Cannot look at some people the same way again

I posted a quote last week about forgiving, understanding, but not being a fool. I've been thinking a lot about that lately in relation to people I know in the States who voted for Trump and who were aggressive about it. In your face, as I wrote about in my last post. I cannot forgive their blindness (deliberate or otherwise) and I cannot understand them. To do the latter would be to go against everything in my nature that screams for justice, goodness, ethical behavior, non-bullying behavior, and our Christian upbringing. Perhaps one day I will be able to pray for them, and for myself (for being unforgiving). I cannot now. 

None of these people are bullies by nature. Most are fairly nice and meek individuals who do not like conflict. Many have been through personal hells in their lives and survived them. Some call themselves good Christians. Nevertheless, they supported a man who gave them permission via his own behavior to be vile human beings if they so chose. Most did not, which makes it all the more perplexing that they supported Trump. Perhaps that is because they feel disempowered, such that when the bully comes along, they side with him because he makes them feel powerful; he speaks for them. If it's not that, then the reason is beyond my comprehension. The people Trump surrounds himself with (and has surrounded himself with) are vile human beings (think Steve Bannon). There has not been ONE peep out of the Trump supporters I know about what Steve Bannon said about beheading Anthony Fauci and Christopher Wray. Not one peep. Not one comment about how vile that is, how horrible it is that they talk like ISIS supporters. Not one person among them on my social media feed who stood up for decency, values, ethics, morality, Christianity. FoxNews.com did not even have it as a news story (I checked); they ignored it. Why? Did Christ talk this way? He did not. Does Biden talk this way? He does not. And by the way, I do not, did not, and never will support (liberal) Kathy Griffin's photo of Trump's decapitated head; her career tanked after that, as well it should have. Just so it's clear to the Trump cultists that I am NOT partisan. None of this is funny; it is vile and horrifying that we have descended so far into hell. It horrifies me and it has stressed me this past week in ways I cannot describe. This is what the USA has become--that roughly half the voting population supports a man like him.

How would the Trump supporters I am talking about, like it if I suddenly behaved like Trump with all of them? Told them where to go in no uncertain terms. Told them that they're fired from my life. Told them that they're idiots, losers, assholes, dumbasses, rednecks. Would they like it? No. Why? Because I don't behave that way, have never behaved that way, and will never behave that way toward people regardless of how close I am to them. They know me and would not expect me to behave that way. Do I get angry? You bet. Get into arguments with my husband and a few other people? At times, yes. But I do not set out to destroy the other person, no matter how angry I get at them. That is not my goal. Mostly I find that arguments stem from frustration--not being able to say what we need to say or not being given the platform to do so (being bullied/harangued/talked-over into submission). We argue with others because we are not listened to, because there is no dialog, no two-way street in conversation. 

One thing is clear to me--I will never look at some people the same way again. I cannot. I cannot unsee what they have posted, written, or stood for. I cannot press the 'reset' button, not right now. At present, some of them are posting memes talking about how there should be peace and no division in the country. About how we should all get along and be good to one another. That we should let bygones be bygones. That doesn't work for me. I'm sorry for being hard-hearted, but that's where I am at present. Mostly what I am is incredibly sad, for myself and for my country, that we let such a vile man rule our world 24/7 for nearly four years. To say it will be a relief to have him gone is understating what I feel. 

 

No longer 'in my face'

So I've begun the process of unfriending aggressive Trump supporters on my social media accounts, mostly those on Facebook at this point. I had already begun to do this a few weeks ago when one of my 'friends' began to stalk me via the supportive comments I left on posts by the New York Times or other newspapers on Facebook criticizing Trump's behavior or policies. He would post a pro-Trump comment under my anti-Trump comment. He was the first to go. There were four more today. I'm not waiting to find out who wins the election. I'm eliminating those whose viewpoints are morally opposed to my own. I call it 'pulling a Trump'. He gets rid of people for no good reason; I at least have a good reason. 

It feels good to be rid of some of the cultists. They were 'in your face' when it came to Trump. They would post some pro-Trump meme that was downright nasty or mean one day, and then the next day a post about how there is no peace in the world anymore or how divided the country is. Uh, duh? Do you think your behavior and speech have contributed to that? Or they would post something about 'prayer being the answer'. I love when people do that. These are people who wouldn't know what real spirituality was if it came up and bit them on the ass. A gunman can mow down thirty students at a grammar school, and their frequent response is 'to pray'. That's fine, but God helps those who help themselves. How about instituting strict gun control and taking AR15 rifles away from people? But God forbid you bring that up. Don't tell me you're a Christian when you support guns for all. You're not. 

None of my Democrat friends have been as 'in your face' as the Republican ones. I have to wonder why. Why are the former more respectful of others than the latter? There's some food for thought. My own theory is that the rabid cultists have very low self-esteem and that they feel built up by Trump. In other words, he gives them the self-confidence they lack, and that translates to aggressive and bullying behavior. It's tiring, they're tiring, 45 is tiring. I'm done with them all. You may agree or disagree with this post. It's fine. I'm doing it for myself, not for anyone else. I'm doing it to stand up for what I believe in. 

Survivable Losses--a collection of short stories

Check out this collection of short stories. You won't be disappointed. 

Survivable Losses  by Francesca Stokes 

Wise words

 

The second wave

The second wave of the virus is upon us, and the world around me officially feels surreal at this point. I have NO idea where the year went. Really. I know I worked, first at home from mid-March until the end of June when I had some vacation, and then I went back to work in early August. I've worked mostly at home but go into the office a couple of days a week. But now the second wave is upon us and we're being told to work from home, not to meet in groups of more than five people, and to wear masks in public. The health officials are very worried about the coming winter. Me, I try not to read the news about the pandemic. It only ends up scaring me. But I end up reading it anyway just to stay informed. But I don't dwell on it. 

Every now and then my thoughts become apocalyptic, as in, is this the beginning of some kind of end for mankind? All around us, businesses that we took for granted--restaurants, hotels, airlines, theaters, other venues--have altered their way of doing things or have closed, and thus altered our way of living. It scares me to think that many of them may not survive. I wish I was a multi-millionaire so that I could support them all. I feel so sorry for so many people who are out of work, who don't know what to do next. It's not like they can snap their fingers and get a new job, pronto. Life never works like that. 

I told my husband the other day that I'm glad I've learned how to preserve seeds. I have seeds saved for next year's plantings--pumpkin, butternut squash, zucchini--and I have seed potatoes that will be ready for planting come next March. We also have different berry bushes in the garden. If worse came to worse, we could live on potatoes, pumpkin, squash, and berries. It's possible to pickle pumpkin and squash, and make jams, jellies and juice from the different berries. As long as there's flour, we can make bread. We wouldn't starve, but our diets would be much different than they are now--mostly meat-based. 

In the midst of all this surrealness, there is a surreal presidential election going on in my home country. It is an election that has divided people into two camps--those who will vote for the preservation of decency and ethics in America, and those who will vote for boorishness and an utter disregard for ethical behavior. So strange that it has come down to that. Those in the latter camp will say that they don't want a typical politician, so they're voting for Trump. I remind them that what you see is what you will get. He cares for no one but himself. All others are expendable. 

Where is God, people ask? Wrong question. The question is more, why did people turn away from God? Why have we? It's not about going to church or following the rules of Catholicism or any other religion slavishly. It's about 'actions speak louder than words'. It's about loving our neighbors as ourselves, about caring about what happens to others. It's about good behavior, about not being a boor or a brute, about not being careless or irresponsible or unkind. It's about being Christian toward others. Yes, charity begins at home, so we need to get our homes in order first, but that does not preclude our being nice to others, showing empathy, loving others in a charitable way, ridding our hearts of anger and discord. When we turn away from trying to behave better, we turn away from God. And we can only blame ourselves when the proverbial s**t hits the fan, as it always does. We have no idea how many people will die in this second wave. For all those who poopoo the pandemic, who think it is a hoax to prevent Trump from being re-elected, who think that liberals are on a crusade to destroy America, I say, wake up before it is too late. Just wake up. You are living with blinders on. Even Pope Francis, for whom I have great respect, has said that people who behave like Trump are not Christian. He said, and I quote 

"A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not of building bridges, is not Christian." 

Trump's response was "If and when the Vatican is attacked by ISIS, which as everyone knows is ISIS’s ultimate trophy, I can promise you that the Pope would have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been President because this would not have happened. ISIS would have been eradicated unlike what is happening now with our all talk, no action politicians"..........

Kudos to Pope Francis for taking on 45 and the GOP. I admire him for taking a stand, for having an opinion. You can agree or not, but no one will ever convince me that the behavior I've seen in 45 and the GOP is Christian behavior. You can talk until you are blue in the face. You will never convince me. 

Support the Tarrytown Music Hall

I've written about the Tarrytown Music Hall in earlier posts. I have fond memories of going to many a movie there when I was a teenager in Tarrytown. Now the Music Hall hosts live events--concerts, shows and the like. They've had to cancel their bookings in 2020 due to the Covid-19 pandemic and have been closed for seven months. Here's a good way to support them during this tough time. I donated and hope you will too. 

https://tarrytownmusichall.org/save-our-stage/?fbclid=IwAR0QDa7aiPrSYIRXvTBl5wvfuHQcPT2qGN8Dm_js4B8pi4c9e7j6qwQiOvc

Quotes about survival

Survival can be summed up in three words - never give up. That's the heart of it really. Just keep trying.  ― Bear Grylls

No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don't.  ― Stephen King

To survive it is often necessary to fight and to fight you have to dirty yourself.   ― George Orwell

What does not kill us makes us stronger.    ― Friedrich Nietzsche

There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning.  ― Thornton Wilder

Survival was my only hope, success my only revenge.  ― Patricia Cornwell

Keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival, as has been maintaining a sense of humor.  ― Stephen Hawking

The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival.  ― Aristotle

Fear is always there; it's a survival instinct. You just need to know how to manage it.  ― Jimmy Chin

Humor can be one of our best survival tools.  ― Allen Klein

Nations, like stars, are entitled to eclipse. All is well, provided the light returns and the eclipse does not become endless night. Dawn and resurrection are synonymous. The reappearance of the light is the same as the survival of the soul.  ― Victor Hugo

Sustainability is the key to our survival on this planet and will also determine success on all levels.  ― Shari Arison

To a certain degree, I think both self-narrativizing and selective memory are essential survival skills.  ― Laura van den Berg

My artwork website on Fine Art America

I just thought I'd share my artwork website with you, courtesy of Fine Art America. I've uploaded flower and nature photos that can be used to make different products such as canvas prints, framed prints, posters, coffee cups, and more. You can check out the website to see the possibilities. 

This is the link to my 'store' on Fine Art America: https://paulamary-deangelis.pixels.com/   Thank you for checking it out!

Acting like an adult

I've watched the two presidential debates and the vice-presidential debate. The first presidential debate was cringeworthy; I was embarrassed to be an American with a president who behaved the way 45 behaved. He was rude, crude, arrogant--interrupting Biden at every turn and trying hard to get him to stumble over his words. He behaved like a spoiled child, and in my day, when we were growing up, we would have been spanked for behaving that way. The vice-presidential debate was at least a debate between two adults (Mike Pence and Kamala Harris) who knew how to behave themselves. They differed on most things, but they kept the entire debate on a civil footing. The second presidential debate was quite a departure from the first one; 45's advisers must have gotten to him and made him realize that it was important that he behave like an adult at this one. He managed to do so for the most part, so that the American people finally got a real debate about the issues, which they deserve. 

It struck me while I was watching yesterday's debate how many years Trump has wasted being a spoiled child when he could have behaved like an adult. How much more effective he could have been as president if he had only behaved like an adult all these years. He could have accomplished so much and garnered so much more support, instead of inspiring contempt and hatred. My mother used to say that 'you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar'. Trump may say he doesn't care that people like him, but that's all he talks about when he gets the chance. So he is totally preoccupied with being liked. Too bad he didn't use a bit more honey to get more people on his side. He does have his supporters, but it's not always clear what kind of demographic statistics describe them. 

It occurred to me after the last debate that he has wasted a huge and golden opportunity as president. He could have been a decent human being for the past several years. He might even have been a good president if he had approached the job professionally, if he been more humble and less arrogant, more willing to learn rather than acting like an irritating know-it-all and a buffoon. He is an envious man, that's clear. He envies Obama because Obama is a civilized man and a motivating speaker and writer, a man whose empathy comes across in his talks to the American public. Trump just comes across as a fool, spouting conspiracy theories, hate rhetoric, and hyperboles (he is the best ever at everything). He makes fun of science, scientists, scientific data, statistics. He defines everything that he doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand as 'fake news' or a 'hoax'. I've known people like him through the years who have asked me about what I do as a scientist; in several cases, I began to explain my job and my research projects and was told that my job sounds 'boring', and in another case, the person I was talking to began a rant about how the HIV virus was a plot by the American government to kill its own people. We hadn't been talking about HIV, we had been talking about DNA in general. A lot of people don't even know what DNA and RNA are. Very few people are at all curious about my job, what it is scientists do, how immensely interesting it is, how relevant it is for future cancer treatments and policies. These are Trump types, who make fun of anything they don't understand or dismiss it as irrelevant or boring because they don't understand it. They don't want to understand it. That is their problem, but when policy (or lack of one) for an entire nation is determined by such a person, then that nation has a huge problem, as the USA has now. In 2020, anti-science is NOT the way to go. Not at all. 

Being an adult means being willing and able to admit your mistakes. We've all made mistakes. During the debate, Biden could admit his mistakes, Trump could not. People will tolerate mistakes if you own up to them. Trump has a long way to go before he reaches adulthood. Sad to say, but it's the truth. You simply cannot take people like him seriously when he rants and raves and spouts nonsense. What a waste, really. It's nothing to be proud of. 

The new normal

We will see what the winter brings in terms of the severity of a second wave of Covid-19 virus. Europe is currently dealing with the second wave, as is the USA. Here in Norway, the health authorities do their best to control the situation, but of course no one can predict what the winter will bring. 

I envision permanent changes in how we live. For starters, the disinfecting and sanitizing that go on will likely continue, both at home and in public places. And that's fine with me. Better too much of it than too little. I think we had gotten a bit lax with keeping public places clean. It's good to have the reminder that public bathrooms in workplaces, restaurants, malls and other places need to be cleaned regularly. Ditto for elevators, stairwells, escalators--any of the places where people are constantly touching buttons, railings, etc. My workplace had cut back on office cleaning each day to save money; the cleaning lady was coming in a few times a week. Now I see her there each day if I have gone into work a few days in a row, as has happened during the past few weeks. She cleans the hallway floors each day as well. 

Working from home a few days a week will be the new normal for many people who are able to do their work from home (like me). I go into work when I need to, either for a small meeting or to update files on my workplace server. I will alternate between home and office for the time being. As I've written many times, I enjoy working from home, as long as I have access to necessary email accounts and files. It hasn't been a problem thus far. The only thing I really dislike are zoom/skype meetings; mostly because there are technical problems, without fail. Someone's microphone or video or both doesn't/don't work, or the video is squiggly, or the sound breaks up. An optimal way to communicate? No. I'd rather have a socially-distanced meeting in a large room, and have said as much to those who arrange meetings. 

Wearing masks will probably also be something that most people will incorporate into their daily lives. I took one of Oslo's trams yesterday for the first time in ages. Masks are required on board all buses, trams, and trains. Most people comply with the guidelines; some few don't, as always. I carry a cloth mask and disposable masks in my backpack with me at all times, as well as hand disinfectant. I find the cloth mask more comfortable to wear and easier to breathe with, so that's my go-to mask. The disposable ones are ok but a bit more stifling. The nice thing with cloth masks is that they are not disposable, they can be washed with soap and dried and used over and over. That appeals to the environmentally-conscious part of me. This pandemic has been terrible for the environment; just take a look around the next time you are at a bus or tram stop, at all of the garbage cans overflowing with disposable masks. Ditto for the single-use wipes at home. I try to limit their use, but it's difficult at times because they're so accessible. Not a good excuse, I know. 

Stores and restaurants in Oslo have been good about social distancing; chairs and tables are placed at a good distance from neighboring tables. Plexiglass shields have become commonplace to separate shoppers from cashiers. Supermarkets had already gone over to checkout scanners a few years ago, so the stores have placed plexiglass shields between each of the scanners to protect shoppers. Screens are wiped down regularly. Hand disinfectant bottles are placed strategically at each checkout scanner. and at the entrances and exits of most supermarkets and stores. It all works, and it is interesting to observe what we can actually get used to without too much moaning and groaning. 

Visits to doctors and dentists have not been a problem. Both doctors and dentists have their procedures for how they receive patients, and following them is not a big deal. If such procedures continue even after the pandemic is over, it will be fine with me. We are all more attentive now to good hygiene in our homes and public places; as I mentioned above, many places had become lax when it came to good hygiene, in order to save money. 

I have not gone to the movies since before the pandemic started. I miss doing that. The theaters are open again and are advertising films and encouraging us to go to the movies. So I will. I'll have my mask with me and I'll sit where we're told to sit. Fine with me. The same with churchgoing; churches reopened at the end of the summer after having been closed since mid-March. Their procedure for attendance is to dispense tickets for the masses. I haven't been back yet, but I'm planning on it. I don't know what traveling will be like by next summer; I'm hoping to be able to get to the States for a wedding, among other things, next July. We'll see. I'm crossing my fingers that it all works out. 

So little by little, life returns to some semblance of normalcy. Albeit a different normalcy--the new normal, which if followed for the next few years, will become just normal. Humans can adapt; we do so in order to carry on with the business of living. 

The prayer of St. Francis

Finding some peace in the midst of all the noise around us--that's hard these days. Finding joy in the midst of all the chaos in the world--that's hard these days. Finding true purpose in the midst of all the confusion and fake news in the world--that's hard these days. But there is truth and right and wrong. We know that intuitively. We know what's right and wrong, what's ethical and unethical. We know because our consciences tell us that there are differences between what's right and wrong, ethical and unethical. It matters what we say and do. It matters how we treat others. Civility and manners matter. Empathy matters. Kindness matters. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Strength can be measured by the quality of a person's character. The more good qualities a person has, the stronger that person is. 

This is the prayer of St. Francis. He did not write it according to my online search, but it is beautiful nonetheless: 

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me bring love.

Where there is offence, let me bring pardon.

Where there is discord, let me bring union.

Where there is error, let me bring truth.

Where there is doubt, let me bring faith.

Where there is despair, let me bring hope.

Where there is darkness, let me bring your light.

Where there is sadness, let me bring joy.

O Master, let me not seek as much

to be consoled as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved as to love,

for it is in giving that one receives,

it is in self-forgetting that one finds,

it is in pardoning that one is pardoned,

it is in dying that one is raised to eternal life.

The party of morality (NOT)

A friend of mine who is a Trump supporter posted this on Facebook yesterday, and I'm posting it here just to show you the cluelessness of some Republicans. They actually believe they are the party of morality and that they are immune to criticism, but they open themselves up for snappy retorts, which they will get here. 

And this was my response to him, plus a few others that I came up with: 

• My Faithful Husband (Or Sleeping with Porn Stars) by Melania Trump
• Things I Love About Donald by Ivana Trump
• Things I Love About Ivana by Donald Trump
• Corona Virus for Dummies by Donald Trump 
• The Greatest Reality Show (the Best Ever) by Donald Trump
• How to Treat Women Well by Steve Bannon
• White Female Privilege by Steve Bannon
• My Book on Morals by Newt Gingrich
• Pretty Fly for a White Guy by Mike Pence
• Blowhards We Know and Love by Sean Hannity
• Some Pretty Fine People co-authored by the Boogaloo Boys and the Proud Boys

I'll add more as I come up with them. This is fun! Gotta have that sense of humor. The Republican Party is NOT the party of morality, even though they like to paint themselves that way. Let's be honest, folks, the GOP started the whole circus by impeaching Bill Clinton in 1998. That was quite the witch hunt. Clinton may have lied under oath, but 45 has perfected lying. And what about his insistence that Barack Obama was not born in the USA and then harassing him about his birth certificate? Trump lies whenever he opens his mouth. I don't think he knows whether he is living inside of his lies or outside of them.   

If you, my readers, come up with some good ones, I'll post them here and give you credit. Let's keep adding to the list!

What it means to be complicit

If as a woman you have ever experienced bullying, mansplaining, being talked down to or talked-over, being lectured by people with less expertise than you have, being ignored or frozen out, being sexually harassed, or being abused psychologically and/or physically, you could not vote for Donald Trump. There is no way you could vote for him with your eyes open. So if you shut your eyes and vote for him, you are complicit in everything that will happen in the coming years. And I have no intentions of listening to your telling me how bad it has become, when it ends up that way. Because if you think Trump's abuse of power is bad now, it will be worse if he gets a second term. 

Many women will vote for Trump. And for the life of me, I cannot understand why. Some are married to Trump supporters, some are not. I don't know if that is the deciding factor--that they vote the way their husbands vote. I truly hope that's not the case in 2020. Pro-life women may vote for Trump because he is purportedly anti-abortion and they are purportedly strong Christians. But they ignore all of the un-Christian things he does and says. They explain them away and in the process defend him. They say that the media have gotten it wrong, that the media always present Trump in a bad light. They post memes on Facebook showing what a great family man Trump is. They ignore the fact that he is on his third marriage, that he cheated on his wives (on the current one with a porn star, no less, whom he paid off), and that he has behaved in sexually harassing ways to women around him (behavior of which he is proud). They ignore the fact that he is setting the USA back by more than half a century with his anti-science stance. Many men will vote for Trump solely on what they perceive he has done for the economy and stock market. These men ignore the fact that Trump inherited a well-functioning economy from the Obama administration. But other men are way out there when it comes to credibility. One man I know who is a Trump supporter told me that the Covid-19 pandemic is a hoax; he hasn't seen the bodies so he doesn't believe that over 210,000 people have died from this virus in the USA alone. He also said that the whole thing is a hoax to prevent Trump from being re-elected. Argue with these types of people? You can't. You can just state your opinion and move on. 

I had hoped that women would be the moral compasses for the nation going forward. I didn't expect them to be complicit in the current insanity and chaos created by Trump and exacerbated by the media, by supporting Trump. It is disappointing to know that women who KNOW that other women have experienced bullying, mansplaining, being talked down to or talked-over, being lectured by people with less expertise, being ignored or frozen out, being sexually harassed, or being abused psychologically and/or physically, will still vote for Trump. This is perhaps the worst--they know how bad the behavior was and is, and they will still vote for a man who abuses his authority and others. They have experienced that behavior themselves, and they will still vote for Trump. Have their own degrading experiences at the hands of male bullies intimidated them? Do they not see the incongruity in what they say they stand for versus how they will vote? They have seen him mock a disabled man on live television, they have seen him show blatant disregard for his own administration by refusing to wear a mask and follow procedures for infection control. By casting their votes for Trump, they are complicit in the destruction of American democracy that is coming in the next four years. They are complicit in the continuation of the subjugation of women by a white male elite that has been free to behave badly for years (think Steve Bannon for starters). They will continue to wear their rose-colored glasses and post memes on Facebook telling the rest of us that all we need is love in the world and prayers to right the ills of the world. That may well be true, but our Christian upbringing also taught us to stand up in the name of what is right and good and true. And while I too am pro-life, I am pro-life from pre-cradle to grave. That means that I stand for taking care of all life, including human, wildlife, and the environment, which Trump does not stand for. And for as far back as I can remember, back to when I was nine or ten years old, I stood up to bullies and have tried to do so throughout my life. Love may solve many things, but it will not change a bully. What forces a bully to behave is to stand up to him or her and to effectuate specific consequences. You can forgive them (or not) when they have been stopped; some may change their ways. But in my book, once a bully, always a bully. And that is why I could never vote for a man like Trump. Ever. 

A blooming Hoya carnosa

I've had this plant, Hoya carnosa, also known as the porcelain flower or the wax plant, for about six years. It's never bloomed before, but this year, it finally bloomed, and the flowers are beautiful. They're also fragrant. The plant currently has about six blooms of the type you see in the photos. Nature never ceases to amaze me. 

Autumn has arrived in the garden

I know that autumn has arrived when the Pholiota squarrosoides mushrooms appear at the base of the dead cherry tree. They appear each year around this time. They have nestled themselves very nicely in the sedum that I planted this year behind the coral bells. I took this photo recently and thought it was very pretty. Enjoy!