A needed message at Christmas, especially this year

I am sharing a recent article in The Atlantic that I found quite good. I'm including the link to the article here: 

Trump Is Losing His Mind - The Atlantic

This is a paragraph from the article that resonated with me:

There are still things worthy of our love. Honor, decency, courage, beauty, and truth. Tenderness, human empathy, and a sense of duty. A good society. And a commitment to human dignity. We need to teach others—in our individual relationships, in our classrooms and communities, in our book clubs and Bible studies, and in innumerable other settings—why those things are worthy of their attention, their loyalty, their love. One person doing it won’t make much of a difference; a lot of people doing it will create a culture.

Yes, just yes. This is what I have been saying for the past four years in many of my posts about Trump. There is nothing admirable about Trump's in-your-face behavior, about his narcissism, his aggression, his anger, his rawness. He does not emanate empathy or kindness. We don't need more of his kind in society, we need less. We need to tone down the aggression, the chaos, the destruction. We need to change the channel in favor of peace. We need to find stillness so that we can reflect on what went wrong and why a huge number of people voted for a man that under other circumstances they would have kicked to the curb. 

I found, and continue to find it, absolutely appalling that people who call themselves Christians have supported this man, and still do. They are certain that there was voter fraud that allowed Biden to win. It's as though they and the Republican Party are part of a cult, and that scares the hell out of me. Many others have written about this, so I won't belabor the point. Unfortunately, there are young people who have bought into his message, and into the hypocrisy preached by evangelicals who compare Trump to Christ, that he was sent by God to save the USA. What crap. But if you listen long enough to this crap, it starts to seep in like most crap does. And it hynotizes and brainwashes the weak-minded. 

It starts with us. We must promote honor, decency, courage, beauty, and truth. We must show empathy to others, we must be kind. We must 'be' the message of Christmas not only at Christmas, but throughout the year. 

One of my favorite Hallmark Christmas movies--A Shoe Addict's Christmas

Last December I wrote a post about romantic Christmas movies, the ones (many of them Hallmark films) that have shown up on three different television channels here in Oslo this year. I think we need these films more than ever this Christmas season, after a year that no one in his or her wildest imagination could have predicted. They are relaxing to watch, you pretty much know the outcomes, they tug at your heartstrings, and they are enjoyable overall. The word is nice; they are nice films. 

Here is a link to the post I wrote last year: A New Yorker in Oslo: Romantic Christmas movies (paulamdeangelis.blogspot.com)

Tonight, I re-watched A Shoe Addict's Christmas; it's one of my favorite romantic Hallmark Christmas movies. The movie is based on the book of the same name by Beth Harbison. It's the story of a young woman, Noelle, played by Candace Cameron Bure, who has pretty much given up on her dreams for her life, both personal and professional, and settled for a comfortable life without many risks. She works in Fulton's department store in the HR department, having given up on her dreams to open her own photography studio after her boyfriend dumped her on Christmas Eve three years ago. Three years pass, and she ends up locked by accident in her department store during a snowstorm. While waiting to be rescued by the fire department, along comes her slightly ditzy but totally lovable guardian angel Charlie, played by Jean Smart, who is perfect in the role. Every time Noelle puts on a pair of shoes or boots, they take her back or forward in time, courtesy of her guardian angel, to show her what her life could have been like had she made different decisions and choices. It's essentially a modernized and romanticized version of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Noelle is not Scrooge, however, just a disillusioned young woman who has lost her faith in the fun and adventure that life can hold. She meets Jake, played by Luke Mcfarlane, who is also perfect in his role as the fireman who rescues her and who just happens to be her upstairs neighbor as well. Watching these two get together, and how the guardian angel facilitates their doing just that, is so worth watching. It's a heartfelt movie with a believable message, and at Christmastime, it's a nice message to hear--have faith, trust in the process, and don't give up on your dreams for your life. 

Reflections, silhouettes, shadows, light and darkness

I thought this photo was interesting in so many ways--reflections, windows, shadows, silhouettes, light, darkness, and merges of different buildings and passageways. I took it on my cell phone tonight in the vestibule of the building where I work. Always interesting to see how things look in light and darkness. 

A life of lies and deception--John le Carré's A Perfect Spy

I continue to be fascinated by books that deal with deception and lying, and with characters who use deceit as a means to an end, a means to get through life. I supposed that explains some of the fascination (my own and others) with a man like Trump. He is a pathological liar, and the media cannot get enough of him. Each of his lies is more outrageous than the last one. People eat them up. We wonder if he has any limits whatsoever. The answer appears to be no. His niece Mary Trump wrote a book about him, and even though she is a clinical psychologist, she still couldn't explain him satisfactorily. But she gave it a good try. I think these types of people defy description. And I wonder, are we so jaded and in need of stimulation, that we look forward to listening to a man like Trump spout his nonsense out into the universe? Is this what will awaken us to the world around us? But how many times can we put our hands into the flames before we no longer feel anything, before they are burned beyond recognition? Isn't that the risk we run if we don't deal with the impact of such behavior on ourselves and on society at large?

I wonder what it must be like to be the child or children of such an amoral man. It certainly cannot be easy. One absorbs a plethora of warped messages. "Make up your life. Don't tell the truth about yourself or about anything. Lie if necessary. Win at all costs and lie if you need to win. Winning is everything. Success and money are everything. Poverty is for losers. The ends justify the means. Using others to further your ambitions is acceptable. Lying will get you everywhere. Cheating is no big deal. Facts are not facts, but merely constructs to be adjusted at whim. There are no absolute truths". And so on. 

One of my favorite authors, John le Carré, who wrote 'A Perfect Spy', passed away a few days ago. 'A Perfect Spy' is a brilliant book by an incredible author, one of those books that will haunt you for a lifetime. I read it in my twenties and have never forgotten it. It is on my top-ten list of favorite books. I also watched the BBC series of the same name, with Peter Egan playing the role of Magnus Pym, that appeared on television in 1987. As I've grown older, I wonder--why was I and why am I still--so fascinated by the tale of Magnus Pym, a spy/double agent whose father, Rick Pym, was an amoral con man? Charming yes, but a criminal just the same, Rick Pym teaches Magnus that it's ok to live a life of deception in order to get what you want. Magnus Pym struggles his entire life to deal with his father's toxic influence but never really manages to escape it. He is psychologically damaged by his father, and that impacts on all aspects of his life--he betrays his country and those people in his life with whom he has close relationships. It is no surprise that he chooses to be a spy/double agent, but he struggles with that choice and with his inability to reconcile all of the 'different persons' he houses inside himself. The book is written in such a way that it is nearly impossible to not feel sorry for Magnus Pym. And that is because he pays such a high price for being the perfect spy. I won't reveal the ending for those of you who might want to read the book. I highly recommend it. Much of the book is autobiographical; le Carré's father was a con man, and he probably wrote 'A Perfect Spy' in order to deal with the negative impact on his psyche that having such a father had on him. It is the psychological exploration of one man's psyche and soul that creates empathy for the character of Magnus Pym. 

And that brings me back to Trump and his niece's book about him. Trump had a father who 'conned' him into believing that he had to lie and manipulate others in order to be successful and to be well liked. But Trump has no qualms of conscience about who he is. He has embraced the amorality of his life. He doesn't seem to suffer because of it. My empathy is in short supply when I look at his behavior and his life. Perhaps there will come a day when he begins to examine his life. As the saying goes--'the unexamined life is not worth living'. Perhaps Trump will realize that one day, adjust his life accordingly, and make amends to the people he has conned and manipulated. But I'm not holding my breath. 

The intro music for Atlantic Crossing

This is the intro song (the first two stanzas) for the Norwegian series Atlantic Crossing, currently being shown on NRK. It is a beautiful song called When, written and sung by Norwegian singer and songwriter Susanne Sundfør. She has an amazing voice, crystal clear, that is absolutely riveting. Listening to her voice transports you out into the universe, at least that's the effect on me. She also wrote (together with Anthony Gonzalez) and sang the song Oblivion (music by the French band M83) for the Tom Cruise sci-fi film Oblivion, a favorite film of mine; the music is also excellent. 

The series Atlantic Crossing is well-worth watching; it is the story of how Crown Princess Martha of Norway and her children left for the safety of America during World War II, and of her friendship with Franklin D and Eleanor Roosevelt. Supposedly her friendship with Franklin influenced him to sign the Lend-Lease Act, which allowed the USA to supply military aid to its foreign allies during World War II while still remaining officially neutral. 

Atlantic Crossing is supposed to be shown on PBS Masterpiece during the spring of 2021, from what I've read. Here is the song and the lyrics:

When    by Susanne Sundfør 

https://youtu.be/5Pw1KasvFQE

When can I see you again?

I've been waiting out here for so long and I

Don't seem to find a reason

To keep building these castles out of snow

They only melt away

When spring is arriving and you won't be here

Waiting to drag me down into your pond

You bury me slowly, you bury me slowly

Take what you can

Give what you don't need

Still I'll let it be known in every parish

You are loved, you are loved

When can I see you again?

I've been waiting out here for so long and I

Don't seem to find a reason

To keep building these castles out of snow

They only melt away

When spring is arriving and you won't be here

Waiting to drag me down into your pond

You bury me slowly, you bury me slowly

Take what you can

Give what you don't need

Still I'll let it be known in every parish

You are loved, you are loved

You are loved, you are loved

You are loved, you are loved

The importance of good leadership

I’ve written about good and bad leadership many times over the past ten years, mostly as relates to a workplace setting. It’s clear to me that bad leadership has a major impact on how employees view their jobs and their career prospects. Bad leadership is narcissistic leadership; leaders who are most concerned about what their employees can do for them, rather than the other way around. Narcissistic leaders are not interested in serving their company or their employees; they are interested in serving themselves. That can define a lot of modern workplaces; one need only take a look at the hefty bonuses given to crappy leaders at the expense of loyal hard-working employees who will never in their lifetime see a fraction of the amount of money that some of the bad leaders rake in. Many of the bad leaders make a mess of one workplace, only to then move on to the next one that is waiting to welcome them with open arms. They are not or cannot be held accountable for the chaos they leave behind, which I think is wrong, especially in public sector workplaces but also in private ones. Your reputation as a destroyer should follow you and hinder you from getting a new leadership position.

Most employees who have been treated poorly do not want to stay in their jobs; unfortunately many do, either because they cannot afford to quit without another job waiting for them (not always the case) or because they have lost the necessary confidence to seek other positions. The latter is not talked about very often, but it is important and an absolutely decisive factor in whether or not an employee actually gets a new position. Nowadays you have to market yourself to the nth degree, and if you don’t have the confidence to do that due to constant harassment or badmouthing by bad leaders, you’ve lost the battle before you even started fighting.

Bad leaders should be fired, pushed aside, frozen out, or ignored. However it happens, they should have their power stripped from them. Unfortunately this rarely happens. But if you work in a workplace long enough, you can be witness to the karma effect, as in, karma is a bitch. Time heals all wounds, as is often said, and it does. What doesn’t kill you does make you stronger. But time often wounds all heels, and that is a good thing for the heels and for those who have been mistreated by them to see, even though it involves the downhill slide of once-deemed-important leaders into a deserved oblivion. No one will miss them or care about them, and in fact, workplaces can begin to really thrive again once they are gone.

And that brings me to the presidential transition in the USA. A transition from a bad leader to a (hopefully) better one. Biden is at least a decent human being, something that cannot honestly be said about Trump. Decency is a good start in my book. If Trump is at all decent, I haven’t seen evidence of it, and I would need to see the evidence before I can change my opinion of him. But he is absolutely not a good leader. I have said it many times before; he squandered the wonderful opportunity he had as a non-politician to really lead the country into a different future, to implement policies and ways of doing things that could have had good effects and lasting change. Instead he chose to dabble with the alt-right, with white supremacists, with haters and bigots, with conspiracy theorists, with the fringe elements that were enabled by him to slither out from under their rocks into prime time. America got a good look at what lives in its underbelly, and it is none too pretty. If you think it’s cool that the underbelly exists, then you must be prepared to live with the consequences. I for one do not think it’s cool that an American president sanctions racism and white supremacy, yells at reporters, makes fun of the disabled, or acts like a spoiled brat on the world stage. I am praying that the era of narcissistic leaders is coming to an end; it has reigned in politics and modern workplaces for far too long. We need a long era of leaders who are willing to serve their constituents (the whole USA when it comes to politics) and their employees when it comes to workplaces. I cannot see how the world will move in a better direction without such leaders to guide us. We must demand good behaviour of our leaders, and they must listen and act accordingly. And if they don’t, we must get rid of them until we find leaders who fit that bill. Anything else is to choose destruction of the values that most of us cherish.  

Is our brain a quantum field?

I found this article very interesting: Your Brain Isn't a Computer — It's a Quantum Field. It's from 2015, but quite relevant today as well. 

Your Brain Isn't a Computer — It's a Quantum Field - Big Think

The by-line under the title states: 

"By examining our minds at a quantum level, we change them, and by changing them, we change the reality that shapes them".

Think about how extraordinary that is. It is intellectual evolution in action. Very fluid. We continually create our reality because the brain is behaves like a quantum universe. One of the paragraphs toward the end of the article explains this very well:

"The mind then, according to quantum cognition, "gambles" with our "uncertain" reason, feelings, and biases to produce competing thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Then we synthesize those competing options to relate to our relatively "certain" realities. By examining our minds at a quantum level, we change them, and by changing them, we change the reality that shapes them".

It is said that the brain is the last unexplored frontier, and that the 21st century will focus on exploring the brain. I can't wait to read more about how our brains create our reality and how that fits in with the idea of a quantum universe.  

A free Kindle book preview of Survivable Losses

I'm posting a free Kindle book preview of Survivable Losses, the collection of short stories by Francesca Stokes. If you like it, please consider purchasing it on Amazon. Thank you. 

Purpose in Life

I'm not sure who wrote this, so I cannot credit the author of the quote. I googled the text and another photo of the same came back with a website: notetoselfphilosophy.com  

Regardless of its origins, it struck a chord in me and I wanted to share it with you. 

The International Review of Books' review of Survivable Losses

Survivable Losses is a newly-published collection of short stories on Amazon, that is well-worth checking out:   https://www.amazon.com/Survivable-Losses-Selected-Short-Stories-ebook/dp/B08MCRMYSR/ref=sr_1_12?dchild=1&qid=1605035612&refinements=p_27%3AStokes&s=digital-text&sr=1-12

The International Review of Books has written a timely and positive review of Survivable Losses that I wanted to share with you, and has awarded the book a Gold badge of achievement. 

Stokes left me with the uncanny feeling of looking deep into the character’s soul only to see my own reflection. The experience was like looking into a mirror, a mirror that, if I stood before it long enough, threatened to reveal things I hadn’t known were there. 

One is left with the sense of watching a mind travelling between planes of existence................

Stokes' work contains interesting and deep manifestations of the elements of the craft of writing: dimensional characters, a pleasing arc of tension, evocative language and thematic purpose.  

Cannot look at some people the same way again

I posted a quote last week about forgiving, understanding, but not being a fool. I've been thinking a lot about that lately in relation to people I know in the States who voted for Trump and who were aggressive about it. In your face, as I wrote about in my last post. I cannot forgive their blindness (deliberate or otherwise) and I cannot understand them. To do the latter would be to go against everything in my nature that screams for justice, goodness, ethical behavior, non-bullying behavior, and our Christian upbringing. Perhaps one day I will be able to pray for them, and for myself (for being unforgiving). I cannot now. 

None of these people are bullies by nature. Most are fairly nice and meek individuals who do not like conflict. Many have been through personal hells in their lives and survived them. Some call themselves good Christians. Nevertheless, they supported a man who gave them permission via his own behavior to be vile human beings if they so chose. Most did not, which makes it all the more perplexing that they supported Trump. Perhaps that is because they feel disempowered, such that when the bully comes along, they side with him because he makes them feel powerful; he speaks for them. If it's not that, then the reason is beyond my comprehension. The people Trump surrounds himself with (and has surrounded himself with) are vile human beings (think Steve Bannon). There has not been ONE peep out of the Trump supporters I know about what Steve Bannon said about beheading Anthony Fauci and Christopher Wray. Not one peep. Not one comment about how vile that is, how horrible it is that they talk like ISIS supporters. Not one person among them on my social media feed who stood up for decency, values, ethics, morality, Christianity. FoxNews.com did not even have it as a news story (I checked); they ignored it. Why? Did Christ talk this way? He did not. Does Biden talk this way? He does not. And by the way, I do not, did not, and never will support (liberal) Kathy Griffin's photo of Trump's decapitated head; her career tanked after that, as well it should have. Just so it's clear to the Trump cultists that I am NOT partisan. None of this is funny; it is vile and horrifying that we have descended so far into hell. It horrifies me and it has stressed me this past week in ways I cannot describe. This is what the USA has become--that roughly half the voting population supports a man like him.

How would the Trump supporters I am talking about, like it if I suddenly behaved like Trump with all of them? Told them where to go in no uncertain terms. Told them that they're fired from my life. Told them that they're idiots, losers, assholes, dumbasses, rednecks. Would they like it? No. Why? Because I don't behave that way, have never behaved that way, and will never behave that way toward people regardless of how close I am to them. They know me and would not expect me to behave that way. Do I get angry? You bet. Get into arguments with my husband and a few other people? At times, yes. But I do not set out to destroy the other person, no matter how angry I get at them. That is not my goal. Mostly I find that arguments stem from frustration--not being able to say what we need to say or not being given the platform to do so (being bullied/harangued/talked-over into submission). We argue with others because we are not listened to, because there is no dialog, no two-way street in conversation. 

One thing is clear to me--I will never look at some people the same way again. I cannot. I cannot unsee what they have posted, written, or stood for. I cannot press the 'reset' button, not right now. At present, some of them are posting memes talking about how there should be peace and no division in the country. About how we should all get along and be good to one another. That we should let bygones be bygones. That doesn't work for me. I'm sorry for being hard-hearted, but that's where I am at present. Mostly what I am is incredibly sad, for myself and for my country, that we let such a vile man rule our world 24/7 for nearly four years. To say it will be a relief to have him gone is understating what I feel. 

 

No longer 'in my face'

So I've begun the process of unfriending aggressive Trump supporters on my social media accounts, mostly those on Facebook at this point. I had already begun to do this a few weeks ago when one of my 'friends' began to stalk me via the supportive comments I left on posts by the New York Times or other newspapers on Facebook criticizing Trump's behavior or policies. He would post a pro-Trump comment under my anti-Trump comment. He was the first to go. There were four more today. I'm not waiting to find out who wins the election. I'm eliminating those whose viewpoints are morally opposed to my own. I call it 'pulling a Trump'. He gets rid of people for no good reason; I at least have a good reason. 

It feels good to be rid of some of the cultists. They were 'in your face' when it came to Trump. They would post some pro-Trump meme that was downright nasty or mean one day, and then the next day a post about how there is no peace in the world anymore or how divided the country is. Uh, duh? Do you think your behavior and speech have contributed to that? Or they would post something about 'prayer being the answer'. I love when people do that. These are people who wouldn't know what real spirituality was if it came up and bit them on the ass. A gunman can mow down thirty students at a grammar school, and their frequent response is 'to pray'. That's fine, but God helps those who help themselves. How about instituting strict gun control and taking AR15 rifles away from people? But God forbid you bring that up. Don't tell me you're a Christian when you support guns for all. You're not. 

None of my Democrat friends have been as 'in your face' as the Republican ones. I have to wonder why. Why are the former more respectful of others than the latter? There's some food for thought. My own theory is that the rabid cultists have very low self-esteem and that they feel built up by Trump. In other words, he gives them the self-confidence they lack, and that translates to aggressive and bullying behavior. It's tiring, they're tiring, 45 is tiring. I'm done with them all. You may agree or disagree with this post. It's fine. I'm doing it for myself, not for anyone else. I'm doing it to stand up for what I believe in. 

Survivable Losses--a collection of short stories

Check out this collection of short stories. You won't be disappointed. 

Survivable Losses  by Francesca Stokes 

Wise words

 

The second wave

The second wave of the virus is upon us, and the world around me officially feels surreal at this point. I have NO idea where the year went. Really. I know I worked, first at home from mid-March until the end of June when I had some vacation, and then I went back to work in early August. I've worked mostly at home but go into the office a couple of days a week. But now the second wave is upon us and we're being told to work from home, not to meet in groups of more than five people, and to wear masks in public. The health officials are very worried about the coming winter. Me, I try not to read the news about the pandemic. It only ends up scaring me. But I end up reading it anyway just to stay informed. But I don't dwell on it. 

Every now and then my thoughts become apocalyptic, as in, is this the beginning of some kind of end for mankind? All around us, businesses that we took for granted--restaurants, hotels, airlines, theaters, other venues--have altered their way of doing things or have closed, and thus altered our way of living. It scares me to think that many of them may not survive. I wish I was a multi-millionaire so that I could support them all. I feel so sorry for so many people who are out of work, who don't know what to do next. It's not like they can snap their fingers and get a new job, pronto. Life never works like that. 

I told my husband the other day that I'm glad I've learned how to preserve seeds. I have seeds saved for next year's plantings--pumpkin, butternut squash, zucchini--and I have seed potatoes that will be ready for planting come next March. We also have different berry bushes in the garden. If worse came to worse, we could live on potatoes, pumpkin, squash, and berries. It's possible to pickle pumpkin and squash, and make jams, jellies and juice from the different berries. As long as there's flour, we can make bread. We wouldn't starve, but our diets would be much different than they are now--mostly meat-based. 

In the midst of all this surrealness, there is a surreal presidential election going on in my home country. It is an election that has divided people into two camps--those who will vote for the preservation of decency and ethics in America, and those who will vote for boorishness and an utter disregard for ethical behavior. So strange that it has come down to that. Those in the latter camp will say that they don't want a typical politician, so they're voting for Trump. I remind them that what you see is what you will get. He cares for no one but himself. All others are expendable. 

Where is God, people ask? Wrong question. The question is more, why did people turn away from God? Why have we? It's not about going to church or following the rules of Catholicism or any other religion slavishly. It's about 'actions speak louder than words'. It's about loving our neighbors as ourselves, about caring about what happens to others. It's about good behavior, about not being a boor or a brute, about not being careless or irresponsible or unkind. It's about being Christian toward others. Yes, charity begins at home, so we need to get our homes in order first, but that does not preclude our being nice to others, showing empathy, loving others in a charitable way, ridding our hearts of anger and discord. When we turn away from trying to behave better, we turn away from God. And we can only blame ourselves when the proverbial s**t hits the fan, as it always does. We have no idea how many people will die in this second wave. For all those who poopoo the pandemic, who think it is a hoax to prevent Trump from being re-elected, who think that liberals are on a crusade to destroy America, I say, wake up before it is too late. Just wake up. You are living with blinders on. Even Pope Francis, for whom I have great respect, has said that people who behave like Trump are not Christian. He said, and I quote 

"A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not of building bridges, is not Christian." 

Trump's response was "If and when the Vatican is attacked by ISIS, which as everyone knows is ISIS’s ultimate trophy, I can promise you that the Pope would have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been President because this would not have happened. ISIS would have been eradicated unlike what is happening now with our all talk, no action politicians"..........

Kudos to Pope Francis for taking on 45 and the GOP. I admire him for taking a stand, for having an opinion. You can agree or not, but no one will ever convince me that the behavior I've seen in 45 and the GOP is Christian behavior. You can talk until you are blue in the face. You will never convince me.