What I want for Christmas

• A different and better diagnosis for a dear friend whose doctor gave her a depressing diagnosis in a manner totally unbecoming for a professional—cavalier and unfeeling. My new year’s wish for her doctor? That he spend some time in her shoes to see how it feels to suffer the anxiety of having to wait until the middle of January to hear if he was mistaken or not, because he is no expert and should never have given her any sort of diagnosis in the first place
• To find a way to be with my family and friends in the States so that I don’t have to wait until retirement to see them more
• Better lives for those close to me who have problems maintaining their standards of living, due to circumstances beyond their control
• To find a way to do what I love so that I can quit what I no longer love. I wish that for those I love as well
• That we find and restore balance to our daily lives: work is work, home is home. We need both and we need to find time for both. Work should not usurp the role of family and friends
• That the workplace does not continue to be the church where we worship. That we find our way back to our real churches and turn our backs on the worship of money, greed and competition
• That ‘God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what should be changed, and wisdom to know the difference’ (Serenity Prayer)

On the journey

“It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.”  Ursula K Le Guin

When I wrote my doctoral thesis back in the late 1990s, I used this quote in the preface. It was quite relevant at the time, since my doctoral work was a long journey toward the PhD degree, which seemed so unattainable at times. Especially during the difficult times in the lab, when things were not going well or taking too long, or when my articles were rejected and sent back to me. When I finally reached my goal, I realized that much of the enjoyment in pursuing a goal is in fact the journey toward it. I realized that the lab work, no matter how difficult or frustrating, was part and parcel of the entire experience. You don’t get to be a full-fledged scientist without dealing with frustration, long hours in the lab, difficulties, crying fits, wanting to give up, waking up the next day and feeling ok again and wanting to start anew. Pursuing a doctorate is a difficult experience; it’s a challenge that you are not likely to forget the rest of your life. I see that in some of the students I have advised during the past decade; they struggled, some hit the wall temporarily, but they kept going in spite of setbacks. One or two were whiz kids and managed to finish in three years what it took others six years to achieve. We all have a different road to follow. If it takes you longer than it takes another, then it does. That’s your journey. Sometimes, it’s what we learn along the way in terms of patience, tenacity, faith, hope, and camaraderie that keeps us going. You learn that ‘no man is an island’; that your fellow students and/or co-workers are there for mutual support. That complaining is part of life and work, but that solving problems instead of complaining is preferable. Life is a long journey for most of us, if we're lucky; there is no point in kvetching continually. The fact remains that life really is not fair; it doesn’t always go the way we want it to. But sometimes it does, and goals get achieved. And part of the journey in this life is taking the time to enjoy those achievements, to look at them and say, I did this, yippee. We need sometimes to pat ourselves on the back and say ‘job well-done’, before we start on the next journey toward a new goal. Because that’s a reality of life too. We are never done, we are never satisfied; we are perpetually meeting the next challenge. Each decade has its challenges and goals, I see that more clearly now than when I was younger. It became even clearer this past weekend when I was together with several elderly women, all of whom are in their 80s; their journeys continue—the challenges are different—most of them have to do with the vagaries of old age—but they remain journeyers. They remain interested in the world around them, they are social, kind, patient with themselves and others; they have achieved a certain wisdom that comes from a long life journey. They are my role models.     

A new poem

Dance--reflections

Dancing my way to air

Gulping in the light

Making my way upstairs

Leaving behind the night

Dancing my life to find

That which I feel as true

Life as a walk in the blind

Love as a part of the hue

Colors abound about me

Circling over my head

Lights to guide my way through

Whispering where to tread

copyright 2013 Paula M De Angelis

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Christmas trees everywhere! Or at least it seems like that. Each year, it seems that people start to get ready for Christmas earlier than the previous year. I wonder if that’s true or if it’s just my impression. All I know is that the major shopping centers, malls and department stores here in Oslo have had their Christmas decorations up since mid-November. I can understand the attraction, actually. It’s such a nice time of year, such a warm season in all respects, so why not start to prepare for it already in November? It’s not just about buying gifts; it’s about the experience of preparing for Christmas, and it seems that others feel the same way. It’s fun to go to the mall stores and people-watch; people are busy and preoccupied, but it’s not a stressful feeling. Store salespeople are very friendly and charming; of course they want to sell you something, but I do get the feeling that they are in the spirit as well. ‘Be of good cheer’. It seems that most people are this year. I am as well.

We are putting up our Christmas tree next weekend. In the meantime, I am decorating the house for the holidays, wrapping gifts, making lists and ‘checking them twice’ (actually much more than twice), writing Christmas cards (I still like writing my own cards and mailing them, even though I do send more e-cards now). There’s something about making myself a cup of gløgg, a warm spiced drink with cinnamon, cardamom, cloves and ginger to which you can add raisins, slivered almonds, and red wine or strong liquor (it is in fact called mulled wine, although I drink it without the wine), and sitting down to write cards. For those of you who want to know more about gløgg, I refer you to this link that has a recipe for it: http://goscandinavia.about.com/od/restaurantsdining/r/gloggrecipe.htm. I usually buy gløgg ready-made as a concentrate, add water to it and heat it until it is warm.

I will be making and freezing gingerbread dough this week for cookies; making gingerbread cookies (‘pepperkaker’ in Norwegian) is a tradition that my stepdaughter and I try to maintain each year. I also want to make molasses spice cookies this year, and I think it would be fun one year to make a plum pudding, which was one of the Christmas desserts that I grew up with. If I have time this year, I will try it, as I have a good recipe for it. My mother served it each year (it was imported from England and we usually bought it at Macy’s department store) accompanied by a rum-flavored white sauce. We also grew up with panettone, an Italian sweet cake made with candied orange, citron, and lemon zest, as well as raisins; it too was bought at Macy’s. How I used to love shopping there at Christmastime! Here in Oslo, I can find both at the Glasmagasinet department store, as well as at the more high-end delicatessens that import a lot of different goods from other European countries. So yes, I am looking forward to the culinary journeys that await us, the traditions that define Christmas for me (an interesting blend of American, Italian, English, and Norwegian/Scandinavian), and the time to truly enjoy the season. And finally, I recommend checking out an online Advent calendar that is just a treat for children and adults alike—the Edwardian Advent Calendar. You’ll find it here at http://www.jacquielawson.com/gift-shop. Enjoy!

The beautiful English carol 'Tomorrow shall be my dancing day'

We attended an Advent concert yesterday, which was very nice--always a special way to usher in the Advent season. The choir sang this traditional English carol, which made such an impression on me that I wanted to share it with you. Beautiful to listen to. Ingegjerd Bagøien Moe was the soloist, and Uno Alexander Vesje the harpist who accompanied her; they were wonderful, as was the rest of the Tryllefløytene choir.

I went on YouTube to see if I could find the song, and happened upon a number of different renditions of it. This rendition particularly touched me, since it's a children's choir that performs it. I'm including the lyrics as well. The choir does not sing all of the verses; none of the different renditions seem to. Enjoy!

TOMORROW SHALL BE MY DANCING DAY  

Tomorrow shall be my dancing day;

I would my true love did so chance

To see the legend of my play,

To call my true love to my dance;

Chorus

Sing, oh! my love, oh! my love, my love, my love,

This have I done for my true love

Then was I born of a virgin pure,

Of her I took fleshly substance

Thus was I knit to man's nature

To call my true love to my dance. Chorus

In a manger laid, and wrapped I was

So very poor, this was my chance

Betwixt an ox and a silly poor ass

To call my true love to my dance. Chorus

Then afterwards baptized I was;

The Holy Ghost on me did glance,

My Father’s voice heard from above,

To call my true love to my dance. Chorus

Into the desert I was led,

Where I fasted without substance;

The Devil bade me make stones my bread,

To have me break my true love's dance. Chorus

The Jews on me they made great suit,

And with me made great variance,

Because they loved darkness rather than light,

To call my true love to my dance. Chorus

For thirty pence Judas me sold,

His covetousness for to advance:

Mark whom I kiss, the same do hold!

The same is he shall lead the dance. Chorus

Before Pilate the Jews me brought,

Where Barabbas had deliverance;

They scourged me and set me at nought,

Judged me to die to lead the dance. Chorus

Then on the cross hanged I was,

Where a spear my heart did glance;

There issued forth both water and blood,

To call my true love to my dance. Chorus

Then down to hell I took my way

For my true love's deliverance,

And rose again on the third day,

Up to my true love and the dance. Chorus

Then up to heaven I did ascend,

Where now I dwell in sure substance

On the right hand of God, that man

May come unto the general dance. Chorus

(written for St. Paul's by the English composer John Gardner)

Bits and pieces

The Christmas season is upon us, in a big way. The stores in Oslo were already decorated for Christmas in mid-November this year. My impression is that the Christmas season starts earlier with each year that passes. People need to have some ‘light’ in the midst of darkness; the sun sets earlier now and the darkness is like a smothering blanket at times. Luckily, we’ve had wonderful autumn weather this year, so it makes the drastic loss of light easier to bear. I attended the annual ‘customer evening’ in late November at my favorite department store in Oslo—Glasmagasinet; this is a gathering of (mostly) women who are VIP customers (those who spend a lot of money there during the year—like me!). It’s essentially a ploy to get us to spend even more money, by inviting us to share some tapas and wine on the store’s dime. Always an enjoyable evening and a good way to start my Christmas shopping. Glasmagasinet is a great store if you need to buy wedding and Christmas gifts. I shop at many other places, but Glasmagasinet has a special place in my heart, probably because it’s the first department store I walked into on my first trip to Oslo many years ago--December 1989 to be exact. The store, like Oslo, was decorated for Christmas and was very cozy. And despite its many changes during the past twenty-odd years, it still is a cozy store to wander around in. 

The stores in Oslo have also discovered ‘Black Friday’, and are marketing it for all it is worth, although the manic intensity of the American Black Friday will never be matched. They ‘celebrate’ it on the same day as in the USA, minus the holiday that precedes it though. I’m waiting for the Thanksgiving holiday to make its way into this culture. It would be fine with me, since the meaning of the holiday is not necessarily American in the sense of having a day to give thanks for the bounties and blessings that fill our lives. And since this country is filthy rich, it has a lot for which it should be thankful.

The nicest part of the day was my visit to a convent called Katarinahjemmet in Majorstua (an Oslo neighborhood), that was having a Christmas bake sale and bazaar. The reason for my visit was to spend some time with a young woman who works in my hospital department; she is in her mid-thirties and has decided to become a Dominican nun. Since we are both Catholic, she shared her decision to change her life with me some months ago, and was eager for me to visit what will be her new home as of January. She has quit her job at my hospital and will be starting as a novice at the convent in January. She was very glad that I visited her, and we agreed that I will visit again in January, and perhaps take a few co-workers with me, to get a tour of the convent and listen to a short talk about the founding of the convent and the daily lives of the nuns. Interestingly, the Nobel-prize winning Norwegian author Sigrid Undset, a Protestant who had converted to Catholicism, was instrumental in recruiting the Dominican nuns to Norway and in founding Katarinehjemmet. She was often a visitor to the convent and enjoyed being there. I must say that I too enjoyed being there; the convent has a nice air about it—bustling in some respects, but quiet and conducive to meditation as well.

On my walk back from the convent, I passed the building that formerly housed the Showtime video rental store where I used to rent DVDs; I wrote a post some months back about the closing of the store and how I would miss it. I still do. It is now an espresso café called Espresso House. I walked in, bought myself a cappuccino, sat down, and took a real good look around the place. I must say that they’ve done a good job at renovating the locale and creating an attractive coffee bar that is sure to become quite popular. It provides free wi-fi and plenty of seating. I look forward to just hanging out there for a few hours someday soon.

Finally, an update on Disqus and the impostor situation: I have notified Disqus and described the problem to them. They said that they would look at the situation. We will see what they aim to do about it. Frankly, I have little to no hope that anything will come of my complaint. What I have managed to do is to stop my impostor from commenting as rabidly as she or he had been doing before I found out that this charade was going on. That makes it easier for me to track her or his movements on the net. I have kept my cool so far and not gone ballistic. There would be little point in doing that anyway, even though I feel like behaving that way at times. Nothing will come of it. The world is such that one person does not matter an iota. One person’s problems do not matter an iota. And there are a huge number of people out there whose problems are life-threatening. Mine are not. So I have not lost my perspective about where my situation fits into the scheme of things overall. 

A beautiful song by Michael Kiwanuka--Tell Me A Tale

Here are the lyrics and video to one of my new favorite songs these days:

Tell Me A Tale

Tell me a tale that always was,

Sing me a song that I'll always be in,

Tell me a story that I can read,

Tell me a story that I believe.

Paint me a picture that I can see,

Give me a touch that I can feel,

Turn me around so I can be,

Everything I was meant to be.

Lord I need loving,

Lord I need good, good loving. [x2]

Show me some strength that I can use,

Give me a sound that I won't refuse,

Tell me story that I can read,

Tell me a story that I can believe

Tell me a tale that always was,

Sing me a song that I'll always be in,

Turn me around so I can be,

Everything I was meant to be.

Lord I need loving,

Lord I need good, good loving. [x4]

Songwriter(s): Paul James Butler, Michael Kiwanuka, Michael Samuel Kiwanuka

Copyright: Chrysalis Music Ltd., Warner/Chappell Music Publishing Ltd.

Education and Indoctrination---what Doris Lessing thought about them

Very interesting viewpoints from Doris Lessing, who passed away yesterday at the age of 94. Nobel Prize-winning novelist, short story writer, poet and playwright. Her 1988 book, The Fifth Child, was an unforgettable portrait of a family that ends up having to deal with a very unpleasant fifth child. It's a book that will stay with you for a long time afterward. 

“Ideally, what should be said to every child, repeatedly, throughout his or her school life is something like this: 'You are in the process of being indoctrinated. We have not yet evolved a system of education that is not a system of indoctrination. We are sorry, but it is the best we can do. What you are being taught here is an amalgam of current prejudice and the choices of this particular culture. The slightest look at history will show how impermanent these must be. You are being taught by people who have been able to accommodate themselves to a regime of thought laid down by their predecessors. It is a self-perpetuating system. Those of you who are more robust and individual than others will be encouraged to leave and find ways of educating yourself — educating your own judgements. Those that stay must remember, always, and all the time, that they are being moulded and patterned to fit into the narrow and particular needs of this particular society.”

― Doris Lessing, The Golden Notebook

Gratitude

We celebrated Thanksgiving early this year. It’s usually not possible to celebrate it on the same Thursday as in the USA, since Norway does not celebrate the holiday. Even if I wanted to celebrate it on the same day, I’d have to take that Thursday off from work, as would any of the guests who might want to join us for the festivities. So for the past twenty-three years I’ve usually celebrated on the weekend following Thanksgiving in the States. But since we already have plans for the next two weekends, today (Sunday) was our celebration. Just my husband and me this year; all our usual guests had other plans. I asked my husband how he would feel if I stopped celebrating the holiday, and he said he would miss it. It’s true; he would miss it, because it’s become a part of our annual holiday repertoire. He’s appreciative of the gestures I make to share my culture, as I am grateful for the gestures he makes to share his. Since I moved here, I’ve made it a point to keep on celebrating the holidays I celebrated when I lived in the USA---Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day and Easter. Norwegians celebrate Christmas, New Year’s and Easter, so there’s pretty good overlap in terms of food and drink; in recent years Halloween and Valentine’s Day have become a part of their society, albeit on a much smaller commercial scale than in the USA. The Norwegian postal service offers some really nice Valentine’s Day stamps; I’ll have to scan in some of the first day covers for Valentine’s Day that I own and present them in a future post.  

It’s nice to have the holidays to look forward to and to prepare for each year. I might even say it’s become necessary for me to celebrate them. Doing so breaks up the long darkness that is winter here. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to celebrate them. The winters are not much worse weather-wise than they were in New York; it’s the short days and the black darkness that get to you after a while. So the holidays are a way to get me through each dark month of winter. By the time Valentine’s Day is over, the darkness has lifted, and the promise of spring, summer and long sunlit days is in the air. In that sense, I am grateful for all the holidays each year; each holiday has its special charm. Thanksgiving especially is a holiday for reflection on all those things that we have to be grateful for. It is not about shopping or bargains or football, even though it may seem that way sometimes. It is about family and the ties that bind, about being thankful for them and for good friends. I remember when we were in our teens, our friends lived right around the corner, and after dinner, we hung out at each other’s houses or went for walks around the town. We always stopped in to say hello to our friends’ parents at some point. Those friends are still my friends today, my oldest and dearest friends, and I am grateful for their friendship. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Thanksgiving is also about being thankful for the bounties that America enjoys. In that sense, Norway has much to be grateful for as well; its oil wealth is certainly a bounty. We don’t always realize that we are blessed; often we are too busy kvetching or constantly on the lookout for the next new thing that will better our lives. We actually have all that we need; we just need to appreciate our lives more, and appreciate the life around us.  

Quotes about meanness

I was thinking about meanness today, about how the world seems to have gotten much harder and meaner. How workplaces have also. Or have they always been so and it's just me whose eyes have been opened for good? It's best to focus on the positive in life, and I try to for the most part. But I cannot ignore the suffering and pain I see around me and much of it is the result of unkindness on the part of mean-spirited people who do not wish others well. The reasons for their meanness are no doubt many. I'm sure there are many explanations and excuses for their not aspiring to be kind people. So as I was reflecting on this topic today, I found these quotes about meanness. The first one especially is just as true today as when it was written in 1945 (from the book Cannery Row by John Steinbeck), perhaps more so now. Steinbeck is spot on with his description of the traits of success that we claim to detest, but oh how 'successful' individuals in society who possess these traits are held in awe. We tend to forget (or perhaps we just want to forget) that ‘making it’ in terms of success may involve behaviors that are not very nice at all. The last quote is one of my all-time favorites. 

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It has always seemed strange to me... the things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling, are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest, are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first they love the produce of the second.

--John Steinbeck

Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.

--George Sand

I consider nothing low but ignorance, vice, and meanness, characteristics generally found where the animal propensities predominate over the higher sentiments.

--William John Wills

Empathy is really the opposite of spiritual meanness. It's the capacity to understand that every war is both won and lost. And that someone else's pain is as meaningful as your own.

--Barbara Kingsolver

All the meanness, all the revenge, all the selfishness, all the cruelty, all the hatred, all the infamy of which the heart of man is capable, grew, blossomed and bore fruit in this one word, Hell.

--Robert Green Ingersoll

False greatness is unsociable and remote: conscious of its own frailty, it hides, or at least averts its face, and reveals itself only enough to create an illusion and not be recognized as the meanness that it really is. True greatness is free, kind, familiar and popular; it lets itself be touched and handled, it loses nothing by being seen at close quarters; the better one knows it, the more one admires it.

--Jean de la Bruyere

In a lifetime of observing and participating in political debate, I have seen a lot of meanness.

--Dennis Prager

Like the Earth, the Web is a less appealing place than it used to be. If I want attitude and arguing and meanness and profanity and wrong information screamed at me as gospel, I'll get in a time machine and spend Christmas with my family in 1977.

--J. R. Moehringer

Be nice to those you meet on the way up. They’re the same folks you’ll meet on the way down.

--Walter Winchell

Some pretty cool Halloween pumpkins

From the Street Art in Germany Facebook page---some great Halloween pumpkins that I didn't get a chance to post yesterday, but am posting today. Jean, check out the minions!!!

Post by StreetArt in Germany.

Post by StreetArt in Germany.

Post by StreetArt in Germany.

Autumn leaves

The trees in the park at Kjellands plass have shed a lot of their leaves, so I was out today with my camera and took more photos of the lovely autumn trees and leaves.....

The Headless Horseman leads the way

I’m sharing a pretty cool photo with you today; for those of you who grew up in Tarrytown or North Tarrytown (now Sleepy Hollow) New York, you’ll understand why I was so taken with this photo. It shows the Sleepy Hollow High School (SHHS) football team being led onto the field by the Headless Horseman (of the The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving fame). The Headless Horseman is apparently their mascot, and this photo was taken right before a recent game against their arch-rival—Ossining High School. They beat them 41 to 32, so that was good news for SHHS fans.

I grew up in Tarrytown as most of you know. My parents were big fans of the SHHS football team when we were growing up, so many Saturdays during the autumn found us in the bleachers watching the team play its season games. What I remember was the excitement and electricity in the air—that sense of life or death that can only be understood by die-hard sports fans. A bad call by a referee that led to our team’s defeat was the worst that could happen and was talked about for hours after the game. I remember the sounds of the players hitting and tackling each other, and the cheerleaders who led us in chants and songs. But what I also remember was freezing my butt off sitting in the bleachers in early November; I was dressed for the cold weather, but it’s tough to sit outdoors in the cold and rain, as often happened, for hours at a time. I remember feeling miserable and just wanting to go home on some occasions, which of course was what happened if it got too unbearable. But mostly, we were loyal supporters and a win by our team could make our day. The cold and rain were forgotten when our team won. I guess that’s how it should be; after all, the players and the cheerleaders were also cold and wet, but kept right on doing their jobs. There’s something to be said for that kind of dedication, and for that kind of loyalty on the part of the supporters. 

This photo was taken by photographer Patrick Tewey; check out his website at http://www.patricktewey.com/

Be the Best in Business: Managing Change: Does Urgency Create Resistance?

Did you ever wonder why some companies manage to change what needs to be changed within their organizations without alienating their employees, while others fail miserably, losing the respect and trust of their employees in the process? This recent post from the blog--Be the Best in Business: Managing Change: Does Urgency Create Resistance?--provides some really good insights about how change can be managed successfully in a business. The author says that a company that views change as an urgent issue will create stressed and resistant employees and is not the way to get those most affected by change--'employees in the trenches'--on board or on your side. As the post says 'Guiding change may be the ultimate test of a leader, since no business survives over the long term if it can’t reinvent itself. But human nature being what it is, fundamental change is often resisted mightily by the people it most affects: those in the trenches of the business. Thus, leading change is both absolutely essential and incredibly difficult'. 

Finally, an article that tells it like it really is, that considers change from the perspective of employees but that also discusses how a company can get its employees to understand that change is healthy and a part of business development. Well-done. I wish I had read this a few years ago, when urgent and immediate change (for the sake of change) was the predominant operative in my workplace. The sense of 'crisis and urgency' was palpable on a daily basis and did not lead to either productivity or job satisfaction. It merely created employee dissatisfaction that has persisted to this day. There were definitely better ways to approach the idea of change, but leadership at that time failed to find them. 

A new favorite song--Safe and Sound by Capital Cities

Just what we need sometimes--to let go, dance and be happy..............




Safe and Sound

Songwriters: Ryan Merchant and Sebu Simonian

I could lift you up
I could show you what you want to see
And take you where you want to be
You could be my luck
Even if the sky is falling down
I know that we'll be safe and sound
We're safe and sound

I could fill your cup
You know my river won't evaporate
This world we still appreciate
You could be my luck
Even in a hurricane of frowns
I know that we'll be safe and sound

(Safe and sound)
We're safe and sound
(Safe and sound)
We're safe and sound
(Hold your ground)
We're safe and sound
(Safe and sound)

I could show you love
In a tidal wave of mystery
You'll still be standing next to me
You could be my luck
Even if we're six feet underground
I know that we'll be safe and sound
We're safe and sound

Safe and sound
Safe and sound
Hold your ground
Safe and sound

I could lift you up
I could show you what you want to see
And take you where you want to be
You could be my luck
Even if the sky is falling down
I know that we'll be safe and sound

I could lift you up
I could show you what you want to see
And take you where you want to be
You could be my luck
Even if the sky is falling down
I know that we'll be safe and sound

We're safe and sound
We're safe and sound
We're safe and sound
We're safe and sound

(Safe and sound)
We're safe and sound

(Safe and sound)
We're safe and sound
(Hold your ground)
We're safe and sound
(Safe and sound)
We're safe and sound
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