Started watching Sleepy Hollow, still watching TWD

Started watching the show Sleepy Hollow at the beginning of January; we’re some months behind the USA where I know the season finale already took place in December. I love the show; it works for me, thanks to the superb acting of Tom Mison as Ichabod Crane, Nicole Beharie as Abbie Mills and Orlando Jones as Frank Irving. I grew up in Tarrytown NY, the sister town to Sleepy Hollow (which was formerly called North Tarrytown); The Legend of Sleepy Hollow written by Washington Irving was required reading in high school. Most inhabitants of both towns are familiar with the story of the Headless Horseman and Ichabod Crane. The TV show bears little resemblance to the original story, but it’s a cleverly-written supernatural show that works. Tonight’s episode, Sanctuary, was especially good; we now know that Katrina, Ichabod’s wife, gave birth to a son in a house that was a sanctuary for former slaves as well as a haven against supernatural evil forces. The baby’s birth breaks the protective spell surrounding the house and the evil forces invade the house. It is implied that many of the inhabitants were killed. In the present time it is an abandoned haunted house—haunted by good and evil ghosts, and ‘guarded’ by the ‘tree monster’ that was sent by the demon Moloch to destroy the original inhabitants of the house. The tree monster is awakened to life when a descendant of the original family who owned the house overtakes it and decides to renovate it and live there. Every now and then when I watch this show, I am (briefly) reminded of The X-Files, another favorite show of mine, because the wonderful chemistry between the two main characters Ichabod and Abbie in Sleepy Hollow reminds me of the chemistry between The X-Files’ Dana Scully (played by Gillian Anderson) and Fox Mulder (played by David Duchovny).

Still watching The Walking Dead (and it still gets under my skin—as in, it’s still pretty creepy after four seasons in). It’s not so much that I’ve grown attached to any particular character; it wouldn’t make much sense to do that, given that the show is not averse to killing off major as well as minor characters. Again, the actors (thanks to the writers) do a very credible job of showing us what it might be like to live in an apocalyptic world peopled by zombies. But the show also realistically depicts what it might be like to have to deal with other survivors who might not be the nicest people (the Governor and his lackeys). It is one of those rare shows where the group dynamics provide much of the reason for my watching it. I like the interplay between the characters, their different strengths and weaknesses, the way they depend on each other, and the way they face their fears, as well as watching them deal with the ‘walkers’, because that’s what the show is really about—dealing with the living dead that are always lurking about. It’s not so much the shuffling and the way they move and look that are unnerving, but rather the way they sound—you can hear them coming (growling) long before they actually appear. I suppose in one way this should be advantageous, as it gives the characters time to get away or to prepare for confrontation. On the other hand……..

Letting go and finding peace

Ego says, "Once everything falls into place, I'll feel peace." Spirit says, "Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place." (Marianne Williamson)

I came across this quote the other day, and it resonated with me, especially now after many years of struggling to make work-related issues fall into place. Sometimes they did, other times I hit the wall or fumbled the ball and had to come up with new strategies. I kept thinking that once work issues were solved, I’d be in a better place psychologically and then I could find peace of mind. I discovered that it didn’t work that way for me. Things didn't 'fall into place' (work out as I wanted) no matter how hard I tried to make them do so, and I had to learn a new way of being. Additionally, the idea that we can make things fall into place by exerting control over situations or people is an illusion that is sold to us as sound advice over and over, in advice columns, self-help books, via well-meaning colleagues and friends. We're often told that 'we choose our lives or the situations that happen to us'. That may be true at times, but it is not an absolute. People want the best for us--I do believe that, at least the people who care about us. They mean well. But their words cannot guarantee a desired outcome any more than can our attempts to control that desired outcome. Things in life don’t always fall into place; we can't mold life to suit our desires. We don’t always get what we want, when we want it or how we want it, but we have to live our lives anyway, dealing with the jumble of stressful feelings that the struggle for control and order create in us.  

Although we can hope that things will fall into place, we cannot make them fall into place. I think another way of saying this is ‘let go and let God’. In all instances, the realization that we can have peace of mind without striving for full control and order, is freeing and peaceful in and of itself. During the past few years, I have rediscovered the joys of just being—something I was more in tune with when I was a teenager--not always having something to do or somewhere to be. When I am out walking in nature, I am with nature, looking and listening to the birds, watching the clouds go by, enjoying the warm sunshine in the midst of winter. I don’t want to be connected to social media; I don’t even need conversation sometimes. I just want to be. I think that is peace of soul and mind. When I find myself wondering or worrying about how situations are going to turn out and what my role in them might be, I tell myself to let go and to take a step back, so that I can view the situation from afar. It helps me maintain perspective. Perspective helps me maintain objectivity, something that gets lost when I get too involved in worrying about or trying to force the outcome of a situation. Perspective gives me peace, and the odd thing is that when I feel peaceful, I am much less concerned with the outcome of a particular situation, perhaps because I realize that I do not have complete control over anything. There is too much to obsess over in modern society, too much to chase, too many goals, too many material things to distract us and destroy peace, and too many interruptions. There is too little time for reflection, stillness and solitude. I want peace more now than I want any of the other things. At this point in my life, peace is worth gold.

The books of M. Scott Peck and Rollo May

Years ago, I discovered the writer and psychiatrist M. Scott Peck, who wrote a book that helped to change my way of looking at some important aspects of my life. ‘The Road Less Traveled’ (published in 1978) was an eye-opener of a book, one that I have recommended to many people through the years. The book’s basic tenet is that life is difficult and that personal and spiritual growth is a lifelong process involving hard work, struggle, pain and introspection. Reading it made me realize at a fairly young age that it was possible to change your life; that the hand of cards you were dealt was not a permanent hand. It was possible to rise above personal and family problems and the inefficient and often stagnant ways of dealing with them. But the key was to be actively invested in doing so; it was important to understand and accept that the work involved would be difficult and that there would be no immediate gratification. Peck is one of the few authors to whom I have written; I was so enamored of his book. Even though I was disappointed to subsequently learn about his alcoholism, marital infidelities, and other problems, it made me realize that he probably wrote the book as much for himself as for his readers. I wanted him to be a person without faults; there are no such persons, and he would be the first to admit that. He was not always able to practice what he preached. I also read Peck’s ‘People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil’, published in 1983. It is a much more disturbing book since it presented and discussed his patients, albeit anonymously, who had chosen to live in the darkness of their problems (pathological lying, cheating, neuroses, anxieties, obsessions, banal evil) rather than seek the light of truth (facing themselves and their problems and fears), health and recovery.

Rollo May, another of my favorite authors, was a psychiatrist who wrote many excellent books, such as The Meaning of Anxiety, Love and Will, and The Courage to Create, published in 1950, 1969, and 1975, respectively. My father introduced me to his writings when I was a teenager. I read The Meaning of Anxiety when I was in my early twenties, and it was one of those light-switch books—books that have the ability to push you from darkness into the light. The power of the printed word never ceases to amaze me. Little wonder that ‘the pen is mightier than the sword’. Words can change your perspective on things, and in this case, May’s words changed my perspective on anxiety. Rather than viewing it as a major problem to be eliminated on the path to mental health, his view was that anxiety is necessary for personal growth, and that it forces us to act, in order to alleviate the anxiety or to help us confront what it is we are anxious about (what we fear?). Doing so allows us to live life to the fullest. In Love and Will, May discusses different types of love and how they should be intertwined. The ideas of purpose and responsibility related to love are discussed at length. In The Courage to Create, May writes about the importance of creativity and art in our lives; this quote from his book best describes his views, beautifully so:  

“If you wish to understand the psychological and spiritual temper of any historical period, you can do no better than to look long and searchingly at its art. For in the art the underlying spiritual meaning of the period is expressed directly in symbols………They (the artists) have the power to reveal the underlying meaning of any period precisely because the essence of art is the powerful and alive encounter between the artist and his or her world."

The Surrealism of Illness

Since the New Year began, major illness has already reared its ugly head for two people I know, one a close personal friend who received the diagnosis of multiple systemic atrophy of the brain, the other a valued colleague and friend who suffered most of the autumn with a persistent cough and was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. In both cases, when I heard the news, I was truly shocked. It just seemed so unreal and so unbelievable that this could be happening to them. When I finally ‘came to’, I realized that I have to learn how to be strong so that I can be there for the both of them in the best way I know how. Because their shock and disbelief, their sorrow and pain, are so much greater than mine; they have to tackle the surrealism of being given a diagnosis that could mean an earlier passage from this life compared to the rest of us. I cannot imagine what that must feel like. I do know what it feels like to witness the journeys of two friends who were diagnosed with breast cancer a decade ago. One of them received a diagnosis of breast cancer when she was sitting in her doctor’s office. She fainted on hearing the news. Luckily her husband was with her and he caught her as she fell off her chair. She was operated on to remove her tumor, received chemo and radiation, and is disease-free today. Another friend of mine was not so lucky; she passed away three years ago from metastatic breast cancer. She was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly after my other woman friend, underwent an operation to remove the tumor, but did not start with chemotherapy right away for reasons that made sense then but no longer now. Just because no cancer was found in the surrounding lymph nodes is no reason to not undergo chemo. But doctors have their viewpoints, and they most often prevail.

At times, I am struck by the surrealism that surrounds illness. It just seems so unreal at times and impossible to deal with, whereas at other times I am more inured to the idea of illness. I have a long relationship with illness; my father had his first heart attack when I was twelve years old, his second when I was twenty-one, his first stroke when I was in my mid-twenties, and the stroke that took his life when I was twenty-nine. I remember growing up worrying that my father could die at any time. I know he worried about the same thing because he told me that and so many other things on our walks together during summer evenings when I was a teenager. He had a wife and three children to consider in addition to the fear that he might die young. He was sixty-seven when he died, and that is young. When you are a child, you are perhaps somewhat more protected psychologically than you are when you are older and a loved one gets sick and dies. When I was twelve, I remember that my father was home on sick leave, that he watched TV and soap operas with us, and that he read a lot. It was enjoyable to have him home and available to us. When I was in my twenties, I understood more of what chronic illness can do to the afflicted person as well as to his or her family. The stress associated with worrying about a loved one affects the lives of those around him or her. Love becomes tightly connected with sorrow and the preparation for loss. Our teenage years were not carefree or sorrow-free.

I have learned to live with hopeful optimism and an objective realism where major illness is concerned. They co-exist within me, side by side, without battling each other for dominance. I pray for miracles at the same time that I know that there aren’t many of them. I’m aware of the statistics; I’m a cancer researcher, I know the odds associated with major illnesses, not just cancer. But I pray anyway for both of my friends. I also pray for the strength to be a good and supportive friend in the years ahead. It scares me to think that I won’t know what to do, how to be, or what to say. But then I remember my father, and how the most important thing was just to love each other. In the end, it comes down to that. Make the most of the time you have together. Create good memories. Life is short; for some of us, it is shorter, but all of us will face the day when we must leave this earth for good. That’s a thought that is always with me, since I was a child. 

A poem for Valentine's Day--How Do I Love Thee--by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How Do I Love Thee (Sonnet 43) 

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right.

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

(by Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

Getting to know Wattpad

I’ve discovered yet another social media community, Wattpad.com, a community of writers and readers, more specifically, of writers who post their works online for Wattpad members to read, comment and vote on. It appears to be quite an active and engaged community, with the support of no less than the internationally-known Canadian author Margaret Atwood. Wattpad describes its community thusly in the About Us section on their website:

Wattpad is the world's largest community for discovering and sharing stories. It's a new form of entertainment connecting readers and writers through storytelling, and best of all, it's entirely free. With thousands of new stories added every day, an incredibly active community of readers, and the ability to read on your computer, phone, or tablet, Wattpad is the only place that offers a truly social, and entirely mobile reading experience.

I’m fascinated by this community, and became a member this past weekend; it’s enticing to think about sharing my writing this way, and I’ve already done so. I posted two short stories as a way to get started: one entitled An Unusual Offer; the other entitled Before My Eyes. They will eventually be part of a collection of short stories that I plan on publishing. If you want to read them, you'll have to join the Wattpad community.

I know that I’ve got to work at reading others’ works, following other authors, and commenting and voting on others’ works—in other words, I’ve got to contribute if I want feedback on my own work. So that’s my new adventure these days; I’m writing and taking the chance of posting my short stories and hoping for good feedback and constructive criticism. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes from time to time.

Top ten posts as of 11 February 2014

These are the most-read posts on A New Yorker in Oslo. It's always interesting to look at the statistics and to see which posts engage readers. Thank you for continuing to follow this blog and for your interesting and inspirational comments through the years. I enjoy interacting with you.

Recognizing passive-aggressive behavior in workpla... Dec 7, 2011

Classic postcards of Cambridge and Cambridge Unive... Jul 17, 2013

Amsterdam coffee shops, head shops, sex shop and o... Sep 2, 2011

Dark Shadows and Collinwood mansion Sep 17, 2010

Overcoming the 'jantelov' Feb 28, 2011

Ridley Scott's Prometheus Jun 1, 2012

A love poem by Ezra Pound in honor of Valentine's ... Feb 13, 2011

Work-life balance in Norway Jun 3, 2011

The Nighthawk Diner Jun 25, 2010

Berlin's East Side Gallery Jul 5, 2012

Be the Best in Business: What Are the Barriers to Becoming an Effective Leader...

An excellent post from the blog Be the Best in Business--about the barriers to becoming an effective leader; one of those rare posts where what you read is truly educational and inspirational.

Be the Best in Business: What Are the Barriers to Becoming an Effective Lea...: In 2011 Anne Morris, Robin Ely, and Frances Frei highlighted five barriers to becoming a truly effective leader. Read more about them here.    

My new poetry collection--Remnants of the Spirit World

My second poetry collection, entitled Remnants of the Spirit World, has recently been published. The woman who did the cover design and formatting for my first collection of poetry (Parables and Voices: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1452838763), did the cover design and formatting for Remnants of the Spirit World. Her name is Paloma Ayala and you can read about her here: http://fotoisphoto.com/about_us.php.

This is the cover for Remnants of the Spirit World; I love it and those people I've shown it to, think it's wonderful. Check out the waterfall for a very clever surprise. The book is available for purchase on Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/owg28su

Stuck, unstuck, willingness and unwillingness--what the experts have to say about women and their goals

I listened to Sheryl Sandberg’s 15-minute TED talk from 2010 today and found it to be a good talk, albeit a superficial one, from the standpoint of lack of time and the inability to delve deeper into the subject matter. That is apparently why she wrote her book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, to delve deeper into the problem of women lacking the will to lead. I haven’t yet read it, but plan on doing so. Women are not choosing to be leaders; they are undermining themselves by not ‘sitting at the table with the men and by leaving before they leave’ (thinking about having children long before the situation presents itself and adjusting their career goals accordingly), as Sheryl Sandberg says. Funny how not much has changed since the 1980s when I was starting out in the work world.

Thirty years ago, Susan Schenkel, PhD, a psychologist, published an excellent book called Giving Away Success—Why Women Get Stuck and What to do about it. You can find it on Amazon (Kindle edition) at http://www.amazon.com/Giving-Away-Success-Women-Stuck-ebook/dp/B00DS5QKJE/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=1-1&qid=1390668266. I read it when it first came out, at a time in my life when I was really just starting out in the work world and when I devoured most of these kinds of books. Games Mother Never Taught You by Betty Lehan Harragan was another favorite: http://www.amazon.com/Games-Mother-Never-Taught-You/dp/0446357030/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1390677004&sr=1-1&keywords=games+mother+never+taught+you. The kinds of books that told women to believe in themselves, to take themselves and their dreams and goals seriously, how to tackle the business world, how to get ‘unstuck’ when you were caught in a spiral of inaction and lack of ambition, how to deal with anger, assertiveness and aggressiveness, and how to identify negative thoughts and thought patterns—in order to be able to commit to a career or career path. Schenkel’s book was a cut above the rest; not only did it clearly identify the problems women faced, but it came with solutions for how to deal with them, helpful solutions that I use to this day when I get ‘stuck’. I recently re-read specific sections of her book and it is every bit as relevant today as it was when I first read it. Perhaps more so, because I finally understood that I have been stuck in my own negative thought patterns concerning my present job during the past four years, and that I needed to practice ‘thought stopping’ as suggested by Schenkel. Believe me, it works. But it took a long time for me to get around to ‘wanting’ to stop the negative thoughts. Why, is the operative question. Is it more comfortable to wallow in the negative feelings? Do they allow us to remain inert, to not make a decision, to not want to change your life? I could answer yes and I could answer no—because whatever I answer could not answer the question 100%. I think it is our subconscious thoughts about ourselves that keep us stuck. Every now and then they surface, become conscious thoughts, and give you a glimpse of your feet stuck in mud. Sometimes it feels like quicksand; if you attempt to move, you will only sink deeper into it. Sheryl Sandberg has a lot of good points that women in this generation need to hear, but Susan Schenkel dealt with the problems of women getting in their own way already thirty years ago. Women are still getting in their own way; but we don’t always know why. We give up when we should fight, we fight when we should give in, we don’t bounce back from failure very well, and we have a harder time visualizing ourselves being happy and an easier time visualizing that a lot of what happens to us is our fault. That doesn’t describe all women all the time, but it describes a lot of women I know, including myself, at least some of the time. That is why I want to dissect Sheryl Sandberg’s thoughts, to figure out how much of my own current situation is me and how much of it is externally-influenced. Because it’s important that her book not cause women more stress in the sense of not being able to live up to the author’s convictions. We don’t need a book to tell women the problems with them without giving them the answers, or at least attempting to. There are no perfect answers because the world we live in is not perfect.

When I was younger, I was the type to take the bull by the horns and to go after what I wanted. I did it as a student in grammar school, high school, and college—I wanted good grades and a degree in science. I got them. I did it each summer when I wanted a summer job, and got them as well. I was persistent and stubborn and didn’t give up in the face of defeat. I went after any and all opportunities that were thrown at me during the seven years I worked at a major research center in New York, and they were not few because it was a great place to work. I didn’t get everything I wanted there (to do a PhD and continue to work at the same time). So I understood after seven years there that it was time to move on. And I did. The problem was figuring out what to do with my life. As luck and fate would have it, I moved abroad and started a new life in a new country. I ended up doing a PhD, working in medical research, and doing what was necessary to advance in my profession (post-doc and junior scientist—all grant-funded from external sources based on grant applications that I had written). I came up with my own research ideas that funded my salary. My company didn’t have to pay my salary since I managed to drag in funds to pay myself. I didn’t doubt my abilities too much along the way. I reached the level of professor competency, and that’s where I am today. But the workplace as we know it has changed dramatically just within the past decade—there are budget cuts and high personnel turnover rates; people come and go and there is very little stability or continuity in the practice of research. You must reinvent yourself continually, and you're only as good as your last publication. And as everyone knows, it's a catch-22 situation; you must have grant money to get students in order to publish, but it's your publications that get you grant funding. I know it’s time to leave this organization; I knew that already four years ago. However, I’ve gotten stuck in negative thought patterns: too old to change jobs (reinforced by many well-meaning people I know); too specialized (also reinforced by well-meaning colleagues); won’t be able to compete with the younger crowd; too many responsibilities to others (a typical excuse if ever there was one—they still need me); can’t keep up with the pace of things and won’t have the energy to keep up (how do I know until I try?); and the list goes on. I’m scared and I find that strange. I left my birth country and moved myself across an ocean to another country, started a new life (personal and professional), made new friends, got adjusted to another culture, and---I’m afraid? Of finding a new job, of the unknown, of not being wanted, of making a mistake, of new expectations from others, of the devil I don’t know rather than the devil I do know, of not being good at something new. And I’m confused about whether to stay or to go, whether to give more chances to a situation I know won’t change or to take the leap into the unknown. I will re-read the two books that had such a profound influence on my early work life and give Sandberg's a chance too. But I also want to reconsider the definition of success at this point in my life, and to figure out whether I really want to be in the business world at all, or whether I want to pursue the creative dreams I have for myself. Because it has occurred to me that one of the reasons I might be dragging my feet about changing jobs is that I want to invest most of my waking energy in my creative endeavors. I don’t think that’s the excuse for staying put, but I’m willing to do what’s necessary to figure that out. I believe in my writing, but entering into the creative world is every bit as daunting as it was starting out in the research world. I want to be sure it’s the right thing, but I know deep down that I’ll never get that confirmation. Life doesn’t work that way. You’ve got to take the leap first. 

Celebrating a network of women

There is a lot of emphasis at present placed on the importance of building networks in the work world, and how employees won’t get very far professionally without them. Women especially are admonished for not working harder to build and maintain their professional networks. You never know when you may need them, and you never know when your network may need you. I’ve reflected upon how this relates to my own life. Most of my professional network contacts are women. Many of my contacts/friends entered my life via my different jobs, others through schools and universities, still others from the neighborhood I grew up in. Those I’ve met via my different jobs have become my friends, and we’ve stayed friends even after we’ve left the jobs where we met.

My professional and personal networks overlap to a large degree; I consider my professional contacts to be my friends. And my friends from outside of work, from my childhood neighborhood and schools, are a support network for me in all ways, sometimes even professionally. One of my friends and I collaborated on a consulting web project together a few years ago, at her initiative. I wrote a report for another friend who was thinking about investing in the building of a private lab for the production of a malaria drug, also her initiative. Another friend--a research scientist—asked for my help in publishing two articles on which we’d collaborated during the past few years, and another friend asked me to provide photos for a scientific writing project she was working on. I have helped a teacher friend who had her grammar school class write letters to me to ask about what’s involved in becoming a scientist. I organized a tour of my hospital laboratory for the high school class of another teacher friend, so that the students could get an idea of what it’s like to work in a lab on a daily basis, and to see the techniques and instrumentation we use in our research. A photographer friend asked me to model for her a couple of times, and has taken some nice portrait photos of me that I have used professionally. Another photographer friend designs and formats the text and covers of my published books.When I think back over the years, we have helped each other in different ways. We’ve stepped up to the plate for each other and gotten involved in interesting projects as a result, all of which have enriched our lives, personally and professionally.

I want to acknowledge these women (of all ages) who are a part of my life and who have enriched it beyond measure. I consider each of them friends, including those who are family. They come from all walks of life, and all of them are wonderfully different and talented women. Many of them have combined work and family life with all of the attendant difficulties and joys. Without naming them personally, I can list their various lines of work here:

1. at least ten scientific researchers, one of whom is an author and consultant , another who is an author and owner of a scientific publishing company
2. two photographers and small business owners
3. two social workers, one who heads a non-profit educational organization
4. two teachers (one retired)
5. supermarket head cashier
6. president of a city university
7. global marketing manager for a scientific company
8. fundraising director
9. a minister
10. conflict resolution counselor, author and coach
11. part-time educational and programming consultant
12. university administrator
13. owner of a scientific consulting company
14. three doctors
15. hospital and health professional
16. soil conservationist
17. paralegal
18. computer services manager
19. writer and editor
20. national scientific liaison manager
21. three librarians
22. obstetrics nurse
23. horseback riding instructor
24. three senior research technicians (now retired; all women in their 70s, one of whom works as a consultant)
25. nurse (retired)
26. apartment superintendant (now retired; a family friend who is in her early 80s)
27. tour guide (now retired, 85 years old)
28. secretary (was my oldest friend from my first job, who passed away last year at the age of 86)

Society should be celebrating the lives of real women in all of the different media formats, instead of focusing ad nausea on worn-out celebrities and celebrity wannabes. There are, dare I say it, things to write about other than the size of this or that celebrity’s engagement ring or who had a wardrobe malfunction. Who cares? Is this what makes women interesting? The answer is no. That’s my take on it, and that’s my challenge to society at large. Celebrate the interesting women--the women on my list. They are the women who are advancing the world, one small step at a time, and they’re doing it without a lot of fanfare.

Giving someone your word

Always do what you say you are going to do. It is the glue and fiber that binds successful relationships. - Jeffrey Timmons

This is something that I’ve lived by for a good part of my life. It’s one of the major reasons that I make very few promises to people I care about, because I care immensely about honoring the few promises I do make. I rarely say to those I love—‘I promise you this or that……..’ without delivering on it. I won’t promise anything if I know I cannot deliver from the get-go (barring of course sickness or natural disasters that might prevent me from doing so). The few times in my life when I’ve had to break a promise to someone has left me feeling upset, disloyal and generally bad. It doesn’t take much to make me feel like a schmuck, especially where relationships and hearts are concerned.

Our word is all we have. When we say to someone, ‘I give you my word’, it implies a promise. Promises are not relative statements. I don’t care very much about what the world thinks in that regard. The world has become a supremely relative place to live in. What is relevant today may not be relevant next week, let alone next year. I bring this up today because so much of life, including work life, has become so relative. How many times at work have I been told that ‘the past is no longer relevant’, or ‘that was THE PAST’, as though the past has no bearing whatsoever on the present environment or discussion. But it most certainly does, it’s just that the current constellation of leaders chooses to ignore that fact. Bitter workplace rivalries from twenty years ago help to shape the current ‘stellar’ constellations and political atmospheres in many workplaces, so of course the past is relevant for the present. It’s idiocy to think otherwise.

How far back must we go before a certain period of time can be considered the past? Whose definition of the past is relevant? In my workplace, the past can be two years ago or even one year ago. Imagine living in a marriage/relationship that was governed by the same principles; that what was said to a spouse or loved one two years ago is no longer relevant in the present, it no longer matters. If we gave our loved ones our word in the past that such and such will occur, we are bound by our word to honor that promise. I don’t have a problem with the promise evolving or taking on new aspects, but the promise itself is to be honored. That for me is the essence of a caring and respectful relationship--a successful relationship--be it marriage or friendship.

The problem with the idea that everything is relative and that you can go back on your word is that loyalty, commitment and stability become less important over time. The image that comes to mind is that of a boat in roiling waters, always having to deal with instability and uncertainty. If we cannot trust the people in our personal lives to honor their promises, then we can most certainly not trust the people in our work lives to do so. If you never get to peaceful waters on those fronts, if you can never relax in a relationship, if you can never achieve a level of trust, be it personal or work-related, you are the boat that is continually buffeted by the waves. The waves will upset the boat and down it after a while, or the engine will give out. That is the result of an ‘everything is relative’ way of thinking. 

Women and top leadership positions

Women in top leadership positions—a topic that continues to fascinate the business media. There aren’t enough women in top leadership positions, we’re told. Those women who make it to the top tell us that there is no longer a glass ceiling for women (there once was, but it’s not clear exactly when it disappeared); they’ve made it to the top, so that’s proof of its non-existence. So the question at present is why there aren’t more women at the top, especially in Norway where women get long maternity leaves, where daycare is a given (not free, however), and where men are raised to pitch in and do their share. Even in this country, women are not aiming for the top-level leader positions, and it’s been written about and discussed in the media. Women no longer hit a glass ceiling on their way to becoming top leaders; the problem is rather that women don’t choose top leadership positions, for a variety of reasons. Some feel that they are not qualified to be leaders; others know that they simply won’t be able to juggle a top-level job, a household and a family, without help. And some families cannot afford help in the form of nannies, housekeepers or maids. But such help is essential if you’re going to be a top leader. Because company expectations for a top leader are high when it comes to job commitment and availability (often 24/7). How top leaders plan their days, when they start work and when they leave for home, is a personal challenge for each of them. They don’t get all their work done between 9 am and 5 pm, even though they may go home at 5 pm. They are working in the evenings at home while trying to spend quality time with their families, if they have them. It’s a superb act of juggling; some women manage it, many do not. But many men do not manage it either, especially if they are part of a two-career family, like most are these days.

It’s not just women who don’t choose top-level leadership positions; it’s men too. I know a number of American men who are/were middle-level managers, and that suits/suited them just fine. They were content to stay at the level of middle manager, because they at least got to leave the office by 6 pm to get home in time to see their kids and spend some time with them before they went to bed. In the New York City metropolitan area, a commute into and out of Manhattan from a surrounding suburb can take a commuter an hour or more at the very least, depending on where the commuter lives. Even if a train or bus ride into Manhattan is thirty minutes long, getting around in Manhattan by subway or bus can easily add another thirty minutes to the journey. There are transit delays; traffic corks if you drive or take the bus. Nothing flows smoothly all the time; you’re lucky if it does. It’s a crap shoot when it comes to commuting; I can attest to that personally. My forty-five minute commute by car into Manhattan from New Jersey took me two hours door-to-door by bus. If I had had a family at that time, I would never have gotten home before 7 or 8 pm each day. That’s no way to have a family life, and my job was just a regular job, not a top-level one. I know some men in New York who were ‘reprimanded’ for leaving the office early (5 pm) to get home at a decent hour in order to spend time with their children. I know some women here who experienced the same when they left early (4:30 pm) to pick up their children at the daycare center. It’s tough to find a balance; I see that with younger people now as well. Husbands and wives drop off and pick up children at the daycare centers; they take turns doing so. A two-career marriage with children can’t work any other way. Sacrifices must be made, and two people must make them. The sacrifices can involve spending less time at the office. However couples manage it, the fact remains that choosing to be a top leader means sacrifices, the kind of sacrifices that the majority of men and women won’t be making, by choice, in this lifetime, especially once they have a family to consider. Top-level leadership is not for everyone.  

Happy New Year

There are two songs that have been playing over and over in my mind the past few days, and I thought I'd wish everyone a happy new year by posting them. The first is a song from 2012 called Feel the Love by Rudimental, with one of the most original videos I've seen in a long time. Rudimental are a British band; the British singer John Newman is featured on this song. The video was filmed in Philadelphia PA, and the young people on horseback are members of an urban riding club in Philly. Great song....

The second song is Happy, by Pharrell Williams. I can't help but feel happy, and feel like dancing, when I hear this song, from Despicable Me 2 (a nice little movie, as was Despicable Me). 

Feel the love, and be Happy, in 2014! 

A few of my favorite things at Christmastime

Just a few of my favorite things at Christmastime here in Oslo, in no particular logical order--but starting with gløgg, which is translated as mulled wine if you look it up online. As I've written before in an earlier post, it's really a sugar- and spice- sweetened beverage to which you can add red wine or hard liquor; I add hot water and then you have a drink to warm you up on cold winter days.

Another popular thing to do, and which has become a tradition in our house, is to buy the special editions of the different comics series that are published at Christmastime (called juleheftene): for example, Donald Duck, Zits, Blondie, Garfield (called Pusur here) and others. It's relaxing to sit and read through them during the Christmas vacation--both for children and adults who never got past the kid stage when it comes to comics (like me). 

 

Advent wouldn't be Advent without a calendar from the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, or without poinsettias to brighten up the house. This year I added a white poinsettia to the indoor garden. 

 

Oslo and the surrounding area do not really have the tradition that the USA has of decorating houses and buildings with Christmas lights and decor, but some few people do this and the results are often quite nice, as shown here. The first photo is of a house in our neighborhood where the bush in the backyard is decorated with multi-colored lights. Very pretty. The other photo is of the street decorations in Bogstadveien--also very nice. Very few streets have this type of decoration anymore; whereas when I first moved to Oslo, they could be seen all over. I miss seeing more of them. 

And finally, there are the bird tracks in the snow on the little balcony outside our kitchen window where the birds sit each morning waiting for their ration of sunflower seeds. They make the season special with their constancy (they return each morning) and with their social instincts and curiosity.

A new poem--Solstice

(Update: this poem is now published in my collection of poems Remnants of the Spirit World, available for purchase on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Remnants-Spirit-World-Paula-Angelis/dp/1495376451/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1411126555&sr=1-3&keywords=paula+m+de+angelis)


Mid-winter night of nights

The shortest day of days

Walk into darkness’ might

And leave behind the light

Darkness falls upon the land

A weary world adrift in dream

Awaits return of sunshine’s hand

That stays its course upon the stream

What shadows lie in wait

For simple souls who traipse

Into their world of hate

Locked beyond the gate

Gather round the blazing fire

Hands clasped against the gloom

Fear of what events transpire

Chanting as dark shadows loom

And so the shadows lie

Cast doubt upon fair souls

Where shadows do not tread

Just souls have found their stead

Gather round the blazing fire

That warms dark frozen souls

Gather round the cleansing pyre

That burns to make them whole

The longest night of nights

Turns slowly toward the sun

Moving on to longer days

In the end the battle won

O’er darkness and the shadow life

Creatures retreat behind the gate

The cracks filled in with blessed light

Sealed against the wall of hate

copyright 2013--Solstice

Paula M De Angelis

What Pope Francis said about light, and some other quotes about light

I am inspired by what the new pope focuses on and what he stands for. He is seventy-seven years old, and I only hope that he will live a long time so that the Catholic church can undergo the renewal that it sorely needs. Sometimes when I watch him or read about what he has said, I wonder if we are not witnessing a miracle within an (imperfect) man happening before our eyes. He does not strike me at all as a false person. 

In my post yesterday, I wrote that I wanted to focus in 2014 on lighting one candle as the better way rather than cursing the darkness. It is so easy to get discouraged and to give up. But today at Christmas mass, my heart felt free and released from worry (a seldom occurrence in these days of work stress). My heart felt light, both in the sense of being illuminated but also of being lighter in weight. And then I read the news online that the new pope had called Jesus "the light who brightens the darkness" in his Christmas sermon. And I thought that maybe that's what I felt this morning at mass. 

The pope also said that "there are both bright and dark moments, lights and shadows", and that "if our hearts are closed, if we are dominated by pride, deceit, self-seeking, then darkness falls within us and around us." It all somehow made sense to me in that way when you suddenly 'understand'. And then I thought that I would try to find some other quotes about light, because this morning, for me, it was as though a light switch got turned on again inside of me. And that feeling has not left me today at all. 

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

“There is a crack in everything.

That's how the light gets in.”  ― Leonard Cohen

“How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.” ― William Shakespeare

“There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.”

― Bram Stoker

“As we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way.”

― Mary Anne Radmacher

“Fear can only grow in darkness. Once you face fear with light, you win.”

― Steve Maraboli

“I've learned recently to love imperfection a lot because it shines such a big light on God's grace. And if someone has grace for you that's when you feel their love the most and they see you for who you are and they love you anyway.”
― Lacey Mosley

“Love is not consolation. It is light.”

― Simone Weil

“You have to find what sparks a light in you so that you in your own way can illuminate the world.”

― Oprah Winfrey

“Because I was more often happy for other people, I got to spend more time being happy. And as I saw more light in everybody else, I seemed to have more myself.”

― Victoria Moran

“My first memory is of light -- the brightness of light -- light all around.”

― Georgia O'Keeffe

Wishing you all a joyful Christmas and happy new year

To all those who follow this blog:
A heartfelt wish for a joyful Christmas from A New Yorker in Oslo. I've been writing this blog for three and a half years, and I still look forward to each post that I write. It's not always clear to me what my posts will be about, but I find that a particular theme finds its way to the surface of my consciousness. I can walk around for days with a particular theme as a background process in my mind, and then 'suddenly' I know what to write about. I am fairly certain already that many more of my posts in 2014 will be about my writing or writing in general. I will be publishing my second book of poetry shortly, and will share with you the book cover and information on where to find it. There is no money in writing poetry; there never has been. I know this and will continue to do it anyway. Because even if one person gives me his or her feedback, it's worth it. It's heartening when you know that you have touched someone with your thoughts and feelings in a poem you have written, when that person writes to tell you which poems they liked and why.

My hope for 2014 is that I will be able to remember and follow this saying more often: 'It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness'. This saying was first spoken in public by the founder of Amnesty International--Peter Benenson. For me, it is good motivation for living daily life, with all of its struggles and pitfalls. It's a reminder to try to make a difference in this life, to try to be a good person, to not sit back passively and give in to the darkness, whatever form it may take. I wish all of you a happy 2014.

What I want for Christmas

• A different and better diagnosis for a dear friend whose doctor gave her a depressing diagnosis in a manner totally unbecoming for a professional—cavalier and unfeeling. My new year’s wish for her doctor? That he spend some time in her shoes to see how it feels to suffer the anxiety of having to wait until the middle of January to hear if he was mistaken or not, because he is no expert and should never have given her any sort of diagnosis in the first place
• To find a way to be with my family and friends in the States so that I don’t have to wait until retirement to see them more
• Better lives for those close to me who have problems maintaining their standards of living, due to circumstances beyond their control
• To find a way to do what I love so that I can quit what I no longer love. I wish that for those I love as well
• That we find and restore balance to our daily lives: work is work, home is home. We need both and we need to find time for both. Work should not usurp the role of family and friends
• That the workplace does not continue to be the church where we worship. That we find our way back to our real churches and turn our backs on the worship of money, greed and competition
• That ‘God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what should be changed, and wisdom to know the difference’ (Serenity Prayer)

On the journey

“It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.”  Ursula K Le Guin

When I wrote my doctoral thesis back in the late 1990s, I used this quote in the preface. It was quite relevant at the time, since my doctoral work was a long journey toward the PhD degree, which seemed so unattainable at times. Especially during the difficult times in the lab, when things were not going well or taking too long, or when my articles were rejected and sent back to me. When I finally reached my goal, I realized that much of the enjoyment in pursuing a goal is in fact the journey toward it. I realized that the lab work, no matter how difficult or frustrating, was part and parcel of the entire experience. You don’t get to be a full-fledged scientist without dealing with frustration, long hours in the lab, difficulties, crying fits, wanting to give up, waking up the next day and feeling ok again and wanting to start anew. Pursuing a doctorate is a difficult experience; it’s a challenge that you are not likely to forget the rest of your life. I see that in some of the students I have advised during the past decade; they struggled, some hit the wall temporarily, but they kept going in spite of setbacks. One or two were whiz kids and managed to finish in three years what it took others six years to achieve. We all have a different road to follow. If it takes you longer than it takes another, then it does. That’s your journey. Sometimes, it’s what we learn along the way in terms of patience, tenacity, faith, hope, and camaraderie that keeps us going. You learn that ‘no man is an island’; that your fellow students and/or co-workers are there for mutual support. That complaining is part of life and work, but that solving problems instead of complaining is preferable. Life is a long journey for most of us, if we're lucky; there is no point in kvetching continually. The fact remains that life really is not fair; it doesn’t always go the way we want it to. But sometimes it does, and goals get achieved. And part of the journey in this life is taking the time to enjoy those achievements, to look at them and say, I did this, yippee. We need sometimes to pat ourselves on the back and say ‘job well-done’, before we start on the next journey toward a new goal. Because that’s a reality of life too. We are never done, we are never satisfied; we are perpetually meeting the next challenge. Each decade has its challenges and goals, I see that more clearly now than when I was younger. It became even clearer this past weekend when I was together with several elderly women, all of whom are in their 80s; their journeys continue—the challenges are different—most of them have to do with the vagaries of old age—but they remain journeyers. They remain interested in the world around them, they are social, kind, patient with themselves and others; they have achieved a certain wisdom that comes from a long life journey. They are my role models.     

A new poem

Dance--reflections

Dancing my way to air

Gulping in the light

Making my way upstairs

Leaving behind the night

Dancing my life to find

That which I feel as true

Life as a walk in the blind

Love as a part of the hue

Colors abound about me

Circling over my head

Lights to guide my way through

Whispering where to tread

copyright 2013 Paula M De Angelis

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Christmas trees everywhere! Or at least it seems like that. Each year, it seems that people start to get ready for Christmas earlier than the previous year. I wonder if that’s true or if it’s just my impression. All I know is that the major shopping centers, malls and department stores here in Oslo have had their Christmas decorations up since mid-November. I can understand the attraction, actually. It’s such a nice time of year, such a warm season in all respects, so why not start to prepare for it already in November? It’s not just about buying gifts; it’s about the experience of preparing for Christmas, and it seems that others feel the same way. It’s fun to go to the mall stores and people-watch; people are busy and preoccupied, but it’s not a stressful feeling. Store salespeople are very friendly and charming; of course they want to sell you something, but I do get the feeling that they are in the spirit as well. ‘Be of good cheer’. It seems that most people are this year. I am as well.

We are putting up our Christmas tree next weekend. In the meantime, I am decorating the house for the holidays, wrapping gifts, making lists and ‘checking them twice’ (actually much more than twice), writing Christmas cards (I still like writing my own cards and mailing them, even though I do send more e-cards now). There’s something about making myself a cup of gløgg, a warm spiced drink with cinnamon, cardamom, cloves and ginger to which you can add raisins, slivered almonds, and red wine or strong liquor (it is in fact called mulled wine, although I drink it without the wine), and sitting down to write cards. For those of you who want to know more about gløgg, I refer you to this link that has a recipe for it: http://goscandinavia.about.com/od/restaurantsdining/r/gloggrecipe.htm. I usually buy gløgg ready-made as a concentrate, add water to it and heat it until it is warm.

I will be making and freezing gingerbread dough this week for cookies; making gingerbread cookies (‘pepperkaker’ in Norwegian) is a tradition that my stepdaughter and I try to maintain each year. I also want to make molasses spice cookies this year, and I think it would be fun one year to make a plum pudding, which was one of the Christmas desserts that I grew up with. If I have time this year, I will try it, as I have a good recipe for it. My mother served it each year (it was imported from England and we usually bought it at Macy’s department store) accompanied by a rum-flavored white sauce. We also grew up with panettone, an Italian sweet cake made with candied orange, citron, and lemon zest, as well as raisins; it too was bought at Macy’s. How I used to love shopping there at Christmastime! Here in Oslo, I can find both at the Glasmagasinet department store, as well as at the more high-end delicatessens that import a lot of different goods from other European countries. So yes, I am looking forward to the culinary journeys that await us, the traditions that define Christmas for me (an interesting blend of American, Italian, English, and Norwegian/Scandinavian), and the time to truly enjoy the season. And finally, I recommend checking out an online Advent calendar that is just a treat for children and adults alike—the Edwardian Advent Calendar. You’ll find it here at http://www.jacquielawson.com/gift-shop. Enjoy!

The beautiful English carol 'Tomorrow shall be my dancing day'

We attended an Advent concert yesterday, which was very nice--always a special way to usher in the Advent season. The choir sang this traditional English carol, which made such an impression on me that I wanted to share it with you. Beautiful to listen to. Ingegjerd Bagøien Moe was the soloist, and Uno Alexander Vesje the harpist who accompanied her; they were wonderful, as was the rest of the Tryllefløytene choir.

I went on YouTube to see if I could find the song, and happened upon a number of different renditions of it. This rendition particularly touched me, since it's a children's choir that performs it. I'm including the lyrics as well. The choir does not sing all of the verses; none of the different renditions seem to. Enjoy!

TOMORROW SHALL BE MY DANCING DAY  

Tomorrow shall be my dancing day;

I would my true love did so chance

To see the legend of my play,

To call my true love to my dance;

Chorus

Sing, oh! my love, oh! my love, my love, my love,

This have I done for my true love

Then was I born of a virgin pure,

Of her I took fleshly substance

Thus was I knit to man's nature

To call my true love to my dance. Chorus

In a manger laid, and wrapped I was

So very poor, this was my chance

Betwixt an ox and a silly poor ass

To call my true love to my dance. Chorus

Then afterwards baptized I was;

The Holy Ghost on me did glance,

My Father’s voice heard from above,

To call my true love to my dance. Chorus

Into the desert I was led,

Where I fasted without substance;

The Devil bade me make stones my bread,

To have me break my true love's dance. Chorus

The Jews on me they made great suit,

And with me made great variance,

Because they loved darkness rather than light,

To call my true love to my dance. Chorus

For thirty pence Judas me sold,

His covetousness for to advance:

Mark whom I kiss, the same do hold!

The same is he shall lead the dance. Chorus

Before Pilate the Jews me brought,

Where Barabbas had deliverance;

They scourged me and set me at nought,

Judged me to die to lead the dance. Chorus

Then on the cross hanged I was,

Where a spear my heart did glance;

There issued forth both water and blood,

To call my true love to my dance. Chorus

Then down to hell I took my way

For my true love's deliverance,

And rose again on the third day,

Up to my true love and the dance. Chorus

Then up to heaven I did ascend,

Where now I dwell in sure substance

On the right hand of God, that man

May come unto the general dance. Chorus

(written for St. Paul's by the English composer John Gardner)

Bits and pieces

The Christmas season is upon us, in a big way. The stores in Oslo were already decorated for Christmas in mid-November this year. My impression is that the Christmas season starts earlier with each year that passes. People need to have some ‘light’ in the midst of darkness; the sun sets earlier now and the darkness is like a smothering blanket at times. Luckily, we’ve had wonderful autumn weather this year, so it makes the drastic loss of light easier to bear. I attended the annual ‘customer evening’ in late November at my favorite department store in Oslo—Glasmagasinet; this is a gathering of (mostly) women who are VIP customers (those who spend a lot of money there during the year—like me!). It’s essentially a ploy to get us to spend even more money, by inviting us to share some tapas and wine on the store’s dime. Always an enjoyable evening and a good way to start my Christmas shopping. Glasmagasinet is a great store if you need to buy wedding and Christmas gifts. I shop at many other places, but Glasmagasinet has a special place in my heart, probably because it’s the first department store I walked into on my first trip to Oslo many years ago--December 1989 to be exact. The store, like Oslo, was decorated for Christmas and was very cozy. And despite its many changes during the past twenty-odd years, it still is a cozy store to wander around in. 

The stores in Oslo have also discovered ‘Black Friday’, and are marketing it for all it is worth, although the manic intensity of the American Black Friday will never be matched. They ‘celebrate’ it on the same day as in the USA, minus the holiday that precedes it though. I’m waiting for the Thanksgiving holiday to make its way into this culture. It would be fine with me, since the meaning of the holiday is not necessarily American in the sense of having a day to give thanks for the bounties and blessings that fill our lives. And since this country is filthy rich, it has a lot for which it should be thankful.

The nicest part of the day was my visit to a convent called Katarinahjemmet in Majorstua (an Oslo neighborhood), that was having a Christmas bake sale and bazaar. The reason for my visit was to spend some time with a young woman who works in my hospital department; she is in her mid-thirties and has decided to become a Dominican nun. Since we are both Catholic, she shared her decision to change her life with me some months ago, and was eager for me to visit what will be her new home as of January. She has quit her job at my hospital and will be starting as a novice at the convent in January. She was very glad that I visited her, and we agreed that I will visit again in January, and perhaps take a few co-workers with me, to get a tour of the convent and listen to a short talk about the founding of the convent and the daily lives of the nuns. Interestingly, the Nobel-prize winning Norwegian author Sigrid Undset, a Protestant who had converted to Catholicism, was instrumental in recruiting the Dominican nuns to Norway and in founding Katarinehjemmet. She was often a visitor to the convent and enjoyed being there. I must say that I too enjoyed being there; the convent has a nice air about it—bustling in some respects, but quiet and conducive to meditation as well.

On my walk back from the convent, I passed the building that formerly housed the Showtime video rental store where I used to rent DVDs; I wrote a post some months back about the closing of the store and how I would miss it. I still do. It is now an espresso café called Espresso House. I walked in, bought myself a cappuccino, sat down, and took a real good look around the place. I must say that they’ve done a good job at renovating the locale and creating an attractive coffee bar that is sure to become quite popular. It provides free wi-fi and plenty of seating. I look forward to just hanging out there for a few hours someday soon.

Finally, an update on Disqus and the impostor situation: I have notified Disqus and described the problem to them. They said that they would look at the situation. We will see what they aim to do about it. Frankly, I have little to no hope that anything will come of my complaint. What I have managed to do is to stop my impostor from commenting as rabidly as she or he had been doing before I found out that this charade was going on. That makes it easier for me to track her or his movements on the net. I have kept my cool so far and not gone ballistic. There would be little point in doing that anyway, even though I feel like behaving that way at times. Nothing will come of it. The world is such that one person does not matter an iota. One person’s problems do not matter an iota. And there are a huge number of people out there whose problems are life-threatening. Mine are not. So I have not lost my perspective about where my situation fits into the scheme of things overall. 

A beautiful song by Michael Kiwanuka--Tell Me A Tale

Here are the lyrics and video to one of my new favorite songs these days:

Tell Me A Tale

Tell me a tale that always was,

Sing me a song that I'll always be in,

Tell me a story that I can read,

Tell me a story that I believe.

Paint me a picture that I can see,

Give me a touch that I can feel,

Turn me around so I can be,

Everything I was meant to be.

Lord I need loving,

Lord I need good, good loving. [x2]

Show me some strength that I can use,

Give me a sound that I won't refuse,

Tell me story that I can read,

Tell me a story that I can believe

Tell me a tale that always was,

Sing me a song that I'll always be in,

Turn me around so I can be,

Everything I was meant to be.

Lord I need loving,

Lord I need good, good loving. [x4]

Songwriter(s): Paul James Butler, Michael Kiwanuka, Michael Samuel Kiwanuka

Copyright: Chrysalis Music Ltd., Warner/Chappell Music Publishing Ltd.

Education and Indoctrination---what Doris Lessing thought about them

Very interesting viewpoints from Doris Lessing, who passed away yesterday at the age of 94. Nobel Prize-winning novelist, short story writer, poet and playwright. Her 1988 book, The Fifth Child, was an unforgettable portrait of a family that ends up having to deal with a very unpleasant fifth child. It's a book that will stay with you for a long time afterward. 

“Ideally, what should be said to every child, repeatedly, throughout his or her school life is something like this: 'You are in the process of being indoctrinated. We have not yet evolved a system of education that is not a system of indoctrination. We are sorry, but it is the best we can do. What you are being taught here is an amalgam of current prejudice and the choices of this particular culture. The slightest look at history will show how impermanent these must be. You are being taught by people who have been able to accommodate themselves to a regime of thought laid down by their predecessors. It is a self-perpetuating system. Those of you who are more robust and individual than others will be encouraged to leave and find ways of educating yourself — educating your own judgements. Those that stay must remember, always, and all the time, that they are being moulded and patterned to fit into the narrow and particular needs of this particular society.”

― Doris Lessing, The Golden Notebook

Gratitude

We celebrated Thanksgiving early this year. It’s usually not possible to celebrate it on the same Thursday as in the USA, since Norway does not celebrate the holiday. Even if I wanted to celebrate it on the same day, I’d have to take that Thursday off from work, as would any of the guests who might want to join us for the festivities. So for the past twenty-three years I’ve usually celebrated on the weekend following Thanksgiving in the States. But since we already have plans for the next two weekends, today (Sunday) was our celebration. Just my husband and me this year; all our usual guests had other plans. I asked my husband how he would feel if I stopped celebrating the holiday, and he said he would miss it. It’s true; he would miss it, because it’s become a part of our annual holiday repertoire. He’s appreciative of the gestures I make to share my culture, as I am grateful for the gestures he makes to share his. Since I moved here, I’ve made it a point to keep on celebrating the holidays I celebrated when I lived in the USA---Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day and Easter. Norwegians celebrate Christmas, New Year’s and Easter, so there’s pretty good overlap in terms of food and drink; in recent years Halloween and Valentine’s Day have become a part of their society, albeit on a much smaller commercial scale than in the USA. The Norwegian postal service offers some really nice Valentine’s Day stamps; I’ll have to scan in some of the first day covers for Valentine’s Day that I own and present them in a future post.  

It’s nice to have the holidays to look forward to and to prepare for each year. I might even say it’s become necessary for me to celebrate them. Doing so breaks up the long darkness that is winter here. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to celebrate them. The winters are not much worse weather-wise than they were in New York; it’s the short days and the black darkness that get to you after a while. So the holidays are a way to get me through each dark month of winter. By the time Valentine’s Day is over, the darkness has lifted, and the promise of spring, summer and long sunlit days is in the air. In that sense, I am grateful for all the holidays each year; each holiday has its special charm. Thanksgiving especially is a holiday for reflection on all those things that we have to be grateful for. It is not about shopping or bargains or football, even though it may seem that way sometimes. It is about family and the ties that bind, about being thankful for them and for good friends. I remember when we were in our teens, our friends lived right around the corner, and after dinner, we hung out at each other’s houses or went for walks around the town. We always stopped in to say hello to our friends’ parents at some point. Those friends are still my friends today, my oldest and dearest friends, and I am grateful for their friendship. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Thanksgiving is also about being thankful for the bounties that America enjoys. In that sense, Norway has much to be grateful for as well; its oil wealth is certainly a bounty. We don’t always realize that we are blessed; often we are too busy kvetching or constantly on the lookout for the next new thing that will better our lives. We actually have all that we need; we just need to appreciate our lives more, and appreciate the life around us.