at the same time. But of course we live in the age of woke, so you can only adhere to one way of thinking, determined by the wokers, which at the present time is anti-Israel.  

The world is a mess. There is so much violence, lying, cheating, greed, abuse, bad behavior, misery. It boggles my mind that cheaters, for example, deny their cheating when it is blatantly obvious that they have cheated. I'm thinking of a female politician in Norway who basically plagiarized over forty percent of her master's degree, and when caught, did not apologize but rather blamed everyone else around her for pointing out that fact. She didn't cheat, she said. Oh well. What would you call it then? In my day, we called it cheating. These days, no matter the crime, we must always feel sorry for the perpetrator. I don't.

I would guess the world is in need of some kind of divine intervention. But I doubt that it will be a merciful one. We don't deserve it. 

Giving back to the world

I find this quote from Ursula Le Guin to be both intriguing and comforting. I really like the idea that one can give back to the world that gave each one of us life. It's an intriguing idea, and what's comforting about it is the knowledge that we belong to something much larger than ourselves. Also that we matter to the world, even in death. 

I think that when I die, I can breathe back the breath that made me live. I can give back to the world all that I didn't do. All that I might have been and couldn't be. All the choices I didn't make. All the things I lost and spent and wasted. I can give them back to the world. To the lives that haven't been lived yet. That will be my gift back to the world that gave me the life I did live, the love I loved, the breath I breathed. 

~Ursula K. Le Guin, from her book The Other Wind 

From winter to summer, just like that

We're now in summer mode here in Oslo, even though the summer season hasn't officially begun. All it takes is a few warm days when the sun shines brightly and the temperatures hover around 70 degrees F as they have done for the past few days. That's the signal for everyone to exit their apartments in order to be outdoors. Restaurants, cafes and bars with outdoor seating are packed and the lines of people waiting to be seated are long. 

I always enjoy this time of year--May and June--because those are the months when my garden takes off. Up until around two weeks ago, we were still experiencing chilly winds and chilly temperatures. And then suddenly, whoosh, they're gone, replaced by warmer temperatures that define summer in Norway. We rarely if ever get temperatures in the 90s, nor is it very humid here. That's good in one sense, because even though summers in New York were/are warm, they could often be brutal due to the humidity that made it hard to breathe. My family and friends in NY keep me updated on the weather there, among other things. Interestingly, we've had similar unstable weather patterns this year, especially in April--some chilly and windy days, followed by warm days, then chilly again. It's rained more there than here; last year we had a very wet July and August. We'll see what this year brings. 

I worked in the garden for the entire month of April, cutting down dead plants, pruning the fruit trees, cleaning and raking. I did some planting as well (potatoes) as well as starting seeds in the greenhouse. I'm always amazed each year at the miracle that is a garden. The perennials return at the same time every year (hence their name); you see the new growth amid the dead stems that have been cut down very low. The snowdrops, crocuses, daffodils, tulips, hyacinths and forsythia make their appearance in April and usually bloom until around mid-May. The forsythia bushes are now turning green. The magnolia tree is blooming, and I see buds on my wisteria. This past week I planted my zucchini and pumpkin seedlings outdoors; so far they're doing well. Night temperatures hover a round 45 degrees F, which is fine. As long as there is no frost, they'll survive. 

Here are some recent photos of the garden. Enjoy.......

Queen Bee

I play The New York Times Spelling Bee game each day. There are a set number of words that one must find (spell) each day given the letters for that day. If you make all of the words, you achieve Queen Bee status. It's not often that happens because most of the time it's impossible to find all the words. It's happened to me only once before. And then again today. Small things make me happy as today's spelling game was difficult. 

Out In The Country by Three Dog Night

Out in the Country by Three Dog Night is one of my favorite songs of all time. When I was in high school and learning how to make short movies to music for my English class (we had a very progressive teacher who was years ahead of MTV), I chose this song to make a movie to, starring my sister. The idea was that she was a teenager in an ugly city who dreamed of being out in the country. It was a real learning experience, planning the movie, shooting it, editing it, and presenting the final version. I loved the experience, and every time I hear this song, I think of that time in my life. 

Lyrics

Whenever I need to leave it all behind

Or feel the need to get away-ay-ay

I find a quiet place, far from the human race

Out in the country

Before the breathin' air is gone

Before the sun is just a bright spot in the night-time

Out where the rivers like to run

I stand alone and take back somethin' worth rememberin'

Whenever I feel them closing in on me

Or need a bit of room to move

When life becomes too fast, I find relief at last

Out in the country

Before the breathin' air is gone

Before the sun is just a bright spot in the night-time

Out where the rivers like to run

I stand alone and take back somethin' worth rememberin'

Before the breathin' air is gone

Before the sun is just a bright spot in the night-time

Out where the rivers like to run

I stand alone and take back somethin' worth rememberin'

Before the breathin' air is gone

Before the sun is just a bright spot in the night-time

Out where the rivers like to run

I stand alone and take back somethin' worth rememberin'

Before the breathin' air is gone

Before the sun is just a bright spot in the night-time

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Paul H. Williams / Roger S. Nichols

Out in the Country lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Easy To Be Hard--Three Dog Night

With all of the insanity and inhumanity in the world now, I just had to listen to Three Dog Night's version of Easy To Be Hard, the song from the 1967 rock musical Hair. Why oh why did we grow up with music like this, music that touched our hearts and souls, music that wasn't just about money, bling, greed, revenge and violence? How could it have happened that the 1960s and 70s were such idealistic times? We know now that they weren't always so, but the songs reflected the ideals, hopes and dreams of the songwriters. They wrote about what they knew, experienced and loved--relationships, love, growing up, living in society, and making their way through life. I miss this approach to life. It's all so aggressive and in your face now. 

Lyrics

How can people be so heartless?

How can people be so cruel?

Easy to be hard

Easy to be cold

How can people have no feelings

How can they ignore their friends

Easy to be proud

Easy to say no

Especially people who care about strangers

Who say care about evil and social injustice

Do you only care about the bleeding crowd

How about a needy friend

I need a friend

How can people be so heartless?

You know I'm hung up on you

Easy to give in

Easy to hold back

Especially people who care about strangers

Who care about evil and social injustice

Do you only care about the bleeding crowd

How about a needy friend?

We all need a friend

How can people be so heartless?

How can people be so cruel?

Easy to be proud

Easy to say no

You know it's e-

Easy to say no

Easy to say no

Easy to be proud

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know

I know it is

Easy to say no

Easy to say no

It's easy

It's easy

Easy to say no, no, no

It's easy, it's easy, it's easy, it's easy

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Gerome Ragni / James Rado / Galt Mac Dermot

Easy to Be Hard lyrics © Emi U Catalog Inc., Channel H Productions

Living a small life

I read a short reflection today that made me think about several things. It said that we cannot shut ourselves away from the problems in the world, as much as we would like to. We cannot live small, safe, little lives away from it all, because we have to be a part of the world, we have to care about the world. That was the gist of it. I am not sure if I agree completely with this viewpoint; more about that shortly. I then thought about how the media want us to live our daily lives. They would like nothing better than that we lurch from one (media-created) crisis to another. There are enough real crises in the world without the media adding to them. But clickbait and ratings decide everything. 

Given the two different aspects mentioned above, I got to thinking about why I don't want to immerse myself wholeheartedly in the world's problems. Overall, some of them are more major than others, but what they have in common is that they swirl about in a cesspool, a cesspool of crime, greed, violence, brutality, corruption, hatred, cynicism, apathy--the list is long. And the media is happy to report every little aspect of it. Ad nauseam. Why would a person want to voluntarily immerse himself or herself in this cesspool each day? What does it do to one's psyche? The psychological effect cannot be good. 

Most of us live small, safe, little lives, away from the limelight. Most of us in fact shy away from the limelight, from public attention, from being scrutinized and dissected by the media. Having said that, I do admire anyone who genuinely wants to help society by becoming a politician. He or she knows from the get-go what they're in for. Politics is not for the fainthearted. But by and large, the majority of us will never experience such media scrutiny. By choice. 

So I don't agree that there is something wrong with wanting to live a small little life. One cannot make a blanket assumption that because a person's life is small, that he or she has not done something that counts here in this world. If that person has lived a good life, has been kind to others and to animals, has raised (or helped to raise) a family, has worked and contributed his or her talents, that should count toward the overall evaluation of his or her life. We who are outside that life cannot be the judge of how that life was lived. 

A small little life gives room for reflection, for peace, for quiet, for figuring out what is and what is not important. Lurching from one crisis to the next will not solve anything, will not provide the needed time for reflection. There is nothing wrong with wanting a small life. But whether life is big or small, it is never safe all the time, and it is futile to try to desperately keep it safe. Life is filled with risks that we must take in order to grow as individuals. They may not always lead down happy paths or safe ones. Life is also filled with personal crises; no one escapes. Some of those crises may force us out into the larger world; some may make us retreat even more from the world. I know people who have had debilitating neurological illnesses who preferred to retreat from the world. They felt that they had nothing to offer it anymore. In fact, they did, but their choices had to be respected. They did what they felt was best for them and their families. 

We are almost midway through an election year, a year that promises to be a chaotic one news-wise. Knowing this in advance, many of us are planning how to keep the media wolves at bay. How to keep them from invading our lives and homes. I understand that people want to do this. I want to do it too. 

Interesting viewpoint from Charles Bukowski

Charles Bukowski wrote this poem about rising early versus sleeping late.....

Throwing Away the Alarm Clock

my father always said, “early to bed and
early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy
and wise.”

it was lights out at 8 p.m. in our house
and we were up at dawn to the smell of
coffee, frying bacon and scrambled
eggs.

my father followed this general routine
for a lifetime and died young, broke,
and, I think, not too
wise.

taking note, I rejected his advice and it
became, for me, late to bed and late
to rise.

now, I’m not saying that I’ve conquered
the world but I’ve avoided
numberless early traffic jams, bypassed some
common pitfalls
and have met some strange, wonderful
people

one of whom
was
myself—someone my father
never
knew.