Milking the system

As I grow older, I am finding it harder and harder to stomach politicians, government leaders, company leaders, and religious leaders who lie, blatantly, to our faces, as though we are plain stupid. Whether it's the USA or Norway, or any other modern country, it seems to me that greed has become paramount among the upper echelons. Maybe it's always been this way, or maybe I'm just getting more and more fed up with it. Average citizens are paying high taxes in Scandinavia and we're told that it's to fund infrastructure and healthcare, among other things. But if you do a bit of digging, as some of the dedicated journalists do, you find out soon enough that a good percentage of the money that should be used for infrastructure and healthcare, is actually going into the pockets of leaders of state-owned organizations who give themselves and their cronies (whom they hire as high-paid consultants--it's called corruption) extremely high salaries, or expensive trips to other countries (flying business class of course) that they defend as necessary in order to 'learn how' the other countries do things like build bicycle paths or fund schools. Or they sponsor Christmas parties where the wine and liquor flow freely--all at taxpayers' expense. It infuriates me, especially since most average citizens are living on a budget. I can tell you that we are not flying to other countries several times per month, nor are we sponsoring and defending high-end Christmas parties. In other words, most average people (non-leaders) are not milking the system the way our leaders are.

Where do they learn to do this? Is there no accountability anymore, no sense of justice, no conscience, no ethics, no morals? How can leaders justify giving themselves huge raises, while denying underpaid workers a small one? How do green-party politicians justify their hypocrisy--telling us that we should be ashamed of getting on an airplane to travel, while they hop around the globe by plane many times during the year, or telling us that they need to travel around in limousines because their lives may be in danger, while the rest of us are paying through the nose for car tolls (everywhere you turn now here in Oslo) in order to get us to stop driving cars, or paying high prices for collective transportation (you'd think the politicians would be intelligent enough to lower prices for collective transport in order to encourage its use here in Norway, but no). Do they think we're stupid? Because here's a news flash for them--the protests are only just starting. Here in Oslo, a new political party has reared its head; it's called Nei til bompenger (No to Tolls). And I'm voting for them come autumn, because I'm sick and tired of the other political parties that just continue to lie to us. The same with the healthcare system here; is it free? No. It is cheaper than in the USA, and if you need an operation you won't pay an arm and a leg for it like in the USA. But the taxes we pay are what fund the healthcare system. I don't have a problem with this; what I have a problem with is the exorbitant salaries that hospital and healthcare leaders enjoy, also that the bureaucracy of healthcare has grown exponentially. We are paying for administrators to bureaucratize us to death, and the only way to do something about it is to protest and to vote the politicians who support this system out of office.

Greed. It blinds political leaders and company leaders. It encourages them to milk the system. Power blinds them too. God forbid they should have to give it up at some point (think Trump). And that brings me to our illustrious religious leaders who are also blinded by worldly power, the ones who allowed pedophiles to carry on freely in their midst, while the rest of us were trying to live our lives according to the teachings of Christ. Think the Catholic church, that deserves everything it is experiencing now (it should pay out settlements to individuals abused by pedophiles for a long time to come) and more, for sweeping its pedophile problem (a crime) under the rug for decades. How do these religious leaders live with themselves? But they did and they do, because they knew they would not get caught forty or fifty years ago. Their parishioners were loyal, hard-working, law-abiding, and God-fearing. They lived according to their faith and were not the hypocrites that their priests turned out to be. Any priest that defends or protects a pedophile, a wife-abuser, a rapist, or a murderer, is a criminal in my book. They can rot in jail for all I care. They abused their calling, and their parishioners, and God. Perhaps God will show them mercy, I am not interested in doing so.

The garden in late May

It's taking a while this year for the garden to really 'take off'. Daytime temperatures have been mild, around 50-55 degrees F, but at night it's quite chilly, with temperatures around 40-45 degrees. A lot of the plants don't know what to make of it; there has been too much temperature swinging. In late April we had temperatures between 60 and 70 degrees F and a lot of sunny days, and here we are, nearly in June, and we're still struggling with chilly temperatures and mostly cloudy days. That can confuse a garden, especially the vegetables and some of the more sensitive flowers. Some few vegetable plants have died, whereas others (like my green bean plants) have not sprouted yet (I put the seeds right into the soil). Conclusion: seedlings do not like chilly temperatures and therefore do not sprout. So it doesn't help to start plants in the greenhouse if the temperatures drop considerably after the seedlings are transplanted outdoors. Yesterday, I seeded out green bean seeds in the greenhouse again, in the hope that the warmth inside will allow for quick sprouting. We'll see. Otherwise, the perennial flowers have come back, albeit slowly. I planted dahlia tubers for the first time this year, and they are coming up nicely. But as I said, it's slow-going and slow-growing for the garden this season.

I took some photos of the garden this past Sunday; this is my garden in late May.

Allium blooming--the bees love it

Potato plants--Folva type

Strawberry patch starting to flower--one of two patches

view of garden facing Telthusbakken (street)

north view of garden including greenhouse

Heuchera (aka coral bells or alumroot) perennials interspersed with pansies

Quotes about miracles

• Hope... is the companion of power, and the mother of success; for who so hopes has within him the gift of miracles. --Samuel Smiles
• God continues to work miracles in my life.--Willie Aames
• There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. --Albert Einstein
• Seeing, hearing, feeling, are miracles, and each part and tag of me is a miracle. --Walt Whitman
• His hands are miracles. I can watch them for hours, transforming wood into something it never dreamed of being. --Katja Millay, The Sea of Tranquility
• It was possible that a miracle was not something that happened to you, but rather something that didn’t. --Jodi Picoult, The Tenth Circle
• Miracles, in the sense of phenomena we cannot explain, surround us on every hand: life itself is the miracle of miracles. --George Bernard Shaw
• After all, I don't see why I am always asking for private, individual, selfish miracles when every year there are miracles like white dogwood. --Anne Morrow Lindbergh
• Since most scientists are just a bit religious, and most religious are seldom wholly unscientific, we find humanity in a comical position. His scientific intellect believes in the possibility of miracles inside a black hole, while his religious intellect believes in them outside it. --William Golding
• When you look at all the miracles attributed to Jesus, they're all about change. --Michael Sheen

The first quote has special relevance for me now, especially this week. An unexpected phone call reminded me of the presence of hope inside me when I thought I had none, and that hope sometimes leads to miracles. They may be tiny--but miracle of miracles, any tiny miracle is about change, about a shift in the universe toward love and away from darkness. That is what I believe. 

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An incredible amount of pollen this year

Spring this year has been a particularly bad one for hay fever sufferers and those who are allergic generally--not surprising when you can literally see the yellow pollen all around you and feel the gritty layers of pollen that have built up on window sills, tables, and floors. It rained heavily today after a windy night with intermittent rain showers. The rain washed some of the pollen off the surfaces to which it has been clinging. The results--pools of rainwater that are ringed with pollen (see photos), and flowers on my balcony that are sprinkled with pollen due to the wind (see photos). But the rain didn't manage to wash all the pollen away. Once again, nature ensures the survival of the fittest. The tree or flower that has produced this type of pollen is a hardy plant and one that most likely adapts optimally to its surroundings in order to survive.

Garden layout for 2019

Here is the garden layout I designed for the 2019 planting season. There's always a new challenge each year--new flowers and vegetables to plant or a new project waiting in the wings. This year we'll be getting back the 2 meters that was taken from us about one and a half years ago when Oslo's city planners started to do necessary road work on the steep road that parallels the garden. The nice thing is that we'll get back a lot of soil, and that means I have a new area of the garden to plan. So I'll be planting trees: magnolia, lilac, and plum. And planting wild ivy so that it will grow up and along the garden fence to provide privacy. I have English poppies waiting to be planted in that area as well. I'll be posting photos during the summer, but for now, this is the planting plan, and I've already planted most of the seedlings that were in the greenhouse. I'm hoping for a warm and sunny summer.

Lyrics to Aaron Smith's Dancin

This song pretty much sums up how I feel about dancing.....

I have such good memories from our 'disco' nights back when we would all meet in Manhattan to go dancing. We could dance for hours. Whenever I need energy and motivation, I go back to those times that are tucked away in a wonderful (and accessible) part of my mind and soul, and I draw them out again to re-inspire me. It almost always works.


Dancin'

Get up on the floor
Dancin' all night long
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin'

All the time
My baby you on my mind
And I don't know why
Yeah but the feeling is fine
Can't you see
Yo' honey you are for me oh
It were meant to be
Dancin' in the moonlight
Gazing at the stars so bright
Holding you until the sunrise
Sleeping until the midnight

Get up on the floor
Dancin' all night long
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin'

Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole
Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole

Everytime when I look in your eyes
That smile was crying that you were mine
Do you know, your love is true I know
You are the best thing that has happened to me

Get up on the floor
Dancin' all night long
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin'

Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole
Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole

Get up on the floor
Dancin' all night long
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' (oh)

Get up on the floor
Dancin' all night long
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' till the break of dawn
Get up on the floor
Dancin' (oh)

Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole
Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole

Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole
Dancin' is what to do
Dancin' when I think of you
Dancin' is what clears my soul
Dancin' is what makes me whole


Songwriters: Aaron Smith / Shalyn Walker

Some good dance songs (and dancers)

The dancer in this video Dancin (Krono Remix) is Javi Valiño--such a good dancer.....




And while I haven't been an avid Ariana Grande fan up to this point, I really like her song/video Thank You, Next......




And then we have Ke$ha and TiK ToK......

Is this generation's lifestyle really more environmentally-friendly?

I saw a post on Facebook recently that had to do with an old woman buying groceries who asked for plastic bags, and the young female cashier who reamed her out for not thinking of the environment. The younger woman started lecturing the older woman on the importance of taking care of the environment. The older woman thought for a moment, and then started to list up all of the things that her generation did that were actually environmentally-friendly, but that were never pushed as being trendy for that reason. The following things were mentioned, and I'm adding some of my own:

• paper grocery bags were reused to make book covers for school books, otherwise they were used as garbage bags and were burned in the incinerator
• milk was delivered to the door each day, and the empty bottles were recycled and used again. We even used the thin cardboard bottle caps to make daisies and other decorations
• appliances like washing machines, stoves, refrigerators and dishwashers were built to last. My mother had a Maytag washing machine that lasted for at least twenty years (from 1960 until circa 1980) and never needed service. Nowadays, appliances have a 5-7-year lifespan if you're lucky
• women in my mother's generation used cloth baby diapers that were washed and reused. For a history of the disposable diaper check out this link: https://www.motherjones.com/environment/2008/04/brief-history-disposable-diaper/   Nowadays disposable diapers fill up the garbage landfills at record speed. Young mothers take for granted that they'll be using disposable diapers. Ask them to give them up in favor of washable cloth diapers and see how far you'll get 
• we grew up with one landline telephone in the house, and one television set. There were no cell phones, and the idea that one would replace a cell phone every two years would have been anathema. Nowadays that is de rigueur and the cell phone companies are helping to cause this by forcing customers to download updated software that slows down the phone to the point of obsolescence. And then cell phone batteries are tossed away like the phones themselves, and fill up the landfills unnecessarily. Ask any young person to keep his or her phone for a minimum of five years and see how far you'll get with that idea. Additionally, many homes have multiple television sets, which also increase the use of electricity
• likewise--computers; whether they are stationary or laptops, they are continually being updated with new software that slows them down to the point where they are no longer usable, and so  you need a new one. All those worn-out computers have to be dumped somewhere
• we are pushing electric cars as environmentally-friendly, but they are not really. The batteries require constant charging (electricity that has to come from somewhere), and they must also be disposed of eventually as garbage when they can no longer be recharged
• politicians in most westernized countries fly constantly from one international meeting to another. There is nothing environmentally-friendly about this. If our parents' generation was lucky, they took perhaps one plane trip every five years or so for vacation purposes only. Air travel was simply not a common thing. Politicians don't seem to be intelligent enough to make the connection between too much plane travel and the fact that this doesn't help the environment. They would rather preach to us about how we sin against the environment by using our cars to go to work. In this country, they would prefer that we biked to work year-round. Never mind that they are being transported around in comfortable cars with chauffeurs in addition to frequently flying halfway around the world. The hypocrisy is appalling. I'm simply not interested in their 'do as I say, not as I do' policies
• kitchen appliances like electric bread makers, electric juicers, electric poachers, etc. were not popular in my mother's generation. That generation made bread by hand, juiced by hand, and used their gas stoves to poach a few eggs. Their kitchens were not loaded with useless gadgets requiring a lot of electricity to use them. 
• produce in the supermarket was not strangled in plastic wrap the way it is now. It is completely unnecessary to have all of the plastic packaging and wrap that smothers the fruit and vegetables they cover. For what purpose, I have no idea
• coffee pots were used to brew coffee on the stove. Electrical drip coffee makers arrived on the scene in the 1950s-60s. My mother continued to use percolator coffee pots. We did not drink espresso, just regular coffee. Nowadays, we have coffee machines that brew coffee using disposable pods (I own one but use it only on the weekends). I have grown to dislike using the pods, but the company that makes the coffee machine I have encourages us to return the used pods to their stores, so I do. They recycle them and that is at least something

I'm sure the list could be even longer, but I'll stop here. The appliances, phones and items we take for granted today, will pollute tomorrow's world in ever-increasing numbers. We can make a start by returning to manufacturing that produces appliances that are built to last. We can stop trading in our old cell phones for new ones every two years. We can mention to supermarket managers that it is not necessary to cover produce in plastic wrap. There are many things that can be done. But it is fallacy to think that young people are the environmental saints, while older people are the sinners. Young people have a lot to learn about how to care for the environment. They can start by keeping their cell phones for at least five years, by cutting down on their air travel, and by not wasting food or throwing away perfectly good food that is one or two days past expiration date. When they've attained some street cred, then older people might be willing to pay attention to their demands.

Happy Easter

Wishing you all a Happy Easter--here are the lyrics to the hymn On Eagle's Wings. This is my prayer for Easter.........


On Eagle's Wings

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord,
Who abide in His shadow for life,
Say to the Lord, "My Refuge,
My Rock in Whom I trust."

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
And famine will bring you no fear;
Under His Wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

You need not fear the terror of the night,
Nor the arrow that flies by day,
Though thousands fall about you,
Near you it shall not come.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

For to His angels He's given a command,
To guard you in all of your ways,
Upon their hands they will bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.


Songwriter: MICHAEL JONCAS
On Eagle's Wings lyrics © MECHANICAL COPYRIGHT PROTECTION SOCIETY LTD

Desperately seeking silence

It is difficult to find a silent place in the modern world. And on those days when one is really seeking silence in order to have some peace, it's even harder. My garden is about the only place that is unspoiled by noise, and the minute I enter it, my stress level goes to zero. Even when I go to mass these days, I can never find a quiet one, like the ones I used to attend with my mother on weekdays when I visited her. They were held in the chapel off the side of the main altar of the church, and they were small, silent, and peaceful. Just a mass without the frills. I find I neither need nor do I like the frills anymore. I just want to go to mass and find some peace of mind. I want the quiet in order to reflect--on life, on suffering, on sickness, on life's meaning. I need to do that; I need to find the time to reflect in order to understand what is going on in my life and in the lives of others. But I am not allowed that. I cannot find one mass at my church that is quiet, straightforward, and without frills. They are often long drawn-out affairs, with pre-mass processions, a lot of incense holder waving, a lot of (off-key) singing of modern songs that hold no meaning for me. I miss the old standard hymns (sung by a real choir), the ones I grew up with (like Praise to the Lord), the ones my mother and I liked and sometimes teared-up over (On Eagle's Wings). I miss ordinary masses, celebrated by a priest who appreciated silence and the absence of continual activity. There are now masses in multiple languages (Norwegian, English, Vietnamese, Tagalog, French, Spanish, Polish) at my church in Oslo; more power to them--I am sure the different cultures appreciate this effort by the church. But I wonder why there cannot be just one mass for those of us who would appreciate some silence in between the traditional celebration of the mass.

Sometimes I feel like I am desperately seeking silence. It's hard to find. When I reflect upon my need for silence, I realize that it is born of a lifetime of talking to work colleagues (having to interact in order to get things done), of sharing an office with others, of holding lectures, of attending meetings, of watching TV, of listening to the radio, of having to interact with the world the minute I wake up (via newspapers and other media forms). There is no escaping the inundation of noise that awaits you each day, ready to pounce on you and to destroy the peace of your day. I simply don't want it anymore.

As I was weeding in the garden today, I realized that my garden has become a place of peace and of silence. I pray as I work, reflecting upon the things I need to reflect upon, working out the solutions I need for specific problems. It has become my church of sorts; the way church used to be--when you could walk in and find peace. I can spend hours in my garden, and feel closer to all things spiritual there than anywhere else, including my church. I find that a bit sad, but true. And there is little to do about it. As I get older, I want peace, quiet, and time for reflection. If I cannot find them at mass, then I will find them in my garden.

An extremely clever bird

Nature never ceases to amaze me, and this video of a heron fishing is proof that nature rules. What a clever bird!

A miracle right before Easter

Photo shows smoke rising around the altar in front of the cross inside the Notre Dame Cathedral.

REUTERS

It is this photo of the aftermath of the Notre Dame cathedral fire that stays in my mind. The cross and the altar remained intact, and if that isn't an Easter miracle, I don't know what is. It is a symbol of hope, of life amidst death (of a building), and of resurrection.

God bless the fireman, clergy, lay people and anyone who helped save the artwork and historical treasures that were housed in this cathedral. It was so good to see that the cathedral will be rebuilt, and that donations are pouring in. Another miracle......People do care, they just need to unite around a common cause, one that touches them deeply. This one does, for many people, on many levels--emotional, historical, spiritual and psychological.

Spring in the garden

Back in the garden......

I feel like I've been in hibernation for a long time. Actually, it has been a long time since I was in my garden, since last October--almost six months away from it. I started working in the garden about two weeks ago, since the sun was warm and the days were mild. It's gotten a bit chillier again, but we are moving toward a nice spring. I sowed out all my vegetable seeds about ten days ago in the greenhouse, and they are starting to sprout. So we're on our way toward a mid-May planting. 

Before garden season ended last year, I planted a lot of bulbs--crocuses, hyacinths, and allium among them. The crocuses bloomed almost two weeks ago already (see photos), whereas the hyacinths and allium have not, but they're on their way. My daffodils are blooming (see photo), and my tulips are starting to come up, as are my grape hyacinth plants (Muscari armeniacum). Next autumn I'll plant even more of all of these types of flowers. 

I spent five hours in the garden this past Saturday. I love being there. There's always plenty to do, and I accomplished all the tasks I had planned for that day--cleaning the strawberry patches, transplanting some of my perennials, and planting pansies, as well as raking up more leaves for the compost bin. I also spent some time trimming some of the berry bushes, and taking dead leaves off the rose bushes. The little birds are back, happily chirping in the tree near the entrance to the garden and splashing in the bird bath, and the bumblebees are also out, buzzing about the daffodils and pansies. All is well with the world. 

Moving away from trendiness

It's strange to admit it, but in a work world defined by new business trends, constant change and the stress of constantly having to adjust, I find myself longing for and retreating to a personal world defined by constancy, predictability, and permanence. My circle of friends has narrowed; I find myself wanting to spend time with my closest and dearest friends. Big parties no longer hold much appeal. I look forward to dinners in quiet restaurants where I can have a decent conversation with my husband or my friends without us screaming to make ourselves heard. Or I look forward to dinners at home, in the comfort of my kitchen. Trendy restaurants no longer hold much appeal for me; they never really did. I don't mind trying them from time to time, but when the bill arrives, I often discover that the meal is overpriced and often not worth it. I find myself thinking that I could have made the meal better myself. I also don't like being forced to buy small meals that I must share with my dinner companions, one of the newer trends at present. I was at one of the new Michelin star restaurants recently with some friends, and we had to buy small meals to share, which I found irritating. We could not purchase a single individual meal. Why do restaurants do this? All it does is make me want to frequent restaurants that focus on serving decent and good food at reasonable prices. If I never step foot into another trendy restaurant, it will be fine with me.

Trendy anything no longer holds much appeal for me. I see no point in following a trend just because everyone else is doing so; I never really did, but earlier I might have paid some attention to them. Now I just ignore trends in general. I have no idea what type of clothing is popular or not; I just buy what I like and what fits comfortably. I bought a pair of bell-bottom jeans a few years ago, and I'm still wearing them (I have no idea whether or not that trend came and went--I like them in any case so I'll wear them until they fall apart). I do follow a lot of new music, but that's because I like all kinds of music, not just what's trendy. I will never go rock climbing, or tandem parachuting, or paragliding, or do any extreme sport. It's fine with me if others want to do these sports, but I won't be doing them. I will ride my bike, hike, or go for long walks. Or you'll find me in my garden, on my hands and knees, weeding or planting. I can spend hours doing that. At work, I do my job, try to think creatively, but in the final analysis, I am who I am--a decent scientist who does the best job she can do with the challenges given her. I step up to the plate and I deliver. If given responsibility, I do something with it and take the job seriously. I expect feedback and a real outcome (don't give me busy work). I'm an old-fashioned worker and an old-fashioned leader. I treat others as I would like to be treated--with respect, fairness, and kindness. I don't play mind games and I'm not interested in keeping others down or in inflating my own importance. I won't foist fancy buzzwords or trendy bureaucracy or leadership jargon on you. I may joke about them and share a laugh with you. I answer my emails, address email recipients by name, and make an honest attempt to really provide an answer or solution to someone's question. I am always surprised when recipients write back to thank me for answering them quickly, for being effective, for giving good advice, and for caring. There is a tone of surprise in their emails, and I am surprised by their surprise, because I was raised to behave this way. This is who I am. It often seems to me that the current business trend as a leader is to constantly inform your employees how busy you are--so busy that you cannot answer your emails, cannot address recipients by name, and cannot provide the answers necessary for your employees to do their jobs. I have gotten emails from leaders that consist of one line, and not even a whole sentence--and they have not addressed me personally. If that's the new trend, then to hell with it.

Getting older has its advantages. You know who you are and just how much bullshit you'll tolerate. You walk away from/advise against the 'hip' ways of doing things when you know that 'tried and true' works just as well. You walk away from 'change for the sake of change'. You listen more and talk less. You continue to listen and learn from others, but you trust yourself more. You know your worth. You are not easily knocked over or knocked down by anyone. You can tell off those who need telling off, make hard decisions when necessary, deal with conflict, and not look back in regret. There's a certain satisfaction in being able to do that, and in trusting oneself.

Two Netflix series that make television worth watching again

As I've written before in other posts, most of the programs on television these days are reality TV programs that reflect the wasteland that TV has become. I counted at least fifteen reality TV shows the other night after flipping through about twenty channels--everything from shows about people with strange illnesses, people who have suffered surgical mishaps, people in debt, people competing to open storage lockers, people who are hoarders, people who are grossly overweight, young adults living together on an island where they are expected to party and have sex, young people who marry strangers, young women looking for wedding dresses, cringe-worthy dating shows, people competing in weird sports programs, and cooking competition shows. The only 'reality' shows I think are worth watching are shows having to do with cooking--hosted by real chefs who prepare interesting meals. Jamie Oliver's show, or Guy Fieri's 'Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives' (a favorite of mine) fall into this category. But cooking shows have been around for years--and they serve a purpose, which is to show how different dishes are prepared so that viewers could try to do the same. I see no purpose for the other reality shows; I don't want to see other people's weird or bad behavior, illnesses, surgical mishaps, dating mishaps, fake weddings, or the like.

I miss the golden age of television, when the major channels produced interesting shows and movies that were entertaining and quite often meaningful. Shows, movies and series that challenged the imagination and touched the heart. Shows that made us think about other people and the society we lived in. Nowadays the major point seems to be to embarrass other people, or laugh at them for their lack of couth or intelligence. There is no heart or intelligence in the creation of such shows.

It is no surprise to me that companies like Netflix, HBO and Amazon have stepped into the business of making movies and series and that they are successful at it. Their products are far superior to what is ordinarily available on television. The majority of their movies and series are quality productions, with some few exceptions. There is something for everyone's taste. And that's a good thing.

There are two Netflix series that I can highly recommend: After Life with Ricky Gervais, and Russian Doll with Natasha Lyonne. Both series are for adults, not for children. They deal with adult themes; the conversations, arenas and language are for adults who are searching for meaning. Both shows are excellent in their own ways. One deals with grief connected to losing a loved one, and how that affects one man's behavior (After Life). The other deals with the evolution of self from unenlightened and narcissistic to enlightened and caring via a series of personal and continual deaths (Russian Doll). Both are wryly humorous, touching, engaging, and ultimately human. They offer everything that reality TV lacks. 

Reflections on getting older in our society

I was listening to one of Oslo’s more well-known psychotherapists the other night on the nightly news; she was talking about the problem of aging in our society and how older people become ‘invisible’ as they age. She meant that both women and men felt this way, and she should know since she deals with both. I have written about this before; my mother used to say that she felt invisible as she got older—to the society around her, in the doctor’s office, and in her dealings with the bureaucracy that is supposed to help older people. My mother was not an aggressive soul, and often not even an assertive one. She accepted this type of behavior without reacting or fighting back. I doubt that I would be the same, but you never know what you will face as an older person. I have friends my age who are chronically ill, not old, and they complain about the same thing—they feel invisible, ignored, and that they should basically just stop bothering others and fade away. If I sort through their comments, I realize that much of what they comment on has to do with the loneliness associated with their illnesses. They feel abandoned, mostly by friends, sometimes by family. They have become immobile, they can no longer work or contribute to society in the ways to which they were accustomed. And today’s society will leave you in the dust as it pushes onward in its continual quest for more wealth, more material goods, and more consumerism. If you cannot produce for that society, or consume the products of that society, you have no role, really. Older people were once revered for their wisdom and experience; that is no longer the case, at least in Western society. They are more likely to be pushed out of their jobs once they turn sixty; they are considered burdensome to deal with in many cases. It occurred to me recently that old age is treated like a chronic illness in our society; older people are often shoved to the side, ignored, and abandoned to ‘their fate’, especially if they are alone. My mother did something about that; she volunteered at her local library (having been a librarian earlier in her life), and enjoyed that for most of her seventies. She worked there up until a few months before she died. But still, she often complained of loneliness and of 'not being seen'.

Many people fear getting older. I can understand why, because the society we live in worships youth and youthful attractiveness. You are considered attractive if you remain 'youthful-looking'. If you are attractive, you get 'noticed', you get 'seen'. You need only look at Facebook and the comments made about cover photos of women in their sixties whom others say still look like they did in high school. I hardly think that is the reality, but it doesn't matter. People still make these comments and I have to wonder why--why is it so important that older women look like they did in high school, and why are women flattered by these comments? These comments are not made so much about older men, but that is perhaps because men generally don't comment on such things. Women are told by society to be interested in how they look almost from the time they are pre-teenagers.

Society does not revere older people as once it did. It focuses solely on younger people and their contributions to society, workplaces, and culture. The media are to blame for much of this; articles about older artists, actors, actresses, workers, etc. are often few and far between. We have become an age-fixated society; you cannot read an article without being told how old someone is, and more often than not, if the article is about a woman, her age is usually mentioned as early as in the second sentence of the article. A man’s age is often not mentioned, or mentioned further down in the article. There is a certain amount of ‘surprise’ in some of these articles; surprise that this or that older person is still working, producing, contributing. It is strange sometimes to read these articles. They reinforce the fixation on age and the idea that the norm is that older people have stopped doing these things. Sometimes I wonder what has happened to this or that person since they are no longer written about, and then I remember, oh yes, that person is now ‘old’ by society’s definition. In other words, no longer media-worthy.

I used to think that old age meant age 70 or older. Old age includes anyone over 55 at present, at least in Scandinavia. There are many articles that talk about how employees who are 55 or older are offered ‘sluttpakker’ (severance packages) so that companies can hire younger people in their place. They don’t say that outright of course, but the intent is clear. And it is a way of getting rid of employees they feel cost the workplace too much. There is truth in that older people often have higher salaries than the younger people, but that is natural after a long work life. It is strange to think that we are living longer, but that the age for being considered old in a workplace has gotten lower. I don’t know what the solution is, but I do know that if society considers you to be old at 55, society is going to have a real problem with this portion of the population that can in theory live until they are well into their 80s.

The psychotherapist’s advice was that older people should ‘tar plass’ (literally take up space) in society. What she means is that older people should make themselves noticed, that they should announce their presence; that they should do everything within their power to not be ignored. This means that older people need to be more proactive about how they approach retirement and old age. They should not passively let society and the media define their roles in society. They should not let younger people dictate to them how they will function in society. They should not let themselves be treated as though getting older is an illness. Because it is not.

We need to be more accepting of life’s phases and to not be so afraid of aging. One thing is certain—everyone will get old at some point, and everyone will die at some point. The focus on ‘forever young’ may be in vogue, but if you take a look at some of the men and women who try desperately to remain youthful-looking via plastic surgery, you will learn quite quickly that it is better to age gracefully. With some few exceptions, most of those who have opted for extensive plastic surgery do not look younger, they look different; they do not look like themselves. I would not want to go into old age no longer looking like myself, but that is my choice. The psychotherapist said the same thing; she was not planning on using plastic surgery to remain young-looking. I applaud her. She will lead the way to something better, something healthier, than what we have in society now. When I remember the older people in my life who have passed away, I think of people whom I respect. I miss them, their wisdom, their patience, their kindness, and their civilized way of living. I miss their generation—the post WWII generation, the generation that sacrificed for a larger cause. They grew older with grace and with patience. They may not always have liked what was happening to them, but they accepted it and lived their lives as best they could. I want more respect for that approach in society. I want more kindness and more acceptance, on both sides. Everyone loses if the polarization of young versus old continues.

  

Some reflections on a Saturday morning.

Every now and then I reflect on my work career, and what it has been like/is like to be a woman in a mostly male-dominated profession (at least when I started out). When I started out in science, it was not unusual to find a preponderance of men in the top positions (professor, research leader, department leader, group leader), whereas the majority of women were research technicians, junior scientists, or assistant professors. Very few were department heads or group leaders. There are more women in science now, and more women in top positions, but that has been a gradual development, and the profession still struggles with the loss of women once they reach the critical points in their careers where they have to decide if they want to be research or group leaders. The demands on their time are intense, and it's often hard to combine that with family life. So that is one problem that I see still exists, almost forty years after I started out in science. The married women I knew who had top positions when I was starting out had husbands who chose less demanding professions, or both had help from nannies when raising their children. However it worked out, women struggled to balance it all, and they are still struggling. Even here in Norway, a lot of the recent surveys have concluded that women still hesitate to invest the time in top leader positions because of the inevitable conflicts with family life. I don't have an answer; I think there will always be a conflict, because it is a question of prioritizing. If we prioritize family life, then our work lives can suffer, and if we prioritize our work lives, our family lives can suffer. Finding the balance is not an easy task. I never had my own children, so I was never faced with that conflict. But of course I was faced with the challenge of not devoting all my waking hours to my work at the expense of my family life. Having a husband who works in the same profession and who understands the demands it makes on our time, has been a godsend. When we were struggling to build careers, we invested a lot of time in our work. I don't regret it, because I am sure that I would have done the same thing no matter what profession I chose. I was raised to work hard and do my best. That meant hard work and long hours in order to become good at something. And I am good at what I do.

The latter is something I think about often now as I approach retirement. Have I done the best job I could do? Have I been a good mentor and leader for the younger women and men coming after me? The answer to the first question is yes, I have done the best job I could do given the talents I have. I have become a good scientist, albeit not a great one, and that is fine with me. I found my niche and did my best. I can honestly say that. I've published nearly one hundred articles, have had the chance to lead a small team of researchers, managed to get funding to support my position until I was hired permanently by my hospital, and have mentored Master and PhD students. I have believed in myself even when the odds were against me. I did not give up on myself, and that is thanks to my early bosses. I had bosses early on (in New York) who pushed me and challenged me to take on new opportunities, some of which I feared. But I did. They saw potential in me and were not afraid to push me to do something with it. But they did it in a respectful way. When I moved to Norway, I confronted new challenges, but without the same level of personal interest from my bosses. They were more interested in their own careers than in mine. I have discovered that this was often the case in academic science (that I grew up with), which is highly competitive. If a senior researcher showed a professional interest in you, it mostly had to do with what you could do for them. The outcome in any case was that both won in a sense--the senior researcher got the necessary lab work done by others, but the junior researchers got publications that helped them in their own careers. So even if the latter felt like slaves at times, it often ended well once they moved up the ladder and started research groups of their own. That is the way it used to be well into the early 2000s. And then it all changed. Younger people no longer had the chance to start their own research groups; they were suddenly expected to work for a senior group leader until they were well into their late 40s/early 50s. A lot of young people simply cannot accept this and leave academia for greener pastures that give them the chances that my husband and I were given in the 1990s. We had an intellectual independence and freedom that is no longer encouraged; now it is expected that you work in a large research group for one senior research leader and that you simply accept your role passively. You are not encouraged to start your own research group, and the (natural) desire to do so is frowned upon--you are looked upon as a troublemaker if you go around stating that you would like more intellectual freedom and independence so that you can start your own research group. I do not support this new way of doing science; it does nothing but create frustration and disappointment in young people in their professional prime. But that's the way it is now. When I talk to young people, I tell them what it was like for my husband and me; I don't want them to think that it was always as restrictive and demotivating as it is now. But it doesn't always register, because young people often think that the present is the only thing that counts. We were like that too, I guess.

The answer to the second question is also yes, with reservations. I had to grow into the role of mentor, and I did make some mistakes early on, especially when a student was stubborn or narcissistic. Nevertheless, I think I have done the best job I could do under sometimes difficult circumstances. I have reflected upon the psychological costs involved in pursuing an academic scientific career. The daily assaults on your self confidence, your expertise, your way of treating students--are many. I realize that I have a healthy self confidence; if I think I am right, it is because I have reflected on a particular situation and come to a conclusion that reflects that investment of time and reflection. It will then be difficult to sway me. I operate using principles that I grew up with--I believe in fair play, respect, and justice, and I behave accordingly. I treat others as I would like to be treated. I have tried to encourage my students to think for themselves, to have their own ideas and opinions, to think creatively. I have tried to get women to stop feeling guilty for saying no when it is their right to do so. So many women still think that saying no, as in--I cannot do this or that for you right now, I have no time, or I have other priorities--is a wrong way to behave. It is not. In my experience, saying no is what gets you noticed (and I am not talking about saying no in a rude way to your boss or about being difficult for the sake of being difficult). Saying no prevents you from becoming someone else's doormat. Saying yes all the time may work out well for some people, but it does not work out well for women. Saying no when necessary may get you labeled as difficult, but that most women can live with, in my opinion, or should get used to living with. Because whatever profession you choose, there will come a time when saying no is what will get you noticed. Saying no says--I am doing the best job I can, and if you want me to do more, then you need to sit down with me and negotiate that. You need to negotiate a reciprocal relationship that is win-win for all, not just for the senior leaders. Women often fall back on the service aspect--serving others, and that is fine, but it is also about taking care of yourself and what you want. Women should not be doormats at work, nor at home, and a workplace culture that pushes women to aspire to being doormats is not a workplace you want to work in. Do you want to take on that extra project for no extra pay and no recognition, at the expense of your free time or your family time, just because your boss asks you to because he or she knows it will get done well if you do it rather than giving it to the shirker in the department? Do you want to be available 24/7 to a workplace that won't think twice about laying you off in times of budget crises?

The word 'professional' has taken on a new meaning for me now after many years in the workforce. I define it as behavior that involves doing the best job you can, in an expert way, without becoming too emotionally involved or too loyal to your workplace. It means being aware of your valuable skills at all junctures. It means visualizing how valuable you are to your present company but also to other workplaces. It means never forgetting that. It means standing up for yourself. It means being able to negotiate with senior leaders about how those skills are to be used. It means being rational, logical, objective, rather than emotional, illogical, and subjective. It means seeing both sides and keeping a cool head in situations where others might become irrational (playing it cool). It means remaining centered in yourself; it means not letting other people push you off balance. Women need to learn more of this, and to learn the value of their own worth. Women also need to give up the idea that they need to be ‘rescuers’. Where you would rush in to save a sinking project that is the result of someone else's negligence (too many women I know), you should hold back and let it sink. You should let the chips fall where they may. You should let the shirkers face the negative feedback; let them face being exposed for the shirkers they are. You should let the bullies and harassers sink and not make excuses for them. You should not defend the demotivators or try to explain away their behavior. You should hold other people accountable for their bad behavior and not keep your mouth shut when you see injustice. You should not just blindly follow the crowd. You should stand apart, express your ideas and opinions, and keep on expressing them, in a professional and respectful way. You should remind yourself that 'being respectful and nice does not define you as a weak person', and that 'saying no does not define you as a bad person'. This is what I say to women now--be professional, have a healthy self-confidence, think for yourselves, and don't become workplace doormats. It's the only way to grow into the best versions of yourselves.

Black Cherries--a poem by W.S. Merwin

I often find myself thinking about how human beings are an odd mixture of so many different interests and influences. I know I fit that description. I can go from listening to hard rock one day, to reading and finding meaning in a poem that touches me with its simplicity the next day. The fact that we can move from one sphere to another freely, is what makes us human. I am glad for the incongruities and illogical behavior I see in myself, because I find it helps me relate to others (who are much the same).

In that vein, moving on from yesterday's post about a rock song that I really like, here is a poem that I found this morning in a New York Times obituary for the poet W.S. Merwin (https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/15/obituaries/w-s-merwin-dead-poet-laureate.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&fbclid=IwAR0hJX5PK6Zmj_gY_mBuKHfBPLAS3yhWUXMtyKvd2F9l9fhG1HZnYJVmFfI). I haven't read much of his poetry, but that can be remedied. This poem is entitled Black Cherries, and it is a beautiful poem.


BLACK CHERRIES

Late in May as the light lengthens
toward summer the young goldfinches
flutter down through the day for the first time
to find themselves among fallen petals
cradling their day’s colors in the day’s shadows
of the garden beside the old house
after a cold spring with no rain
not a sound comes from the empty village
as I stand eating the black cherries
from the loaded branches above me
saying to myself Remember this

 by W.S. Merwin

Good song alert--Joker and the Thief, by Wolfmother

I've been doing a lot of repetitive work for one of my research projects, which involves counting cells on a computer screen. One mouse click is one cell counted--that kind of thing. It can get tiresome very quickly. So I've been listening to music with real energy and drive while I do this kind of counting, and it makes the work a whole lot more tolerable. Here is one of the songs I've been listening to: Joker and the Thief, by Wolfmother--it's become a real favorite of mine.

More of Bramhall's political cartoons

Once again, Bramhall's political cartoons are spot on...... He has taken Oliphant's place, and those were big shoes to fill. I think he fills them quite well.

Here are his recent ones: https://www.nydailynews.com/opinion/nydn-bramhall-cartoons-for-january-2019-20190108-photogallery.html

An article about shame worth reading

Worth reading: a recent article in The New York Post by Maureen Callahan ...........

There is no shame left in America anymore  https://nypost.com/2019/03/07/there-is-no-shame-left-in-america-anymore/

Love this song--Juice, by Lizzo

Loved it from the first time I heard it--pure funk.......Lizzo's having fun. Definitely makes you want to get up and dance. Works for me!!....Enjoy.

Howards End--the TV series

I watched this four-part series from 2018 last night, and can highly recommend it. It is based on the book Howards End by EM Forster. Matthew Macfadyen, Hayley Atwell, Philippa Coulthard and the rest of the cast are just wonderful. Rather than my writing a review about it, I'll include the Imdb link to the show: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2577192/?ref_=ttexrv_exrv_tt   Enjoy watching some excellent television.........

And a few more articles.......

Survivors of Sexual Abuse Want Church Reform. Here’s Why It Might Not Happen. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/20/world/europe/vatican-catholic-sex-abuse.html?action=click&module=RelatedLinks&pgtype=Article

With Victims Converging Outside Vatican’s Walls, Francis Opens Meeting on Clerical Sexual Abuse  https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/21/world/europe/pope-francis-church-abuse.html?action=click&module=RelatedCoverage&pgtype=Article&region=Footer

Gay Priests, Secret Rules and the Abuse of Nuns: Some of the Vatican Controversies as Bishops Meet  https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/21/world/europe/catholic-church-sex-abuse.html?action=click&module=MoreInSection&pgtype=Article&region=Footer&contentCollection=Europe

Credibility of Catholic church at stake in sexual abuse summit  https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/feb/18/credibility-of-catholic-church-at-stake-sexual-abuse-summit

More articles about the sexual abuse scandal in the Catholic church

These are some of the recent articles that are worth reading, concerning the sexual abuse scandal in the Catholic church. If the dinosaurs in the church do not deal with this crisis, they (and the church) will sink, slowly but surely, into the mud of extinction, and deservedly so. And if the church does sink, it has only itself to blame. It could have taken the initiative many years ago to rid itself of the criminals within its walls; it knew about them and it protected them nonetheless, for decades. It has lost a lot of credibility. I for one no longer look to the church for moral leadership in the world. It has failed miserably at moral leadership within its own ranks. How can you preach one thing to the world, and then practice within your walls the opposite of what you preach? Whenever you protect criminals at the expense of the victims, you are no better than the slime that grows under the rocks, in the dark, away from the light of day. Whenever you protect pedophiles that are good at fundraising for the church, you tell the world what really matters to you. And it is not abused children. And while I know some priests want to blame the sexual abuse scandal on gay men, they cannot. Pedophilia and homosexuality are not one and the same thing. And pedophilia is not caused by celibacy either. 

How will Pope Francis deal with abuse in the Catholic Church? https://www.bbc.com/news/world-47201647

The root cause of the Catholic crisis: It's the culture that views priests and bishops as a privileged class. https://www.nydailynews.com/opinion/ny-oped-the-root-cause-of-the-catholic-crisis-20190219-story.html

The Catholic Church Is Breaking People’s Hearts.  https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/19/opinion/catholic-church-gay-discrimination.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

The Vatican’s Gay Overlords. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/15/opinion/vatican-gay-priests.html?module=inline

Blaming homosexuality for abuse of minors is distraction, victims say.  https://www.archbalt.org/blaming-homosexuality-for-abuse-of-minors-is-distraction-victims-say/

They say they were sexually abused by priests, then silenced. Now these women are speaking out.  https://edition.cnn.com/2019/02/20/europe/catholic-france-order-women-abuse-intl/index.html

Failure to respond to emails in the workplace--a growing problem

I read this article in today's New York Times:  https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/15/opinion/sunday/email-etiquette.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

and it got me to thinking about my own experiences with sending and receiving emails in the workplace. I find myself getting increasingly irritated by the number of people who do not respond to the emails I send them. And I am not a person who sends unnecessary emails. But I am a person who tries to respect the five levels of hierarchical leadership in my workplace, and the multiple managers that I must relate to and communicate with about one issue. I formally report to two leaders, but if I need to send an email to the leaders under them in the hierarchy (four people, all middle-level managers), then I must also cc: the two top leaders. If I send an email to the leaders under the four middle-level managers, then I must cc: the four middle-level managers and the two top leaders, and so on, ad nauseam. Of course this means that the two top leaders get an immense amount of emails that they may not always need to get or respond to. And if there was trust in the workplace, if leaders trusted the managers under them, then they wouldn't need to be copied onto all emails at all times. But the standard m.o. is 'cover your ass'. Employees know this, and also that they will be called onto the carpet if they do anything that their managers are not informed about. And they do get called onto the carpet for daring to do something that a leader or manager has not approved. And so on.

Leaders and managers have no business complaining about the volume of email they receive, especially if they are responsible for and support a system as outlined in the first paragraph. Their jobs require them to respond to emails from their employees, most of whom end up completely stymied and unable to do their jobs properly if they don't get the necessary responses from their managers and leaders.

Failure to respond to emails is rude. Plain rude. I don't mean by this that you as a leader/manager need to respond immediately to an email. But when two weeks go by without a response, that is unacceptable for employees working on a project who require a response from above in order for them to progress with the project. They are stymied, the project is stymied, and the people who depend upon their progress down the line are stymied. This leads to inefficiency and inertia in the workplace.

I also think that failure to respond to emails can be a deliberate tactic to stymie employees who are creative and who have good solutions to problems. It is a way of telling them that their ideas don't matter. I see that very often in my workplace; my co-workers complain about this often. They end up feeling disrespected and unappreciated.

So, as a manager or leader, don't complain that your workplace is inefficient and that your employees are not motivated, when you have not responded properly to their emails that are required by you in order to get approval or permission to do their jobs. No one wants to hear how busy you are, because we are all busy. Stop complaining, stop wasting your time going to endless and useless meetings, and make it a priority to answer your employees' emails. Chances are that if you treat your employees with respect, they will respond in kind. Answer those emails. And maybe, just maybe, efficiency in the workplace will make a comeback.

My sci-fi heart and the death of Oppy

Who knew, who ever knows, how one will react to different news stories? The demise of the Mars Rover Opportunity after 15 years spent on the Red Planet touched me in a way I didn't realize was possible. Perhaps it was its last message to its scientist caretakers here on earth at NASA that got to me: "My battery is low and it's getting dark". My heart went out to 'Oppy'. As I wrote on Facebook--"its demise is strangely poignant". For me and for many others, it is. I realize that I'm talking about a robot, but for some reason, the fact that it could relay that message to the scientists told me that in some strange way, it 'knew' that it was dying, as it knew that it was alive. And that's enough for me. Have I read and seen too many sci-fi books and movies? Perhaps. But NASA understands us and has made it possible for those who want to send a postcard in memory of Oppy, to do so. I sent a postcard that read: "Thank you for 15 years of service, Oppy. Rest in peace on the Red Planet. Maybe one day some of us will join you there".

Here is the link if you want to do the same:   https://mars.nasa.gov/participate/postcard/opportunity-rover/#Step-1, and a link to the original article I read this morning: https://abc7ny.com/5137455/?fbclid=IwAR05vvlqMPgZDiUNPi5WbMAQ7YRC4TU2xVvOV37Z5kEoWWTrTz_dhypHIDU

There are many of us who will miss Oppy. Thank you NASA, for all the great work you did keeping Oppy up and running, and for the important and necessary work you do, everyday. Your work inspires those of us who are curious, adventurous, interested in space exploration, and interested in science.

Cemetery Road--my new poetry collection

I recently published my fifth collection of poetry, entitled Cemetery Road. It was written following my brother's death in 2015. As the book description reads:

How do we deal with the death of a loved one? These poems were written following the untimely death of the author's brother, and touch on our ever-present awareness of mortality as well as on our feelings of loss and grief in connection with death. They also touch on the losses that all of us experience as we age, be they letting go of our past or of our identities in society, and the grief attached to both.

It is available on Amazon.com: http://tinyurl.com/y4ww8xh4

Funny whether you're pro-Brexit or anti-Brexit

A pathologist colleague and friend sent this to me today. Whether you're pro-Brexit or anti-Brexit, you'll have to admit that this is pretty funny! Here is the link to the original posting (posted Feb 9, 2019 by Martin Armstrong):  https://www.armstrongeconomics.com/international-news/britain/medical-professions-view-of-brexit/
----------------------------------------------------------

The Medical Profession were asked: should Brexit take place?

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Brexiters had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that May’s proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought it was all a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Parliament.
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Elena Ferrante's brilliant Neapolitan quadrilogy

I just finished reading Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan quadrilogy, and I recommend it highly: My Brilliant Friend, The Story of a New Name, Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay, and The Story of the Lost Child. It would be hard for me to summarize her books adequately in this post, but the impressions they made on me will stay with me forever. Italian men, at least at the time when the author was young (1940s and 1950s), do not come off well at all, at least in the non-educated part of Italian society, specifically, Naples at that time. They beat their wives and children regularly; the women accepted it and the children became afraid of their fathers. Men raped their wives/forced them to have sex. Poverty was rampant, as was corruption. Many of the married men had lovers with whom they started new families while still married to the first wives. Homosexual men were beaten to death. Violence was a huge part of the society at that time.

Elena Ferrante is a pseudonym for the author of these powerful books. Given their subject matter, given the author’s desire for privacy, I think it is fitting that she wrote that way. Why do we need to know who she really was? The important thing is the books, the message, the freedom with which she wrote, not holding back about anything, really. She writes from a gut place; sometimes I got the feeling that the books just poured out of her. They are fiercely honest books, filled with events that are embarrassing, cringe-worthy, frightening, and horrific (the abuse that Lila endures, for example, at the hands of her first husband Stefano, and earlier, at the hands of her father). Elena and Lila are lifelong friends; their friendship is an odd one, not easily explained and not easy to read about. It is raw, honest, at times abusive (at least Lila’s behavior toward Elena), but there is a love there that is hard to define. They seem to need each other; Lila needs for Elena to become a successful writer (she does); Elena needs for Lila to break free of Naples and to reach her potential as the smart woman she is (it is unclear if she really manages that by the end of the series). But Lila is the person who Elena looks up to. Lila is by turns brash, aggressive, rude, mean, non-compliant, ambitious, passive, passive-aggressive, kind, loving, and then not—all over again. She is mercurial and beautiful—the type of woman that all men want, at least in Elena’s eyes. She is also fiercely intelligent, which Elena talks about often--but her ambition for higher education is thwarted by her family and her circumstances. Elena is also beautiful, but much less sure of herself, and certainly not mercurial and mean like Lila. 

All of us have known a Lila in our lives. They are the women who walk into a room, and it becomes quiet—all eyes on her. She is the woman that many other women fear, because she does not seem to need men in her life, even though there is always a man there. And the men fall for that type of woman because they think she will make no demands of them like most ordinary women, never realizing for a second that this is exactly the trap that Lila sets for men. She is the femme fatale who lures them in, and then uses them for all they are worth. Given her background of abuse at the hands of the men in her early life, it is perhaps no surprise that she behaves that way and that this is the type of woman she has become. Elena grows up differently; her father doesn’t directly abuse her, but he shows little interest in her. Her mother is emotionally abusive to her, and their relationship is strained for years. Elena is smart, and as luck would have it, her intelligence as a child is recognized by a teacher who essentially orders her parents to let her pursue higher education. Since there is no money for that in her family, the teacher helps her out with books and other materials, as does Lila when she first marries Stefano, who is wealthy. Elena always wonders why the teacher never did the same for Lila, whose parents also had no money. The difference was also that Elena’s parents, while resenting the teacher’s intrusion into their lives, obeyed her orders, whereas Lila’s parents would never have done so. So Lila was not as lucky as Elena when it came to being able to pursue an education. Lila tried for years to keep up with Elena, and Elena helps her by sharing her books with her, but Lila realizes that it is impossible to keep up, and because she cannot enjoy what Elena is enjoying, she rejects it utterly and begins to snipe at Elena’s progress and success. And so it goes for many years. Most of the Lila types in this life do not end up with happy and successful lives; rather they crash and burn in middle age when their beauty starts to fade, and they often end up friendless.

Elena and Lila’s friendship is a strange mixture of caring, not caring, jealousy, envy, ambition, thwarted ambition, fear, abuse, melancholy, bitterness, sometimes happiness, but most often confusion. Elena is never sure where she has Lila, and by the time she stops caring about exactly that and begins to live life on her own terms, she is in her late twenties. By that time, she has watched the married Lila seduce Nino, her first love, run off with him to live with him, and then watch as Nino leaves her behind and disappears. Lila’s life descends into a chaotic mess, but as time goes on, she achieves some sort of success; she lives in Naples with Enzo, the man who rescues her from Stefano, and with her son Gennaro (who is Stefano’s son). They learn about the computer world together, and start their own computer company. For a while, they earn good money. But as always, life steps in, tragedy hits, and the misery starts all over again.

Elena leaves Naples and marries Pietro, and they have two daughters together. She tries to keep writing after the success of her first novel that was published shortly before her marriage, but she struggles with her ambition and trying to find time for it all—writing and taking care of a husband and family. She struggles with confidence and lack of it, with confusion, with trying to understand the society and politics around her, and with trying to understand her relationship with Lila. She feels guilty, I think, for her success, certain that it is actually Lila's doing. She never seems to be able to accept that she is just as intelligent, if not more so, than Lila. Her intelligence includes being able to adapt to situations, to accept what she cannot change. Lila never learns that, and becomes brittle as she ages. Elena is by turns reflective and realistic. She understands that even though Pietro is an academic like she is, he does not support her academic endeavors, or perhaps more correctly stated—he does not think that her academic career is as important as his own. And then Nino reappears in her life, and her life descends into chaos. Suffice it to say that Nino is a destructive force in the lives of those he inserts himself into. Smart women, foolish choices. Lila and Elena are two women who fit that bill.

Elena Ferrante grew up in the 1940s and 1950s; we grew up in the 1960s and 1970s. By that time, roles had changed for men and women, or at least the expectations of what men and women would have as roles when they married. Feminism changed a lot of things, for better and for worse. Strangely enough, it never occurred to me when I was young that anyone would want to punish me or any other woman because we were intelligent, or try to stifle it, or try to dominate us and force us to pretend that we were not smart or that we would not use our intelligence. I understood later that there existed people—men and women—who wanted to do just that, out of envy and spite. Sometimes men were downright abusive to women who were intelligent and ambitious--the women who wanted a marriage based on equality and mutual respect. When I have spoken to priests and other adults about how women were often treated badly by husbands, some of them would say that women should ‘do their duty’ and submit to their husbands.  I once challenged a priest by asking him why women should ‘obey’ a man, as in “Wives, obey your husbands as you obey the Lord. The husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church people”, when so many men forgot the other saying—“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it….” I got no answer, and that’s because there are very few men who love their wives as Christ loved the church. He knew that just as well as I did, but he couldn’t admit it.

Ferrante’s novels made me reflect on so many things, and those reflections have made me sad, as I knew they would, because they reopened personal wounds and touched on events that happened many years ago. But my life is so much richer for having read her books. When I look at our society now, there is perhaps less violence (there are laws against wife-beating and child abuse), but there is rampant use of pornography that has become increasingly violent against women. I don’t know what to make of society anymore, and I often ask if we really do want peace. I am looking for respect between the sexes, and I don’t see much of it. Even in the Catholic Church, there are huge problems when it comes to attitudes toward women. I think that the church needs a huge overhaul and that it needs to re-evaluate where it wants to go, because at present, it is no longer the moral force in the world that it used to be, and that people want it to be. I also think that it needs to clearly examine its attitudes toward women; it does defend them, yes, but it has a problem, like most of society, with highly-intelligent women. I have seen some very good marriages in my lifetime, but I would not define most as happy. Marriage works well if there is love there (including sexual love), but since no one can really define love properly, there is an element of luck in all of it. People can and do change over time, and become better people, and that will lead to happier marriages, but when I look at the pain caused by one party toward the other, when I look at all the unhappiness I have seen in marriages, I am surprised that the divorce rate isn’t higher than it is, at least in Westernized countries. Having said that, I think that marriages where both parties work (inside the home or outside of it) and respect each other’s abilities, where both have similar education and value systems, also when it comes to raising children, have a better chance of success than very traditional ones where the wife has been forced by a man, a society, a patriarchy, or a religion, to choose that traditional life, which often leads to frustration and unhappiness. Unfortunately, Catholic men are also quite unenlightened about many things concerning women, their wives/sisters/ mothers/daughters, and what women want, regardless of whether we are talking about Naples, Italy, southern Europe, Britain, or the United States. Ferrante’s novels work because she throws light on attitudes and behavior that most people would prefer stay in the shadows, in the dark. She throws open the doors and the windows and says, these are women’s lives and they are not easy lives. Pay attention.