Workplace haikus

Yet another change

Be still my tired heart and brain

Smile grin and bear it.

Old adage says keep

Friends close enemies closer

Good advice for now.

Another meeting

Lots of chiefs few indians

Too many leaders.

Thinking back to when

Free speech and thought were valued

Not controlled by prigs.

Administrators

Abound about me rabbits

Multiplying fast.

Future vision goals

Carousel of illusions

How to create them?



copyright 2012 Paula M. De Angelis

To forgive and move on

The Norwegian writer Niels Fredrik Dahl wrote an interesting article for this past Friday’s A-magazine (the weekend magazine for the newspaper Aftenposten) about the daughter of Anna Wahlgren, ‘a Swedish author, lecturer, child rearing expert and mother of nine’ as it says on her Facebook page. The daughter—Felicia Feldt—is angry at her mother and has published a new book that deals with her growing up years and how much she hates her mother. According to Feldt, her mother did not practice what she preached to the outside world—she partied hard, drank a lot, and was abusive to her nine children, among a number of other unpleasant behaviors. Her book has attracted a lot of attention; Anna Wahlgren apparently has no desire to comment on her daughter’s allegations.

Dahl writes, and I quote (translated from Norwegian)—‘We live with a mentality and in a time when reconciliation cannot happen fast enough. Anything else than mild, manageable grief and the desire to forgive is seen as a backward detour, an inadequacy. You are not allowed to be angry, to think about revenge, or to scream’. He ends his article by asking ‘What if you are Felicia Feldt?’

Indeed. What if you are? What if you are someone who is angry and bitter, who hates the person who mistreated you? What if you cannot forgive immediately? What right does society have to judge you? What if you bottle your anger on a daily basis because you know that society does not tolerate it or your grief? I think Dahl brings up some really interesting points. I am not sure if he is just referring to Scandinavian society when he says that we live in a time when reconciliation cannot happen fast enough or that intense grief or anger or the lack of a desire to forgive are seen as personal weaknesses. I applaud his bringing this topic up. It is about time that someone did. The past ten or so years in Norwegian society have convinced me that he is right. We are encouraged to forgive (no matter what), to communicate, to dialog, to negotiate, to not be judgmental, to not be angry, to smile, to ‘get beyond’ whatever it is that is bothering us, ad nauseum. Getting past the unpleasantness can also include the death of a loved one or our own illnesses. We should ‘get on with our lives’. But what if you cannot do all of these things? Or what if you cannot do them fast enough? And what is fast enough? Who can define that for another person? Who would dare?

I know from personal experience that forgiving a person who has wronged you can take many years. I had to learn the hard way that anger and hatred are valid emotions, that you cannot ignore them or sweep them under the rug. I had to learn to face my anger and hatred. I had to learn to understand that my inability to express anger as a child and teenager had ripple effects in my early adulthood—I was betrayed by someone who ought to have known better since he called himself a Christian. The fact that I loved and trusted this person did not seem to matter much to him. The lesson I learned, I am glad I learned when I was in my early 20s instead of in middle age. It would be harder to bounce back now. It took me years to learn how to forgive him. I didn’t understand what was involved in forgiving another person at that time. I honestly didn’t think it would be possible or that it would ever happen. It was possible and it did happen—albeit many years later—after a lot of reading about how to tackle anger, how to express it, when to express it, what forgiveness is, what it involves, and so much more. Anyone who thinks learning how to deal with negative emotions is trivial, is wrong. It does not happen overnight, no matter how much wishful thinking is involved. Society wants quick fixes for everything that is broken—with no mess, no fuss, and no drama. The question is how did it get to be this way, and why is this preferable to an honest reaction and to living as honest an emotional life as possible?  

Fun on a Friday--'The Joy of Books' video

Loved loved loved this little video that's making the rounds on YouTube, about books coming to life in a bookstore after closing time. The accompanying music is a perfect match for the frolicking and fun. It's so wonderful to experience this kind of creativity. Made my day......(Friday the 13th, no less!)
.
As it says in the end--"There's nothing quite like a real book". Enjoy! You can find the video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=SKVcQnyEIT8

and mentioned on a blog called The Scholarly Kitchen here:

http://scholarlykitchen.sspnet.org/2012/01/13/the-joy-of-books-a-short-inspired-film-full-of-passion/

and some information about who made the film and who did the music here:

http://keithlyons.me/2012/01/14/the-magic-of-books/

Brain food

I thought I would write a short post today about a blog I love reading and getting updates from via Twitter: The Scholarly Kitchen. It was established by the Society for Scholarly Publishing; I’ll let their written statement about their mission (found on the blogsite) tell their story for me.

--The mission of the Society for Scholarly Publishing (SSP) is "[t]o advance scholarly publishing and communication, and the professional development of its members through education, collaboration, and networking." SSP established The Scholarly Kitchen blog in February 2008 to keep SSP members and interested parties aware of new developments in publishing.
......................................
The Scholarly Kitchen is a moderated and independent blog. Opinions on The Scholarly Kitchen are those of the authors. They are not necessarily those held by the Society for Scholarly Publishing nor by their respective employers.—

I recently joined the Society for Scholarly Publishing because I was so impressed with their blog. The posts are clever and intelligently-written—reading them is like eating a gourmet meal—apropos their being a scholarly kitchen. You enjoy the meal and know you’ll come back for more. There is a panel of authors, whose professions vary from CEO/publisher of a medical journal to senior editor to associate dean to consultant—a broad spectrum of professionals who know what they’re talking about.

You won’t regret dining here: http://scholarlykitchen.sspnet.org/

Stream of consciousness for today

Running for the bus get to Inch hair salon methylparaben-free hair products Evelyn my hairdresser talking about American Horror Story talking about The Walking Dead talking about zombies talking about ghosts talking about dreams scaring us to death sitting in a chair waiting to get done listening to song You don't have to change is it Anneli Drecker yes it is (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1BNr4P_X3A) spacey music like the feeling flipping through photography book Richard Avedon great photographer Dovima model from the 1950s do you know her remember her remember Veruschka Twiggy so cool loved her as teenager Lauren Hutton Richard Gere American Gigolo good movie Andy Warhol Stephanie Seymour avant garde flipping through Elle magazine wondering who wears the clothes so strange looking at the hairstyles looking at the shoes new spring trend ankle socks spiky sandals models so thin anorexic nothing like Liz Taylor so beautiful flipping through Interiors book all the summer homes wooden insides by the sea streamlined kitchens peaceful for wealthy folk how much it costs how much we want do I want not really life simpler not many possessions not much debt walking home mild winter sun shining lovely day outdoors good feeling coming home writing working photos hobbies daily life feeling good feeling happy liking life brand new year

The privileges of power

I just had to comment on the latest development in the never-ending saga of the Oslo University hospital merger of four large city hospitals and the health enterprise Health Southeast that owns this hospital. The managing director of the latter, Bente Mikkelsen, made it into the news big-time during the weekend, when it was reported that she was planning to participate in a five-month long course on strategic leadership at the NATO Defense College in, of all places, Rome, Italy! The course was to start in February, and was to be paid for by the Defense Department (the reason for its involvement was not explained), whereas the cost of room and board would have been paid by her employer. The total cost of the course plus room and board was outrageously expensive. She was also to retain her regular salary during her leave of absence. According to one of my colleagues, she had been interviewed on TV and had said that she looked forward to sitting outside in the warm Rome sun and drinking a glass of wine (wouldn’t we all love to be doing that). Her decision to take this course and to leave her directorial duties behind her in Oslo for five months did not meet with much support among hospital personnel at any level. And I can report that she was the butt of derisive jokes the entire day. After a massive uproar on the part of the public and hospital personnel, she dropped her intention to take the course. But she offered no apology for her poor judgment and timing.

Why did this incident garner so much media attention? Because she was planning to hightail it out of Norway at exactly the time the newly-merged hospital needs her to be there to oversee the progress associated with the merger that she set in motion at the behest of the current ruling political party—a merger that has proven to be quite controversial, difficult to achieve, and one that will cost more money than it will save. As Jay Leno once said to Hugh Grant on national TV when the latter had been caught doing something naughty—what were you thinking? The same question applies here. The hospital runs with a huge budget deficit at present. While the rest of us are told to save money, while budgets are being cut and employees are being laid off, it was ok for the managing director to spend money on a NATO course (still no explanation as to why she needs this course) and to talk about how much she looked forward to enjoying the warmth of Italy. Talk about lack of emotional intelligence. I’m sure those employees who have recently lost their jobs were thrilled to read this. I’m sure they wished her well and were appropriately concerned for her career progression. By the way, the answer to the question what was she thinking is--she wasn’t.

A little update

I have a new personal website as of this past weekend: http://paulamdeangelis.wordpress.com/

The format of my photography blog has also been changed as of this past weekend: http://oftheangelsdesigns.wordpress.com/

Thanks for stopping by!

University of Oslo Science Library at night

I took some photos for the University of Oslo’s Science Library in December 2011. The library is in the process of consolidating eight separate science and math libraries into one large Science Library that will be moving into the newly-renovated Vilhelm Bjerknes’ building on the Blindern campus. I was asked to take some night photos outside the new building as well as to take some indoor photos on one of our inspection tours of the building. Here is one of my photos of the Science Library at night.

(update as of March 2012--this photo was used in an announcement for the official opening of the Science Library on March 12, 2012 that was published in the Norwegian newspaper Aftenposten)

Clearspeak

It happened again—I was reading the Norwegian newspaper Aftenposten and flipping through the Culture section, when I came to the book review section. I came across a review of a new book by an (American) author. The nationality of the author doesn’t really matter for this discussion; what is important was that this was his third book, that his first book had been an amazing debut, and that it had sold very well. It had also been well-received critically. The small headline that introduced the actual review provided the following message (translated more or less literally from Norwegian): ‘only the mountains are the same as in the first book; nothing else achieves the heights that were achieved in the first novel’. Clear enough message, I thought—I expected to find a negative tone throughout the review. But no, quite the opposite. The reviewer used his column to praise the book, and ended his review by saying the following: ‘it is almost unthinkable that (the author) would be able to achieve the heights that he did with his debut novel, but with his new book he has shown that he didn’t just have one good book in him. This book is undoubtedly one of the year’s most important American books’. Why did this review irritate me, when it was in fact well-written and positive to the author? Because these types of reviews or newspaper articles are not uncommon these days. Because the introductory headline and the review itself were at odds with each other. Because the headline creates the anticipation of a negative review, when in fact it was not negative at all.

This is how I would have written the introductory headline: ‘despite the fact that the third novel does not live up to the standards set by the debut novel, the author’s third book is very good and will be one of the year’s most important books’. Nothing more and nothing less. You then know what you have to deal with when you read the review. Your expectations of praise and some criticism will be met. You will get a clear message of what the reviewer meant about the book.

I look for Clearspeak in most conversations and in most of what I read and listen to in the media these days. Unfortunately, I find that Clearspeak is in short supply. What is Clearspeak, you wonder. Clearspeak is the opposite of Obscurespeak, and even of Newspeak (a la George Orwell). It is the ability to express one’s thoughts and meanings clearly, so that your listeners and readers understand you. It is the ability to use words and vocabulary in an honest and direct (not necessarily politically-correct) way, again so that your listeners and readers understand you. It is not about being politically-correct or cowardly or any of those things. Clearspeak says—'I have an opinion or a specific meaning about something and I feel comfortable with expressing it clearly. I want you to know what I think'. Obscurespeak says—'I have an opinion or a specific meaning about something but I feel uncomfortable with expressing it clearly, so I will introduce a certain amount of confusion so that readers and listeners cannot ‘attack’ me for my opinions and meanings afterward. I’m not sure I really want you to know what I think. I am afraid'. Obscurespeak is obfuscation. It is also Safespeak—it protects the writer or speaker from being taken down or attacked, because your readers and listeners are too busy trying to figure out what it was you meant by what you wrote or said. Obscurespeak is the new language of huge bureaucracies as well, because if the average ordinary person actually started to understand what is written in the rules, regulations, tax laws, import laws, etc. he or she might actually start to ask some clear and direct questions that politicians wouldn’t want or be able to answer. Understanding how society and the government work might lead to grass-root revolutions and to an overthrow of politicians and bureaucrats who worship Obscurespeak and even Newspeak. Perhaps that day is coming and that is what they’re afraid of.

An excerpt from Fading Away, a short story I'm writing

........The marriage of her parents Frank and Anna had been marred by the sense of mission that her father felt in regard to keeping his siblings close and in frequent communication. Her father’s siblings had also grown apart like in Rob’s family, but theirs was a bitter and endless drama that eventually became a cold war. It had become his life’s purpose to reunite them, but he never really understood or accepted that he could not achieve this on his own. It would have required enormous good will from the six of them--three brothers: Frank, Eugene, and John, and three sisters: Colette, Maria, and Loretta--to accomplish that. They argued with each other from the early days in her parents’ marriage and prior to their marriage. The pattern was always the same-- argue over trivial things (to others but not to them), then slam the doors shut and close their hearts indefinitely to the very people with whom they had grown up, open up a bit again, perhaps on a whim, and then slam doors shut again for even longer. Eventually the doors slammed shut for good.......

 ........Perhaps they had cared about each other when they were children, or when they were adults and she wasn’t looking or paying so close attention. She remembered them as the creators of so much drama and sorrow in her youth. It colored her memories of growing up, the domestic family dramas, the melodramas, her aunt Colette and her husband Tom arguing at family get-togethers and her aunt locking herself in the bathroom and crying hysterically, or her other uncle, John, who was an alcoholic, who came home from his drinking bouts to his sister Helen, with whom he lived, and immediately started an argument with her to alleviate his fury over the misery that had become his life. He had been jilted at the altar, and Helen always offered up that little tidbit as the explanation for his behavior each time he went on the attack, but in truth, even when Lara was a teenager, she knew that he was sick and that he had trapped himself in alcohol and doomed his life to his dependency. She did not feel sorry for him, although his behavior never really stopped her from wanting to visit her uncle and his sister, until the end, when he lay in bed dying of his disease. She saw him as a person who ruined the few happy times when family had gathered together, and as a person who ruined lives. But hearts are large when you are young, she thought, and you think they will stay large and expand forever, and that they will continue to love and to forgive and to feel and to want, and then one day they don’t do any of those things anymore.........

A poem by Robert Frost

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-------------------------------

Another hope for the new year--that I choose and take the 'road less traveled' far more often. Whenever I have done so in the past, it always led to good things. So here's to new roads, unknown roads, roads of mystery and roads of joy. Happy New Year!

Hopes and wishes for the New Year

Some hopes and wishes for the New Year......

·         That I reclaim what was once a very important virtue to me—patience. I seem to have lost it during the past few years. Or perhaps I cast it to the wayside without really being aware of doing so.

·         Ditto for faith. Having trust and faith in the present and the future, that all unfolds as it should, in time. Faith and patience seem to go together. I had more of both when I was younger, during times that were much more difficult than any present situation.

·        Hope too. Without it, life seems rather meaningless and bleak.

·         That people drop their envy and learn to compliment others when a compliment is warranted. This doesn’t mean faking it or being superficial. It means being honest. When someone else has succeeded, achieved something you haven’t, or simply looks nice one day, for God’s sake, be happy for them. Let them know that you are happy for them. It doesn’t diminish who you are. It may be your turn the next time. And then you’d like others to be happy for your success too.

·         That the focus on competition in all things is de-emphasized. It is important to know and recognize that all individuals have different talents and strengths. It is not necessary for an artist to compete with a scientist for the same goal. Ditto for a scientist and an accountant, or a scientist and a politician. God bless the differences between us. I don’t want to be an accountant, but I have a lot of respect for what they do. Please respect my profession (science) and stop asking us to be something we’re not at work (accountants, secretaries, administrators, delivery people, media wizards and IT-experts).

·         That this culture learns for good that differences are good. All men are not created the same. We are different from everyone else already at birth. That is what the word individual denotes. We may enjoy the same access to opportunities, education, healthcare and the like, but we are not the same and we will not use these opportunities in the same way as everyone else. Can we for once acknowledge our differences and even celebrate them?

·         And while I’m at it, I hope that my workplace learns to respect its employees. They certainly haven’t done a very good job of this up until now (if ever). Perhaps 2012 will be the first year that employees in my workplace feel valued and useful. That would be an amazing thing and go a long way toward creating the kind of loyalty and dedication my workplace desperately seeks.

·         That politicians and administrators stop trying to regulate every little aspect of our lives. A lot of us feel micro-managed, at work and outside of work. Can we stop now please? Can we be treated as the adults we are and not reduced to the level of kindergarten children in all things? I know how to read, write, and interpret what I read, make my own decisions, and take care of my health. Ditto for so many other things. I’m a skeptic by nature, so leave me alone. Don’t force your opinions down my throat. I don’t need a hundred ‘besserwissers’ (German for know-it-alls) to lecture me every time I decide to do something that falls outside of the A4 (conforms to same standard) lifestyle that defines a lot of Scandinavia. There’s always someone to tell me ‘you don’t want to do that’ (yes, I do) or ‘why do you want to do that, it’s not going to work’ (because I want to and I didn’t ask for your opinion or your advice, and yes, I think it’s going to work).

·         That skepticism of the media increases, that we become warier of what we let into our minds and hearts, and that we learn to recognize evil for what it really is and how it manifests itself in modern society—as banality, hopelessness, indifference, apathy, need to control, need to dominate, need to destroy—in short, a type of negativity that is soul-destroying.

·         That we work for justice, fairness, honesty and compassion to counteract the negativity around us. All we need to do is to start in our personal lives—treat the people around us fairly, honestly and with compassion. And they will do the same with those around them. And so on.

·         That we ‘light a candle rather than curse the darkness’. Let’s light a thousand, even a million candles.

A little humor from authors about writing

·         I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Steven Wright

·         I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

·         A critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car.

Kenneth Tynan

·         I just wrote a book, but don’t go out and buy it yet, because I don’t think it’s finished yet.

Lawrence Welk

·         A blank piece of paper is God’s way of telling us how hard it to be God.

Sidney Sheldon

·         All the words I use in my stories can be found in the dictionary – it’s just a matter of arranging them into the right sentences.

Somerset Maugham

·         Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.

Christopher Hampton

·         A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.

Ring Lardner

·         A young musician plays scales in his room and only bores his family. A beginning writer, on the other hand, sometimes has the misfortune of getting into print.

Marguerite Yourcenar

·         Writing a novel is like spelunking. You kind of create the right path for yourself. But, boy, are there so many points at which you think, absolutely, I’m going down the wrong hole here.

Chang-rae Lee

·         Most writers can write books faster than publishers can write checks.

Richard Curtis

·         It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Robert Benchley

·         Writing a novel is like paddling from Boston to London in a bathtub. Sometimes the damn tub sinks. It’s a wonder that most of them don’t.

Stephen King

·         Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life.

Lawrence Kasdan

·         Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.

Flannery O’Connor

·         It’s a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.

Andrew Jackson

·         There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Somerset Maugham

·         Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.”

Samuel Johnson

The gift of time

Christmas is the season of many gifts, but it is not the material gifts that matter most. What matters most is the gift of time—making time for others but also for ourselves--visiting good friends, picking up the telephone to call friends and family, writing some Christmas cards—in a nutshell, remembering and even prioritizing others, some of whom may be sad, lonely, frustrated or just a bit down, and who may perk up a bit because you got in touch with them. Christmas can make us feel a bit down sometimes; especially when it seems as though everyone else around you is happy except you. It is a family holiday, but if you have no family to speak of, or if you and your family are estranged, what then? Where do you go if you are alone without family? If friends don’t invite you to their homes, do you sit alone and wallow in past memories that will only make you sadder? Do you force yourself to go out and celebrate Christmas with other folks who are alone and perhaps lonely?

Life is short. This can never be emphasized too often for me. Time is a gift. To have the time to read a good book, write, work on a hobby, be with family and friends, talk on the phone, visit an older person who may be alone, spend time with a child who enjoys your company—all those things are gifts, not only to others but to ourselves. Our souls grow and expand when we nourish it in these ways, likewise our hearts. In the final analysis, it is not how many hours we spent at work that will count when we are old. No one will care when we are eighty years old that we worked sixty hour-weeks. No one will remember that we did so. If you love your work, you are lucky, but I also think that those who truly love their work are also those who understand the work-life balance. They understand the blessings that they have been given—they treasure those blessings and respect them. There are many reasons to work overtime for years on end or to constantly tell others that you are so busy at work that you didn’t have time to call or write or get in touch. Sometimes it may just be about not wanting to go home—to an unhappy home, to an empty apartment, or to the overwhelming quiet that will cause one to reflect on one’s life and on what may be wrong with it. Sometimes overworking is simply an excuse to not face up to the changes that need to be made in our lives. Overwork is a panacea, and can be used as a drug to dull the pain of an unlived life, or a life lived in the shadows or under a ‘bushel basket’. Let’s make 2012 the year that we step out from under the bushel basket and shine our light out to the world, the year when we show the world that we love ourselves enough to share our time, talents, love and compassion, the year when we make time for others. The world will be a better place for it. 

What others have written about Christmas

o   Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.  ~Norman Vincent Peale

o   He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.  ~Roy L. Smith

o   I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.  ~Charles Dickens

o   Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home!  ~Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers, 1836

o   There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries.  ~W.J. Cameron

o   Christmas is a necessity.  There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves.  ~Eric Sevareid

o   Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.  ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

o   Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.  ~Washington Irving

o   Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.  ~Peg Bracken

o   Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish.  Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself.  ~Francis C. Farley

o   It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.  ~W.T. Ellis

o   For centuries men have kept an appointment with Christmas.  Christmas means fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving, a time of good cheer, home.  ~W.J. Ronald Tucker

o   I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day.  We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year.  As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year.  And thus I drift along into the holidays - let them overtake me unexpectedly - waking up some fine morning and suddenly saying to myself:  "Why, this is Christmas Day!"  ~David Grayson