New Year's resolutions and goals

I normally don't make New Year's resolutions, although I do set a few specific goals for myself. Last year it was to read twenty books during the year (I signed up for the Goodreads challenge), and I achieved that goal. I also vowed to write at least twelve blog posts per month, and I met that goal as well. But the reason I don't make resolutions is because they are often too vague--exercise more, eat more vegetables, etc. I try to follow them, but I know I will not live up to those resolutions in the same way as I try to meet my goals. I think the difference is the level of commitment. A resolution is more of a decision to do something without necessarily being committed to doing it, whereas a goal involves commitment to a vision of how one wants the future to work out. It is the commitment part that drives me; once I set a goal, I want to achieve it.

This year I have goals as well, and they involve publishing the books I have been working on for the past several years. I won't do the Goodreads challenge this year, so that I can devote more time to finishing my own books. I will continue to write this blog, but the number of posts will vary each month as they always have (except in 2018).

Books, movies, photography, traveling, and writing are the interests that I try to prioritize. In many instances, I can combine several of these, e.g. traveling, photography and writing, and produce a photo-essay that describes where we've been and what we've experienced. But otherwise, reading and movies facilitate a type of travel that I have long been used to. Ever since I was a child, I have traveled to new realms in these ways. I will continue to do so in the coming years.

Looking back on 2018 and the need for hope

What a year--2018. Looking back, I'd say it was a whirlwind of a year for me personally. My work life took an unexpected turn for the better, and as the old expression goes, 'I never looked back' once I hopped on this new train--a new focus area and one for which I seem to be suited. It could all change in an instant; I am fully aware of that, but that is the beauty of growing older. One has been down those paths before, so one is less surprised if it all goes to hell again. I hope it won't, but the universe might have other plans, so it's just to stay open to new possibilities and opportunities.

I realized too how important traveling is for broadening our horizons, and planning a trip to a new place each summer has become a fun occupation. I want to explore more of Great Britain--more of England, Scotland, and Wales. I'd love to revisit Italy in order to take in Florence and Sienna. I'd like to see Spain and Portugal as well. I have a feeling we'll get there, one country at a time. For that reason (and a few others), I really do look forward to retirement and to taking some longer trips with my husband and my friends.

But one doesn't always need to physically travel to a new place in order to broaden one's horizons; one need only pick up a good book that will take you where you want to go (or sometimes where you never thought about going). I have rediscovered how interesting American history is, thanks to Caroline Fraser and her wonderful book Prairie Fires--The American Dreams of Laura Ingalls Wilder. If there is one book I can recommend from this year's reading, it is this one. I have mentioned it before in a previous post (https://paulamdeangelis.blogspot.com/2018/08/book-recommendation-biography-of-laura.html), but it bears repeating--the USA has been through some pretty dark times, and it has survived them--climate changes, rampant corruption, economic depressions, widespread poverty, political uproars and turmoil, world wars, and so much more. Our country has had great presidents and terrible presidents. It survived them. We will survive. We may need to undergo some forms of renewal (much like the Catholic church needs to do in order to deal with the sexual abuse scandals), but we will survive. There is comfort in knowing that, and that is what learning about our history gives us--new realizations about where we come from, and even insights about where we might be headed.

Despite the current political chaos that reigns in the White House, our country will survive. The founding fathers built many checks and balances into our system of government. It may seem as thought they are failing one by one, but they are not. The majority of politicians still believe in something good; one must hope that they will rise to the challenge of defending our country's honor and dignity. And if they cannot do it, that we the people must do it for them. Our ancestors left Europe to find a better life in America; perhaps some found that, while others didn't. What they did find was the chance to figure it out for themselves, to think for themselves, to take responsibility for their own lives. They took a risk, and we must take risks too, in order to preserve the freedoms that we have fought to attain. We must not be complacent, self-satisfied, or slothful. We cannot afford to be any of those things. We must find it in our hearts to be grateful and hopeful, because from gratitude and hope spring all that is good, and we must translate our gratitude and hope into positive action.

Light in the darkness

The darkest time of the year--December. Short days, late sunrises, early sunsets. Some beautiful skies at sunrise and sunset. But mostly, there is dark until the snow comes to cloak the veil of night. And then Christmastime comes, with the accompanying Christmas lights and decorations. They are a comforting sight. I try sometimes to imagine a world without the sun, a world plunged into total darkness, day in and day out. It is not a world I would want to live in. I do enjoy taking some night walks, as long as there are city and street lights to keep me company and to light my way. I would not want to live out in the wilderness, say in a forest without light of any kind at night. My imagination would run wild. We are now past the winter solstice, and moving toward longer and lighter days, thankfully.

Here are some recent photos--light in the darkness--heartening every time I see them.

Insights about forgiveness

The difficult situations that we face in our lives challenge our capacity to forgive, especially when we have been hurt by another. I know from personal experience that forgiveness is not something that can be hurried or forced. You cannot simply 'forgive and forget' at the drop of a hat. It's not that easy. Eckhart Tolle seems to have understood that, because he writes so insightfully about forgiveness in his book, A New Earth. I have not read his book, but I run across excerpts from it from time to time, that I think are worth sharing.

It requires honesty to see whether you still harbor grievances, whether there is someone in your life you have not completely forgiven, an "enemy." If you do, become aware of the grievance both on the level of thought as well as emotion, that is to say, be aware of the thoughts that keep it alive, and feel the emotion that is the body's response to those thoughts. Don't try to let go of the grievance. Trying to let go, to forgive, does not work. Forgiveness happens naturally when you see that it has no purpose other than to strengthen a false sense of self, to keep the ego in place. The seeing is freeing. Jesus' teaching to "Forgive your enemies" is essentially about the undoing of one of the main egoic structures in the human mind. The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that. And what is a grievance? The baggage of old thought and emotion.

~Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth pg.66)

A peaceful Christmas scene